


A Family Curse

by Ren (mizdarknezz3)



Series: Greenland's Adventures Through Life [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Arguing, Blood, Bullying, Child Loss, Crying, Cussing, Dissociation, Doki Doki Literature Club! Spoilers, M/M, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Poetry, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Touch-Starved, Weight Issues, World War 2 mention, glorifying self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 118,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21726085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizdarknezz3/pseuds/Ren
Summary: During an argument at America's house England tries to prove his magical prowess, only to trap America, Canada, and Greenland into child bodies with their adult minds. Greenland has her own issues to deal with, how is she supposed to work with this child body? Not to mention she has a secret she has been keeping from everyone, will it stay that way?
Relationships: Canada/Prussia (Hetalia), Finland/Sweden (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia)
Series: Greenland's Adventures Through Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648750
Comments: 54
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter One: Little Now

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there, I'm Ren! This is my first work on AO3, it's also being posted on wattpad. This story follows my OC Greenland and will contain very triggering and graphic subjects, please pay attention to the tags and stay safe. Any way I hope you enjoy, let me know if you see any mistakes!

England was notoriously known for being bad at spells, to the point where most nations doubted anything about magic that came from him. There were some that did believe him, but pretended not to in order to piss England off. One of those people happened to be America, who was the owner of the house Greenland was staying at. Greenland on the other hand, knew that England had magic, and knew that at times his skills were quite impressive, but it was his curses that he often failed at, and those were the ones that he constantly was trying to show off. The only reason this information was at the forefront of Greenland’s mind was because she could hear England screaming at America from the floor below her. She wasn’t doing something that required much thought, just slicing open her thighs and watching the blood run down her legs. While she listened to the fight below she moved the blood in the bathtub around with her foot, it helped keep it from clotting, clots get stuck in the drain and leave evidence. She didn’t want to mess up America’s bathroom after all.

“You bloody wanker! I’ll show you magic and make sure you respect me!” Was the final shout before a blinding white light flashed through the entire house. Greenland covered her eyes with her arm and hoped with all her heart that England hadn’t affected her as well. She knew her wish was not granted as sharp pain whipped through her body, amplifying the pain that had already been there in her legs. She held in a cry and waited until the pain became manageable before opening her eyes. The room appeared to be bigger than before. Nothing had moved, but it was all much taller. She looked down to realize it wasn’t the room, but herself that had changed. Before her legs were quite long and hairy as she hadn’t needed to shave for this meeting. Now they barely bent while resting in the blood at the bottom of the tub. She seemed to have lost most of the hair on her body. Her scars were gone, but the cuts were not, and they were throbbing angrily. Tears pricked her eyes but she blinked them away. Taking time to examine herself she realized that she no longer had the small boobs she once possessed. Her affliction was clear, she had the body of a child. She was going to murder England.

She decided that she couldn’t kill England in this state, she had to look presentable to bash him over the head, so she stood on the edge of the shower bathtub (she slipped once but caught herself) and used the shower head to wash the blood off the bathtub floor and her legs. She dried off with the towel gently and searched her room for something to wear that would fit her new size. Eventually she found a large t-shirt that covered her enough to be slightly comfortable and headed down the stairs. The stairs lead to the kitchen and she glared at the high counters that would now be a struggle to reach. Glowering, although if anyone else had seen her it would have appeared as a pout, she made her way into the living room. Greenland had always been quiet, even with little chubby feet, so she wasn’t surprised that she wasn’t noticed. The room was in chaos anyway. America and Canada were only in their previous T-shirts and America and France were shouting at England, who was yelling right back. Canada was watching teary eyed for some reason. Greenland went around the couch to stay out of sight and went behind the two adults left. Canada spot her and his eyes widened. Greenland ignored him and went behind England before kicking him in she as hard as she could in the back of his calf. She fell from the force and the pain in her foot but took satisfaction in England’s cursing and jumping up and down. All eyes were on her now, America’s big blue ones in shock before he burst out laughing.

  
“Mon Dui, you transformed as well Groenland!” France exclaimed looking her over.

  
“Why on Earth did you kick me?!” England asked turning to face her. She looked him in the eye, putting all of her frustration into the glare. Her pudgy face didn’t help, nor the slight traces of apathy from her session upstairs still lingering.

“Because I heard you boasting from my room and now I’m suddenly a child. I told you I don’t care what you do with your magic as long as it doesn’t affect me, well now I’m affected, so you’re going to feel it too.” Greenland huffed. England grumbled something under his breath and the room fell silent. It was unsettling having to look up high to talk to England and France, but it was also strange to see America and Canada like this again. The pain was still there slightly, her back ached and her head burned.

“Are you guys still in pain?” America asked quietly and Greenland nodded her head.

“My head is the worst of it, it was like it was on fire,” Canada answered. England frowned and looked away from both of them while France was agape with horror.

“I will get you three painkillers!” He made his way to the kitchen leaving the children with England. Looking at them longer Greenland guessed that America’s body was the same as a seven year old, while Canada seemed a little younger, Greenland was definitely smaller than both of them but not by that much.

“I’m not sure where the spell went wrong, so I can’t fix this immediately but I should have it done within a few days,” England coughed out, standing tall but looking towards the kitchen as if waiting to escape.

“A few days! The world meeting is tomorrow, that’s the entire reason why all of you were here in the first place- how are we supposed to go like this?” America whined, Canada nodded earnestly with his brother but Greenland kept still. She had already known that England wouldn’t be able to fix it right away, he never could, but there was no way that she was going to a world meeting like this. She was just going to skip it, no one would really care, the most she would get was an angry text from South Italy. However America’s absence would be noticed, and if England and France explained the situation that might draw others to go visit the now little nation. Perhaps only America could go, the other nations would get their curiosity satisfied and Canada and Greenland could stay home unnoticed and unbothered.

“Well you still have your mind intact, the only thing different is your bodies. Honestly if the curse had worked the way it was supposed to you wouldn’t even have that…” England mumbled the last part but Greenland still heard it and ground her teeth. From what she could infer England had wanted to revert America back to his childhood self, back to a time when America respected him. If the spell had done that to America it would have been damaging enough, trying to calm the child to a different world would be difficult and England’s attachment might have made England reluctant to change him back. But to have all three of them change would have been a handful, especially since Greenland’s younger self did not trust any of them, and was slightly terrified of magic. On a smaller level it may have also gotten Greenland’s little habit caught, and that would have caused a whole slew of problems.

“You really think people won’t try to take advantage of us in this state England?” Canada asked sarcastically before his eyes squeezed shut and he held his head in his hands. America frowned and put a sympathetic hand on his back before glaring at England.

“No one is going to hurt you, just tease a bit, they’ll probably make fun of me more than you,” England went on waving his hand as France came in carrying three glasses of water and a bottle of pills. He handed each of them a glass and two pills, starting with Canada and ending with Greenland, she knew she looked too deeply into that action so she pushed away her thoughts about it.

“We can’t go to a professional meeting only wearing over-sized shirts, we barely get anything done there anyway, why don’t we just stay here?” Greenland added her input after taking the pills.

“That would look bad, and my boss would be pissed,” America argued and Greenland resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“Won’t your boss be unhappy if America’s reputation is tarnished because he had to waddle into a meeting as a little child?” Greenland shot back and he raised a finger but was unable to come up with an immediate response. “If anything England shouldn’t go to the meeting either, he should focus on coming up with a counter spell. France can just take notes for once and we can give those to our bosses.” Greenland explained further. She was tired from the long day and wasn’t in the mood for the others endless arguing about everything.

“What should I say if someone asks about your absences?” France asked, going with the idea.  
“Just tell them the truth, if you lie the others are bound to become suspicious,” England answered crossing his arms.

“Are you calling me a bad liar Angleterre?” France accused raising his voice.

“Your lies are always awful, like when you tried to convince me a marriage licence was a calendar!” England argued back and Greenland sighed. She got up, making sure that the shirt she was wearing didn’t ride up and made her way around the couch again. She noticed America and Canada watching her walk away.

“Goodnight,” she gave as explanation before making her way upstairs and with a struggled climb, made her way into bed. The ache in her back was a bit better laying down, and her thighs pain had dulled down, but her head still burned like a raging fire. It was enough that she couldn’t sleep, she spent the night staring at the back of her eyelids and out the window. By three in the morning she gave up and opened the window. She climbed to sit with her feet dangling out the edge. She did this often when she stayed at America’s, the air was clearer outside and the sky was prettier without glass blocking the view. It reminded her of childhood when she would sneak out of England’s place and sleep in the woods. Part of her was inclined to go out and look for a tree now, but that was stupid. Just because she had the body of a child doesn’t mean she should act like one, no matter how fun the idea seemed. In fact, she should probably make the effort to act as mature as possible, keep out emotions as much as she could. She could tell that she was at least slightly affected by the spell emotionally as tears came much quicker than she used to. That and she was close to eye rolling earlier, normally she just thought the words eye roll. She had learned how to suppress her emotions after years of practice, but now it seemed she was back a couple hundred years, when she was first starting to learn. Well she could use one of her methods she had learned down the years.

She took off her shirt and walked to the bathroom. She closed and locked the door behind her and grabbed the razor off the edge of the tub. She frowned realizing that she had been careless before, the razor belonged in the medicine cabinet, which she couldn’t currently reach but if she climbed on top of the toilet she could. Keeping this in mind for later Greenland sat on the edge of the tub and held the razor up to examine it. Flecks of dried blood stained it making it look rusty. It was thin and doubled edged, the ones stereo-typically seen in the “edgy memes” America accidentally showed her once. He wasn’t a fan of them, just popped up in his search as he tried to explain the concept to her. On her own time she found them funny in a bitter sort of way, people really would demean others for literally anything. Well not really demean, encouraging suicide was more than that. She dismissed those thoughts and looked at her legs. Dried blood stuck to the wounds from earlier, there were only about ten or so. She was only half way through. She wasn’t sure if she would need to start all over or if a few would satisfy for now. At least it could distract from her head. She dragged the razor across her leg slowly getting the same feeling as when a pair of scissors glides through the paper. It stung worse than normal, but then again that may be the amplified emotions, she had to get used to it. So she made another, the same length, but she pressed harder. They took their time in globing together enough to fall down her leg and before the first trail happened she had five new lines. She watched them run down her leg and pool around her heel. She continued on until she felt cramped between blood and open cuts and moved onto her other leg. Once she was done she picked the big clots out and dumped them into the toilet and flushed it. Then she climbed to the shower head, washed the tub and sprayed down her legs and waited patiently on the tile for the wounds to stop weeping blood. She doesn’t think much, just watches her little legs bleed. Dabbing at them with some toilet paper she decides that they’re done and hid the razor properly before leaving the bathroom and putting the shirt back on and climbing into the bed. This time she was able to get a couple hours of rest.  
* * *


	2. Chapter Two: Emotional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland wakes up and goes down to a normal breakfast scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I don't have an update schedule, and I defiantly won't always be posting this close together, but I'm really excited that people are looking at this story! I hope you enjoy the chapter. Also just another reminder to always be aware of the tags of this story, and let me know if I need to add more. I want everyone to stay safe while reading this. Hope you have a wonderful day!

She woke up later than usual, it was already seven in the morning. She blamed the changes to her body and groggily got up and put on the same oversized shirt. It left a breeze to come through her upper legs causing the wounds to sting and make their presence noticed. In a way it relaxed her, let her know everything that happened last night was real. On the other hand though it unnerved her, the apathy had worn off and anxiety took its place forcing her to think of all the ways the others would find out, and how badly they would react. It didn’t do any good imagining a thousand possible bad endings though so she forced herself to accept that they would probably lock her up and away and forget all about her. She couldn’t let that happen, she needed a way to make them more properly hidden, but bandages were suspicious and no shorts or boxers would fit her now. She just had to live with it and be careful, and she had done that many times before.

Going down the stairs was more difficult than the night before. No one had been in the kitchen where the stairs ended so she had climbed freely down. Now though that’s where France was up making breakfast and England was studying a book while Canada watched him from his seat in the table. If she climbed like she had they were sure to see, so she went down the regular way, despite it feeling like a higher drop every time her foot went down. She wondered if America and Canada were having the same problems, everything felt too big and every emotion twice as strong. If they were she bet they were handling it better than she was. None of them seemed to notice when she made it down the stairs, so when they jumped when she started pulling a chair back to climb on top she wasn’t surprised. Canada gave her a small smile while France gave her a much bigger one. England on the other hand only looked up for a moment before going back to his reading.

“Good morning petite Groenland, I’m making pancakes for breakfast, do you want anything in yours?” France asked and she tried not to react to his nickname. She was sure he wasn’t trying to annoy her, but pointing out her situation wasn’t a real mood lifter.

“No, thank you.” Her voice was higher like this, it made her feel like she was whispering when she tried to speak at her regular volume. France heard her anyway and turned back around. Canada looked between her and the book England was reading, swinging his legs back and forth at a slow but increasing pace. Sometimes the back of his foot would hit the chair and he’d jump a bit in his seat, but it didn’t stop him from fidgeting. Canada would normally help France with breakfast, Greenland wondered if he was bored. She wouldn’t be surprised, without the normal arguing between France and England, or the soft French being spoken between Canada and France as they cooked while Greenland asked England about the paper the house felt unnervingly quiet. But England wasn’t reading the paper and France didn’t need to ask Canada to pass the flour so there was no reason for noise. America would wake up in about half an hour to an hour anyway and everything would be back to normal. Nothing would keep America quiet for long. Greenland recognized and rationalized this all in her mind and accepted the little noise that she was granted, she found it entertaining enough, but the others didn’t feel the same way she was sure. She could see it in the way Canada’s hand had started tapping along with his legs, which were going fast enough to bump the chair often now, and in the way that France had begun humming to himself. She saw it most though in how England’s massive eyebrows kept twitching every time Canada bumped the chair, and how he gripped the page hard enough to dent it when France began his humming. It was like watching a ticking time bomb. Would the explosion come before or after America came down was Greenland’s only question. The answer was before as France broke out into full song as he put the pancakes onto plates. England’s hands smacked the table and he stood up huffing.

“How am I supposed to get any reading done with your terrible voice filling my head!” It wasn’t a question so much as just a rude way to tell him to shut up. France’s smile became more mischievous than warm as he flipped around throwing his long blonde hair behind his shoulder.

“My beautiful voice is not a problem Angleterre, but if it bothers you so much you could go to the living room,” France’s reply just riled England up more, something Greenland assumed was on purpose, as the Englishman stuck his finger into France’s chest.

“I was here first, and I’m trying to do something of extreme importance so I think I’m in the right when I tell you to shut it.” France’s smile twitched a bit with England’s response.

“You wouldn’t have to be doing something oh so important if you hadn’t tried to use magic at all. This situation is your fault, there wouldn’t even be a problem if it wasn’t for you.” France’s voices was more venomous this time and England took a step back, his face falling for a moment before it hardened again. 

“That’s why I’ve been up all night trying to fix it, and you’re not helping with your damn singing!” Greenland had a feeling that the two men were just going to keep going back and forth and pulled her attention away. Canada sat in his seat wide eyed as the two men fought, their voices getting louder with every word. She noticed that his violet eyes were becoming wet and a jolt of panic went through her. They were going to make Canada cry, why else would he be crying if it wasn’t them? Maybe he was in pain, she hoped that wasn’t the case either. In the end the only way to find out was to talk to him, although she doubted she be able to hear herself over the argument of the other two. Slowly she got down from her chair and went to his, pulling on his pant leg to get his attention. He looked down at her and a tear fell down his face. She offered her hand which he took after a moment of hesitation and got off the chair. She led him to the couch in the living room where they could still hear the argument, but it was quieter. She grabbed a tissue from the end table and Canada took it wiping his face and blowing his nose. His cheeks had gone slightly red.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I started crying, they fight all the time, but it just felt so much worse. I know it’s stupid but I couldn’t stop worrying if they were going to hit each other, or leave and never come back…” Canada explained and Greenland patted his shoulder like she had seen people in television shows do when someone was sad. It was much stiffer and awkward when she did it but it made Canada laugh so she supposed it worked. “Ever since I became little all my emotions feel completely out of sorts, everything, every little thing, has a bigger impact. Fears I haven’t had in a hundred years are suddenly terrifying again. Is that happening with you too?” He asked, he looked so stressed for such a little face. She remembered him looking that way too sometimes back in the day, she had always hated it. Little faces shouldn’t ever seem that dark. At the time she had blamed England, and over the years she had wrestled with that resentment, but it was beginning to flare up again as she looked at the big bags under Canada’s eyes.

“It’s harder to keep everything under control, impulsive thoughts come and it takes a lot to not just stand up and follow through?” She added and he nodded, that stressed look melting away with relief. The conversation didn’t continue as the voices in the kitchen grew louder. Greenland noticed Canada’s leg swinging had started back up so she grabbed the television remote and handed it to him. He found a sports channel that was playing floor hockey which wasn’t as great as ice hockey for him, but it still calmed him down. Greenland watched the television but didn’t really pay attention. She pressed her hands onto her thighs and relished in the burning sting that came through. The voices in the kitchen didn’t die down, instead they grew louder, so Greenland turned up the volume. Canada never stopped fidgeting, but it didn’t get any faster. He didn’t fidget so much as an adult, she wondered what had made him stop. America fidgeted by tapping his fingers still. England bounced his leg when he was stressed and France ran a hand through his hair. She knew all this, but the fact remained she knew they believed that she didn’t care about them. Then again that was her fault, if they knew she cared than they would know that she was weak. If she showed she cared too much than they might pay more attention to her, and that wouldn’t end well.

The televisions volume couldn’t cover up the sound of a plate smashing to the floor. Greenland tensed her entire body and Canada jumped half a foot in the air. He looked at her with so much fear in his eyes before bolting out into the kitchen. Greenland reached out for him, but didn’t say anything. She walked into the kitchen slowly, bare feet hitting cool tile. Little America stood still crying as England snapped at him, so caught up in his ranting he hadn’t noticed. France must have left to find a broom, Canada was trying to make his way to his brother but the glass shards made him hesitant. There were cream plate shards all around America, along with sad syrup covered pancakes. Greenland didn’t hesitate, she went to England and stepped on his foot stopping his yelling. He had made both of the boys cry today, he deserved it.

“Shut your mouth for once and look at what you’ve done.” She grumbled, keeping her voice low to upset Canada less. America wiped at his eyes but he kept sobbing bringing more tears down. England opened his mouth to snap at her when his eyes finally landed on America. Then Canada who was still trying to make his way over.

“Canada stop you’ll get glass in your feet. America lad, what’s wrong?” His voice had gone soft and he was also moving closer to America, although his socks wouldn’t provide him much protection either.

“I d-don’t know! I was just try- trying to get the pancakes but they fell and you and France started yelling at me and now we can’t have pancakes-” America started to ramble but England cut him off with a soft shush.

“I’m sorry I yelled lad, I’m just stressed. I understand it was an accident. France can make more pancakes and we can have breakfast later okay?” England went on, crouching to America’s level despite being too far to grab him. America finally stopped wiping his eyes showing off his glassy baby blues. He nodded although he still seemed upset. 

“I don’t get why I’m crying about it…” He mumbled, his leg twitched like he was going to move it but decided against it at the last minute. England sat down fully with his legs crossed his caterpillar eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Canada shuffled around the table to Greenland’s surprise to stand closer to her. He still fidgeted with his hands gripping onto his shirt bunching it up before letting it fall then doing it all over again. Greenland slowly put a hand on his shoulder. She felt him tense under her touch before relaxing. He looked at her for a moment but she couldn’t figure out the expression on his face.

“The spell was supposed to revert your body and your mind, maybe it’s affected your emotional control as a result instead of completely mentally regressing you?” England explained, although it seemed mostly to himself. Greenland wanted to snap at him that, that was obvious, and the fact that he hadn’t already been considering it showed how selfish he was, but that type of comment wouldn’t help the situation. Instead France came back and carefully began sweeping all the glass away from America until he was able to walk away from that spot. France enjoyed the idea of making pancakes again although this time he tried to enlist America and Canada’s help since he had found two stepping ladders. Canada offered to share his with Greenland but she declined, instead choosing to go back to her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know if you see any mistakes!


	3. Chapter Three: Let’s Play Video Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland texts Romano and then plays video games!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting way more views and likes that I expected. I really appreciate all of you reading this. I know the story is pretty dark and has a disturbing premise but I'm glad everyone is liking it! Hope you enjoy reading this chapter, as always, remember to keep the tags in mind a stay safe.

Her hand burned still from touching Canada and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. On one hand it felt like the right thing to do, on the other hand she wanted to scrape her own skin off to make the feeling of touch go away. America brought up the concept of touch starvation with her before, he had been taking a college course in psychology and it was a subject brought up. The more he described it she felt like it fit him, he went out of his way for contact but still rarely received it. They weren’t really a huggy family, besides France, and even then not so much with America. She hadn’t been sure at the time why he was explaining the concept to her, the least touchy feeling of the family first, she was willing to touch him more often if he wanted but she didn’t think that she would be his first or even second choice. Besides, cuddling was something she didn’t think she could handle and it seemed one of the things a touch starved person would desire. It was only at the end of the conversation that he suggested that she herself may be touch starved, but she brushed him off. Why would touch be so uncomfortable if she desired it, why would it tingle on her skin and give her the urge to self harm? Some of the descriptions matched but he hadn’t really talked about avoiding touch if one was touch starved. But now that she was considering touching the others more the conversation poked at her. Would she be touching them more for them or herself? Obviously them. 

In the end she supposed it didn’t matter, she climbed into bed which was much more of a challenge than it should have been and laid a cover over herself. She didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing the lines with a cover. That’s all they were, lines that stung and burned but eventually would be replaced with new lines. Part of her was tempted to go to the bathroom and add a few more, maybe only four. But she held off knowing that they would drag her down for pancakes soon. France would have to leave in half an hour if he wanted to be on time, which meant he would be late. He could always just use them as an excuse, or England really since this was all his fault. So many things in her life were all his fault. Why was she even staying in the same place as him? She shook her head trying to get rid of that train of thought, he was better than he used to be, and his boss made him do many of those things. He tried his best as a caretaker, even if it was with a child he stole. Greenland needed a distraction, so she got on her phone and noticed she had a text from South Italy.

“ _You bothering to show up this time?_ ” His message’s tone was hard to decipher but she didn’t take any personal offence to it. She did sometimes feign illness to get out of a meeting. South Italy didn’t appreciate that, she remembered him complaining that he had to sit next to his brother one time when she didn’t come and that he had gotten pasta spilt all over his nice suit. She wasn’t sure if he was more upset about the ruined suit or the ruined pasta. He had sent the message last night, she had been busy with her legs.

“ _I was, but then England turned me into a child._ ” Almost immediately the bubble that showed his face in black sunglasses moved down to show that he had read it. North Italy must have been in charge of breakfast that morning. She watched with a small smile as the typing message began appearing and disappearing rapidly. 

“ _Your fucking with me right_ ”

“ _*You’re. And no. He was trying to curse America and instead hit America, Canada, and I._ ” He never used proper grammar when texting, sometimes she was sure he did it to annoy her, though this time she was pretty sure it was just because he was surprised. 

“ _No one gives a flying fuck about using apostrophes! What are you gonna do?_ ” She smiled wider, he had started using punctuation despite his claim.

“ _Wait until he fixes it. What else can I do?_ ” Once again he started the process of typing something then deleting everything he wrote only to type again after she messaged him. 

“ _Fucking British bastard. I’m gonna kick his ass._ ” That brought out a snort she was glad no one else was around to hear. He always managed to catch her off guard.

“ _Well you’ll have to wait. We made him stay home to fix it._ ” After that it didn’t take long for him to reply.

“ _Well I’ll just come over after the meeting than._ ” That made her heart drop. She didn’t want people to see her like this, weak and unable to protect herself. She definitely didn’t want South Italy to see her like this, if anyone were to notice her lines it would be him. He did it too after all, he just didn’t know that she did. It was a complicated situation. One that she wanted to stay the exact same amount of complicated forever.

“ _No, we don’t have clothes that fit. We’re all just in oversized shirts._ ” She hoped that excuse would throw him off. 

“ _So what? Does America not have any of his old kid clothes? Either way I’ll just be there to kick England’s ass for you._ ” She screamed internally trying to figure out an excuse that wouldn’t seem like that much of an excuse. If he thought she was brushing him off he’d get sad and pull away, which is not what she wanted. All she wanted was to be wearing pants when she saw him.

“ _I can kick England’s ass you know._ ” Defensive, but not attacking, hopefully it would be enough to drag him off topic.

“ _I bet you can’t even reach England’s flat ass right now. See you after the meeting, fratello just finished breakfast._ ” She let out a quiet groan at his last text. There was no stopping him now. She would just have to figure it out later, and be careful. Maybe after that mistake today she should go for the challenge she had been thinking about, the one hundred cut challenge. She didn’t think it was a real thing, just something she thought of, but it was something she had been wanting to do. The only rules were one uninterrupted session where she made one hundred cuts. She normally got tired after thirty, but she deserved it, so she might as well go for it. Her clear skin was bothering her anyway. But once again she reminded herself she had to wait, so she went on YouTube and watched whatever breaking news she could find. It was centered around America right now and was mainly about whatever the president had done. Somehow she made herself more upset by watching those, she really didn’t like America’s current boss. She wondered how he felt about him, maybe she could ask over breakfast.

Without a single knock on her door it burst open with an excited America jumping through. He grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out of bed and down the stairs. Even stuck in a child’s body he had a massive amount of strength. She was pretty sure she had rug burn on her knees once he finally let her go, rushing over to sit in the chair between his brother and herself. 

“I brought her, can we please have pancakes now?” He begged which caused France to laugh and rustle his hair. Out of everyone France seemed to actually enjoy them being children. Greenland climbed into her seat and pulled her shirt down more. Taking note of the sting in her knee and correcting her frown to a more neutral position. A plate of fresh pancakes was set down in front of them and America and Canada seemed to be having a competition on who could pile the most in front of them.

“Now boys, leave some for the rest of us,” England scolded, but he was smiling nonetheless. He had always been happiest with a house full of children, even though back when they used to be children he was often busy. Greenland hoped he wouldn’t get too nostalgic, if he did it might delay him figuring out the cure, and that wouldn’t do. Canada stopped piling on pancakes immediately at the request while America still put on one more. Luckily France seemed to have prepared for very hungry children and there was still six pancakes left. Greenland took one, while the adults each took two. Canada was drowning his pancakes in syrup so Greenland didn’t start eating. America was scarfing pancake after pancake barely leaving room to breathe. France was watching Canada with morbid fascination and England still had that fond smile on his face. 

“Canada, don’t you think that’s enough?” France eventually asked, clearly trying to keep disgust out of his voice. Canada took a hard look at his almost overflowing plate and shrugged putting the syrup down.

“America slow down before you choke.” England ordered since America seemingly increased speed. Greenland took the syrup and poured a small amount on her pancakes before setting it back down and using her fork to put it into small bits. They ate in silence for a few minutes until England finished his earl gray. “So France, what are you going to say about this when you go to the meeting?” His question seemed innocent enough but his hand twitched giving Greenland the impression that he was looking for something.

“The truth Anglettre, that you and America got into a fight, you failed at cursing him and now we have three child nations.” France went on and England nodded although his fist tightened.

“Make sure you make it clear that no one is to come over, I don’t want any distractions while I’m trying to fix this.” France nodded to England’s addition but rolled his eyes. Greenland wouldn’t be surprised if he invited over Prussia and Spain just to piss England off now. 

“Maybe you could pick us up some clothes that fit, we don’t know how long we’ll be stuck like this.” Canada added and England’s fist tightened further. Greenland nodded at Canada to show she agreed although none of the others seemed to notice. That wasn’t unusual.

“It should only take a few more days at the most, no need to go and buy clothes.” England answered and Greenland openly frowned.

“Oh come on Angleterre, it’ll be fun to go clothes shopping! Don’t you want to see little Amerique all dressed up like he used to be?” France asked and America went red while England seemed to consider it.

“You would get modern kid clothes obviously!” America argued while France just smiled. England sighed.

“Fine, frog, go pick out some clothes before you come back.” France’s smile got wider and he dramatically sighed.

“Great! Put all the work on me and keep the kids to yourself. Then again it’s good to keep them away from your fashion sense.”

“There is nothing wrong with my fashion sense!” England argued back while France laughed. It was definitely more light hearted than earlier fighting, Canada didn’t seem as tense around it. “Shouldn’t you have headed out already?” England snapped interrupting France’s laughter. 

“Relax Angleterre, I’ve got--” he checked his watch and his eyes widened. “Sacre bleu I’m already fifteen minutes late! Goodbye my lovelies, I’m blaming you Angleterre!” With that France had his briefcase and was out the door. England rolled his eyes and pulled out his book to read. Greenland resumed eating the few bites she had left while America grabbed the extra pancake, much to the annoyance of his brother. But America had an empty plate since he inhaled his food more than ate it, Canada took his time to savor the flavors and still had two pancakes left. Things were silent again as the children ate and England read. Then America finished his single pancake and sat in his seat swinging his legs gently. He looked to the living room and saw the television playing hockey and seemed to perk up. He turned to his brother only to see him eating still and then to Greenland, who had just taken her last bite.

“Hey Greenland, do you want to play video games with me?” He was so excited and she had nothing better to do. Her main job during meetings was to take notes and organize them afterwards, she didn’t have France’s notes to organize yet so there was nothing else work related to do. She nodded making him light up even more and he ran to the living room leaving his plate behind. Greenland left hers behind also but walked to the living room. “I have Mario kart eight on the Nintendo switch if you want to play that, also that way Mattie can play when he finishes breakfast!” He was talking fast and thrust the remote so hard into her hand she almost missed his switch into their human names. They didn’t call each other that as often anymore, only really when they were having a heart to heart moment or serious discussion, which really never happened. When they were little though everyone had gone by their human name, except Greenland. She refused to tell anyone her name after England tried to change it to Ginger. She barely felt human at times, and they weren’t human anyway so she considered people calling her K'âjúnguaĸ useless. The others didn’t feel the same but had stopped asking a long time ago.

Greenland wasn’t terrible at the game, she customized her car to have pretty even stats that were all high and she had a good handle on the controls, but America was amazing at the game. He won first place every race, even when they went up to 200cc. Greenland struggled to get eighth. When Canada joined America had real competition, Canada and America would go back and forth between first and second until at the last second America won again. They bantered while they played, going back and forth on who was going to lose and which AI character was the worst. At the moment they agreed that it was Peach who was the worst. When America won again at the last second by hitting Canada with a red shell an inch before the finish line he stood up and began whooping, spinning one arm in the air. Canada pushed his legs causing America to fall down onto the rest of the couch. Canada was laughing, America wasn’t but there was a smile on his face as he lunged at Canada rolling them off of the couch in general. The two wrestled for a moment before separating, both laughing. Greenland watched and wondered why her chest ached. 

“Boys keep that racket down, I need to concentrate!” England called from the kitchen and Greenland’s ache turned to fire. Both America and Canada became much more subdued and picked up their controls playing the game once again. There was less banter, less laughing, and smaller smiles even though Canada had finally won one round. It was moments like this that all the feeling in Greenland’s little box she kept them in pounded at the walls trying to break free, but she wouldn’t let them. She had to stay in control. But her hand still tightened around the controller and she got worse at driving the kart, almost always ending up in last place. America seemed to notice, or notice something about her at least because he announced he wanted to switch games. They went to Mario party and Greenland found it much harder, except the rhythm games. She had played the last game before, this game required friends for proper enjoyment and at home it was mostly her. The other two didn’t seem to mind her inexperience though and struggled more themselves. 

It was almost two when America’s stomach gurgled so loudly that they heard it over the music. They were in the middle of the board game and Greenland was three spots away from getting the last star. America held his stomach and Greenland paused the game. Canada scooted closer to America and poked his stomach.

“Are you hiding your whale in there?” He asked which managed to make Greenland smile and America pout.

“No! I’m hungry, when do you think lunch is?” He asked and Greenland wondered if he understood the true implications of what he was saying. If he wasn’t expecting any of them to be making lunch then the only person left would be England, and Greenland had no interest being stuck in a child's body and having food poisoning. 

“Why don’t we just make some sandwiches?” She suggested and Canada nodded, but America groaned.

“I want a full meal, not just one little sandwich, maybe we could ask England to go get us McDonald’s, than he could order me four big macs.” America suggested, to which Greenland just raised an eyebrow.

“If we told England we’re hungry he’d insist on cooking for us.” Canada pointed out making America groan louder. 

“Why don’t you just call a pizza place and get some delivery?” Greenland said and America shot up with a dazzling smile.

“You’re right, let me go find my wallet and phone!” With that he was rushing upstairs leaving Canada and Greenland behind. Canada’s eyes widened for a moment.

“I haven’t checked my phone since yesterday morning, what if my boss emailed me?” With that he rushed away too leaving Greenland behind, playful music still softly playing from the television. The couch had been warm before with the other two there but now that she was alone she was beginning to feel chilled. She curled in closer to herself and the fluffy pillow on the couch and tried to not think about the box where she stuffed her feelings in her head trying to open. Feelings didn’t need to be felt, they were all adults with jobs to do. She shouldn’t have wasted time playing games in the first place, she should have tried to come up with something for notes. Greenland couldn’t depend on France to do her job, she shouldn’t depend on anybody to do anything for her. She also got up and went to her room. It wasn’t even hers, it was just a guest room she stayed in whenever there was a meeting in America’s place. It didn’t matter that she always stayed in the same room, and that if she left something behind in there it would still be the next time. She went to her bag and pulled out her notebook and took note of the predicament England had gotten them into, and how it seemed to be affecting their emotional control. She didn’t take any note of the effect on herself, she barely mentioned that she was affected. Her boss wouldn’t care about her feelings anyway, he only cares about what is happening in the lives of nations and what personifications played apart in it. More than once she tried to bring up the emotional side of personifications, like that America was losing weight, or that England was more tired and irritable as of late. He always brushed her off. She was pretty sure if he saw the lines she had (well in her normal body) everywhere he would just brush it off as her trying to get more political power and threatening to take what little she had away. No care or concern. Not even a mental hospital. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy the rest of your day~
> 
> Edit: I changed Greenland's name to something that's actually Greenlandic instead of English. I've been calling her Ginger for six years but I realized that it doesn't make much sense to. If anyone knows how to pronounce her human name could you please tell me? I'd really appreciate it, thank you!


	4. Chapter Four: Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland indulges in her habit than goes down to lunch. After lunch she sees a brother bonding moment and gets caught watching. Panic ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Another chapter is here, and this one starts off pretty rough so make sure you understand what you're getting into by looking at the warnings! Winter break has begun for me and I'm excited to keep writing for you all! Hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy the chapter.

Her mind drifted to the lines on her now little legs, and how they seemed more pure. She went to the bathroom and took off the shirt and took in every inch of skin. There weren’t any stretch marks, there were very little scars, and she hadn’t developed as a woman at all. Although with that last one in her normal body she didn’t seem very developed either. It was all too much, too wrong, it wasn’t her, not anymore. She didn’t feel right in this body, everything was to big and she was all wrong. Her feelings were out of control, and hatred she had tried to bury burned in her stomach. She cared about everything, but she cared about nothing. With little thought she climbed her way to the medicine cabinet and grabbed ahold of her razor. She wouldn’t do the challenge, not tonight, but she needed to make her skin her own. Maybe just four lines on her left thigh and six on her right. She was shaking, although she wasn’t sure if it was from excitement or anxiety. She took the thin metal and found a white patch of skin and pressed down before dragging it along. She was used to hearing it cut little hairs as it made it three centimeter path, but she barely heard it this time. It only frustrated her further and she made the next line longer, further to the right of her right thigh. The blood came more quickly and dribbled down her leg. It was cold and caused her to shiver. She had found a sweet spot, and added another line next to the second. And then another. And another. She didn’t keep to her four and six plan. The blood was pooling together at the bottom and had become a dark red. Little splatters were all around the pool and some had even gotten on her foot, but she barely felt it. She sat and watched as another trail went down. The last few had taken longer to join the others. She had covered the sweet spot. Someone banged on the bathroom door causing her to grip the razor tighter quickly, managing to slice her palm in the process.

“Pizza’s here and England’s pissed about it, hurry up and come down so you don’t miss his whole rant!” America shouted through from the other side. She didn’t even get a chance to respond before the pounding of his little legs out the room came. Greenland let out a shaky sigh and went to stand on the edge of the tub, only to get dizzy the moment she stood up. She sat back down again and took deep breaths in and out before successfully trying again and using the showerhead to get rid of all the blood. She kept it focused only on her leg so there was less to pat dry. She didn’t have time to air dry and let the bleeding stop naturally so she went to gauze and wrapped it around her leg, cursing herself for going so far. She must have been at it for over twenty minutes, she barely did any research for work. She was one step closer to getting caught, and no matter how many deep breaths she took there was still a slight shake to her entire body. She put the t-shirt back on and pulled it down as far as it would go before making her way downstairs. 

She went down the stairs extremely slowly and trying to be as quiet as possible, she didn’t even want to chance people noticing her for once. America was right, England was offended that they ordered greasy pizza when they could have had his cooking and was yelling about it loudly while America laughed in his face and took another slice of pizza. Canada was subdued, he ate slowly and mainly nibbled on the food. He was leaning away from America and England. Greenland made it to the floor and climbed into her chair without making a sound. She wasn’t very hungry anymore so she didn’t bother grabbing any pizza. She just watched the chaos in front of her.

“You wasted your money just to make yourself fatter! You might be covered in baby fat now but that doesn’t change how you look as an adult!” England apparently hadn’t noticed or didn’t care that America had definitely been losing weight in the last few years. Then again England was a twig, there seemed to be barley any muscle to him sometimes let alone fat. There would probably be a gap if Greenland wrapped her adult hand around England’s wrists.

“I used my money so I wouldn’t have to blow chunks after I eat,” America laughed back although he sounded slightly hollow, like there was something he wanted to add after that but held himself back. Canada shifted in his seat.

“What’s done is done, can’t we just eat?” Canada pleaded, although his voice was even quieter as a child. America heard him for once however and slapped him on the back.

“Yeah, what have you found out anyway Artie?” Once again America was using human names, and Greenland didn’t understand why. England seemed a little surprised at first too, than annoyed, he hated nicknames. 

“I’ve told you not to call me that! Anyway there hasn’t been much so far, I can’t figure out what I did wrong during the spell. Until I figure that out than I can’t figure out what I need to reverse.” Greenland’s eyebrows turned downward at his explanation as she tried to figure out why that process would be needed. Magic was overly complicated in her opinion, it was more fun in books and movies. In the real world England mentioned that there were all these rules and dangers, and she had watched him make enough mistakes to believe him. But she didn’t understand why something so powerful would be so limited all the time.

“Why don’t you just reverse the entire spell, than every effect should go away?” America asked, although he sounded genuinely curious instead of mischievous. 

“Because it could reverse the part I missed when doing the spell.” England explained further and America leaned back in thought.

“So we would have our adult bodies back but have the minds of children?” He asked and England nodded.

“Or it could be something more specific, something we wouldn’t see as quickly. That’s why I need to know the exact part of the spell I made a mistake with. And it wasn’t just the mind part either, the spell was only supposed to affect America, but it hit you two and Greenland, so there was a mistake there too.” England explained further and Canada shrunk down even further in his seat while America nodded thoughtfully. “Where is Greenland anyway, I sent you up to fetch her ages ago.”

“I’m right here.” They all jumped at her voice and she reached for a slice of pizza.

“How long have you been there?” England shouted the question at her, still clutching his chest. She shrugged and took a bite, it was cheese, peperoni, sausage, and ground beef. She would have preferred just pepperoni and cheese but she wasn’t going to complain. England rolled his eyes and took a slice of pizza too despite all his earlier protesting. They ate in silence, the music from the television in the living room barely audible. Greenland tried to ignore the thought that whispered in her mind that they were silent because she was there. The conversation had ended, that was all. She turned her concerns to Canada, who was still slightly slumped in his seat. She wondered if he had missed an important email from his boss. Maybe the yelling was still getting to him. Out of all of them he seemed the most affected emotionally. America seemed to be as hyper as ever and Greenland while feeling the effects still had more control than most children. If anything America seemed happier now, his laughter and teasing seemed more genuine than forced. 

Maybe he was just happy to miss a meeting, they didn’t seem to be very fun for him. He was loud and outgoing, which lead to him being noticed and being noticed lead to many insults being tossed his way. It was one of the reasons Greenland tried not to be noticed. Although that hadn’t worked with South Italy. He had still managed to notice her and pick her out, at the time in not very pleasant calling out on the notes she was taking. Nobody paid him any mind when he did it, he yelled so much that many people just tuned him out, which was sad, since he had important things to say. She was sure that the other countries would have been just as outraged as him to find out that she took notes not just on the presentations at the meetings, but on the conversations happening around the room too. After they had talked about it though he calmed down slightly. He was the main person to talk to her, besides her pseudo family, but even they didn’t contact her as much as he did. They texted at least once a week, talking about work, although he complained about his brother and Spain often. She learned that if one took the time to actually listen to him and make an effort of friendship he was actually a pretty open and nice man. He just covered his emotions with insults and a loud voice, but England did practically the same thing so it wasn’t like she wasn’t used to it.

That lead back to the fact that South Italy was coming over. It didn’t matter if France said no visitors, South Italy would come over anyway. It would be nice to see him, it had been a few months since they last saw each other in person, but it would be a strange and stressful visit no doubt. South Italy was kind of friends with America but he was scared of England and wary around France. He wasn’t a very touch oriented person and France got into most people’s personal bubbles. It didn’t help that he was coming over to pick a fight, that would lead to a lot of yelling and maybe an upset Canada, Greenland didn’t want an upset anybody. There were four more hours until he was supposed to be over though so she had that much time to plan. Telling the others that she knew he was coming over wouldn’t work, they would be mad that she had invited someone and would try to convince her that he couldn’t come over. Telling him to not come over hadn’t worked and she didn’t want to upset him by acting like she didn’t want to see him. The best possible choice seemed to be just let it ride out and deal with the consequences afterwards. Her future self was sure to be annoyed with that decision, but she wasn’t her future self yet so she didn’t know for sure.

After all the pizza was gone America and Canada left to play video games again while Greenland went upstairs and pulled out her notebook to take further note of the situation and the oddities she had noticed. She had to record something or her boss was sure to reprimand her, even if she did this he was sure to get on her case anyway. He didn’t believe in magic, despite her very existence going against the laws of nature. He probably wouldn’t believe her even with all her documentation. She decided to take some pictures of herself as further proof. She should probably gather some of America and Canada as well. Maybe if she was sneaky she could snag England’s book and get a few pictures of the pages. Then again who knew what effect magic had on technology, the last idea wasn’t the smartest. Greenland grabbed her phone and took a couple of selfies, not putting on a pose or a filter of any kind. Then she quietly made her way back down the stairs past England and to the living room. They had switched from the Nintendo switch to the PlayStation and were playing some sports games, they were playing a match of football (the real football not the American football). She couldn’t tell who was who let alone who was winning but the expression of pure focus on both of their faces was perfect for a picture. She would just cut out the remotes in their hands. Neither noticed her standing there and she was ready to walk away when America threw the remote on the ground.

“Damn it Mattie you’re just too good at these!” His words sounded joking but his shout did not. He was pouting hardcore. Canada looked a little bemused until America’s pout persisted. He did not pick the remote backup or flop back onto the couch, instead he glared with his little eyes. It was hard to tell if he was being serious or not until Greenland noticed there were tears in his eyes.

“What’s wrong Al?” The affectionate nickname got to America and he looked away rubbing his eyes with the heel of his wrist.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” his voice was low and he wouldn’t look towards Canada again. Canada put down the America flag controller and scooted closer to his brother.

“No you’re not, and that’s okay. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Canada’s voice was gentle but firm. Greenland sometimes imagined he would make a great parent, although a nation having a child never went well. She imagined he’d treat Sealand well, better than her at least.

“It’s just- You’re better at me than everything, but everyone always mistakes you for me and that’s not fair, and I’m sorry, and I know it’s all my fault but I don’t mean to-” America blubbered quickly making it hard for Greenland to understand. The general gist was clear though, not even America was immune to the overwhelming emotion of being a child. Canada had interrupted the blubbering with a hand to America’s mouth, he looked surprised and slightly overwhelmed but not unhappy. He had probably been waiting to hear an apology from America for overshadowing him for years. Greenland wasn’t exactly sure why Canada blamed America instead of the people consistently making the mistake but she wasn’t the one being mistook all the time for someone else, she couldn’t judge his feelings. She did feel bad for America though, people’s insults must have actually gotten to him.

“For one, thank you for the apology, and for two, I’m not better than you at everything. No one befriends strange animals like you, and you’re good at digging up old stuff.” Canada comforted and America pulled him into a hug and cried earnestly. Greenland almost felt as if she were intruding, in a way she was. They had no idea she had watched the entire display of emotions, she was doing the exact definition of intruding. She turned around and walked out of the room only to trip on the carpet. She hit hard and panicked as she knew her shirt had ridden up. Cold air hit her legs and exposed bandages and she pulled down the shirt with such force and grip that her fingernails punctured the fabric. Her heart beat in her ears and her only thought was on if they saw or not. When she looked up she was expecting looks of horror, of disgust, but instead she got an annoyed Canada and an America who was aggressively rubbing his face. A whisper of hope in her ear said they hadn’t seen. Another said they just didn’t care.

“And how long have you been listening?” Canada’s voice despite sounding so young was the perfect impression of a disappointed father. Greenland couldn’t speak, she couldn’t even open her mouth, she was pretty sure if she did she would vomit on the floor. England would have to clean it instead of focusing on the spell to fix them. That or a child would have to clean it and that would be gross. She needed to answer somehow though, so she shrugged her shoulders burning from how tense they were. Canada’s eyes narrowed and she felt her breathing pick up. The repetition of the phrase ‘he knows’ playing in her head. “Long enough to know you should comfort your brother instead of running away.” Canada reprimanded and Greenland’s mind struggled to make the connection he was.

“Greenland doesn’t do feelings. She doesn’t care enough to try and comfort someone.” America said with a laugh and a smile. It was supposed to be a joke but the combination of it and the panic of the close call brought tears to her eyes. She kept her hands pulling her shirt down and sped walked out of the room. She didn’t care if it seemed out of character or suspicious, she needed to be alone and it needed to happen now. She could hear Canada and America talking behind her but she couldn’t understand what they were saying and didn’t want to. England of course was oblivious, but when wasn’t he when it came to her. Once she was safe in her room she wasn’t sure what she needed. She didn’t want to cry, she wasn’t supposed to show feelings let alone cry. She didn’t want to cry. Crying brought a headache and opened a window of feeling feelings she had been ignoring. She didn’t care that they thought she didn’t care, it didn’t bother her one bit. If she kept thinking that over and over it had to be true. They had almost saw, or they saw and didn’t care or bother to ask. Of course they wouldn’t have had the extreme reaction she thought, they would need to think of her as a normal person for that, and she wasn’t a normal person. She was a personification. She didn’t need to feel like humans did. She was broken. Her chest was on fire. Her breath was being cut short. She didn’t like this feeling at all. Without much thinking she grabbed her phone.

“ _What feeling makes your chest hurt and makes it hard to breath?_ ” She struggled to type the message out as her hands began to shake.

“ _Panic or anxiety_ ” South Italy sent and she nodded to herself, she was panicking, this was normal. “ _What happened?_ ” He sent another message and she felt her heart stop again. She wanted to throw the phone. Of course he would ask and she would have to lie and it would be something he’d see through probably and then he would know. He could never know, he’d blame himself and cut her off and she’d be alone and responsible for his misery. She couldn’t do this, there was too much at stake all the time and no one cared. She threw her phone to the ground and crawled into bed and buried herself under the covers. In the dark no one could see her, if they didn’t know where she was at they couldn’t touch her. She was safest in the dark, but that didn’t stop the trembling, or the tears that had spilled over burning her cheeks with their cold. She wanted it to stop but she didn’t know how. She shut her eyes and squeezed her legs to her chest and sobbed under the blankets until she was exhausted and fell asleep. She didn’t dream. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! I would love to know your thoughts on the story, and please let me know if you see any mistakes so I can go back and fix those. Stay safe and have an amazing day!


	5. Chapter Five: A Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> South Italy comes for a vist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry it took me so long to post again, winter break has been pretty busy. I hope you all had happy holidays and enjoy the chapter. Remember to be aware of the warnings.

When Greenland awoke her entire body ached. She didn’t even bother to open her eyes. She was hot from being under the blankets and her legs made a satisfying pop several times as she straightened them out. Slowly she remembered why she fell asleep in that position and frowned. She should be better than that, it wasn’t like this was the first time America had made a comment like that. She doubted they saw anything, the arm of the couch probably blocked most of their view of her. She had just been being ridiculous, over emotional. She wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

“What the fuck did you do to her you basterdos!” Ah, that’s what woke her up, South Italy had come over. She probably would have slept through the day and night from how tired she was. It would have been the first time in months she got a full night's rest, she wasn’t mad though, sleeping that much was a waste of time.

“It was an accident you bloody git! Now get out, you’re distracting me from trying to fix it!” England shouted back and Greenland wondered how long South Italy had been there. Was Canada doing okay with all the yelling?

“I’m not leaving until I know she’s alright. Now, where is she?” His voice grew quieter but she still could hear it. She untangled herself from the blankets and walked out of her room. The fifth guest room she corrected herself. She needed to disconnect, she was letting herself feel to much. She walked down the stairs to see England and South Italy in each others faces, England’s book left on the table behind him. The pizza boxes were left out empty beside for bits of cheese stuck to the bottom. She didn’t see America or Canada, or France for that matter. South Italy turned his head as England was just glaring instead of replying only for him to spot her. She gave him a small smile despite how tired even her lips were and his eyes widened and he rushed over to her.

“You really weren’t kidding, you’re really small. What did they do, are you okay?” He rushed out grabbing at her arm to check it over. She pulled away from him.

“I’m fine, they didn’t do anything except England’s bad curse,” she answered, trying to get it through that he needed to drop it. It didn’t get through of course, or it had and he ignored it. He was always trying to convince her that it was okay to feel.

“But what about your text?” He asked and England stepped over.

“What text?” He asked his glare shifting over to Greenland.

“It was nothing,” she insisted and South Italy rolled his eyes.

“Like hell it was, we can talk about it in your room if you want-” But before South Italy could go on about the exact situation Greenland didn’t want to get into England broke in.

“No you can not. Greenland, we said there were to be no other nations over, I don’t know what made you think that you could just invite him over but you sir need to leave now!” There England went being the boss of her again. Part of her wanted to snap at him that she didn’t need to do whatever he said just because she had the body of a child. The rest of her agreed that South Italy needed to go.

“She didn’t invite me over jackass, I came because she needed help. Not that you would fucking notice.” He muttered the last part under his breath and Greenland suppressed a wince. She had just had the same thought earlier, but England definitely heard it now.

“Excuse me, she is surrounded by family, and people who actually know magic and what they are doing. I don’t know what kind of help you think you’d be but the only help you can offer is leaving.” England shoulders were tense as he spoke and she wondered if he had actually been offended by the comment.

“I’m not here to fuck with the magic shit I’m here to help her with what she told me about. And, she told me, not any of you bastardos, so I’m going to help.” South Italy’s statement was final and he began to march up the stairs, with Greenland’s hand gently in his own. It was a slight pull but it didn’t hurt.

“Fine, who cares on what we all agreed on right Greenland? God, how I raised you to be so selfish I’ll never know.” The last part he said under his breath but she still heard it loud and clear. It rang in her ears and she wanted so badly to hit him, to yell at him. Instead she swallowed and let herself go up the stairs. She let her face fall blank and let her shoulders down. It didn’t matter what he said, it didn’t hurt, she was fine. She’d tell South Italy it was just the heightened emotions and he would calm down. She wished she had planned more. She directed him to the room she was staying in and sat on the floor while he looked around.

“What happened?” His voice was much softer than it had been with England. He wasn’t looking at her but the bare room which helped. She picked at the carpet.

“Nothing new, just a casual comment and the heightened emotions of the child’s body overreacted. I just wanted to know that the symptoms were connected to a feeling and not something dangerous.” She explained and hoped that he would take that answer. When he didn’t answer for a moment she looked up and saw him holding her thrown phone. It wasn’t damaged thankfully, but she could see a flash of green letting her know she had unopened messages.

“You didn’t answer any of my texts after that, you didn’t even look.” It was an accusation and she felt her heart pick up speed. She didn’t want to lose him. 

“I fell asleep.” He turned to her, his hand shaking slightly.

“Fell asleep or passed out? You were describing an anxiety attack, you could have fallen down the stairs or hit your head for all I knew! It was obviously caused by these fuckers so of course you wouldn’t be anywhere near them. How was I supposed to be sure you were okay?” He ranted on and she realized that she had scared him. She hadn’t known she could faint from feelings, it made her glad she worked so hard to suppress them.

“I didn’t know that could happen, I’m sorry I worried you,” she put it plainly and his shoulders slumped as he rubbed at her smooth phone case.

“Who said what?” He asked and she shifted, her half lie made her look idiotic but she had to stick with it, he hadn’t questioned it so far.

“I saw America crying so I attempted to leave to give him privacy. He and Canada didn’t see it that way and America made it clear he thinks I don’t have feelings.” She responded, ripping at the carpet harder to force away the embarrassment of overreaction. She heard South Italy growl.

“They don’t have any right to make you feel that way, you didn’t do anything wrong,” he tried to reassure her but she shook her head.

“Canada was right, I should have tried to comfort America. In the end it doesn’t matter. I overreacted anyway. If you should be mad at anyone you should be mad at me.” She didn’t know why she said that, she didn’t want him to be mad at her either. But it wasn’t America’s fault he thought that way, she wanted to be feelingless, she tried her best to be. If he didn’t see her failing than wasn’t that a good thing?

“No I shouldn’t and they shouldn’t be mad at you either. What kind of guy wants to be caught crying?” South Italy questioned and she frowned at him.

“That’s gender stereotyping,” he did not appreciate her point if his glare said anything.

“Fine, when’s the last time America wanted to be caught crying and then comforted?” She thought about and realized the answer was, America was a contradiction. When he got older he would deny he was crying and run off, but he’d always be a bit snippy with you later, as if you were supposed to chase after him. She wondered if he realized the situation he put people in by acting so paradoxical. 

“I don’t know, maybe when we were little?” She responded before the obvious nature of that answer hit her. They were all craving things from when they were younger, of course America had wanted more obvious comfort.

“How were you supposed to realize that?” South Italy asked and Greenland frowned.

“The question is how did I not figure that out before making a mistake?” South Italy sighed dramatically at her and flopped down onto her bed.

“You’re hopeless. A lost cause. Even shrunk down I can’t get through that thick head of yours.” He went on and it managed to make Greenland smile. She wasn’t sure why he was always able to make her smile, even when she was trying her hardest not to express any emotion. She climbed onto the bed from the other side and sat down by his head. She looked at the clock and realized the reason she hadn’t seen France was because the meeting wasn’t out yet. South Italy had rushed over and skipped out on the last part of the meeting for her. She hadn’t even said she needed help but he had known and came anyway. She wasn’t sure if any of her family would have done that. She ran her fingers through his hair, it was soft. She assumed he took care of it well. Maybe if England took half as much care of his hair as he did his eyebrows his hair would be soft too. She wondered if South Italy heard what England had said, probably not. If he had he would have stayed to bite England’s head off.

“North Italy might tease you now that you’ve run out of a meeting. Spain is probably worried about you.” She reminded him, he had other people who cared about him.

“Vene is hanging off the potato bastard, and the tomato bastard is hanging around that pervert again. He’s upset because according to him the “trio” were going to go get drinks tonight, but France is cancelling to take care of the kids. Neither of them will notice if I’m gone.” He didn’t sound too upset over that so she hummed in response. 

“France doesn’t have to take care of us, maybe England would get more work done if he was at a bar instead of hovering.” Greenland mused and South Italy shrugged. 

“At least those bastards aren’t coming over to bother you,” he grumbled.

“So France is actually enforcing the no visitors rule?” She asked, although she already knew the answer. 

“Yeah, probably just wanted to avoid the hissy fit that I got for coming over, everyone yelling gets annoying.” She hadn’t known that America and Canada knew that South Italy was there, they were probably mad at her now too. Oh well.

“How did America and Canada react?” 

“Well the burger bastard opened the door really excited before seeing me and slamming it in my face. Pretty sure my foot is broken now from blocking the door from closing. America grabbed Canada and dragged him upstairs screaming and that’s when England noticed something was wrong. I followed them to the kitchen and we got into a yelling match that I obviously won.” She wondered if Canada and America were outside her door listening to their conversation now, or had their ears pressed to the wall of the room next to hers. Probably not, they didn’t care enough for that. Most likely they were just hiding, waiting for the all clear from England.

“You went up the stairs alright, maybe it’s just badly bruised?” She suggested and he huffed.

“When he gets big again I’ll kick his ass and leave a massive bruise on his foot!” He swore and she pet his head to sooth him. 

“Instead of kicking people’s asses do you have any meeting notes I can copy?” He groaned at her question but got up and pulled a notebook out of his briefcase.

“Fuck your boss, these were so boring to do.” He complained but hovered around the desk she went to to start copying the notes into her notebook.

“He’s not my type.” South Italy stood there for a second face blank before cracking up. She smiled back and began her work. He told her stories of the craziness that had happened at the meeting while she did so, some of which she copied down as well. His voice was soothing to her and she enjoyed the moments where he impersonated the other nations. His habit of calling everyone something bastard wasn’t hard for her to decipher anymore and the nicknames were almost fond. She wondered what bastard she was, he mostly just called her a stubborn bastard. She thought it would’ve been ice or cold, since that fit her land and her personality. Getting actual work done also relaxed her, with South Italy’s notes, her own, and whatever France brought home her boss should be satisfied. At least enough that he didn’t threaten to reprimand her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Remember to stay safe :)


	6. Chapter Six: Where I Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> South Italy leaves and America has some choice words to give to Greenland. Greenland wonders where she belongs in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this yesterday, had typed out a long venting paragraph talking about the problems I'm having writing this story, and with my mental and physical health, but I'm sure no one wants to read that. Sorry this chapter is short, eventually the chapters will get longer. I will tell you that there is a least eleven more chapters after this coming, so isn't that good news! I hope you enjoy reading this and please make sure to check the warnings.
> 
> Warnings: attempted suicide, vulgarity, disassociation, implied/referenced self harm, misunderstandings

After about an hour and a half of listening to South Italy's stories she noticed he kept checking his watch. The meeting should have ended by then. Normally the brothers took the same car, which South Italy must have taken to get over to America’s as fast as he did. Germany was bound to give North Italy a ride home but he would probably comment and or yell at South Italy for it. Not to mention North Italy would probably cry to him about it. Germany and North Italy were usually some of the last people out, Germany trying to make sure that everything was orderly while North Italy distracted him by trying to drag him away. If South Italy left he might be able to make it in time to give his brother a ride home. 

“You can leave if you want, I really am fine.” She told him, while he took a breath and looked at his watch. He jumped a bit and didn’t continue, instead looking her over. She gave him a small smile and he sighed.

“Fine, but I’ll come back and kick their asses if they hurt you again!” He declared and she rolled her eyes.

“I told you, they didn’t hurt me. My little body just overreacted.” He got closer to her and stood tall forcing her to crane her neck even further to look at his face.

“Bullshit, insults are hurtful and they insulted you.” 

“Families insult each other all the time, you insult North Italy,” she pointed out, although she realized a moment later that what she was implying, that wasn't nice. She got ready to be yelled at.

“But Vene knows that I don’t mean it, just like you know I don’t really think you’re stupid. I’ll text you later, alright? Ciao,” with that he was out the door and she was left to chew on his words. He was right, she didn’t get insulted or upset when he called her stupid, and she was pretty sure that North Italy was just playing up the insults South Italy threw at him for fun. Yet if America said the same thing to her she felt as if she was bound to be hurt, despite her best efforts not to be. She wasn’t exactly sure of the reason why. Why did everything feel so much more personal with them? Did they take it as serious with each other? Despite her best efforts she was just too sensitive. Another reason she should do the challenge at some point. Although the more she thought about it the more she realized she wanted to do that with a body that would keep the marks. It felt like her effort would be nigh if she couldn’t see it for weeks after the fact. 

“So he’s actually gone? What the fuck was that about Greenland, England said no visitors! Also this is my house you can’t just go inviting people to my house.” America shouted, from how loud it was he had to be right behind her. She didn’t know when he had opened her door and came into her room, but she supposed it didn’t matter. It wasn’t her room, it was his. He was right of course too, it was rude on inviting people to other peoples places, there was a problem in his statement however.

“I didn’t invite him over, I didn’t even tell him to come over. In fact I discouraged him from coming over.” She responded and America’s chubby face scrunched further in frustration.

“Well you didn’t tell him to leave either! Listen, I get that feelings are tough for you, but you have to think about other people when you do things. How do you think Mattie and I felt about being seen like this?” He spoke to her like she was a disobedient child, which her body was but her mind was not. Familiar feelings from childhood churned in her, America had always been pushing himself into the big brother role teaching his naughty sister a lesson. He should have known by now that it never worked, it only made her angrier, but she needed to push those feelings down, she wasn’t a child anymore. She was in control.

“It was not my intention to upset anyone. South Italy came over after we texted about the situation. He thought I was upset and needed comfort. I apologize that his presence upset you.” Apologizing didn’t make her feel any better, neither did America’s bitter smile.

“You, needing comforting? I doubt it, you’re handling this better than the rest of us. Probably because you’ve never struggled with emotion before. You’re lucky, this is hard for Mattie and I. Don’t do it again and we’ll be all good sis!” With that and a laugh he walked out of the room. Greenland noticed her fists were shaking and wondered when they had curled into fists. The urge to hit something was strong, but she resisted. This wasn’t her house to break. When she was normal she could go home and put as many holes into the walls as she wanted. It wasn’t like there weren’t some anyway. No one ever came inside. She didn’t see a point in fixing them. She doubted she could break through a wall with this weak baby arm. None of these distractions made the urge go away, and she looked towards the bathroom. If she went in for another session even she could see that as a problem. She never needed to do so many sessions in one day, and it wasn’t like she was doing short sessions either. Handling it better than them her ass, she was to the point where she believed she was handling it the worst out of all of them. She rather be dead than feeling everything this strongly.

Five minutes ago she had been content. Her best friend was telling stories making her laugh and smile. She didn’t have a care in the world. Than with just a few sentences America had ruined all of that. How could so little destroy so much? He was right that she wasn’t good at feelings, she didn’t understand why over an hours work of feeling okay could collapse in a twelfth of the time. It wasn’t fair. Maybe that’s why she couldn’t understand emotions, they didn’t make sense and they weren’t fair. Happy things made people cry and sad things could make people laugh. It was times like these that Greenland thought she didn’t belong in the world. Where she really was broken but beyond repair. South Italy could make her smile but that didn’t last long. America, Canada, and England could lecture her all they wanted trying to make her understand but she would never get it. She didn’t want to get it. She didn’t belong with them, she didn’t belong anywhere. Spain didn’t like her and South Italy adored him, she was pretty sure he was in love with him. She wouldn’t ruin that. She didn’t belong with him either. Her biological family didn’t care about her, they accepted Sealant faster than her. She didn’t belong anywhere. Her country didn’t need her like the others. Maybe the only place she belonged was in the ground. Her body could give the soil the nutrients it desired. She could feed plants and animals. That was where she belonged.

She didn’t think much as she moved, she went down the stairs, past England who was scolding America for spilling coffee all over the floor. She moved past the kitchen and the book that supposedly would fix her, but in the end she knew it couldn’t _fix_ her. She went past the couch that Canada sat on watching the news. Out the door and into the sun. It was a warm day, most people wouldn’t want a jacket, but it wasn’t hot enough that people were dashing out of the sun and into the air conditioning. America’s house had a long driveway that went up to the hill his main house sat upon. It was large, but nothing terribly fancy. It looked like it had been built for a rich man in the 1800’s and renovated to keep up with the times, it probably was. Greenland walked down the pale paved driveway and into the road. She didn’t know where she was going but she knew her end goal was to end up in the dirt, that’s all she wanted. She choose to go to the right on the road and walked in the middle of the lane. She didn’t want to be in America’s dirt and his property was long.

A loud honk ran through the air and she turned to see a car coming. It was a nice car with fresh blue paint and clean windows. She wondered what kind of car it was. America would probably know. The thought that she should get out of the cars way passed through her mind but as it came closer she knew her now tiny legs would not be able to get out of the way. Maybe when she had first heard the noise. The car actually looked familiar. As it came closer she could see the driver had long blonde hair and was cursing up a storm. They seemed to be straining really hard on something. Everything was slow for Greenland, her thoughts drifted in spite of the immediate danger. There was a squealing in the air that she finally picked up on and the car stopped before it hit her. The man got out of the car and ran over to her. It was France, that was why the car was familiar to her.

“Putain de merde! A quoi étiez-vous en train de penser?” France shouted grabbing her and lifting her up into a hug. Her already slow brain shut down at the contact and she stayed limp in his arms. She had no idea what he had said, she barely had an idea of what was going on. He squeezed her tight for a moment before pulling her back so he could look at her. His eyes darted around searching her for something, but she didn’t have anything to give. She was hollow. Finally the emotionless being she needed to be. “Groenland, are you okay?” His voice was soft, softer than he usually talked to her with. Normally he saved that voice for Canada. She blinked and thought about moving her mouth, but it felt like her brain wasn’t responding to her commands. She stared at him and he stared at her before shifting her so he could hold her better. He put her in the backseat of the rental he had gotten for America’s place and put on her seat belt before he went to the front. The seats were black leather. They didn’t have very far to go but she didn’t have to walk up the hill now. France was being extra nice to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed, have a great day and stay safe!  
> (Aren't you glad I didn't leave you on a cliff hanger xP) 
> 
> Translation from French (which I got from google translate so feel free to correct me): Holy shit! What were you thinking?


	7. Chapter Seven: Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland, France, and England have a lovely chat after France comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this?? A chapter the next day??????? I thought since I made you wait so long for the last one I'd give you this one sooner. I revealed my secret that I have quite a few more chapters already written. I don't actually write in chapters, I write in one document with the only separation being time skips, and then I put it in a separate document where I read it again and break it up. Then I put it in rich text here and read over it again. Well first I write the authors note. Then I read it again. It actually takes me an half an hour to an hour to put a chapter up, and I almost always post at work. So that's some trivial information about my process! Hope you enjoy reading this chapter! Remember to keep the tags in mind. Stay safe

When he parked she didn’t really move to get out of the car, all her determination to become one with the soil had vanished and exhaustion took its place. Her limbs were heavy and slow. France noticed she wasn’t getting out and came back and unbuckled her. He used his arm to support her bottom and carried her into the house. Canada and America rushed over to greet him and he smiled and ruffled their hair with his other hand. If she looked closer she could notice that his smile was strange and his shoulders tense. He hadn’t brought in his briefcase, probably because he couldn’t have opened the door without putting her or it on the ground. He could just put her down. She wasn’t exactly sure why he was carrying her.

“Why are you carrying Greenland?”

“Ooo! Can you pick me up and spin me around like you used to?” Apparently Canada and America were confused too. France’s smile tightened and he ruffled Canada’s hair again.

“I caught this little one playing outside, we don’t want others to see you so I brought her in.” France explained while America rolled his eyes.

“We’ve already been seen, Greenland invited Romano over. He stayed for like two hours.” At America’s (wrong) statement France looked to Greenland a little surprised, but Greenland didn’t have any fight left in her to react. There was no point in explaining it again, there wasn’t much of a point for her to do anything.

“I see, well you all look fine, so I’m sure it wasn’t too bad. Why don’t you two go play, I need to talk to Anglettre.” France explained maneuvering around them.

“We’re not actually kids eh,” Canada muttered but America grabbed his hand insisting they play a horror game together. France ignored them and went to the kitchen. England was back to reading the spell book, he didn’t even look at France when he entered. France sat her down on the opposite side of the table one chair over from England’s while he took the chair directly across.

“Angleterre,” France whispered, losing the smile he had. England didn’t look at him. “Angleterre we have a problem.” He hissed and England sighed still not looking up.

“Yes we know about Romano, thanks for the warning by the way--” England dismissed but France interrupted him.

“Non! There’s something wrong with Groenland.” England finally looked up at that. He narrowed his eyes and looked her over before looking back to France. He didn’t have to ask out loud. “I just found her walking in the middle of the road, she didn’t move, I almost hit her with my car. She’s been unresponsive since. What did your spell do?” Oh, he thought this was England’s fault. She had the urge to correct him but it slipped away and her eyes fell into place staring at England’s chest. He was wearing a button up dark green shirt. He was skinny too. 

“The spell shouldn’t do anything like that. Maybe Romano did something, check her arms and legs for prick marks.” At England’s words feeling slammed into her and she choked on her throat. France almost jumped back while England’s eyes narrowed further. She got up and away from them, keeping her eyes on them to make sure they didn’t move. “Oh so you were just playing dead again? See there’s nothing to worry about France.” England reassured and Greenland could almost relax but France turned to look at England incredulously. 

“Really Angleterre, you would call this fine? She’s terrified!” Indeed she was, because they couldn’t touch her legs, they couldn’t get near her legs. They couldn’t see, no one could see. Why hadn’t she felt anything of course it would lead them to do this, why hadn’t she done anything? England looked at her again more closely. She couldn’t make her hands stop shaking, she couldn’t do anything but hold her breath and listen to her heart pounding in her ears. She wanted to run but they would chase her. There was nowhere to run to in the first place. She wanted to go home where she was alone and didn’t have to worry about people seeing her.

“Greenland, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” England’s voice had gotten softer, but it wasn’t like France’s. It was the soft voice he used only for her, America and Canada got a lighter voice. It never made her feel better. “Romano’s not here anymore.” Why did they assume it was South Italy? South Italy would never do anything to hurt her. She shook her head but then stopped herself. She didn’t want them to blame South Italy but she didn’t want them to figure out the real reason for her reaction either. This situation was one from her nightmares she was sure of it. She hit the back of her head against the wall to make sure, it hurt.

“I don’t think he was the problem, are you sure this isn’t the spell?” France asked and England turned on him. His face had a light pink flush. If they started fighting Greenland could slip away and hope they would forget. They probably would. Hopefully.

“Yes you damn frog the only thing the spell might have done was intensify emotions that were already there!” What he said dawned on everyone in the room at the same time. Greenland wondered how many times she had felt similarly, and realized that her thoughts had been trained on basically dying. She hadn’t been thinking about it like that but that was the goal. She had had thoughts of dying before but normally she thought about it too much to act on it. France and England looked at her, England with shock and France with plain sadness. “Greenland?” England’s question was quiet and she was unsure of what he was asking. She pretty sure she wouldn’t want to answer any of the questions he could be asking. Tears pricked her eyes but she blinked them away. England took a step closer, she pressed further into the wall. He kept coming anyway and she looked towards the stairs before bolting up them. They called after her but she ignored them and went to her room and slammed the door behind her. She locked it and grabbed the chair at the desk and dragged it over and propped it against the door with too much effort. The thud of footsteps came from outside the room but stopped outside the door.

“Groenland, petit, we just want to talk.” France spoke through the door but Greenland didn’t move. “You’re not in trouble.” He added but Greenland shook her head despite knowing he couldn’t see the action. She would be in trouble, if they searched her than they would know and everything would be ruined. It was silent for a solid minute and she thought they had left when France spoke up again. “We won’t check you.” She froze, had she been that obvious? She swore that her family was normally more oblivious than this. Still, she knew in that sense she had been caught, she might as well explain the road thing. It wasn’t that bad, she hadn’t been purposefully trying to die. Just subconsciously. She pulled the chair away from the door and unlocked it. Immediately France opened the door and scooped her back up into a hug. She squirmed uncomfortably and he let her go. England stood behind him looking at his fingers more than anything else. “You had us so worried mon petit, please tell us what’s going on.” France begged, he wasn’t being nearly as loud or dramatic as normal.

“All I could think about was belonging in the soil, so I went to find some good soil.” She explained quickly, left over energy from the earlier panic still flowing through her veins. England frowned.

“You were in the road, America has plenty of dirt to dig in.” He countered and she crossed her arms covering her chest and the way her hands twitched.

“I didn’t want dirt associated with America, and the road cuts off his property. I just had to follow the road to get away.” France’s shoulders slumped slightly at her further explanation.

“What’s wrong with America’s dirt?” England pressed on, he seemed genuinely confused. Greenland wasn’t really sure how to explain that she had just wanted to be as far from America’s property as possible so she could be in dirt peacefully without worrying about him pulling her out. She just didn’t want to be around him. She still didn’t really want to be around him, despite his smiles he kept saying things that hurt. He must have still been mad at her.

“I just didn’t want it.” She answered finally, looking away from both of them and squeezing her arms in a pattern. Something else to focus on than this conversation that was not going well.

“What did you mean, belonging in the soil?” France asked and she squeezed her arms trying to find a way to make it not sound as bad as it was.

“It’s just where I felt I belonged.” She answered. England threw his hands up at her answer.

“So you just wandered in the middle of the road to play in some bloody fucking dirt and went limp in France’s arm for no reason?” England shouted and Greenland felt the licks of fire in her stomach roar. All the pain and frustration from the last two days, no, since the day he stole her rose up in her throat and she ripped her hands from her arms.

“What do you want me to say? What is it that you want to hear _iteq_ ?” She snapped and England stepped forward. It was a familiar scene from childhood playing out. Having to look up at him as he yelled down at her.

“I want you to tell us what’s really going on!”

“You don’t really care! You’re just doing this so it won’t look bad if another nation gets hurt on your watch, under your spell!” She shouted right back and he took a step back, his face twisting into hurt only to rearrange itself back into anger.

“I do care! But maybe I shouldn’t since all you care about is yourself! I’m trying to fix my mistake while all you do is run away from yours!” France stepped in front of England and tried to calm him down but Greenland ignored the fact that he was in the way.

“You sure do a great job of showing you care by insulting me almost every time we speak! But I guess it’s okay since your real kids do it too, but they aren’t your real kids either are they?” America and Canada were biologically the Nordics as well, but they didn’t seem to care about that like Greenland did. England did though, and he pushed France away to step towards her.

“Shut up! They’re my family, I raised them just like I raised you! I just don’t know where I went wrong for you to be such a wanker!” She stepped back as he got closer, her heart picking up in her chest. Blood rushing through her ears. The repetition of “he doesn’t care” roaring in her mind. She wanted him to get out, she didn’t want to talk.

“Maybe you went wrong by stealing me--”

“Oh not this again! Your family was dead, long dead and you could have been too--”

“Well maybe I want to be!” The arguing stopped and Greenland breathed heavily. Her arms were shaking at her side and her forehead hurt from being scrunched together. England had stopped coming forward and stood still. France was tense, his mouth pressed in a thin line. England’s face had fallen and she could see his emerald eyes looked glossy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed! Remember to stay safe. Have a good day!
> 
> Edit: I lied to you all!! ejer is the word owner in Danish which is not what I wanted as Greenland would speak Greenlandic, which after more research is mainly composed of three languages: Kalaallisut, Tunumiit and Inuktun. I never put much thought into Greenland's home when she was little so now I'm thinking about it England would get to her by her living on the East side of Greenland, so her main language would be Tunumiit but she can speak all of them. However I am severely struggling to find a translator for Tunumiit but there is one Kalaallisut. If anyone can help me out and point me to a translation for Tunumiit I'd be very grateful! Also I spent about an hour trying to find a translation of the word owner and couldn't find one. Then I tried the word thief and couldn't find one. So I chose the only word out of the twenty I tried that worked, unfortunately it doesn't have as much meaning as owner did but at least it's hopefully more accurate. 
> 
> Translation:  
> iteq = asshole


	8. Chapter Eight: Drugs Are Bad M’Kay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! I've written a lot in the last three days and Flummoxed_Angel has been listening to my first draft (if you like Doctor Who you should check her out) so I feel comfortable posting another chapter this soon. I hope you enjoy reading, I would love to know what you all have thought about this story so far! Let me know if you see a mistake too and I'll be happy to fix it. As always pay attention to the tags and stay safe!

“What?” He asked and the last thing she said kicked into gear. Her thoughts ran at a thousand miles per minute trying to fix this mistake but she couldn’t pick out one thought from the next. England’s voice had sounded so vulnerable, like she had actually hit him. She didn’t think he would stop if she said that, just call her selfish some more. She had her people to take care of, she couldn’t die. South Italy would be sad as well. She was a nation, she couldn’t die unless her nation died with her anyway. It didn’t matter.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter. I apologize for my harsh comments, they were unfair to you. I understand my behavior was unacceptable, I won’t do it again.” She tried to keep all the panic from her voice, she thought it worked pretty well since England shook his head.

“No, no, you do not get to say something like that and then just pretend it didn’t happen Missy. What is going on, what happened?” He asked again using his soft voice for her. France came up from behind him and put a hand on England’s shoulder.

“Nothing happened, just an emotional outburst. It won’t happen again. I’m fine, you two can leave now.” England sputtered at her comment and she saw France squeeze his shoulder tighter.

“Groenland, emotional outbursts like that are important. We can’t just walk away if you are feeling like that.” France explained gently, much more gently than England spoke. His words reminded her of South Italy.

“I’m no longer feeling that way, it was only temporary. Feelings of hurt amplified by the spell. Now that I understand it I can work through it to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” She explained, although she knew she was lying. Her chest still hurt, there was still a slight tremor to her arm, and her head ached from all the pressure she had been putting on it. She couldn’t guarantee that it wouldn’t happen again because she had no idea how to combat that completely empty feeling. After all, it was very similar to how she tired to feel most of the time, except for how slow everything was.

“Why did you feel hurt?” France asked, which caught Greenland off guard. She was ready to argue against it being important, but understanding that she had been hurt before and actually caring about it? She didn’t want to get America in trouble though, he wasn’t trying to hurt her.

“It was an accident, he wasn’t trying to make me upset.” France nodded sympathetically as if encouraging her to go on while England popped up like he had a literal light bulb go off in his head.

“So it was Romano!” She shook her head at him and frowned. She had no idea what his problem with South Italy was but he wasn’t pushing it on her. They were probably just too much alike or something. 

“America just made a comment, it’s not a big deal. My overactive emotions are mine to deal with and mine alone.” This was true, she believed every bit of it. His comment wasn’t supposed to hurt. She would be better if she was feeling-less. As long as she could think rationally at the same time.

“What did he say?” France continued to push and it was starting to get on Greenland’s nerves. She had made it very clear that it wasn’t his fault, why should it matter what he said?

“He implied that I didn’t have feelings.” She grumbled and France nodded while England blinked. She knew that he wouldn’t get it, how could he when she barely understood it herself. She didn’t want feelings, but when people really believed she didn’t have them it hurt. 

“That upsets you?” England asked incredulously. Greenland felt her fists tightened but didn’t miss the look that France gave England. They seemed to have their own silent conversation, with England raising his massive eyebrows and France jutting a hand out in her direction. Greenland kept her mouth shut, trying to ignore the fact that she didn’t understand what was going on in front of her. England gestured towards his face with pale but calloused hands and France shook his head causing his blonde locks to get in his face. England put his hands down and looked to Greenland again, who didn’t bother to react. She needed to stay under control from now on. She had made too many mistakes today. England was still frowning.

“Of course that hurt your feelings, you’re a person and feel just like everyone else,” France’s soft voice was beginning to feel patronizing. She wasn’t really a person though, her boss let her know that all the time. She was a nation, she had better things to do then feel, it was a waste of time and energy to be focusing on this.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m fine now so if you could bring me your notes France I will copy them and come down for dinner.” She pushed for the conversation to end again hoping that France would drop the subject, she was sure that if he did England would run too, or just stay to insult her. That was normal, she could deal with that fine. As long as this over emotional body wouldn’t panic so much. No, she wouldn’t let it get as bad as it did again.

“Fine, we’ll leave you alone after you answer one last question,” England offered although France looked ready to hit him. He apparently did not want to drop it despite her clear resistance. Greenland nodded, just ready for them to leave. “Why do you not want to be checked?” She tensed and tried to think of an excuse, something that they would believe.

“I don’t like being touched.” That was true and they all knew it. Greenland had never like physical contact much.

“I had just been carrying you beforehand,” France countered, still using that damn soft voice. 

“What are you hiding Greenland?” England asked, his voice not nearly as soft, never as soft. She couldn’t panic, not again. She just needed to stay in control and handle this logically, and she would be safe.

“What could I be hiding? This body is new.” She answered, proud of how steady her voice came out. She was good at eliminating feeling, she just had to get used to the new onslaught of feelings that this body brought.

“What does that mean?” England asked, less accusatory and more confused.

“We don’t have scars or weight, the bodies look like ours from childhood but don’t really have the same marks.” She explained, remembering that earlier neither America or Canada were wearing their glasses. They probably didn’t fit now but she wondered if they needed them at all now.

“Well at least that part of the spell worked right,” England muttered to himself before sighing and looking Greenland in the eyes. “Let’s stop beating around the bush. Greenland, do you do drugs?”

“No,” and if she did she would take pills and not inject them. Pills were easier and involved no needle. She hadn’t done drugs though, that would be illegal and cause a whole slew of problems if her boss found out.

“So you won’t mind if we check your arms and legs for track marks?” England asked and she shook her head. “Well, why not?” He asked, irritation seeping back into his voice.

“I already told you I don’t like being touched. I don’t do drugs and I don’t want you to touch me.” She repeated herself to get the point across but England still threw his hands up in the air.

“Than France can do it!” He shouted and Greenland held in a huff.

“I don’t want him to touch me either.” She responded keeping her voice calm despite the feeling squiggling inside her stomach. It burned in a way to keep them down, like acid reflux.

“But he was just touching you!” England exploded but behind him she saw something move, she moved to get a better look out the door but France stepped in front of her.

“Please mon cher, we just want to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself.” He put a hand on her shoulder. The weight and the feeling burned and she pulled it off spreading the burn to her hand.

“I said I’m not. Besides, even if I was doing drugs, which I repeat again: I’m not. But even if I was it is none of your business how I handle myself.” She explained which seemed to set England off all over again.

“It is when you try and kill yourself in the middle of the bloody road! When you start saying things like wishing you were dead!” He shouted and there was a faint whimper coming from behind the men that both seemed to not hear.

“That was from the heightened emotions of this body, that’s all.” She explained, trying once again to move around the two so she could see the door. This time England blocked her path and grabbed her arm. Despite her best effort the roaring in her stomach and in her head began to win over rationality. She screamed and pulled trying to get out of his grip, which was not what England must have been expecting according the massive jump in his eyebrows but he gripped tighter. It was going to bruise for sure. It didn’t stop her from trying to get her arm back, twisting it every which way. Over her yelling it made a loud pops and cracks some of which brought sharp pain and others which made it feel like her arm was on fire. France was saying something to England who was yelling back but he was not letting go. Greenland couldn’t hear them over the screaming in her mind. Instinct kicked in and she stopped pulling and pushed closer to her arm to bite him, but he yanked her up quickly causing her teeth to scrape her own arm. She was in the air which managed to hurt worse than the ground. She clawed at herself trying to reach his hand while he looked her arm over. She screamed louder trying to get across to anyone that she needed help, or wanted down, and it helped her feel a bit better to get some of the noise in her head out into the world. Finally he dropped her. She hit the floor feet first but slipped on the carpet and fell to the floor. She scurried to the back of the wall before he could grab her legs. They were blocking her path to the bathroom where she could lock herself in, but there was a window right above her. She could jump out but that might damage her legs. In her little body they could catch up quickly with her anyway injured or not. Her breathing was too fast again and her thoughts were going too fast to draw one plan together. The only thing that she could think was “there is no escape” but there had to be. There always had to be. They couldn’t find out. 

England came closer and she climbed her way to standing using the wall and pressed herself against it. If she could gain enough momentum she might be able to make one jump onto the bed than into the bathroom. It would never work. It was her only choice. England took another step closer, his hands were out in front of them making him ready to grab her again she was sure. She bolted and jumped not quite making it onto the bed and having to climb up the rest of the way. She scurried across the bed as fast as she could go before France grabbed her. She screeched as hard as she could and beat him with her fists as he trapped her against his chest. His entire body burned her back and she needed to get off and away. She swung her legs hitting him in the knees but he stood like a rock. His chest rumbled and she could feel warm breath on her head. He swayed side to side but she kept kicking and hitting. It made it so England couldn’t grab her, although he didn’t seem to be trying to, in fact, she didn’t see him at all.

She only stopped when she could barely feel her arms and legs and her voice gave out. All that came out was scratchy air and pain. France never stopped swaying until she stopped hitting.

“Do you feel better ma cherie?” He whispered and she shook her head. She felt a million times worse than before they had confronted her. No feeling at all was better than the constant barrage of panic. He hummed and put her on the bed. She climbed away from him and went under the covers. She didn’t care if it was childish, she was tired and didn’t want to see him anymore. The bed dipped down to her right letting her know he had sat down. “You gave Canada quite the scare,” France continued and Greenland curled in tighter on herself. She didn’t need more guilt, she had enough. “We won’t check your legs if you really don’t want us to this much, but we are worried about you, you can’t stop that. I know that we all have different ways of showing it but we care about you Greenland, you’re part of our family.” He got up after that and the little light she could see through the blanket went out. She heard her door close. She stayed curled into a ball, the burning didn’t go away and her limbs throbbed from exhaustion. She wanted to sleep but knew that she couldn’t. France could be lying. America and Canada were involved now too and America could unlock her door, making it useless to lock it now. She was trapped. Her face had been wet before but she ignored it, she couldn’t ignore how cold the tears felt against her face when the rest of her was so warm. The last time she could remember crying this much was when she was little. She didn’t miss it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! I hope you all have a wonderful day!


	9. Chapter Nine: Me Vs You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the middle of the night and Canada comes in to talk to Greenland about her secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter has come. This chapter is one of the most triggering for me rereading it, this chapter is the reason I knew to put the glorifying self harm tag in. Please keep in mind when reading this that Greenland is talking from the perspective of an addict. She tells herself these things to justify her own actions. They're not real excuses to hurt yourself and I'm telling you now that if you tell someone else this in real life to justify yourself they will not agree or be happy (at least in my experience they never have been ^^;). This is not the last time these kind of thoughts will be brought up in the story either. Stay safe while reading and I hope you enjoy!

After six hours of laying under the covers and silently crying to herself Greenland heard a noise. She knew she had been right to not fall asleep. The sound of bare little feet on wood came from the hall and her door creaked open. She didn’t move nor did she say anything. Part of her hoped that they were respecting her wishes and that one of the boys had just come to check on her, but when the bed started shaking that hope fled. Maybe it would be Canada, she would have the strength to fight off Canada at least. The bed stopped shaking and there was a weight right next to her, but they stayed still for a while. They were probably listening for her breathing or something. Trying to check that she was still asleep. 

“Greenland, are you awake?” That was definitely Canada’s voice, although she let out a breath she had been holding knowing that he wasn’t trying to look her over in her sleep. There was still the chance he could have been, but if he was talking was a really dumb move, and Canada wasn’t really dumb, or moderately dumb. She pulled herself out from under the covers and looked Canada over as well as she could in the dark. The moon was out which helped with the lack of light. Canada’s hair was damp and his shoulders up and tense. She was right about remembering them not wearing their glasses. “Are you okay?” She nodded at his question and he looked away, shoulders managing to get even higher. His hands pulled at the blanket but didn’t damage it. “You were screaming earlier.” He mumbled, it didn’t sound accusatory like England, more just a general statement.

“They wouldn’t let me go.” She explained, although it sounded weaker out loud then in her mind. France didn’t scream when England choked him, why should she be weak enough to scream when they grabbed her? Canada nodded, she wasn’t sure why. It hurt to talk still and her voice was hoarse.

“England wouldn’t tell us what was going on when America and I came in. We just saw you kicking and screaming trying to get out of England’s hold.” Canada explained, gripping the blanket harder. Greenland thought for a moment before reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder again.

“They think I’m doing drugs.” She told him, he wasn’t really a child so she didn’t know why they didn’t tell him the truth. Maybe it was a privacy thing, they really believed she was doing it so it wasn’t their information to share. It could be England trying to be nice, in a way.

“But you’re not,” he stated, perhaps even more confident than she was in the statement. At least Canada had some faith in her, or at least her words. “You’re hurting yourself, that’s why you have bandages up your leg.” He finished and her brain just stopped, all she could hear was white noise. Canada still wasn’t looking at her, his fists gripped the blanket so tightly that she was sure it hurt. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. It wasn’t surprising seeing as it still hurt to breathe, she was surprised she could talk in the first place. “I saw the bandages on your leg while you were kicking. England couldn’t see them from his angle and America was more focused on him rather than you. He was having a hard time comprehending that you were freaking out. I think his robotic image of you might be broken now.” Canada went on, his small whisper so consuming in the still night. When his voice was gone only the chirping of crickets remained, there were probably two outside based on the overlaying pattern of chirp chirp chi-chirp chirp. She wondered what it would be like to be a cricket. “Greenland?” Reality was still there, she wasn’t as far gone as when she went to become one with the dirt but she could feel herself floating there. “Why do you do it Greenland?” Why did she do it? Maybe the better question was why didn’t everyone else do it? When she made a mistake she punished herself. The pain wasn’t that bad and neither was the bleeding, if she wanted real punishment she should go deeper. Did she do it for the blood? She liked seeing her own blood, she liked playing with it in the bathtub and seeing something so white turn red. She liked the designs it left on tissues when it dried. She didn’t really dislike the scars all the time, she had to hide them from other people but at times she felt proud of them, because this was the damage she could do. There was a permanent mark on her body that she had left, it was hers. Other times that same thought pattern lead to guilt and shame but not lately. She used it to help get rid of feelings she didn’t want, but is that why she did it? Sometimes she wouldn’t be feeling much of anything and she would still do it. It was just something she did, something she would get the urge to do and she would choose whether to follow through or not. “Greenland?”

“Because I want to.” She finally answered, her voice louder than his in order for the parts in her voice that were dropping to be heard. He looked ready to cry at that answer so she squeezed his shoulder. “It has nothing to do with you or America or even England. I just want to, it makes me feel better.” She went on and he closed his violet eyes and shook his head. He leaned forward and she pulled him into a hug. She ran his fingers through his longer hair like she would if he were South Italy. It was hard since it was damp and her fingers kept getting caught in tangles but she knew it was supposed to help. He cried into her neck and they were soft breathy sobs unlike her harsh wheezes when she cried. This wasn’t the reaction she had been expecting at all, but it wasn’t the worst possible scenario either. If she could convince him to stay quiet about it then things could go back to the way they were maybe. If France was telling the truth then they would leave her alone. She needed to get France’s notes and she could stay in her room tomorrow while France was at the meeting, England fixed the spell, and Canada and America played games downstairs. Then they would be back to normal and Greenland could go home. This was the best possible scenario. 

“You can’t keep doing it,” Canada wheezed and Greenland pat his head before continuing to run her fingers through his hair. A pick would have been handy at the moment but she’d have to go to the bathroom for that and she doubted Canada would appreciate that. She didn’t have a response that he would like and she didn’t want to just lie to him upright so she didn’t respond. “You can’t keep hurting yourself.” He repeated, sniffling and pulling away. His eyes were puffy now, she could see that in the dark. She sighed knowing that silence wouldn’t work here.

“It makes me feel better, doesn’t hurt anyone else, and is completely legal and cost effective. I don’t really see a reason to stop. If you think about it logically, this is the best choice for me.” She explained but he kept shaking his head at her.

“But you’re hurting yourself, there are ways to feel better without hurting yourself,” she had thought of his argument before, many times when she had first started. Trying to convince herself that she didn’t need to do it, that it was bad, that the cons outweighed the pros. She had given up trying to do that years ago. 

“But do they work as well? No, they don’t. Besides England hurts himself every time he drinks too much. Anyone who smokes is slowly killing themselves. People who do drugs are damaging their bodies. I’m just more direct, and it’s less life threatening.” She was confident in her explanation that it would make him understand. She had put plenty of time into thinking about this subject. She had feared the day anyone found out but she had never stopped preparing.

“I don’t want England to drink so much either, but that’s not the point. What you’re doing is literally hurting yourself directly, that’s bad!” His voice was getting louder, but she wasn’t worried, Canada whisper shouting was still quieter than most people’s average volume.

“It’s only worse because society makes you think it is.” She sent back and she was surprised Canada wasn’t showing signs of a headache with how much he was shaking his head in a short time period. 

“I can go out and get alcohol, drink with my family. I could smoke a little bit of weed to relax. I’m not doing either of those things to hurt myself, if I overindulge I could but that’s not the goal. Your goal is literally to hurt yourself.” He explained slowly, and she could see the difference in a way. 

“It’s not that bad, each one only bleeds a little. Besides, we’re nations. Wounds, even those inflicted by ourselves or other nations, don’t last as long as humans. It’s not like I’ll die from what I’m doing. You would have never known if it wasn’t for the bandages you saw.” He groaned and rubbed his face with his hands at her latest argument, perhaps the headache had kicked in.

“So what you’re saying is, I should start cutting myself.” He asked and she froze. That wasn’t something she was remotely implying. Just because she was fine with hurting herself didn’t mean she wanted Canada to do the same. He shouldn’t hurt himself at all, there were plenty of other things that made him happy. He wasn’t broken like she was, he was okay, he didn’t need it like she did.

“No, I didn’t say that.”

“But it’s better than alcohol or drugs, and it makes people feel better, and I want to feel better. So I should do it too.” His voice was harsh, and she wondered if he was being sarcastic or not.

“I said it makes me feel better. It wouldn’t work for you. You have other things that make you happy so you’re okay.” She explained but he shrugged his shoulders.

“We don’t know if it will work for me, so give me what you use and lets try.” He seemed to be serious with the way he held his hand out, despite the voice that he was using. She shook her head and scooted back on the bed, there was no way she was going to let him hurt himself. Especially with her razors. “Well if I can’t use your stuff I’ll use something else.” He got off the bed and walked out of the room. She hesitated, he seemed serious enough but it could be a trap. She got off her bed and peeked down the hallway. He was heading down the stairs, so she followed him. Going down the stairs was hard because there were no windows lighting up the stairway but they both made it down without falling. Canada grabbed a chair and dragged it over the tiled floor to the counter. The noise was deafening in the quiet night, much worse than either of their voices had been. He climbed the chair onto the counter, he was heading to the kitchen knives.

“Canada stop, this isn’t going to help.” She told him, her voice stern and probably louder than it needed to be.

“But it helps you so why wouldn’t it help me?” He grabbed a knife and put it to his arm. He was really going to do it. She scrambled up the chair and grabbed his arm as he had started dragging the knife across. He fought her for a moment before relaxing and allowing her to grab the knife. “Have I made my point clear?” He asked as she put the knife in the sink and looked at his arm. He hadn’t even broken skin. Her heart was pumping in her chest and she was tempted to hit him, but she resisted.

“You’re not me. What I do won’t be the same for you.” His groan almost sounded like a growl and he reached for another knife, but she grabbed his arm and held it away. “Stop trying to hurt yourself, it won’t help!” She snapped after he yanked his arm out of her grip.

“I’ve basically was telling you the same thing, what’s the difference?” He asked, harsh and louder than Canada normally got.

“You’re not broken like I am! I need it, you don’t--” She cut herself off knowing how much of an addict she sounded like. His shoulders dropped.

“You’re not broken Greenland. You just need help and support.” He had gone back to being soft, although they both had given up on whispering. She frowned at him.

“What non broken thing needs help and support?” She asked and it was his turn to frown.

“Well you’re not a thing, you’re a person. And just because a person needs help and support doesn’t mean they’re broken.” He responded, and she was tempted to argue that she wasn’t a person, she was a nation. A nation that didn’t do their job and cut themselves to feel better. She didn’t feel like a person. But she would never tell Canada that he wasn’t a person. Because he was, he was more than just a nation. She didn’t want to do something that would make him reach for the knife again. 

“So what do we do now? We’re at a stand still.” She asked and he turned his head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to tell the others? Are you going to take my tools? Where do we go from here?” He seemed to realize that they had many more problems than just his point making act. He shuffled his feet and it only just occurred to Greenland that they were standing very close. She got off the chair and he did too. While he thought about what he wanted to do she put the chair back in place. Hopefully no one would notice that they were ever there. There still was the knife in the sink but hopefully they had something for dinner that excused that. Or one of them could claim they came down for a midnight snack. Or, whatever the time was. Greenland should look at a clock. 

“I would like it if you would give me whatever you’re using to hurt yourself. I won’t make you tell the others but they are really worried about you. So they might be more invasive. I think it would be better if you told them, but it’s up to you. If you do tell them I’ll be there for you.” Canada went on and Greenland nodded. She had no intention of quitting, but she could survive without hurting herself for the rest of this visit. She led him back up the stairs and into her room to the private bathroom. She clambered onto the toilet than the sink to get to the mirror which was actually a medicine cabinet and moved the mouthwash out of the way to grab the razor.

“Is this rusty? Greenland that’s really dangerous!” Canada whisper shouted and Greenland climbed back down.

“That’s not rust.” She responded. His face dropped and he let out the smallest oh sound before carefully closing his fist around the razor. 

“I’m going to put this in a place you’ll never find. Have a good rest of your night Greenland.” His voice sounded warbly but she didn’t say anything about it, mostly because she didn’t have a chance. He was out of her room so quickly that Greenland wouldn’t have gotten his attention if he tried. His visit reminded her of the bandages, and she didn’t need them to stop the bleeding anymore so she took them off and threw them in the little wastebasket under the sink. She left the bathroom and closed the door before climbing back into her bed. Under the covers she was warm and safe, and a new day could come. Well a new day technically would have to wait until tomorrow since it was the early morning of a new day now. It didn’t matter. The point was that she could put away all the stress and overactive emotions from before and get some work done. Maybe she would even get a few more hours of sleep. Canada wasn’t going to tell and hadn’t said anything about searching her house or sending her off to the looney bin. Instead he had just offered help and support. She didn’t know what help and support he could give but she appreciated it anyway. She did not appreciate the way he dragged the knife across his arm. He had almost gotten hurt because of her. She would have to be wary that he wouldn’t actually decide to follow in her footsteps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think, and have a great day.


	10. Chapter Ten: The Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland starts a new day and finally gets clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again to another chapter! I haven't been very productive in writing these last few days because of school and work but I'm hoping to spend all afternoon Thursday and all of Friday writing. I'm hoping that by the end of this week I'll be editing and separating two or three new chapters. Chapters twenty and on need to be edited again because it rushes a bit. If there's anything you all see that you think should be fixed let me know, I'm always willing to edit. I'd love to know your guys thoughts on this story! As always I hope you enjoy this chapter and please pay attention to the tags.

* * *

The morning did not come in the way Greenland had been hoping for. She had wanted to wake up on her own, perhaps to the smell of good food cooked by France. Or maybe the sun from her uncovered window would shine on her eyes and wake her up. Instead she was awaken with America jumping onto her chest holding her tight and yelling apologies. Her head hurt and she didn’t even have the reaction to scream, just wait until it was over. She couldn’t even understand what America was saying he was talking too fast. Eventually the shaking and thousand miles per hour babbling ended when England yanked America off the bed. Now the two of them were arguing. Greenland sat up and held her head for a moment to try and get the world to stop spinning. When everything looked more like a still painting instead of a whirlwind she pulled the blankets off and climbed out of her cream colored bed. She liked America’s guest bed more than her own, although nothing could compare to the waterbed that France had in his guest rooms. The feeling of floating on a bed was incomparable to being flat on a surface.

“You could have given her a concussion or whiplash from how hard you were thrashing her! That was the worst apology I have ever seen!” England shouted reminding Greenland of her headache and the arguing nations in her room. The saddest part to Greenland was she was pretty sure this would have been America’s reaction, child or not. They must have told him that he hurt her feelings yesterday, although she hoped that was all they told him. Hopefully they didn’t make him think she walked out in front of a car because of him.

“I was just trying to make sure she was awake in order to hear my apology!” America yelled back, although yelling was his normal volume.

“I am awake and I couldn’t understand it. But I don’t care.” America gaped at her response, she could tell he was getting ready to do some more dramatics. “You have already been forgiven.” She finished and he beamed. England pinched his nose and left the room mumbling about theatrical children.

“I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings though, you always insisted on not feeling anything so I thought you liked it when I agreed.” America went on and Greenland shrugged. 

“I try my best not to show my feelings and stay rational, but that doesn’t mean they’re not there.” She answered and he nodded slowly before grabbing her hand. He dragged her, although at a more reasonable pace than yesterday, down the stairs and into the kitchen. Canada was on a stool helping France cook and England was writing down notes in a notebook while looking at his spell book every once and awhile. America hopped onto the stool that Canada was standing on and bumped him causing Canada to drop an egg on the floor. France scolded America while Greenland climbed into her seat.

“Your voice is still rough, do you want something for your throat?” England asked while writing another note. The angle made it too hard to read what he was writing. 

“No, thank you.” She answered and he nodded his head. Seeing him so subdued made her wonder what was going on, until she remembered yesterday. She looked to her exposed wrist and saw that she had been right, there was a purple ring going round. She found herself not angry, now that she wasn’t panicking she could almost understand. She would have grabbed Canada that hard if he fought her more with the knife. He was just worried about her and showing it in his England way. Or maybe it was just because she was tired. Once again she had only gotten a few hours of sleep at a time. One thought popped into her head that made her stop, there was under no circumstances a way she was going to let South Italy see the bruise. He would absolutely murder England on the spot. In fact, if he found out anything that went down after he left he’d kill her whole family then her. Hopefully he wouldn’t try to come over again. If he did, she would need long sleeves and for everyone to keep their mouths shut. Thinking of long sleeves reminded her.

“France, weren’t you going to go clothes shopping?” She asked and despite his back being turned she could still see the way that his whole body brightened.

“Ah yes, I left them in the car! I’ll go fetch them once I finish breakfast.” France was almost bouncing as he spoke. Greenland would be glad to have underwear again. And pants. Breakfast was finished quickly after Greenland arrived and the table was set with food. They were having scrambled eggs with French toast. There were an assortment of vegetables and cheese in the scrambled eggs that made Greenland wary of the taste but she trusted France and Canada’s cooking skills. France skipped out the house and America’s shoulders slumped. She was pretty sure that he didn’t trust France’s fashion sense. Greenland was pretty sure America and Canada would only be put in one dress. It was France so she was expecting at least three bags of clothing, what she wasn’t expecting was for him to bring in fifteen bags of clothes. America hopped off the chair ready to start going through them but France made everyone eat breakfast first. America rushed through his food complimenting France with his mouth so full no one could understand what he was saying and food spraying onto the table. A disgusting display to be sure but not unusual in the slightest. England and France both scolded him this time before getting into a petty argument about the origin of scrambled eggs. Canada ate at a moderate pace watching his fathers go back and forth in their argument. Greenland was a slow eater, she couldn’t actually taste most of the vegetables in the eggs and cheese added a savory aftertaste that eggs often lacked. She didn’t follow the argument between the two men, instead she tried to just let the noise wash over her. She didn’t want to think too much, just bask in this which was normal. Her entire life hadn’t fallen apart yesterday. No one was treating her any different.

Once America was done with all of his food including the seconds he had gathered he whined until France let him look through the clothes. Since America was going through them Greenland left her half full plate to go look as well. It wasn’t like she was going to finish it in the end anyway. Canada stayed at the table, and she felt eyes watching her go, so she assumed it was him. He didn’t say anything though so she ignored it. America tossed clothes that he didn’t like haphazardly to the floor. Greenland picked the clothes off the floor and laid them on the living room table to actually get a look at them. There were white plain dresses with aesthetic buttons down, and bright pink short sleeved shirts covered in hearts. Those she pushed to the side and ignored. There was a long sleeved muted green shirt that looked like it was labeled boy on the tag but she took it anyway. She found black leggings and black socks and little glossy black dress shoes that she took as well. America was still searching for something, he seemed very unpleased with the current selection of plain polo's or button up shirts. Greenland put her pickings down behind the television so no one would take them and looked through the bags to find something for America. She found some blue jeans he might be willing to wear and set them to the side. Eventually though as she looked through her third bag and America was looking through the last she believed she found the bag meant for America. There were patriotic hoodies and plenty of baggy jackets for him to wear and t-shirts with different media characters adorning them. She just handed the whole bag to America who took it suspiciously only to beam and cheer thanks to France as he went through it. Canada came wandering into the mess and sighed as he began to look through the clothes thrown to the floor or laid on the table. He wasn’t as picky as America and collected some polo's, although he took a bright red hoodie as well. Greenland took a white button up and a pair of black jeggings as well and grabbed her previous pile and went to her room to change. She chose to wear the green shirt and black leggings. It was at that moment she realized that France had forgotten the underwear. With a long sigh, she put the pants on anyway and got dressed. 

Adorned in clothes that actually fit she felt some of her constant paranoia wear off. She was safe in pants, even if the pants didn’t have any pockets to hold further safeguards. She grabbed her phone from the floor glad it was still intact and checked her messages, there were none, which she was thankful for, that meant that she didn’t have to worry about South Italy coming over again. While his company was nice in these trying times she didn’t want to cause more problems, and she wanted him to have no idea what went on yesterday. She made her way back down the stairs and into the kitchen, England was nowhere to be seen and France was washing the dishes. To help make up for her melt down yesterday Greenland rolled up her sleeves and took the stool that America and Canada had been using and grabbed the light blue washcloths France was using to dry and began to dry herself. France didn’t say anything about it at first, just smiled at her. Although it fell when he spotted the dark bruise on her arm. They washed in silence until the dishes were done, he didn’t seem to notice the extra knife. Greenland hopped off the stool and checked the time.

“You’re late,” she told France, who shrugged.

“I have kids to take care of, it’s understandable.” She brushed off the comment, remembering what she had wanted from him last night.

“Have you been taking notes?” His smile was waxy and he brushed his hair over his shoulder even though it had all already been behind his shoulder. 

“Only you can get so many notes out of these meetings, they’re more meant to be experienced.” His little flourish at the end did nothing to improve her mood.

“My experience tells my boss nothing he wants to hear about.” Maybe she should invite South Italy over again, he at least was doing her a favor in her absence. France pouted at her.

“Since you were already seen why don’t you come to the meeting and take the notes yourself,” he was joking, she knew that, but she actually considered it. On one hand she already felt ridiculous being stuck in a tiny body, and the over emotional aspect made things harder, but now that she had had a day to cope with it would going to the meeting really be so bad? It definitely wouldn’t be so bad for her if America were to go, although she wouldn’t try to force him. France saw her face and shook his head. “Non, we already agreed you all would stay home, who knows what insane nation could try and take advantage of you in this state!” France seemed much more determined than the last time they argued this. She wondered if this determination had anything to do with the car incident.

“Then please take useful notes that I can copy down.” He sighed long and loud at her request but she had a feeling she would get more than nothing this time. England came into the kitchen with an exasperated smile that he wiped off his face as soon as he saw France.

“Who was all the frilly neon pink things for?” England asked, and while Greenland had wondered that herself she didn’t really care enough to ask. 

“I was going to try and see if Canada or Greenland would put it on, since I used your credit card to pay for it all it didn’t really matter what I bought.” France’s nonchalant shrug was met with England’s yelling and Greenland took that as her queue to leave. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you have a nice day! Stay safe.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Stuck Up In A Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little nations watch a horror movie then play hide and seek :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, I really need to vent to someone and there's no one available so you all get a new chapter and I'm just going to rant in here. You don't have to read it or anything, if you do that's cool too. This chapter is a little longer and goes on about some useless stuff, kinda gives a little bit of insight to Greenland. I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think and as always pay attention to the tags and stay safe!
> 
> Edit: My rant was long and personal so instead you just get a chapter, lucky you ;P

She went to the living room where both of the de-aged boys had changed. Canada was in a bright red hoodie and blue jeans while America wore a brown leather jacket, a t-shirt for Western Michigan University, and a pre-ripped pair of blue jeans. All the clothes had been taken off the floor and piled onto the couch or table in a haphazardly manner that made Greenland appreciate the little cleaning she did to her house. America was practically melting into the couch on top of clothes as he flipped through channels while Canada, who was also sitting on top of clothes, scrolled through his phone.Not sure what else to do Greenland sunk into the couch next to Canada and watched the channels flip by.

“Greenland, do you keep up with my movies?” America asked out of nowhere, he leaned from his seat so he could look at her with a big smile. She shook her head, she didn’t watch much television nowadays. She was busy filling out reports or listening to music. Although she did keep up with American music, it wasn’t what she thought America himself listened to. “There’s this movie I showed Mattie last time that we both thought was pretty good, wanna watch it?” 

“What’s it about?” She did not want to watch a ghost movie with America, it was literally a terrible experience. He would scream and hide and grab her through the entire thing. If she were going to watch a movie she wanted to actually see and hear it.

“Are you talking about the one where the little girls head comes off?” Canada asked, still going through his phone. His screen looked black from Greenland’s perspective, she wondered how he did that.

“Spoilers bro! But yes, yes it is.” America conceded, he had his thinking face on, his tongue slightly out with his eyebrows scrunched up. “I don’t know how to describe it without giving it away.” Greenland sighed.

“We can watch it,” at her response America hopped off the couch and turned off the lights. He went to the kitchen and from the loud scraping noises Greenland assumed he was making something. Canada’s face was lit up making his pupils small, she had always liked his eyes. They were interesting, hers were just dark. Canada must of noticed that she was looking at him because he turned to look at her, he gave her a small smile, one that had a hint of nervousness before turning back to his phone.

“What are you doing?” She asked, more bored than anything. She could hear America and England arguing in the kitchen. 

“Nothing! Just, uh, looking at Facebook.” He mumbled smiling at her again, she must have made him uncomfortable last night. She scooted away from him slightly to give him space.

“Has anyone said anything about the meeting?” She didn’t have Facebook, she didn’t see the point. She didn’t really want to see what everyone was doing all the time, or the petty arguments they may have. She got enough of that at meetings. However, if she could get any information from meetings she wasn’t at it could prove to be a useful source. Canada began tapping his phone rapidly, as if searching for something, she hoped that meant yes. 

“Prussia and Spain posted a picture of them wasted at some bar if that counts.” Was his meager reply and Greenland sighed. That was not noteworthy, it happened every meeting. Greenland pulled out her phone and checked her messages again, there was still nothing there. She had barely touched her phone yesterday, she didn’t know why she kept checking it today. Her weather app said it was supposed to be nice, she wondered if she could convince the boys to go outside with her. It was cold back home, it was nice to be able to go out without a coat and walk around. The argument in the kitchen ended when a loud beeping came through. A minute later America came running in with a big bowl, a bowl bigger than France’s head, filled with popcorn. America offered the bowl to Canada who begrudgingly put the bowl in his lap and America started the movie.

Greenland didn’t mind the time they spent together. They didn’t just calmly hang out often. When they were normally all over for meetings they ate breakfast together went to the meeting, Greenland went to her room to organize notes, came down for dinner, and went back upstairs to organize more notes. Sometimes she’d edit her presentations or answer and send necessary emails, but hanging out wasn’t high on her list of priorities. Sometimes when she worked in her room she could hear the arguments downstairs break out, they didn’t sound pleasant. Other times she’d hear laughter. She often thought of spending time with her family like she was gambling, would she lose and there would be a heated fight, or would she win and they all could talk and behave like civilized beings? Sometimes she felt as if she was downstairs with them they were more likely to lose. Maybe it was because she often brought up the topic of work for discussion or maybe it was because she made them feel tense. Either way if they were happier without her she’d stay out the way. But now it was just the three of them, and it was okay. They were watching a movie, one that was a little scary but more intriguing to Greenland. She found herself getting sucked in, trying to figure out what was going on. America would sometimes point out something that he and Canada missed, he still got scared once and awhile but it was his brother he held onto. Canada put his phone down halfway through the movie and put an arm around America, and then slowly put a hand on top of Greenland’s. She wasn’t sure what to do at first, so she let it stay limp there, but when a creature was climbing the walls in the dark and she felt Canada shiver she turned her hand to hold his. It was warm and burned, but in a way that was pleasant and unpleasant at the same time. She wanted to pull away but never let go again. She kept that to herself.

When the movie was over most of the popcorn was gone, it had been very buttery and salty, but Greenland had expected that. It wasn’t terrible, she had eaten many handfuls herself, she had probably eaten more popcorn than breakfast. She wondered if that was on purpose on America’s part, but she dismissed that idea. He wasn’t paying attention to her, he was just always hungry. His fast metabolism was a blessing and a curse. Greenland was slow, she didn’t eat much and seemed to put on weight easily. Something that was different about her than the rest of the family. She wondered if the Nordics had slow metabolisms too, it would make sense if they did. Her mind drifted. She wondered if the Nordics wanted to meet her like this, in a way they never could. She wondered what it would have been like if she was actually raised by them like she was supposed to. Her government would have probably never made that stupid department, she could work with the leader of her country like everyone else. Would she be less angry or closed off if she had been raised by them? Probably not. Would her and Iceland have become friends? They were both quiet people. Would Finland have coddled her? She shook her head. Those thoughts didn’t help anyone.

“What do you guys want to do now?” America asked. Canada shrugged moving the bowl to the table and putting it on a pile of clothes.

“We could go outside and play hide and seek.” Greenland suggested, to which Canada raised an eyebrow at. America nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, there’s a forest behind my house that’s perfect! Let’s go,” America hopped off the couch and ran out the door making Canada sigh. Greenland gave him a small smile that he didn’t notice, his eyes were glued to his phone. Nevertheless they walked out together, trailing behind as America led them to the forest, which was a good walk away. All of America’s grass was green, which seemed like an achievement seeing how large his lawn was. Once they were in the forest’s edge there was less grass and a lot more dirt. “So since I’m the hero I’ll search first. I’ll count to sixty while you two go hide. Mattie get off your phone, we’re trying to play.” America instruction then turned to whines. Canada sighed but put his phone in his pocket.

“We’re not actually kids y’know. Adults don’t really play.” He grumbled while America rolled his eyes.

“It’s been forever since I’ve played hide and seek Mattie, come on, just one round, please!” America used his puppy dog eyes and Canada sighed again, but nodded his head. “Great, now one, two, three,” Greenland took off sprinting into the forest as fast as she could. She left Canada in her dust. She swept pass tree after tree trying to get as deep in as she could. As she ran, she continued to count in her head trying to keep track of where America was at. Once she reached sixty she turned to the tree on her left went to the back of it and climbed. She had always been good at climbing trees, she liked being up high. She also liked being where England couldn’t reach her but that wasn’t relevant now. He had also gotten good at climbing trees over the years. She kept climbing, the tree she was climbing was tall and sticky, but it didn’t really bother her. The sap helped her hands stay on the branches. Once she had gotten to the point where every branch she reached for snapped she waited. She didn’t look down, she just sat on the branch and waited to hear America claim defeat. Canada normally didn’t bother to climb a tree to hide, although when he was younger he’d run to the far left or right to hide, he was more of a rule follower than Greenland, who despite being told multiple times not to went deep into the forest. This time that rule didn’t exist, but it didn’t break habit. America probably knew these woods better than either Greenland or Canada, since they were on his property. Maybe for once she would be found. She doubted it. Back when they used to play America would give up and the only reason she would come down was because she heard him calling out his defeat, or they went and got England to look for her.

After awhile Greenland felt bored, she broke off a little branch above her and swung it around, it tested her balance which was scary but exhilarating at the same time. She tossed the branch and listened as it crashed down. She wondered if America heard, if he was racing towards the spot and looking around only to get confused as he found no one. Would he look up immediately and call out that he found her. She bet he would be excited to finally win for once. She wouldn’t mind losing to see him smile for real. Sometimes the others would call his smile fake and America would argue it wasn’t, but Greenland was pretty sure that it was. He didn’t seem that happy before the incident, he seemed happier now. He was eating more and sleeping less. He might have been more emotional but that wasn’t a bad thing in this case. It got him to talk to Canada about an ongoing problem. Maybe England’s curse hadn’t been so bad at all. Then again if it hadn’t been for England’s curse Canada never would have found out about her little habit and everyone wouldn’t be worried about her all the time. So maybe it would have only been better if America was hit. But then Canada would have gone to the meeting instead of hanging out with America, so both Canada and America needed to be little in order for the good to happen. It was confusing, so she let the thought drift away.

She wondered what it would be like to fall, if the branch under her suddenly snapped causing her to propel down. It would hurt, she’d hit branch after branch reaching to grab on only for the bark to escape her grasp leaving her hands burning and her shoulder aching. She’d probably break a few bones, maybe even her neck. She’d be stuck outside alone until America found her, if America found her. He might have to get England, and even then there was no guarantee they’d find her body. Maybe she had gone off America’s property by accident, they wouldn’t think to look for her off his property. This trail of thought wasn’t any better but her mind felt stuck on it. When she blinked she could see herself laying in the leaves and dirt neck twisted to the side, right leg bent the wrong way with bone poking out. She shook her head trying to rid herself of the image. She had climbed trees all the time in the past, the only time she was scared was during a thunderstorm where the lightning had struck the trees nearby and caused a fire by her. She wasn’t sure what the problem was now. She looked down through the branches for any sign of America, there was none. There were no voices in the wind. She found another branch above her and broke it off, dragging the twig through the sky and pointed at the different clouds she could make out. She didn’t see any forms out of them, so she pretended to carve into them with the stick. She made smiley faces and cat eyes. She dragged her arm too far to the left and barely caught herself from falling, she dropped the stick while catching herself. She didn’t grab another stick.

She had lost track of time when she felt her phone buzz. She forgot she had it with her. She pulled it out and checked the time, she had been sitting in the tree for an hour. America was either really determined not to give up, or she had gotten too deep to even hear them calling for her. Her phone had buzzed because South Italy had texted her.

“ _ This shit is so fucking boring how do you stand it _ ” he must have been taking notes for her instead of fighting with others. He was a good friend.

“ _ Well I either do it or get scolded and threatened, so I do it. _ ” She responded, she could easily imagine him sighing at her text. Then an idea popped in her head. When they had played before there were no cell phones, but Greenland knew for a fact that Canada had his on him when they left. She could just ask whether or not she should climb down and head home.

“ _ Has America given up yet? _ ” She texted Canada, his bubble was a picture with him and Kuminjuro with red maple leaf hats on. It moved down to show that he read her text and then the typing message popped up.

“ _ No, he’s determined to win this time. Where are you? _ ” He asked, she debated on telling him. It could be America cheating, or he could tell America, but in the end she didn’t think Canada would tell him. He was a pretty moral country.

“ _ I’m in a tree. _ ” She answered. A buzz came from her phone right away which confused her, only for her to realize it was South Italy. He had sent her a middle finger and then a picture of Prussia in booty shorts on the meeting table. He had his butt pointed out, if Greenland had to guess he was doing the dance America told her about. Twinking, if she recalled correctly. She sent back a sick emoji when her phone buzzed again. This time it was Canada.

“ _ You’re always in a tree. Is there anything markable around, I don’t want to have to get a search party to find you again. _ ” She rolled her eyes and looked around, there were trees, and more trees. She didn’t really see anything that looked different than anything else.

“ _ No, just trees everywhere. _ ” 

“ _ I don’t understand why we played this game. You get lost every time. _ ” He sent back, she pouted, before correcting herself. Just because no one was around didn’t mean she could lose control.

“ _ Not every time, there were plenty of times I came down when I heard you two give up. _ ” She sent back, Canada didn’t respond, which Greenland was slightly disappointed about. It was nice to do something other than stare a nature. Not that staring at nature was bad, but once she had done it for half an hour straight her mind was there to remind her that she could try to do some political research again. Maybe ask America about his opinion on his boss, or ask England the same. Maybe Canada had some drama going on that she hadn’t seen, or France. Then again whenever she brought up such things in the past the calm family time turned into a battleground of which country was the worst pretty quick. Normally they ganged up on America. Although with Great Britain trying to leave the European Union France could be pretty ruthless. She didn’t want to cause an argument, she literally just wanted to note their personal opinion on the state of affairs in their country. Her boss actually liked hearing about that, he felt it gave a better perspective of the peoples opinion. Though he never asked for her personal opinion. 

Time passed, she couldn’t tell if it was going by slow or fast since she didn’t bother to pull out her phone to check. A bird was chirping somewhere nearby. Greenland chirped back, and when the bird chirped again it felt like a response. They went back and forth, Greenland making strange noises she hoped resembled a bird’s chirp and the bird singing its song. She didn’t know why she was doing it, there wasn’t an actual conversation going on in her head, but it still felt rude to stop. It’d be interesting to be a bird. They could fly all over and move all the time. They were different colors and could sing whenever they wanted. Robins weren’t really hunted, they were too small, they were free to just build their nests and sing. Greenland didn’t know what bird she was talking to, she didn’t study or watch birds, but she imagined it to be a robin. The bird stopped chirping, and Greenland sat and waited.

She supposed that when she was younger she hid like this out of spite. She desperately wanted to be alone and away from the others. She didn’t mind making them search for hours on end because she believed they deserved to waste their time. She was an angry child, one ripped from her home land by a man she didn’t know, a man she wasn’t even supposed to meet yet. Denmark’s language was closer to her own than England’s, maybe she would have learned it faster. Maybe if Denmark had found her like history says he should have than all her anger would have been directed at him. But personifications didn’t always follow history, they talked to each other even if the countries itself weren’t. Sometimes history didn’t remember the stupid acts they did because they didn’t make sense. Sometimes they only remembered that. So when England found out that there was a whole new land with a personification they didn’t take of course he went over. He was an empire and he wanted all the land. Even if he couldn’t have the land he could hold the personification over the others, shout look what I have and you don’t. That’s what he did. He didn’t take as many men as Denmark, and with the death of the couple who had been taking care of her Greenland wasn’t in the right mind to be hiding. She wondered if England had started to get the faintest idea she might be a difficult child when he found her in a rotting home with two decaying bodies. Nowadays Greenland didn’t want to be alone as much, she was alone all the time at home. Her childhood dreams had come true, she was away from England and back on her own land. She had never expected every house she went to to feel so empty. She didn’t realize when she was younger that emptiness would be the focus of her life.

She still lived with England when she discovered the amazing trick that was pain. They had just gotten into a screaming match, she just wanted to go home and he didn’t want to let her go. America and Canada were both visiting their own land so it was just the two of them in the house. France wasn’t allowed over at the time. She was in her room beat red with anger and trying to hold back tears and failing. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and didn’t like what she saw. She looked English, which wasn’t her. She hit the mirror with all her strength and shattered it. Her fists were bleeding and she was surrounded by shards. She stepped on them to get away and cut her feet. Blood went between her fingers and stained the floor, but the pain helped clear her mind. Her problems from before didn’t seem so bad when she focused on the sting. She didn’t make the connection right away, nor did she start cutting herself from that day forward, but she had made the discovery. Pain took away the swirling storm, or at least dampened it. It was only when she was older she decided that hiding her emotions was best. That being angry gave people too much power over her, but being neutral gave them nothing. The other countries were like vultures at meetings, they’d swoop at any sign of weakness. Greenland knew herself well enough to know she couldn’t handle that. She gave them nothing, and while they attacked at first they would get bored at her lack of reaction, that’s all they really wanted. She wasn’t sure why they all had the desire to fight, to pick at each other seeing who could upset the other the most. France and England had done it since she had known them. Sometimes it was small and they seemed to enjoy it, other times they tore each other down to the point that Greenland was the only one left to pick England back up. Those were the days America joined in, or was dragged in. She wondered who was there to pick him up. France had Canada.

America was always a confusing soul to Greenland. When they were children, it was like he worshiped England, didn’t have a bad thing to say about him. He used to get personally offended when Greenland talked bad about him. Then America started growing, England brought him over less but talked about him all the time. England kept mistaking Canada for America those days, and even when he’d get it right and apologize he’d just go on about America. When the two of them started disagreeing it was a strange situation for Greenland, because America also seemed mad at her. She wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like she was getting in his face going I told you so. In fact that was around the time she stopped expressing anything, or at least was trying not to express anything. He used to snap at her more often, accuse her of defending England, of being on his side. Greenland didn’t even really know what was going on in America’s country. She was only aware of her country through feelings, everything else about anything else she got through England’s ranting. America often told her she should gain her independence from England, which she struggled to calmly explain her country wasn’t under England’s control, only she was. America insisted she fight, but didn’t understand how he wanted her to do that when he would also get pissed if she during an argument she went to strike England. He’d always grab her and stop her. At least, he did when he was there. He stopped coming over. Than England was gone for awhile, leaving Greenland to her own devices in a country she had never freely explored. Normally France would watch her when England left on trips. But England wasn’t on speaking terms with him at the time. Greenland tried to get people to take her home, but no one would take her. She was stuck, so she walked around and explored. She took care of the house and went through pages of letters. She went through all of England’s things. When he came back she was ready to demand he take her home, but he was drunk and sad. He stayed drunk and sad and angry for a long time. 

Greenland shook her head to rid herself of the memories of the past. They didn’t matter. She pulled her legs to her chest and set her head on her knees. This game wasn’t nearly as fun when she wasn’t angry. She wasn’t even sure why she stayed up in the tree. She supposed it was because it would take effort to get down, and all her thinking had drained her energy. She wondered what made America so determined to keep searching. Did he really just want to win for once, or was there something else? Her phone buzzed in her pocket. 

“ _ Are you still in a tree? _ ” Canada asked.

“ _ Yes. Has America given up? _ ” She questioned back. The time said she had been hiding for two hours.

“ _ No, but I did. I’ve been inside for the last half an hour sending emails. _ ” Canada answered, Greenland supposed that would be a better use of her time than chirping at birds and thinking of the past.

“ _ Productivity is good. _ ” She assumed the conversation would end there, but the typing bar kept appearing then disappearing. She waited for him to finish, but out of the corner of her eye she saw movement. She set her legs around the branch and looked down, America was down there. This was the moment, would he finally triumph or would her streak remain perfect? Her phone buzzed.

“ _ You’re not doing anything are you? You haven’t found anything to use right? _ ” Canada asked and she had no idea what he was talking about. It didn’t matter anyway because America was getting closer to her tree. She laid on the branch and pulled her feet up as much was safe so he wouldn’t see her. He looked so small from up in the branches. He circled around the trees and looked up and down. Her brown hair tickled her face and her breathing felt loud. Than he did something she didn’t expect, he started climbing a tree, it was one across from her to her right. She couldn’t watch him the entire time, sometimes he would leave her sight as he circled around the tree to find the best branch. She stayed where she was, she could hear her heart pounding but it wasn’t out of fear for once. She was excited, she wanted him to find her fair and square. She wanted to see a real smile on his face as he cheered. He came back into her sight. He was approaching her height, although he stopped just a little below where she was. He scanned the ground below and then the trees. She watched as he looked in her direction and his eyes widened. He began climbing up the tree again, she held her breath as he went higher than her, he grabbed the next branch and turned.

“I found yo--” He called out when the branch he held onto snapped and he lost his balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and have a wonderful day!


	12. Chapter Twelve: Lashing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America and Greenland make their way back to his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. Things in life are worse instead of better. Hope you enjoy the chapter, let me know if you see any mistakes or just your thoughts if you want. Pay attention to the tags and stay safe.

Greenland shot up and began crawling towards the edge of her branch, America had fallen to a branch below and luckily was hooked on to it. Unluckily he probably had a broken rib, and from the way he wasn’t moving he didn’t seem to be conscious. Greenland had spent a lot of her time in the trees. She went to the edge of the branch and judged how stable it was, and how close it was to the branch America had fallen to. It wasn’t too far, she shakily stood up. It had been awhile since she had done this. She took a few steps back before going forward and jumping. She hooked herself to the branch with her arms and legs that America was on and swung herself up right. His head was bleeding. Greenland took her sleeve and ripped it with her teeth and used it to wrap around his head. She grabbed his arms and pulled him over her shoulder. He groaned in his sleep and she was sure she was in pain, but she wasn’t sure how to get him out of the tree otherwise. She balanced his weight and kept ahold of one of his arms as much as she could until they were off the tree. Then she positioned his arms over her shoulders and carried his legs under his thighs. He was heavy and she knew they had a long way to go.

About when Greenland hoped they were at the halfway point America groaned again. She wanted a break anyway so she stopped walking and gently set him down. He stayed sat up so that was a good sign he was awake. He rubbed his eyes before holding his stomach and whining. Greenland put a hand on the back of his shoulder and moved it up and down. She wasn’t sure what to say, asking him if he was okay was stupid, he had a broken rib, but what else does one say in this situation?

“There, there,” She mumbled unsure of what else to say. It sounded stiff and awkward to her, but it made him huff out a laugh before groaning again.

“What happened?” He asked and she hoped he didn’t have brain damage. Brain damage on top of this magic nightmare was to much. What if the magic damaged his brain further, or stopped it from healing? What if he lost more memories when England fixed the spell? She couldn’t think about that though because she had to answer his question. Those what ifs could be answered later.

“You found me, and then fell off the branch and onto another branch.” She answered and his eyes lit up.

“Ah ha! I found you for once! Your reign over hide and seek is over!” He cheered and she looked down to hide her smile. He stood up, still holding his stomach. “I’ve got to tell Mattie, hey, where is Mattie?” He asked and Greenland’s smile fell. Canada had left over half an hour ago, if he didn’t remember that there was certainly brain damage, and it was her fault. She should have just revealed herself. Told him that she was tired of playing. Instead she had just watched him get hurt.

“He went inside a while ago.” She answered, keeping the guilt out of her voice, he didn’t need to deal with that.

“Oh, well that’s rude, he told me he was going to search the other side of the forest. Whatever, I didn’t need his help to find you.” America went on, and Greenland felt her stomach untense. He was fine, he probably didn’t have brain damage. She was just overreacting again. She needed to stop doing that. “How far are we from home?”

“I think halfway, but there’s not any markers to tell us.” She replied, he nodded and looked behind him.

“Wait, so you carried me all the way here?” He asked, she nodded. “Wasn’t I heavy?” He asked and she stared at him.

“Did you expect me to just leave you there?” She asked and he looked away 

“I mean, it would have been easier for you to just get England and bring him out here to carry me.” She stared at him hard trying to figure exactly how in his mind that solution seemed better than hers. He blushed under her gaze. “I mean, wasn’t it hard having to carry me? It would have been easy for England since we’re little now.”

“America, I would have carried you if you were an adult and I was stuck in this body, or at least tried. I would have stayed with you. What if you had woken up alone and confused? You could have gotten lost deeper into the forest. What if you had brain damage? What if you had worse than just one broken or bruised rib and you couldn’t stand? I couldn’t just leave you there.” She explained and he watched her as if she was a creature he never saw before.

“It’s just, well normally… You don’t really defend me, and you pick fights with me, or ignore me so I thought it’d be bothersome to you to carry me.” He went on, using his finger to make shapes in the dirt. Greenland stood there trying to think of a response.

“When do I pick fights with you?” She asked, not comprehending that part. It probably wasn’t the best response considering how America crossed his arms.

“You’re always asking my opinions on politics with the others around and asking me about controversial political topics in general.” He answered and she looked down. She wasn’t trying to start a fight, she didn’t even argue with him about his answers, the others did.

“I just want to know your opinion, I don’t mean for the others to start attacking you about it. And I don’t defend you because I don’t want them to come after me. I don’t mean to ignore you, I’m just busy. I’m sorry you feel this way.” She responded, and she did feel bad. She felt ignored often, it didn’t feel good. She hadn’t realized that America felt ignored, he got so much attention all the time she assumed he wanted a break. She had denied a lot of his requests to go out, but that’s because they were things like swimming or water parks. Her skin was a lot less pure in her regular body. There were scars on her arms, her stomach, and all down her legs. There was no way she’d let him see that. She didn’t go swimming ever anymore.

“Sorry that I feel this way? Who wouldn’t feel this way! Everyone is always insulting me no matter what I do and no one helps. Okay Mattie sometimes helps but you don’t! England doesn’t, half the time he’s the one doing the insulting. Or France. Always calling me fat despite all the weight I’ve lost, insulting me for the things my boss does, or insulting my people for the few assholes out there! Just because I’m not screaming about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me.” America went on standing and Greenland’s face fell into a neutral position. She tried to keep her feelings contained. He was angry, of course he’d bring up yesterday. She deserved it.

“I didn’t mean like that.” She tried, keeping her voice dead, he huffed.

“Of course you didn’t, you never mean it that way but you always say it like that. You don’t make any sense, one moment you’re carrying me across the forest and talking about how much you care about me but the next you’ll act like I don’t even exist. You’ll just go back to writing in your fucking notebook and talking to Romano all the time about whatever the hell is going on in that fucked up head of yours.” He continued to rant and Greenland’s hands tightened into fists.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, and that I’ve hurt you in the past. That was not my intention,” she stated clearly, trying to get him to stop. Her thighs ached and she wanted to go to her room and get some relief, but it was gone, Canada took it. She focused on her fingernails stabbing her palms.

“Why did you invite Romano over yesterday?” He asked, although it felt more like he was snapping at her.

“I didn’t. I told him not to come over, but he was worried.” She explained and America glared at her, she felt like he was looking for something. Sometimes it felt like anytime someone tried to help him he’d do this, lash out. It was a wonder why she kept trying.

“Why was he worried?” America pressed.

“Because England turned us into children.” She answered, not sure what he was looking for.

“Bullshit! I knew you would lie to me, you don’t trust us after everything we’ve done for you!” Greenland took a step back as America pointed his finger into her chest. It took a moment for her to realize what he was saying when burning hot anger bubbled in her stomach. They had been listening to her through the wall! She thought that was just her paranoia. A frown engraved itself onto her face and she stood her ground. She opened her mouth to slap that realization in his face, but she realized that she needed to be calm, she couldn’t give in to the overly emotional side of her. She took a deep breath through her nose and managed to make her face neutral again.

“I don’t like sharing my problems with anyone. I didn’t ask him for help, he came over based on his own worry.” She explained and America made a noise between a growl and groan.

“There you go again, closing yourself off! But I can’t say anything about it without you throwing a temper tantrum.” America went off and Greenland opened her palms and let the sweaty skin breath. She turned around.

“We should get going,” she said. She started walking but didn’t hear any footsteps behind her so she stopped.

“I swear you talked more when we were younger. I mean you actually acted like you have feelings. What changed?” He asked and Greenland struggled not to sigh.

“Feelings show weakness America. People attack you based on your reactions. Stop reacting and what is there for them when they shout?” She asked him, and he was silent. They started walking again, him just a little behind, enough so that he was out of her sight. They walked along in silence and Greenland’s thoughts had a ball with all the fodder for self hatred that he gave them. He was mad at her, he thought of her as uncaring. He didn’t really mean his apology. She just hurt the people around her. Her questions hurt, she couldn’t ask them. Her boss would be mad. She hadn’t answered Canada’s text but she didn’t know what he meant. She just wanted an hour alone in the bathroom with a razor but she didn’t have a razor anymore. She wanted to go home. Or go to the meeting. A meeting would be better than this constant emotional rollercoaster. At her house at least she expected to feel lonely. She wasn’t paranoid all the time, she wasn’t waiting for her next fuck up. She didn’t even understand what America wanted from her. Did he want her to go back to being an angry bitter girl? She thought they were getting along better. She supposed she was wrong. She didn’t think she’d ever really get along with anyone if she was completely honest with them. As soon as South Italy found out about her coping mechanism he’d leave her. England barely tolerated her, France was only being nice to her because she looked like a little kid, and Canada… he just pitied her. Gave himself a misguided quest to save her even though she was fine and didn’t need any saving. Once he figured out she was never going to get better, his version of better, he’d stop trying. He’d probably avoid her. In the end she’d always end up alone.

When the house came into view America broke out into a run and left her behind. Greenland stopped and watched him rush inside. She watched as Canada opened the door and embraced America into a hug. She didn’t want one, she wanted something sharp. She turned and looked around. In the distance there was a shed. She went towards it. Her phone buzzed. She ignored it. The shed was a light baby blue and had a sliding door. She pulled it open and stepped inside. It was dark from the lack of windows, the only light came from the open door. She looked around, inside were lawn tools, which meant there had to be something sharp. America was somewhat of a hoarder at times, she was sure she could find something broken to keep. Her phone buzzed again. She pulled it out and silenced it before using its flashlight to help see around. There were wooden rakes and shears. Two rideable lawn mowers and some shovels. There was a desk with hammers and screwdrivers. She saw a hatched and was tempted to take that when she spotted what looked like stronger version of scissors on the floor. She picked them up and set her phone on the table flashlight up so she could still see. One of her arms were still sleeveless so she opened the scissors and did a short drag across her arm. Little dots of blood welled up and Greenland smiled. She barely felt the burn. Once she changed her shirt no one would notice the bleeding. Satisfied with the new plan she just needed to figure a way into the house without anyone seeing her with her new tool.

“Put it down Greenland,” Canada’s voice came and she whipped around holding the scissors up on reflex. Canada stood about three feet away, he looked tired. His eyes went to her arm and he seemed to deflate. “Greenland…” He seemed at a loss for words, which made it the same for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed. Have a great day and stay safe :)


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland goes to her room in America's house, then comes down for dinner where England fucks up. Then America is a dick. But then hugs so it's all better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm going to admit there is very little fluff in this story. I just find angst easier to write. However you all have earned some fluff. I'm a little excited because the next couple of chapters are mostly goofy. It was at this point in writing I was running out of steam of what to write and I was like hey, I can write whatever I want! So I did. I'm updating so soon because I was editing and I realized that I have written more than twenty-five chapters!! Chapter twenty still needs to be re-worked a little but that's a problem for later. In other news I have some other writing related notes. There's a part of Greenland's backstory that will be mentioned multiple times in the future, but never fully written out in this story. I like the idea of writing the whole thing out, would anyone be interested in reading it? It takes place during World War Two and was heavily inspired by the Doctor Who episode's with the are you my mummy kid. None of the other countries will really be in it, just mentioned. Another writing thing, I have been playing the mobile app Obey Me Shall We Date and loving it. I'm tempted to write a self insert story for it but I also like the idea of writing imagines for it. Is anyone interested in either? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy. Remember to pay attention to the tags and to stay safe.

She didn’t have any idea what to do. She hadn’t expected to be caught this quick. She lowered the scissors but didn’t put them down. Part of her was angry, not just at herself for being caught so quickly, but at Canada for trying to take this away from her. She knew she’d feel better if she just had a quick session, but he was going to try to stop her. They stayed still in the shed neither speaking up. Canada’s eyes kept darting to the scissors and then to her. Sometimes he’d open his mouth just to close it again. Greenland kept her face neutral, she couldn’t give any more emotions away. All they did were cause damage, that’s why she needed this session in the first place.

“Did you find her Canada?” America called out from outside the shed. Canada kept his eyes on Greenland when he answered.

“Yeah, we’re in the shed!” Greenland was now stuck. She had to put the scissors down because America would ask about them and she had no reason for them. But then what would she find to use? She didn’t want to feel like this anymore. Past experience had taught her that the feelings would only get worse. But America couldn’t know. He already hated her, she didn’t want to get kicked out of his house. With a scowl she set the scissors down and hid her uncovered arm behind her back. Canada sighed and turned around just in time for America to come in.

“You’re really bad at hiding today Greenland! Sorry I snapped at you in the forest, my head just hurts and these overwhelming feelings just got to me again,” America went on with a small laugh and a scratch to the back of his head. He was lying. 

“It’s fine,” Greenland answered anyway looking at the scissors. She tried to think of a lie that would convince America to let her take them, but she couldn’t think of anything. She didn’t even know what they were for. Canada clapped his hands together breaking the silence Greenland hadn’t even noticed was there.

“Let’s go back inside and watch another movie, maybe something lighter eh?” He asked and America nodded his head.

“I need to send some emails, you two go ahead,” she said and she saw the way America’s shoulders fell and Canada’s raised. Everything she said seemed to be something wrong, another reason for someone to worry. If she was around them that was bad, if she was away from them that was bad. How was she ever supposed to get something right? The boys mumbled their acknowledgments and started heading out, although Canada made sure that he left last. The door shut with a slam and Greenland had a feeling that it wouldn’t be unlocked later. Canada caught back up with America and tried to cheer him up by naming different movies they could watch, mostly Disney. Greenland trailed behind, eventually closing the front door behind them all and passing behind the couch to get to the kitchen. England was still sitting there, although the room smelled strongly of tea as if he kept brewing more and more. England’s hair was messy and his hand was clutching his forehead. His other hand hovered over the book or a notepad that Greenland only knew was there from memory. Overall he just seemed stressed, more stressed than a normal messed up spell would make him. She considered asking him what was bothering him, but with her track record so far she decided just going by would be better. She went past his chair and up the stairs when she heard a clank and swear. She turned around to see England had spilled his tea, although there wasn’t much left in that cup. As he stood up to grab some paper towel he noticed her.

“What the bloody hell happened to your shirt?” He questioned, he stood there and looked at her bare arm, although he didn’t seem to notice the thin cut. She was grateful for at least one small thing.

“I needed to bandage America’s head,” she answered and he scoffed, turning back to fetch the paper towel.

“This is why we can’t have nice things,” he grumbled, and Greenland took that as her cue to leave. She went up the stairs to her room and locked the door. Her head felt like it was buzzing and there were too many things to review. Her legs were tired, her arms were tired, her back ached. Carrying America had been hard work and she might as well have gotten scolded for it. She remembered the panic she felt when she thought he had brain damage, all of it seemed to be catching up with her. America hated her. Canada was done with her. She was just a mess that England dealt with. It was hard to breath again. She didn’t understand why now of all times she was panicking, everything was over and done, but yet her body grew warmer and her breath shorter. She gripped at her hair and pulled. It hurt but it wasn’t enough. She sat down on the carpet and pressed her knees to the floor trying to feel the pain but it wasn’t working. She curled into a ball and laid there trying to breath and failing. She let one hand go free and hit the floor but realized she couldn’t do that because the boys downstairs would hear. She was stuck in this cycle. Maybe the worst part of the cycle wasn’t even the physical elements. Her thoughts were screaming at her louder than her own breathing. Thoughts of death and dying and what she deserved. Thoughts about hatred and pity and everyone leaving. Thoughts about weakness and how she was the cause of all her problems. Some of these she could dispel with logic, but that didn’t stop her mind from screaming them at her. She was dying, but nations couldn’t die without something bad happening in the nation itself, but maybe this wasn’t because of overwhelming emotions but instead from an attack or natural disaster? What if all her people were dying? They couldn’t be, she’d feel it, she’d know it, and she didn’t know anything right now. But wasn’t that the point? She didn’t know anything. She didn’t know how long she laid there sobbing and just trying to breath, but she did know that once she could breathe again she didn’t have the energy to climb onto the bed or to just get off the floor. She stayed curled up and fell asleep right there.

She awoke to someone pounding on her door. She didn’t feel much better, her eyes felt gross and were covered in crust. Her limbs didn’t seem to want to move. The pounding on the door continued on, it was like an alarm. Greenland wondered how long she had been asleep. Maybe with all the naps she had been taking lately she’d feel less tired all the time. She doubted it. After listening to the pounding a little longer she decided it must have been America at the door. No one else would have the patience and impoliteness to knock so loud for so long. Canada would knock a few times quietly and give up unless it was an emergency. England would start off reasonably and then get annoyed as time went on and knock louder. France would just be normal, knock and give up. But the constant knocking was starting to give her a headache so with reluctance she rubbed her eyes as clean as she could without seeing them and got off the floor and unlocked the door. When she opened it America almost hit her in the face but recoiled at the last second. He was smiling, although it seemed strained. She saw his eyes sweep her up and down and his lips twitched but stayed in that fake smile.

“Dinner’s ready!” With that he ran off and down the stairs. She looked down a noticed her rumpled sweat stained shirt and torn off sleeve. There were tiny bits of dried blood on her arm. She closed the door and changed shirts before checking the mirror. There was still some crust around her eyes and they were slightly puffy. She put some cold water on them and dried off her face before calling it good. She went out of the room and down the stairs slowly. In a way she felt hungover. She didn’t get drunk often, but she had once and didn’t like it. It didn’t help that she hadn’t liked what she had been drinking much either. The dining table was full and there was plenty of food on it. They were having some kind of stew with baked beans, some kind of meat, and sausage. There were French fries and salads on the side. Greenland wasn’t very hungry, she never felt very hungry these days. She sat down and took a little bit of the stew and nibbled on it. It wasn’t bad, but she wouldn’t be upset if she never ate it again. America had dove in with a large portion and was digging in, sometimes dipping a French fry in. Canada had taken a medium sized portion and seemed to be feeling his way through. France had taken a little of everything, while England had salad set to his side while he kept looking through the book. No one was speaking, and Greenland had no idea if she was happy or sad about that. Her main emotion was tired. Spoons and forks clinked on silverware making her head pound. England was aggressively flipping the pages of his book so they flapped in the created wind. He scribbled hard and fast notes, but she still couldn’t see them. America grabbed seconds. France had a bit of darkness under his eyes that Greenland hadn’t noticed before. He moved at a slow pace. England flipped another page and growled.

“Things not going well Angleterre?” France asked and England glared at him.

“I’ve gone over this whole thing over and over but I can’t figure out why it hit Greenland and Canada too instead of just America. Or why it didn’t hit you too! It just doesn’t make sense.” England explained and Greenland wanted to slump in her seat at the news, but she didn’t. She continued to nibble on her first bite. She was hoping to be herself again before the meetings were over, but at this rate he was going to take forever. They definitely wouldn’t let her go home in this state.

“Why don’t you ask your magic friends for help?” America asked, sticking three French fries in his mouth as he spoke. England leaned back and crossed his arms but seemed to actually be taking the time to consider it.

“It would work best if they could see the book in person, I’d have to go to the meeting tomorrow than. France could stay home and watch you all.” England conceded but America spoke up again, this time with stew in his mouth.

“We’re not actually kids, we don’t need to be watched!” England huffed out a laugh at his retort.

“Oh, well when one of you walks out in front of cars and the other falls out of trees and breaks his ribs and waits hours to tell someone it’s hard to tell.” Greenland tightened at England’s remark and stopped chewing the stew. She hoped America didn’t notice, or had already known, she didn’t want anymore drama with him today. She didn’t want to do anything. Why couldn’t they have a nice calm family dinner where France discussed the meeting, they all nodded talked about the good parts of their day, and laid down? It was like every moment had to be stressful. With those thoughts and the prickling of panic running up her neck Greenland remembered why she had wanted to go to her room in the first place. Her grip on the fork tightened. 

“Hey we heal fast so I didn’t think it’d matter-- wait, who walked out in front of a car?” The table was quiet, England seemed to realize his mistake and looked down. France glared at England. America turned to Canada who turned towards Greenland. Greenland for her part at least kept a neutral face as she stared at her small portion of stew. “When did that happen?” America asked quietly. France sighed.

“Yesterday,” he answered. 

“Is that why you were carrying her inside?” Canada asked and France nodded. Greenland could almost pretend that she wasn’t there from the way they were talking. She didn’t have to deal with any of it if they continued like this. She wouldn’t mind. Canada would get frustrated in a situation like this Greenland was sure, but she wasn’t him. She didn’t want to deal with conflict. Or yesterday. She didn’t want to think about how easy it had been, how numb she felt as she went out to do one thing. How that numbness is what she hoped to achieve, but with control. She hadn’t felt very in control in that moment. She just did what she had to do. A one track mind. Could she ever be that numb while still being in control?

“It was an accident right? You just weren’t looking as you crossed the road?” America asked, but he had said you, which meant he wanted her to answer it. She didn’t want to answer it. Was it an accident? She wasn’t trying to get hit by a car, she had just wanted to be in the dirt, which was really just a less scary way for her to say she wanted to be dead. So she didn’t intend for it to be by car, more of a burying alive sort of thing, which now that she thought about it, she’d rather have been hit by the car than to go through that. Suffocating in dirt sounded horribly painful. At least with a car it’d hopefully be quick. She could feel four pairs of eyes burning into her, all asking the same question. She began chewing again. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t like lying, but she liked dealing with all of this less. Canada had started swinging his feet faster, America was tapping his fingers. She swallowed.

“It was an accident,” she answered, but the tension didn’t go away. It went back to silence, but America was eating slower, his fork clinked harder on the plate.

“Why were you outside anyway?” He asked. She could see the way England’s eyes were no longer going back in forth from reading but stayed in the same spot on the page. Canada feet stilled for a moment before increasing speed.

“I wanted to take a walk,” she answered, she had made the decision to lie and she was going to stick with it.

“I have a large backyard,” America countered, and she knew that he wasn’t just innocently questioning her. He was trying to catch her in the lie, he’d probably succeed. That didn’t mean she would say the truth out loud. Yesterday’s fiasco was still fresh in her mind.

“The road is a straight path,” she said.

“Then why did you try and cross it?” He asked. Canada had stopped eating at this point and was staring at his food as if it had stabbed him. England sat up straighter, she could see him glaring at her, France ate his food. No one was going to save her.

“I didn’t.” She answered. America stopped eating and gave her a look that felt worse than a glare, it was like he was trying to make her feel small and stupid. She didn’t like it. She didn’t even understand what she had done to upset him today, all she had been was nice. 

“So a car swerved at you on the side of the road?” He went on, his voice getting higher pitched like he was mocking her. She didn’t understand what he wanted, did he want to make fun of her for wanting to die? Did he think it was funny? She had been worried they thought she was crazy but she never expected them to act like this. She expected them to act like Canada, overly concerned and trying to make her do things she didn’t want to do. Suddenly those edgy memes didn’t feel as funny.

“No.”

“So then how did you almost get hit by a car on accident?” He asked in that same tone of voice. With the same false innocent face that clearly understood she was lying.

“What do you want?” She asked in a dead tone. He blinked, acting as if hadn’t expected that. France put down his fork.

“What do you mean, I just want you to tell the truth for once.” He replied, smiling sweetly, although it felt anything but.

“I rarely lie unless it’s important.” She answered, and it was true.

“So anything about you and your feelings are important enough to lie about?” He asked. She took a deep breath through her nose to keep her face neutral.

“Yes.” 

“So we just never get to know anything about you while you get to know everything about us?” He went on and she shook her head. It wasn’t like she didn’t tell them anything, she had a favorite food and favorite restaurant. If they asked she tell them. They didn’t ask. “Oh so you’ll tell us why you were outside?”

“America I think that’s enough--” Canada started but America cut him off.

“No it’s a simple question and I want to know, why were you outside?” She wondered why he hated her so much. She hadn’t done much to antagonize him when they were little. She tried her best to stay out of his way. She spoke politely and kindly to him. 

“I don’t want to tell you. It’s personal.” She answered, refusing to give in.

“Oh another oh so personal thing that you can’t tell your family! Just like your name, how are we supposed to be family if we don’t trust each other?” America snapped pushing away from the table. The bowls and glasses shook and some of Canada’s water spilled.

“America that’s enough.” England scolded. “I don’t know what your problem is today but it’s time to leave the subject alone.” England went on, she didn’t expect him to defend her.

“Oh like you did yesterday? Why, so she won’t throw a screaming fit? I don’t get how all of you are okay with not knowing!” The table was silent again, neither adult answered and Greenland became very aware of the fact that both of the adults did know. In fact everyone probably had an idea except America. “You two know. So it’s just me who's not in the know. I get it. It’s a problem with me.” America went on and Greenland wanted to scream. 

“No it’s not.” She told him firmly but he just glared at her with glassy eyes.

“No it’s clear you just don’t trust me with whatever's going on--”

“Not everything is about you! Not the questions or the lack of communication or not answering questions okay? Ask anyone at this table and they’ll tell you I ask them about their politics, ask them if I go over to their house, and ask them if I just willing told them I was going out to kill myself and they’ll tell you no! I don’t trust anyone, I didn’t ask South Italy for help and I didn’t tell him I was having problems he came because he could tell. So would you stop with all this? Stop with the doubting my every action and stop trying to drag the truth out of me because I don’t want to tell it to anybody!” She snapped trying to make it clear so he’d just stop. She just wanted all of it to stop. She could feel tears in her eyes and she blinked them away. She pushed the plate further away the smell making her nauseous. It was quiet again in the room, she had thought that America would have calmed down a little but if anything his eyes looked even glassier. In fact the entire table just looked sad. She didn’t know why. She went over what she said in her head but it was a heat in the moment rant, she didn’t plan it out like she normally would. 

“You wanted to kill yourself?” America’s voice was quiet and shaky. Apparently she had said that at some point in the rant, even though the whole point of the rant was that she shouldn’t and wouldn’t have to reveal that. This was another example of why emotions were the worst. She should really start making a physical list. She could write an academic paper on it at this point, she’d just need to find some more sources to back her up. America had tears falling down his face and Canada got up to comfort his brother. Once again Greenland was at a loss for words. Nothing really made that information better, and if she tried to tell him that she didn’t feel that way now she wasn’t confident on whether or not he’d just snap at her about lying again. She didn’t even know if she wanted to die or not. She didn’t, but living wasn’t feeling too great at the moment either. What she wanted was more to go to sleep, a dreamless sleep, and never wake up again. To never have to feel again. That way she’d never cause problems either. Her family would be happier without her, they wouldn’t be having all this drama now. South Italy would have his family and Spain to depend on, it’d be fine. “Greenland?” America asked snapping her out of those thoughts. Thoughts she seemed to be having more often. They felt much harder to brush off with the enhanced emotions. Normally she’d just slice them away.

“I’m fine now,” she told him, her voice softer than usual, whether it was for him or herself she didn’t know. She just wanted to go back to sleep. Maybe she could wake up and this whole curse thing would have been a nightmare. America broke away from Canada and dragged Greenland out of her seat to hug her burying his head in her neck despite being taller. She could feel his tears making her neck wet and the force of his sobs against her body. 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were doing this because you felt bad, I thought it was because you were still mad!” He cried and she tried to figure out what to do with her trapped hands. She awkwardly patted his back. She was not good in these highly emotional situations. She looked to the others for help but they were approaching. Canada wrapped her in a hug from behind. She was trapped. Than France came and wrapped them all in a hug, then England did the same. Her skin burned from all the contact, it tingled, but it made her warm all around too. She couldn’t pat all of their backs, she couldn’t move. She didn’t know if she wanted to move. She mostly felt confused, and a little overwhelmed.

“We love you mon petit,” France mumbled.

“We want you alive,” England added.

“We don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Canada added as well and Greenland swallowed a lump forming in her throat. She didn’t understand why she was getting upset about this. Why she wanted to curl up into a ball again and sob. Part of her wanted to run away from it all so she could hide in her room, but they weren’t letting go. It was all so warm, too warm, but one she didn’t want to end. She took deep breaths to keep herself from crying. She didn’t want to look weaker than she already did. America’s cries calmed down and he lifted his head. The others pulled away.

“I really am sorry Greenland. I just keep feeling so angry at the littlest of things,” America apologized and Greenland nodded. If she kept feeling panicky at the littlest things then it’d make sense if he felt angry. France clapped his hands together drawing everyone’s attention.

“Let’s move dinner to the living room and watch a nice film!” France announced and America was bouncing with excitement as he went and gathered his plate. England went to grab his book but France cut him off and pushed his salad into his hands. Canada grabbed his plate and handed Greenland her plate, which when everyone's back was turned she put it back on the table. Greenland’s normal place on the couch was on the far end, it didn’t matter which side. Apparently that was not the accepted seat order for the night. Greenland was placed in the middle with Canada to her left and France to his left while America was to her right and England to his right. Canada took her hand and America leaned on her. She really wasn’t used to all this contact but if they needed it after she upset them she wouldn’t deny them. She was starting to get used to the burning feeling. It was easier to fight the urge to just pull away. They put on Frozen of all things, which should have left her wondering about her biological family, but it didn’t. She was surrounded by family now. All their problems weren’t magically fixed in the slightest, but they were to the side. They weren’t even making her talk. It was nice. A better outcome than she would have thought to hope for. She was still tired, and she was so warm. When her eyes felt heavy she tried to force them to stay open as always. Someone started running their fingers through her hair. She hoped it wasn’t too gross for them since she hadn’t showered in a few days. It felt nice though. Like if she was a cat. She liked cats. America chuckled beside her, but there wasn’t anything funny going on in the movie. It vibrated through her. When things went dark she didn’t mind.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Have a great day and stay safe :D


	14. Chapter Fourteen: America’s a Shipper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland missed some texts and learns some new words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, it's been a week, sorry about that. I started working on another project (those Obey Me! Imagines I mentioned :D ) and wanted to spend a little focus on that. I did another batch of editing for this story and there are now over twenty-five chapters written. I'm trying to have someone look over them for me to see if it's rushing like chapter twenty does and for just grammar in general. I'd also like to note that I made Greenland pretty ignorant in this story about LGBTQ+ matters because I had to learn most of my information by searching for it after meeting people apart of the community (aka one of my friends came out as gay in fifth grade and I was like what? Then I did some internet research and went oh shit! That me!), and Greenland doesn't really talk to people so she didn't really have a reason to look into it. Not me making some statement about the politics of Greenland. I'm just an ignorant American pushing some of their traits onto a character. Also this chapter is full of some personal head cannons so uh enjoy that? I hope you enjoy reading anyway, I'd love it if you'd tell me what you think! Have a great day, and make sure to pay attention to the tags.

When she woke up it was disorientingly different than how she was used to. Being curled up on the floor was normal enough, she was alone. Being awake in a tangle of limbs was not normal. Canada was laying sideways partially on France’s lap, she was on top of Canada, his poor arm under her probably dead asleep. France’s hand was on top of her head while America’s head was on her hips and his arms wrapped around her waist. England was nowhere in sight. The television had been turned off but under it she could see the time was around seven. She had gotten a full night's rest for once, she hadn’t even woken up during the middle of the night. But now she was awake and trapped. The calmness she felt about touch last night had worn off and her brain was screaming at her to get everyone off. She moved France’s hand to around Canada and tried to move herself in front of Canada instead of on him. Then there were America’s hands. She tried gently pulling them off but then he squeezed tighter. She laid there for a moment thinking when England walked into the room with a cup of tea in his hand. He looked at her and smirked.

“I came in here to wake up France but I can see you’re trapped.” He mused and she sighed through her nose.

“How do I escape?” She asked and he shook his head.

“There is no escape until he wakes up, trust me, I know.” He went on and shook France’s shoulder. France groaned but his eyes fluttered open. He looked around for a moment before smiling at the child nations. Greenland resisted the urge to pout. She couldn’t just start showing emotion just because they had a family bonding moment. Not showing emotion kept her safe. This moment would pass and they would all go back to normal. It didn’t matter if that thought hurt, it was the truth. France sat up a bit and carefully lifted Canada off of his lap and stood up. Canada turned in his sleep but didn’t stir further. France got up and stretched and Greenland could hear his joints popping.

“What should we have for breakfast today?” France asked cracking his fingers.

“Bacon, eggs, and bangers,” England replied and France rolled his eyes.

“We had eggs yesterday, I’ll do some bread and jam instead.” France replied and went out to the kitchen. England followed leaving Greenland to her own stuck devices. Sometimes she swore they acted like an old married couple. Greenland tried again to remove America’s hands but the squeeze she received this time was hard and cut off her breathing for a moment. She sighed and thought for a moment when she remembered her phone. She searched what pockets she could reach but it wasn’t there. She looked between the couch cushions and found it. It was flashing green, she had messages. She opened up her phone and unlocked it swiping in the code and went to her messages. She had two from Canada basically asking her where she went and trying to make sure she wasn’t doing anything, which now she was pretty sure was his way of asking if she was cutting. She also had some from South Italy.

“ _ I got your stupid fucking notes _ ” he sent. She smiled, she knew that they were boring but it really did help her a lot for him to do so. She hoped France had taken notes too, the different things they would pay attention to would hopefully provide her a full spread of events. But he had sent more than that. A couple hours later, about when she would have been at dinner the night before he sent a few more messages.

“ _ Hey are you busy? _ ” Any text like that made her start to feel that little tingle of anxiety. She normally needed to answer texts like that. But she hadn’t. “ _ It’s fucking stupid and I know I shouldn’t be so upset about this but here I fucking am texting you _ ” the next text was sent twenty minutes after. “ _ Fuck I fucked up there’s so much blood _ ” Greenland swallowed and closed her eyes for a moment. She took a few deep breaths. There was still more to read. She had to make sure that he was okay. He wouldn’t die from this anyway. Except that Italy didn’t really need two personifications anymore. He was in much more danger than she was. She pushed that thought away. “ _ Its just that Vene fucking called me out on skipping out at the end of that meeting and Spain fucking agreed with him and they both laughed about how irresponsible I am. Might as well tell me I’m worthless. They both were just chatting it up at dinner and I know Spain prefers my brother over me everyone does but why does he have to make it so obvious? _ ” South Italy went on and Greenland swallowed. She so badly wanted to shove it in South Italy’s head that she would always care about him, and she preferred him over North Italy. But that wouldn’t fix the problem. His head constantly comparing the two of them was the problem. Sometimes she wanted to storm over to Spain and shake him by the shoulders to just tell South Italy how he feels. She wanted to scream into Spain and North Italy’s ears to watch what they say. She wanted to tell them to pay attention, to notice that South Italy was hurting and help him so someone was there for him when she wasn’t. But she couldn’t do that. Not only would it betray South Italy’s trust but they could easily call her a hypocrite. She always was saying the wrong thing and upsetting someone. No matter how much she watched everyone and took notes she still never put the pieces together. The only reason she had understood South Italy was because he was doing the same things she was. She had her suspicions about it before they were even friends, and she “just happened” into the bathroom late at night while he was doing it.

Something clicked in her brain. She wanted to see South Italy, no she needed to see South Italy. She needed to make sure he had cleaned and bandaged his arms correctly. They could get infected if he didn’t. She wanted to make sure he was out of that mental state. She wanted to give him a day of relaxation so he could remember the good parts of life. Her family gave her a nice end of day when they felt she needed it, she wanted to do the same for him. But she didn’t want the yelling fit from before. She would ask, but she would be willing to argue. No matter what she was going to see South Italy. A text just wouldn’t do. Lying through text is one of the easiest things to do. She put her phone in her front pocket and tried to remove America’s hands again, when he pulled she pulled back. She didn’t win, but she hadn’t expected to, what she expected was for America to wake up. He did not. She stopped pulling and took a second to breath again. Then she resorted to more childish means. She poked America in the face. He didn’t wake up. She poked him again. She stuck her finger in his cheek and held it there. He mumbled nonsense but didn’t wake up. She dragged her front half to the floor dropping her phone on the floor in the process. She tried to wiggle out of his grasp but he just squeezed. Greenland felt for all the stuffed animals she had ever seen. Then she decided she needed to play dirty. She pulled her bottom half, and America to the floor with her. To her great frustration he did not wake up. But Greenland was a stubborn bastard. She army crawled around the table in front of the couch and did a U-turn into the kitchen. France was cooking and England was pouring over that magic book again. America let out a loud snore that caught England’s attention. He turned around and looked blankly at the situation for a moment. Then he sighed as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Yes Greenland, what was ever so important that you dragged yourself here?” He asked, America snored again. She had no idea how she had slept through the night if he was this loud.

“There is a personal matter involving South Italy, and I need to see him. I would rather he come over here but if I need to, I’ll go to the meeting to see him.” Greenland told him and his eyes widened for a moment before narrowing. France turned from his cooking.

“What’s going on with little Romano?’ France asked.

“It is not my place to tell anyone else, but I need to see him.” Greenland insisted. France pouted but seemed to understand with a nod of his head.

“After what happened when he came over last time I’m not very keen on letting him over.” England answered, Greenland pushed herself up with her arms to look taller. She was pretty sure it only looked ridiculous but she needed to make sure she saw South Italy.

“He had nothing to do with that incident. I’m better now anyway. But I’m not the focus here, he is. I need to see him, it’s important.” She knew if she could just ram it into their heads that it was important she see him then they would let him come over. She wasn’t much of an exaggerator. And she wasn’t exaggerating now. England sighed again.

“Fine, he can come over.” He agreed and Greenland nodded and went to grab her phone, only to remember it fell on the floor. She held in a sigh and began crawling her way back into the living room. She could hear France laughing. Once she got her phone she texted South Italy telling him to come to America’s. The typing sign popped up right away.

“ _ I can’t I have to go to the meeting _ ” he responded. He sent another separate text. “ _ I’m fine now. _ ” She didn’t believe him for a second. She could feel America shifting closer up her back. He was a weird sleeper.

“ _ Skip the meeting and come over. _ ” She told him.

“ _ Who are you and what have you done to Greenland? _ ” He asked and she held back a playful frown.

“ _ I’m worried, you’re more important than a meeting. _ ” She answered. She swore she heard America make a sound that sounded like an “aw” which was a weird noise to make when asleep.

“ _ Fuck you I’m fine. Stop worrying _ ” he sent back.

“ _ If you don’t come here I am coming to the meeting. _ ” She answered.

“ _ Bitch you wouldn’t _ ” he sent.

“ _ Bet. _ ” She sent back. She was pretty sure she got the context of that right.

“ _ Fucking fine I’ll drop Vene off and come over you stubborn bastard. _ ” He sent back and Greenland couldn’t hold back the smile of victory.

“You two are cute!” America announced by her ear and she jumped, turning and getting ready to hit him only to stop herself at the last minute. She could feel her heart pounding and after the last few experiences of that it wasn’t comfortable. Canada groaned in his sleep, Greenland caught something about quiet and America but that was it. Greenland sat up and America sat up with her letting go of her waist. “Are you dating? Is that why he was so worried the day before yesterday?” America went on and Greenland tried to process what was happening. She had no idea how long America had been awake but she was about ready to bop him on the head for the lack of privacy. She was glad that she had stayed scrolled down so he couldn’t see last nights texts. “So South Italy is kinda like your pet name for him, a name only you call him, how could I not see it before?” America went on and Greenland blinked. America seemed absolutely convinced that they were dating. Greenland had considered it at one point, she imagined it at times, but it didn’t feel right. She didn’t really have any interest in dating people. It seemed like a lot of contact at times and people expecting to learn all about a person. Greenland wasn’t a very open person, she didn’t like sharing that much, and she still believed that if she was completely open with any person they’d leave. Her family had only brushed the surface of her thoughts. Canada knew about her little habit but he didn’t have any idea the extent of it. No one had been to her house and see the state it was in. South Italy knew the most about her boss problems and her confused feelings towards her family but was oblivious to her habit and the thoughts and feelings surrounding it. Dating anyone with all these problems just seemed like it would be unfair to the other person. In South Italy’s case it definitely wouldn’t work because he was clearly in love with Spain. She should probably correct America, who had started going on about wedding venues.

“We’re not dating.” She informed him, he stopped talking and pouted. 

“So he doesn’t like you back?” He asked and Greenland stared at him trying to figure out how he got to that conclusion. “Or you haven’t asked him out yet? Or he hasn’t asked you out?” America went on and Greenland shook her head. America sometimes got caught up in his own fantasies.

“We’re not going to date America, we’re just friends.” Greenland answered and America nodded for a second looking thoughtful. He looked Greenland over before going to twiddle his thumbs.

“Can I ask you something personal?” She hadn’t expected this question, she nodded anyways. “What’s your sexuality?” He asked and she thought for a moment. She had never really just sat and thought about it. Sex and romance never really seemed important. They were nations, reproducing wasn’t really a good thing, it normally led to the parents death. They could date, although sometimes, more often in the past, they were forced to date and marry. Some bosses forbid dating outside politics. It was complicated, and her life had been complicated enough as is. She didn’t really have a desire for sex, she masturbated sometimes but that was mostly to make the urge go away, it didn’t really seem as enjoyable as books and the internet made it seem. She didn’t think of anything in particular when she did so either, no naked bodies of any sort. It all just seemed a little ugly to her, people without their clothes on.

“I don’t know, I don’t really like anyone.” She answered and America nodded with a smile.

“You might be asexual than,” he answered, and she hadn’t realized there was a word for that. She just thought it was part of her brokenness. Everyone else around her desired relationships, she was just a freak who didn’t. “Do you want to be in romantic relationships?” He asked and she shook her head. “Then you might be aromantic too.” She had no idea that these words were a thing, nor did she know their exact meanings, but if there were words to describe it then that meant there were other people who felt the same way. Maybe she wasn’t broken in that sense, just ignorant. It was something to do more research on, there was always the chance America wasn’t representing the words right. “Ay, now the whole family’s gay!” America shouted, he was right by Canada on the couch who without looking up or opening his eyes smacked America on the back of the head.

“Shut up you bi disaster I’m trying to sleep.” Canada grumbled into the couch and America pouted. 

“I think what just happened here was pan-derful bro, it should be something to celebrate!” America countered, Greenland didn’t get why he changed the word wonderful, but Canada groaned louder so he must have. Greenland had never thought to take note of sexuality to her boss, now that she was learning them she wondered if she should have. Than again when they thought she was straight they never said anything. Greenland didn’t know much about sexuality but she knew if you were anything but straight it took a level of trust to share it with others. Even nowadays when you weren’t gareented murder for it in America it was hard. Greenland had never agreed with the hurting of others for love, she had grown up with two men with a relationship that may not be described as romantic but definitely wasn’t completely platonic. She didn’t know much about America’s romantic life, she assumed he straight until Canada’s comment. She hadn’t known him to ever pursue anyone romantically. Canada on the other hand she had the suspicion he wasn’t straight from how he would sometimes stare at Prussia, and Prussia would touch him often. She had taken note of that. That was around the same time she had taken note of South Italy giving Spain the most attention, and had the most negative reaction to comments that could be seen as negative from Spain. That was also the day her and South Italy officially made more than professional contact and “met”. He saw her taking notes despite the fact that there wasn’t even a presentation up, he noticed she had been looking at him while he spoke, so he came behind her and read over her shoulder and was less than pleased with what he saw. He cussed her out for at least an hour. No one else noticed. She had always known the other nations wouldn’t be happy that she took notes on all their actions at meetings, on really any interactions with her, but that’s what her boss wanted. She had so badly wanted to play a role in her own country for years that she had been willing to do anything to keep it. It didn’t matter if it upset the others if they found up, no one liked her anyway. That’s what she told herself. When South Italy confronted her, she began to feel a little differently. He pointed out that the other nations could kick her out too. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place, one which she explained to him. One he was actually understanding about, although he wanted to read what she had found out, he was a bit of a gossip hound at times. He started hanging around her at meetings, she started sending him bits of her notes she thought he would find interesting, he started pointing out where she was going too far. Then they started to talk about other things. She closed her eyes hard and tried to focus back on the world around her instead of being stuck in memories. America and Canada were still playfully bickering. America was saying something about collecting a set while Canada just called him immature. Greenland looked back to her phone. There was about an hour and a half before South Italy would come over. She hoped he wasn’t lying and that he actually was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought, stay safe and have a great day.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Does Filemonsen Make Your Heart Go Doki Doki?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family has breakfast and Greenland and America play a game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love this chapter title I don't care what anyone thinks. This is the chapter where I said fuck it the characters can do whatever I want them to do, and so they're playing Doki Doki Literature Club. I guess this counts as filler? But, like, it's actually essential for setting up things later, which you can probably get a few ideas if you know the plot of the game. It also points out somethings things that have been pointed out before in the story but makes it clear to the rest of the cast which is something that will be essential in the chapters I'm writing now. Mr. Filemonsen is another OC that I made up just for this story. I'd love to hear your ideas about him! I don't know much about the actual leader of Greenland so I'll need to do some research, if any of you have opinions I'd love to hear them. I'd love to hear some thoughts on the story in general, what I could do better, what you like. How I haven't gotten into any of the ships I tagged, it's in the future I swear. I have some goals for the end of the story and Spamano is one. PruCan and SuFin are already in a relationship in this universe, I just need to show it. I don't know about FrUk, I didn't tag it because I wasn't sure about it. When I was younger I was a die hard UsUk shipper but like, that does not fit this story, nope, not happening. Do you guys want to see romantic FrUk? Let me know! Alright I think that's everything I have for now, I mean I could complain that I haven't actually written this story all week because of writers block and lack of inspiration, and how the person who is supposed to be looking this story over can't for because of their emotional well being so I'm struggling with lack of feedback and editing, but ya'll don't need to hear about that. Have a great day, pay attention to the tags, and stay safe! :D

“Children, breakfast is ready!” France called out and America popped up, and banged his elbow on the table in the process. He groaned and held it but ran into the kitchen still. Greenland noticed as she shook her head Canada was doing the same. Canada stretched and his joints popped before he got off the couch and offered a hand to Greenland, who took it with a bit of hesitance. He smiled at her and they walked into the kitchen together. France had cooked as asked, although instead of eggs he had cinnamon toast and regular toast with different jams nearby. They all sat in their usual seat with France on one end and Greenland on the other. America next to France and across from England and Canada on America’s other side and next to Greenland. England didn’t have the spell book open for once, instead placed closed on the seat next to him. His notes sat on top. Greenland read what it said but couldn’t understand half of it, it seemed to be in a different language. Some of the notes she could make out were just ruling out words he couldn’t have made a mistake with. At least he was actually trying. They ate silently at first.

“So did Greenland tell you two that Romano will be coming over later?” England asked between bites of sausage.

“I was awake for that.” America answered and Greenland struggled not to glare. Why had he made her drag him around then? Maybe it was his touch starved nature, she decided she wouldn’t be mad about it just in case. England just shook his head at the boy.

“Why?” Canada asked.

“Personal reasons apparently. I’ll be gone so France will be watching over you all.” America looked like he wanted to interrupt but his eyes darted to Greenland for a moment and he shrunk back down. Greenland wished he hadn’t. Greenland wanted to ask England to take notes, especially since South Italy wasn’t going to be there, but she knew and rather preferred that he would be focused on reversing the spell. But it did remind her.

“France, can I have your notes from last meeting?” She asked. 

“After breakfast,” he answered without flourish. She knew taking notes was boring but she didn’t think it was that hard.

“Why are notes so important to your boss?” America asked and Greenland sighed through her nose.

“I don’t know, but he insists that I have at least five pages worth for every meeting.” Greenland answered. America eyebrows raised high enough that Greenland was sure it was uncomfortable.

“Dude, that sucks. Is he one of those bosses that is strict about everything?” America asked, and it occurred to Greenland that while she often asked the others about their bosses and their opinions, they hadn’t really ever talked about hers. She didn’t know how far their ignorance went with her situation. She had assumed that at least England knew that her boss wasn’t her leader, since he was the one who put her in the situation, but he seemed as intrigued and shocked as the rest of the table. 

“Only if I’m at the department. He doesn’t care what I do at home, but he considers any time spent with other nations department time, so I guess in a way he is.” She explained, since she didn’t do much outside of work she didn’t really have any problems with him. He let her visit South Italy but only because he wanted her to take notes. Which she did with South Italy. Any traveling she did was considered work. He wanted her to take note of every phone call or text she had, which she stopped doing. She told him that people weren’t messaging her as often, but she was pretty sure he knew she was lying. He had been extra harsh with her lately, threatening to send an agent to the meetings instead of her. He couldn’t fire her, the Prime Minister wouldn’t allow that, and she doubted the other nations would be happy that a human took her place, but then again she didn’t really think they would notice that quickly. South Italy would, maybe now the rest of her family would, but before they’d only notice that there was a stranger there. 

“You get a whole department?” America asked. “That’s cool, I just get security clearance and hidden from people who don’t have high enough clearance. I get stared at all the time by new people who then are suddenly shocked to find out I’m their country.” America went on. Greenland wasn’t sure if she envied him or not. At least she didn’t really get treated like a stranger in the workplace, although she wouldn’t exactly call her treatment well. Most people avoided her, they tried to get as little contact with her as possible. Maybe it was because her boss, who in the end was always the top chain of the department, clearly despised her. Or maybe it was because they were intimidated by the fact that she literally represented them. Or that she was a different species. 

“I don’t run the department. Mr. Filemonsen is my boss.” America nodded at the comment while France and England both seemed perturbed.

“Your boss isn’t Kim Kielsen?” England asked.

“No, that’s the Prime Minister.” She answered and suddenly everyone at the table was looking at her like she had two heads.

“Your boss isn’t your boss?” America asked, and while he couldn’t have worded it worse Greenland understood and shook her head. She was waiting for the next words to be “well how did that happen?” But instead it was quiet and everyone avoided looking at her or England. Greenland supposed she could be mad at England about it, she was for a very long time, but it seemed exhausting to be mad about it now. It wouldn’t even bother her that much if it wasn’t for the fact that Filemonsen was, as South Italy put it, “a raging old asshole with a dick smaller than the white of a pinkie toe nail.” She supposed it could be worse, she could have Russia’s boss. In the end she didn’t know if the Prime Minister would be any better, she didn’t get to see him often. He was nice to her when he passed her by to meet with Mr. Filemonsen, polite hellos and asking how she was feeling. He was always concerned with her physical health, since that would be a sign if something was going wrong in the country. He was also always asking how Denmark was doing, as if she hung out with the man. She had written plenty of notes on Denmark, she understood why her country had a special interest in him, their economy depended on his, but it wasn’t as if she hung out with the man. She just watched him interact with the Nordics and Sealand. Greenland’s boss was always present at the meetings between Denmark and herself, something Denmark had commented wasn’t normal. Most country’s got to have private meetings while their leaders had meetings with each other, and then one where they were all together. Greenland didn’t get to talk much at the meetings anyway. Maybe that was one of the reasons that Denmark was slightly awkward around her.

They finished breakfast in silence and England left for the meeting with a mumbled goodbye. France and Canada washed the dishes together while America sat on the table playing on his phone. Greenland got her phone out as well and stared at it. Time moved slowly, there was still half an hour until South Italy would come over. Perhaps she had over reacted again and he was fine. She was getting him in trouble with Spain and North Italy for no reason. On the other hand the image of him sitting on the tiled floor of his bathroom with his arms gushing blood as he tried to stop it with toilet paper also haunted her mind. What if he had gone to far that night? Would he have died? Would he have stayed dead? What would the world do? It had been a long time since a personification died. Greenland had been kept away from it, stuck away at England’s house. Prussia hadn’t died, but he was more careful than he used to be. She wished South Italy would be. It was hard for her to put her finger on when their relationship went from guy who holds information over her to person she would die for, but it had happened. He was funny, and listened to her. Listened to her in a way that didn’t feel condescending. He didn’t tell her what she was doing was rude he told her it was fucked up, and he told her why. When he realized she wasn’t understanding something he actually took the time to explain rather than just being frustrated with her. It didn’t feel like he was trying to invade her life or take parts of herself away, rather he just pointed out when things she did went against his morals. He sounded angry the whole time, yelling and cursing up a storm, but while he did that he actually asked her why she would do the things she would do. That’s how he found out about her boss and what England had done. She was used to people being oblivious, she was used to being surrounded by people who took their assumptions as fact, ones she didn’t want to correct. With South Italy he always asked for corrections.

Maybe in the end it wasn’t that complicated. Maybe it was just the fact that he had just as hard of time with emotions she did. He just handled it in a different way. Instead of trying to rid himself of emotions he focused on anger. People avoid angry people. People won’t notice how badly you’re hurt if you yell loud enough. She noticed that about him before he confronted her, but once he started hanging around her the better she got at picking out real anger from the rest. She also began to notice little things. He never wore shorts or short sleeves. He constantly was pulling his sleeves down. His bathroom drain had bloody hair stuck in it. He spent a long time in the bathroom. When he was hurt he would grab his arm and dig his nails in, or dig his nails into his thigh. The way he boasted about himself around others but would easily spit out self deprecating comments in serious conversations. She knew the signs, she saw them in herself and the way she thought. It had been obvious to her, but she had, had no idea how to bring it up. She had the same mindset she did now, if he found out she did it too that would just make him worse. So she had gone to stay the night at his house, North Italy was staying with Germany for the weekend so she didn’t have to worry about him seeing anything. She had no idea how he’d handle the fact that his brother was hurting himself. Probably in a way that would make things worse. She could see him clinging to South Italy begging him to stop, adding guilt to the heavy weight that surely must already be on South Italy’s mind. Now that she thought about it maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, maybe the guilt would be enough to make South Italy stop. Than again it could also make him worse and push him to go too far. It was a variable Greenland hadn’t wanted to deal with and still didn’t want to deal with. Instead she had enacted her plan when North Italy wasn’t there. She had watched South Italy becoming more twitchy as they spent time together. He kept scratching his arms and thighs. Eventually, while they watched an Italian horror film he dismissed himself to the bathroom. Greenland waited for exactly seven and a half minutes before following him to the bathroom. She put her ear to the door and heard nothing. She asked him if he was alright. When he yelled at her his voice was shaky, so she opened the door. It had been as she suspected. He had been pretty pissed at her, but it was cooled down by the fact that he was sobbing. She had helped him clean his wounds and bandaged them and told him to talk to her when he felt like this. She made sure he understood she wasn’t going to judge him for it. They both fell asleep on the couch that night, binge watching shows together, she was trying to make him understand that things would still be normal.

She remembered all the research she had done on how to get someone to stop self harming. She knew that for one, taking away all their tools wasn’t always the best option. If they want to cut they’re going to cut, if you take any away take the dirty ones away, or the really sharp ones. She had suggested to him to melt ice cubes on his wrist, she had no idea why that was supposed to help but there was a lot of articles that suggested it. She had also suggested that he snap a rubber band on his wrist instead. She was pretty sure he was doing none of this. The biggest point she had found was that you can’t just make someone stop cutting, they have to want to. Greenland knew that even if she removed every sharp object from the world, made it impossible for South Italy to cut himself, he’d move on to something else, like burning or bruising. He had to not want to hurt himself. And she wasn’t sure how to get through to him. She felt like a piece of shit every time she went on to him about the dangers of cutting. She was a hypocrite and she knew it. She barely ever bandaged her wounds let alone cleaned them. She used random garden tools she found in America’s shed. She believed all those reasons she told Canada, but South Italy believed them too, but turned the personal ones on himself. He wasn’t broken like she was, he just felt like he was. The biggest help she could be was constantly trying to tell him he wasn’t. Yet her mind always turned the examples on herself, he’s clearly not broken because he does whatever, and she doesn’t. He wouldn’t accept that. He didn’t believe she was broken. She had tried to tell him multiple times that she was but he just told her she’s different. So she told him he was different. Now the word different just seemed liked code for broken, but she couldn’t just not tell him he’s different because in the grand scheme of things he is different from the rest of the world and so is she. It was complicated. 

“You’re staring really hard at your phone. You’ve never struck me as a person who plays games on your phone though. What are you looking at?” America asked and Greenland realized she had spaced out. Her eyes focused back to the present and she was presented with her phone asleep. She turned it to show it to America anyway. He looked at it. Then he looked at her. “You do know your phone is asleep right?” He asked and she nodded. “So you’re not going to show me what you were looking at?” He asked, he kept smiling but his shoulders deflated. She turned the phone on in front of him and unlocked it to reveal a blank home screen. He looked at it, it was bare. Her homescreen's background was a picture of Scoresby Sund she had taken a few years ago. She had google, her photos, her camera, her clock, her google folder which contained her email, docs, slides, and spreadsheet; YouTube, her texting app, her phone, and her contacts list. “So you were looking at nothing? Also I swear most phones have more apps on their home screen than that, did you seriously go through the trouble of deleting them?” He asked, it felt more teasing than hostile. 

“I was thinking, and yes I deleted them. I didn’t need them.” She answered, and his smile grew a little brighter.

“So I was right, you don’t play phone games!” She was glad he was going down that line of thinking instead of questioning her about her thoughts. She didn’t want to have to lie some more. 

“No, if I want to play mindless games I normally do so on my computer.” She swore his eyes were becoming a brighter blue.

“You play games? What games do you play?” 

“Solitaire, Sudoku, and word searches mostly.” She responded and his face fell.

“Holy shit England did rub off on you. He rubbed off on you in the worst way, he made you a boring old person!” America yelled, his voice as dramatic as a Shakespearian actor. Canada snorted from his stool as he dried a plate.

“They’re not games for old people, they’re games that are good distractions. You have to think when you play them.” Greenland responded, although she wasn’t really offended. She didn’t think America would be excited about those, he liked more modern games, especially horror ones. Or games where he was the hero.

“Hey, you have to think in the games I play too!” America shot back and the adult part of Greenland wanted to roll her eyes, but the small part of Greenland felt panic well up. She didn’t want to upset America again, but she was being ridiculous worrying about that. He actually wasn’t offended. But maybe he was, he said the littlest of things were making him angry, perhaps her comment had upset him. She hadn’t actually said anything about the games he played though, he was just assuming her comment in the worst way. She pushed back both feelings and made sure he face was neutral before answering.

“I never said they didn’t require you to think.” America was still smiling, he seemed satisfied at her response.

“You know if you like games that make you think or are really good distractions you should try the Five Nights at Freddy’s series. They’re horror games that require a lot of focus. Plus you don’t have to do any math or reading, so that’s a plus. It’s also good if you want to piece together a story, there’s tons of lore videos out there trying to piece it together.” America went on. Greenland nodded although she wasn’t very interested. She liked the simplicity of her games, a horror game that needed a lot of focus sounded stressful.

“Is it like the games you play with Japan?” She asked and he looked at her a little startled before going back to his smile.

“No, Japan and I play a lot of zombie games. FNAF is about possessed animatronics. It’s an indie game that got really popular in my country. There was another horror game that got really popular in my country called Doki Doki Literature Club, but that’s a visual novel and doesn’t seem your style.” America went on and Greenland hummed. Part of her was yelling at her to take notes on this. The rest of her told that part to shut up, her boss didn’t need to know everything about America. 

“Are visual novels just like they sound?” Greenland asked, because she did like to read. She hadn’t been reading as much lately but maybe having pictures to go along with it would help revitalize her interest.

“Yeah pretty much, why? Are you interested? I would love to see your reaction to Doki Doki, you should play it here! I have it downloaded on my laptop. I can go get it!” America seemed very excited by this notion, Greenland didn’t have the heart to say no. She checked her phone. They had fifteen minutes until South Italy got there, and that was only if South Italy was trying to get North Italy to the meeting fifteen minutes early. She’d have time to play a little bit of the game. America ran up the stairs his feet making thuds rain throughout the house. The dishes were done and Canada and France had sat down in their seats. France was smiling at her while Canada was on his phone again. She wondered if there was a problem going on, he had been on his phone much more than usual. America ran back down the stairs and placed the laptop in front of her with a slight struggle since his table was so high. He dragged the usually unused chair from its spot next to her and messed with the laptop until the screen went black. A warning message popped up that the game was not suitable for children, Greenland assumed it was because it was a horror game, but then nice music started playing and the main title screen was full of bright colors and four anime girls. It seemed like the background was a classroom. Greenland looked at America who nodded at her and used a mouse to click play. It wanted her to enter her name. She put Greenland. When text started appearing America insisted visual novels were more fun if read out loud. He told her that since she was the main character she would have to read his lines (she wondered why she had bothered to put a name if they were just going to assign her gender) and America would voice the narration. Then he gave her a list of names: Monika, Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri. He basically demanded that she pick two so she went with Sayori and Yuri. America seemed extra giddy about who he was going to voice and began to read. The protagonist seemed like a boring high school student, Greenland guessed from the uniforms that the characters were Japanese but she was slightly confused since she thought America had said this came from his country. Maybe the creator was an immigrant. Or maybe they just really appreciated Japanese culture. When Sayori came on screen Greenland immediately felt annoyed at the protagonist. Perhaps it was because it was hard to read tone through text, although America’s rendition seemed that they both had read the insult in a harsher tone. Greenland didn’t understand the point of being friends with someone one didn’t like.

By the time the other characters were introduced Greenland started to get the idea that America may have tricked her into playing a dating simulator. She didn’t know why he would have her play a dating simulator right after they had a conversation about her having no interest in dating anyone, but it seemed as if he had. America was having a great time, he gave Natsuki a deep gravelly voice (as deep as his child vocal cords could go) and Monika his attempt at a sexy voice. France had dragged his chair over to watch and he seemed entertained enough. Greenland could see Canada rolling his eyes at America. Greenland on the other hand had never been very good at pretending. She could imitate a voice she’d heard before, but coming up with random voices wasn’t her style. Her voices for Yuri and Sayori were practically the same, but no one complained. They weren’t very far into the story at all when there was a knock at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Have a wonderful day and stay safe.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: An Important Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter another unsuccessful week of writing for me. This is why I keep you guys behind where I really am in writing. I took my pills late today and my head is killing me because of it and I'm wearing a skirt in public which is kind of ramping up my dysphoria which is making me anxious, but I've been having a rough week anyway so who cares! This chapter title is the first of many important conversations which you will see reflected in later chapter titles. It makes me laugh when I go back over them so they're staying that way, hopefully it doesn't confuse ya'll later. This chapter is a bit graphic with self harm and suicidal/self worth issues so be prepared for that. The fluff is over. Hurt/comfort with more hurt than comfort from here on out. This chapter isn't really based on reality, I uh, never had someone help me take care of my wounds. Even when my parents found out or saw recent cuts they were very on the side of don't show me I don't want to see it. So this is more based on what I wished someone would do for me at the time. But I'd rather die than let some six year old do it so uh, there is that. Whoop this got personal hope you all enjoy the chapter, please let me know what you think, as always be aware of the tags, stay safe, and have a great day!

“I’ll get it!” America shouted, jumping from his chair and running to the door. Greenland saved the game before getting up and going to the living room. South Italy stood in the door, a notebook in his right hand and his left tucked into the pocket of his dress pants. America hovered around him asking about the meeting and about his shoes, which were apparently different from last time he came over. South Italy wasn’t ever given a chance to answer before America was firing off his next question. Playing the game seemed to have put him in a good mood. Greenland didn’t want to upset America by interrupting so she stood and watched as South Italy grew more aggravated. South Italy’s brown hair hadn’t been styled at all and while he was wearing dress clothes nothing was tucked in. If he planned to go to the meeting after this it wouldn’t take him very long to get ready, she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to go to the meeting at all. It depended on how he was, how much damage he had caused and if he was as okay as he claimed he was. She saw South Italy roll his eyes as America went on about the differences between burgers and spaghetti and his amber eyes landed on her. He motioned towards America and Greenland shrugged. He frowned and flipped her off, which caught America’s attention. He stopped talking and looked between Greenland and South Italy, almost worried. Greenland didn’t know why.

“America, South Italy and I are going to talk in my room. Please don’t listen through the walls this time.” She told him and South Italy eye’s widened. America rubbed the back of his head.

“Stupido bastardo Americano,” South Italy grumbled and America smiled sheepishly at South Italy.

“I guess I’ll leave you two to it, do you want to finish that game later Greenland?” America asked and she nodded, not because she wanted to actually play the game but because it made him happy. Really it kept everyone in the house entertained. America gave her a bright smile before rushing ahead to the kitchen. Greenland lead South Italy through the kitchen (America was shutting down his laptop, France was talking to Canada in French, the latter had put his phone away) and up the stairs to her room. Or the room that America let her stay as a guest in. She wasn’t sure if making the distinction was important or not anymore, did separating herself from the room separate herself from her feelings or her family? Could she separate herself from her feelings without separating herself from her family? She could contemplate that question late into the night, right now she needed to focus on South Italy. He was quieter than normal. Usually by now he would be complaining about something, or at least still putting up a fight to missing a meeting. Quiet was a bad sign. Greenland closed the door and locked it. South Italy stood in the middle of the room, both hands in his pockets. He wasn’t looking at her, instead his eyes seemed to be attracted to the black base of the lamp on the nightstand next to Greenland’s bed. 

“Can I see?” She asked, her voice quiet, it wasn’t that she didn’t trust America, but, her mind still nagged her that someone could be trying to listen in. South Italy grumbled but took off his jacket and started unbuttoning his shirt. His olive skin came slowly, and the lower he got the more she could see thin pale lines. They were hard to spot, especially if one didn’t know where to look, but she had looked over him enough times to know where each one was. She remembered when South Italy had complained about getting fat, she couldn’t see it, he was skinny, almost too skinny. She worried that if he lost just a few more pounds she’d be able to count his ribs. She knew he wasn’t starving himself, but he was skipping meals, and exercising more. South Italy was a good cook, as well as North Italy, so they both ate healthy. Greenland knew that North Italy wouldn’t let South Italy skip too many meals, or work too hard. They both were insistent on naps, or siestas as they said. As he unbuttoned the last button he stretched out his arms before pulling off the sleeves. His arms, they weren’t bandaged. The cuts went horizontally which reassured her that he wasn’t trying to kill himself. They were dark and angry, deeper than she normally went. They were on both arms, although considerably less on his left arm, and those wounds were lighter. “Come to the bathroom. Is that all?” She asked and turned walking to her small bathroom. She climbed onto the toilet and then to the sinks countertop and opened up the cabinet door. She grabbed alcohol, Neosporin, and gauze like bandages. She turned around to see that South Italy hadn’t followed her, but was taking off his pants. Greenland waited on the sink for him to come in, when he did only in his gray boxers he sat on the edge of the tub. There were small wounds from the tops of his knees to under his boxers. He wouldn’t take those off in front of her, she had asked before. When the time came she’d roll them up.

She used some toilet paper to help apply alcohol to the wounds. She worked very lightly, carefully to not use any more pressure than necessary. South Italy still grimaced the entire time. It was harder work in a child’s body, even with him sitting down he was still taller than her. When she moved on to his upper thighs she noticed that some of the cuts formed a word, “debole.”. It was hard for Greenland to read, but South Italy would easily be able to read it every time he sat down. She knew it was Italian, but she didn’t know what it meant. She did know that it was hard to cut words deep, and that this would probably fade away faster than the ones on his arms. When she moved onto applying the Neosporin South Italy started reacting more, pulling away or grunting. The cuts must have still been sensitive, she tried to be softer, but she had to rub the medicine in. When it came time for the bandages South Italy stood up and she maneuvered around him awkwardly. He sat back down again so she could do his arms. As soon as she was finished, he left the bathroom and began to put his clothes on again. Greenland knew it took a lot of trust for him to allow her to do that, but she wished he would talk to her. She didn’t want to interrogate him about it, ask him what was going through his head that pushed him to go so far and force him to relive it. But she wanted to know so she could prevent it. Had he tried the ice cube, the rubber band? How bad was it the first time he texted her? Would he have started if she had answered him? But to express that would be putting him on the spot, it would be like accusing him. She didn’t want that either. So she watched him get dressed, watched as all the white of the bandages hid under a cream button up and black bottoms. Whenever he was feeling really bad he wouldn’t talk to her about it. She needed to do something to start the conversation.

“What does debole mean?” Greenland asked. South Italy stopped buttoning up his collar and sighed.

“Weak,” he answered and sat at her desk chair. Greenland climbed onto her bed and sat at the bottom, she was almost his height like this. She should have been able to guess that it was guaranteed to be something negative, weak was short enough word to be translated into a word that short. Silence fell again and Greenland watched South Italy closely. He was focused on a spot on the carpet, one arm over the chair gripping part of the spine while also tapping a finger, the other tapping on his leg. There were definitely cuts under the spot he was tapping on his leg, it was probably why he was tapping with his finger nail on that hand and the pad of his finger on the chair. Greenland wanted to tell him to stop it, but in the end it wasn’t doing any real damage to himself, it was just him causing himself pain. She moved her hand to where there were cuts on her thigh and pressed. It didn’t sting nearly as much as she wished it did. It was probably nowhere close to the sensation he was getting. She wanted to take it from him, take all the marks he left, all the pain he had given himself, and take it in. She deserved it a thousand times more. If she hadn’t sat there feeling sorry for herself and took in the comfort provided by her family she would have been able to stop this. If she hadn’t told America why she went outside then she would have spent the night in her room. She would have texted back and talked South Italy down. The comfort she had received was nice, this morning had been nice, but it wouldn’t last. They’d go back to normal soon. America would get angry with her again before they were switched back she was sure. When they were in their adult bodies they’d pretend like none of this ever happened. But South Italy wouldn’t, he would remember. He would remember that she hadn’t been there for him. 

“You’re a stubborn fucking bastard.” South Italy spoke up and Greenland swallowed, turning her attention to him instead of her thoughts. “You know I should be at the meeting.” He went on.

“You needed medical attention.” She answered and he rolled his eyes sitting up straighter.

“They were closed, it would have been fine.” 

“They could get infected, you have to take care of your wounds.” She stated, like she had last time this had happened, and the time before that. Normally this all took place at South Italy’s house, or in a private room at a meeting.

“They never got infected before you knew.” He muttered. “I don’t get why you worry so much, we’re nations, these will heal within a few days.” He went on, he was looking at her again. Her own words she told Canada the other night coming to mind. She didn’t want to repeat what he said, it hadn’t changed her mind and it wouldn’t change South Italy’s. 

“Those will take closer to a week to heal. You went deeper this time than normal. Something is bothering you greatly.” She went on, but it must have been the wrong thing to say, since his eyebrows shot down and his mouth twisted into a snarl.

“I already told you. It’s the fact that those bastards make it clear I’m worthless! That they don’t need me around, the world just needs Vene.” He stood up as he spoke and walked to the inner wall of the room only to turn around and face her again.

“You’re not worthless. I need you, not North Italy.” She told him and he grimaced.

“You need me to take notes when you’re not there, that’s all. Nothing would really happen to you if I just disappeared.” Greenland did not like where this conversation was going. It sounded very close to suicidal, and she didn’t know what to do about that. She hadn’t been researching that.

“That’s not true.” 

“Don’t lie to me! Your country would be fine, everyone would be better off without irresponsible Romano fucking up their lives!” He snapped at her, his finger pointing at her. There were definite tears in his eyes.

“While Greenland the country would be okay,  _ I _ wouldn’t be. I wouldn’t be better off. You’re my friend. You tell me jokes and point out when I commit a social error. We watch television shows together and play games. We share our thoughts and experiences together. Without you I wouldn’t have so many good experiences, good memories. If you disappeared I wouldn’t be able to make any more.” She explained carefully. Greenland wanted to express that she knew that North Italy and Spain would be devastated if South Italy disappeared, but he wouldn’t believe her. She could only speak for herself now and have him believe her. 

“You could still make good memories,” he said, but it wasn’t nearly as angry as before.

“But they wouldn’t have you in them, and that’s not the same.” She explained and he huffed out his nose and walked over to the other side of the room to look out the window.

“Why do you still care?” He asked and she tilted her head. 

“Why wouldn’t I care?”

“Because I do the same things over and over! I get angry and I lash out and I hurt you and I hurt myself . Aren’t you tired of wrapping bandages? Why are you not mad that I haven’t done any of those techniques you told me?” South Italy asked and Greenland resisted the urge to frown. 

“Because you’re trying. You don’t hurt yourself to hurt me, you do it to help yourself. I wish you didn’t, not because I’m tired of helping you, but because I hate seeing you hurt. What you’re doing is hurting you.” She explained, although in the back of her mind, her thoughts were raging, that was basically what Canada was trying to point out to her. The problem was she already knew it. She also knew that it did hurt others when they found out. Her heart ached thinking about all the lines on South Italy. 

“What makes you think I’m trying?” He asked, although it felt more like a statement, as if he was implying that she was just seeing things.

“You’re still alive, you haven’t disappeared,” she answered anyway. The room fell into silence again. He sat in the window sill. It was a sunny day, another day that would be good for hide and seek, but Greenland didn’t want to play after what happened last time. She also didn’t think South Italy would be in the mood. She wasn’t sure where to go from here. She didn’t seem to make anything better. She wasn’t sure if it was better for him here or at the meeting. At least at the meeting he’d be distracted from his thoughts since he’d be taking notes. At America’s house he had more time to dwell but he also was away from people that would accidently hurt him. Then again, she could easily do that. Or one of the others could say the wrong thing and trigger him again. With three countries in the house emotions off and France and South Italy’s already not great relationship it was almost expected that someone would say something wrong. It would be her fault if was upset again. She had failed him again. The thought made her shift uncomfortably. Her thighs burned. That was something she had noticed. Whenever she helped him after a bad time she almost always wanted to have a session right after. She always waited until he was asleep or she was out of his house to do so, but it would drive her insane if she didn’t get to, as selfish as that was. She didn’t know if it was seeing his flesh or the guilt of knowing that she hadn’t stopped him that caused the urge. She hadn’t really ever thought about it before. 

“Am I the only reason you carry bandages everywhere?” South Italy asked out of the blue. Greenland knew the answer was no, but the only answer he would accept was yes. Saying no would also leave her vulnerable to other questions, and lead her down a path of lying. She was so tired of lying. 

“No.”

“Bullshit.” He answered, just as she suspected.

“I don’t know why you asked if you weren’t going to believe me.” He seemed to consider her words for a moment before his shoulders fell.

“I put the meeting notes from yesterday on the desk.” He replied instead and went back to looking out the window. Greenland climbed off the bed and set up her notebook and began to copy down the notes he took. She tried to ignore the fact that he had heard Denmark talking to Finland about her. Instead she worried about the fact that Russia and China were more agitated than normal. Without America to take their stress out on it seemed they were struggling. Apparently the meeting had gotten very out of hand, Denmark and Prussia had tried to start a dance party at one point and at another point Turkey had broken a chair while in an argument with Greece, who surprisingly wasn’t asleep. Lithuania had been seen asking France about America and Prussia had been recorded asking about little Canada. Apparently the presentation they had started with was on the problem of sex trafficking, a serious subject. However Greenland could see how they could get off topic, anything that had anything to do with sex was enough to get the jokes started. Depending on how crude the jokes were the protesters of the jokes may have caused even more chaos. Not to mention whoever the jokes were directed at may have caused problems. Greenland wasn’t too upset about missing that meeting. She wondered what France had managed to take notes on if it was this bad. Her phone buzzed.

“ _ Is everything alright? _ ” It was Canada messaging her again. 

“ _ We’re fine, thank you. _ ” She answered back, although her phone vibrations had caught South Italy’s attention.

“Who were you talking to?” He asked, he sounded more tired than when he had first come in. Maybe he needed a nap. She doubt he slept much last night.

“Canada, he wanted to know if we were okay.” She told him and he slouched further in on himself.

“You don’t think they could hear me do you?” He asked, and he sounded so unsure of himself. It wasn’t like him. She didn’t like it.

“I don’t think so, they might have just heard noise through the wall, but it wouldn’t be understandable. You’d have to be much louder than that.” She remembered that she could hear and understand some of England’s yelling despite the fact that he was a floor below her and she had two separate doors closed the night the magic happened. She knew that South Italy wasn’t near that volume. 

“You mentioned burger bastard was listening through the wall last time, did he say shit to you?” South Italy pressed on and he started to uncurl. At least he seemed to be getting out of his thoughts.

“Not really,” she answered, because in all honesty, it wasn’t America’s fault she got so worked up. She had overreacted and he had apologized enough. However South Italy seemed intent on digging deeper, something she did not want him to do. She didn’t want him to find out what happened that day, it’d only make him spiral worse.

“What the fuck did he say?” South Italy demanded and Greenland sighed. 

“It’s not important, we already discussed it and he apologized.” Greenland replied. South Italy frowned.

“Did he mean it?” He asked, and Greenland found herself hesitant. On one hand, she really did think he meant it at the moment, but she was also sure that within a day it would go back to normal. So did he really mean it? She knew she couldn’t trust theatrics, he had apologized to her that morning too but as soon as she said something wrong he was back to snapping at her. Did it really matter if he meant it if he was just going to do it again? “I don’t understand why you defend them so much.” He mumbled.

“I could say the same to you about North Italy.” He sat up straighter at her answer, she must have caught him off guard.

“Of course I defend Vene, he’s my fratellino! The only person who can say shit about him is me.” Some of his energy was coming back as his voice got stronger and his hands a bit more animated.

“It’s the same for America and I.” She explained. “Just like North Italy he isn’t hurting people on purpose, neither is America. The same goes for England.” The bruise on her wrist gave a random throb when she mentioned England. She was glad her sleeve covered it.

“Speaking of the British bastard, has he figured out how to fix you? Because it’s pretty fucking weird having a six year old doing first aid.” South Italy asked, his head rested on his shoulder, things seemed to be moving back to normal.

“He went to talk to Norway and Romania about it.”

“They’re doing magic shit at the meeting? Grazie Dio I didn’t go.” South Italy exclaimed, and Greenland shared his sentiment. It was nerve wracking being around the wizard trio when they were working. One wrong move and they could make everything worse. Not to mention, the amount of nations that would get in the way of their work or make fun of them while they did it was frustratingly large. Despite numerous occasions of examples and their very existence plenty of nations refused to believe magic existed. Some, like America, did it just to be annoying, others were religious, and some were very scientific. In the end, Greenland wouldn’t be surprised if England came home to tell them that some country had been turned into a toad for twenty minutes. Hopefully he’d come home and tell them that he had it all worked out and turn them back to normal. Greenland was tired of these over exaggerated emotions, not to mention climbing around. Once she was an adult again she’d also be able to take notes herself, and not have to worry about her boss, and she could go home where there were plenty of blades. She’d have some distance from this ongoing situation and everyone would forget about it. There was a knock on the door. Greenland looked to South Italy, who shrugged and she took that as he was fine with her opening the door. France stood outside with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you thought below. Have a great day and stay safe!


	17. Chapter Seventeen: The Doki Doki Continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America, Canada, Greenland, France, and South Italy eat lunch together. Then they play some more Doki Doki Literature Club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! I only have half an hour to post this so I better read fast. I had too much fun writing this chapter when I did and I'm glad it was awhile ago because I have written three sentences for this story in three weeks. This is why I write ahead. I was able to get the story looked at though and got the okay for pacing so no major editing needs to be done (except for chapter twenty which I've been procrastinating on ;-;). I hope you all enjoy this chapter, doki doki spoilers ahead, I added some tags to the story so you might want to recheck them. This chapter has some triggering material at the end about suicide, stay safe and click away if that will bother you.

“Would you two like some lunch? I made spaghetti” Greenland wasn’t really hungry, but South Italy almost always was hungry for pasta. He got off the window sill and came over. Even though he didn’t like France, he had to admit his cooking was good. Greenland nodded and France led them down the stairs, America and Canada were already in their normal spots. South Italy took the seat to Greenland’s right, which normally remained empty, and France sat down at the opposite end and made the motion that they could dig in. Along with spaghetti there was soup and garlic bread. Greenland took a piece of bread and a bit of soup. South Italy was glaring at America as he took large amounts of spaghetti, France had already started eating soup, and Canada was back on his phone. America finally gave his plate a break and put down the spaghetti which South Italy immediately took and also began to shovel on a large amount. By the time the two of them finished Greenland was glad she didn’t want to eat any, because there wouldn’t be enough for her. Canada took a small amount along with France. Canada was barely eating his food, which Greenland couldn’t say anything about seeing as she was mainly nibbling on a single piece of bread.

“So how was your personal talk?” America asked, for once in between bites instead of during. South Italy tensed.

“What?” The Italian asked, his voice was terse. Greenland knew it was fine, it would easily be explained away and South Italy wouldn’t be mad, but her heart still picked up pace and her stomach still twisted. Thoughts whispered that she had made a mistake, that South Italy would hate her. She knew that was unreasonable, and she told herself that in her head, but it didn’t make the thoughts go away. Fighting the whispers seemed to suck energy from her, so she gave up, and just let the thoughts repeat themselves as she watched the table. America took a bite of spaghetti and began to explain.

“Greenland said that it was really important that you be allowed to come over and said she couldn’t tell us why ‘cause it was personal. I’m not trying to like, make y’all tell us what it was about, but like, is everything Gucci now?” America asked, she wasn’t sure if he was using more slang because longer words were harder to say with noodles in his mouth, or if he was trying to make it even harder for South Italy to understand him.

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth burger bastard, no one can understand you.” South Italy grumbled, and Greenland didn’t protest, despite the fact that she understood America perfectly, because she would really appreciate it if he would stop talking with his mouth full. It was gross to see, especially when at times some food would spray out.

“Yes Amerique, mind your manners around our guest,” France scolded and America pouted, before sitting up.

“Hey, this is my house, I can be as awful a host as I want! Anyway I’m just checking in to make sure you’re okay. Greenland was really worried about you.” America simplified, South Italy rolled his eyes but his shoulders fell slightly. Greenland felt her heart slow down and the swirling thoughts get even quieter. She still didn’t want to eat any of the food in front of her, even though it smelled good, and she was sure it would taste good.

“I’m fine, she just got worked up over nothing.” South Italy answered and Greenland wanted to snap that it wasn’t nothing, but she would never reveal his secret to someone else. America didn’t stop smiling at that, but his eyes fell slightly.

“Yeah, the spell seems to have had that effect on all of us. Canada’s doing pretty well though, aren’t ya?” America continued elbowing Canada who looked up from his phone for the first time since sitting down and blinked.

“What?” Canada asked. America laughed at him.

“Nothing bro, what’s got you so interested in your phone lately?” America asked. South Italy seemed to relax further with the attention off of him. France seemed to be simply eating, but Greenland could tell he was listening closely. If anyone could tell if something was off with Canada it was France. 

“Nothing, just work stuff.” Canada answered quickly, although Greenland could see that he was swiping away on his phone, seemingly removing tabs. 

“Your guys bosses suck, my boss gets it, there’s nothing I can do about not being at a meeting. I don’t understand why you two still have to do work.” America went on. The table was silent, which should have been fine, but Greenland felt on edge. She couldn’t stop the feeling of dread. America had left himself open for a perfect attack, he had not only mentioned bosses, but made a negative comment about them. Surely France or Canada were going to fire back with an insult of their own, a come back about America’s own boss. South Italy may be dragged in, there goes the good day she wanted to give him. She sat there and waited, Canada went back to his phone, France sipped his soup quietly, and America slurped his noodles loudly. The explosion didn’t seem to be coming. She didn’t understand why, if she had said anything like that wouldn’t an argument have started? But there hadn’t been an argument this morning either when they had talked about her boss, instead it had gotten quiet. She hadn’t felt the tension before, she had been thinking about other things too much. Now though it felt she was the only one being choked with tension. Maybe it was because England wasn’t there, England surely would have taken the opportunity to attack America. Unless it somehow had something to do with what she had said yesterday. Were they holding back insults so they wouldn’t upset her, that didn’t make sense, Canada had been the one getting upset at fighting, not her. Maybe they were worried that the negative energy would upset her. She didn’t really want them to argue, it made her uncomfortable and tired, especially since she was sure now she didn’t want to take notes on it. Clearly it took a toll on America if his outburst in the forest was anything to go by. “Hey Greenland!” America called, and Greenland noticed she had been staring at her soup for awhile. South Italy was looking at her in what most would think was irritation but she could tell it was concern. In fact, most people at the table were looking at her in thinly veiled concern. France kept looking at her then back down to his food, and Canada was looking at her instead of his phone. America’s smile was thin. “Wow, you must have really been lost in thought. I’ve called your name five times.” America explained. Greenland blinked, she didn’t think that she was that deep in thought, she hadn’t heard him at all. She shrugged to reassure him, although it didn’t seem very effective. “I was wondering if you wanted to play the game some more, now that everything is okay between you and Romano?” America asked. South Italy raised his eyebrow at her.

“It’s a dating sim that he claims is a horror game.” She explained.

“It is a horror game!” America shouted and Greenland resisted rolling her eyes. South Italy seemed slightly intrigued.

“You should watch us play, it’s a visual novel.” She told him, she didn’t want him to leave. Besides, he liked cute girls, and all the girls seemed attractive enough. South Italy rolled his eyes.

“You’re really insisting that instead of heading to the meeting, I should sit here and play video games with a bunch of children?” He responded.

“Italy’s already at the meeting and with England doing magic stuff, nothing is going to get done anyway. You should stay!” America pushed and Greenland wished he had left out the first part. It already frustrated her that it seemed the whole world besides her was set on calling the brothers Italy and Romano, despite the fact that they were both Italy. It was no wonder South Italy had a hard time understanding his worth when people had practically ripped away his title from him. Of course South Italy claimed it didn’t bother him, but she could tell statements exactly like America’s bothered him. It basically implied that he wasn’t needed because Italy was already represented, which wasn’t true! South Italy shifted in his seat, before setting down his fork on his empty plate. 

“Fine, only if you don’t eat all of the garlic bread fat ass,” he grumbled and America smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Greenland knew that South Italy had been hurt, and responded in kind, and it was a common insult against America, but Greenland worried about the weight it carried. She worried about the weight America had been losing, and was glad to see him eating large portions again. So when he stood up to immediately get his laptop instead of reaching for some soup Greenland was disappointed. This was more what she expected from family, she supposed it should be more comforting than the earlier tension, but it wasn’t. The four of them ate in silence, well, South Italy and France were, Greenland had pushed away her barely touched bread and completely untouched soup and Canada had eaten approximately three noodles. America came back down the stairs, gave Greenland his laptop and started dragging his chair over. His laptop was blue and covered in superhero logos that she hadn’t noticed before. She set it in front of her and America was on her left. She turned the device slightly so South Italy could peek if he leaned over. She was surprised France hadn’t said anything about this.

They started the game and the reading aloud again. South Italy took a look at all the girls and immediately voted for her to go for Monika, but America said she wasn’t a route, which all but confirmed to Greenland that the game was really a dating simulator. America’s favorite girl was Sayori, but he insisted to Greenland that it was all her choice who they choose to try and date. In order to pick a girl in the game they had to choose words that the girl would like, in the game world they were writing a poem. Greenland hoped that they would actually get to read the poem they made. She didn’t really have a favorite girl, Sayori reminded her of North Italy and America combined, and the idea of dating either of them was unpleasant, America was her brother and she was close to South Italy like a brother. Yuri was quiet, like herself, but also really insecure, a feeling Greenland wanted to stay away from. Natsuki was like South Italy except smaller, and she had already covered why that would be weird. With no good options Greenland just chose words she liked, like “bed” or “family.” When she saw the word “broken” she was drawn to it, it felt like she had to click it, although she didn’t want anyone to know why. Either way all those words had made the little Sayori in the digital notebook hop, so maybe it wouldn’t look suspicious.

As they went through the days Greenland was disappointed that she didn’t get to read her own poems, but liked getting to read the other girls poems. Natsuki’s were childish poems but had meaning, Yuri’s took a couple more reads before she could piece together the point, which she didn’t mind; Sayori’s first poem had felt like reading someone's first poem, but her second poem had really intrigued Greenland; and Monika’s poems were very abstract and Greenland didn’t want to take too long trying to understand it. Part of Greenland’s education with England had been to write poems, something she took a liking to. She didn’t write them any more, she didn’t see the point, but she still liked to read them. All the girls felt immature, which made sense for the high school setting, but made Greenland feel too old to be playing the game. There was also a lot of focus on boobs which was also uncomfortable. Greenland felt like a creep every time she noticed something new, like the fact that the glints of light on Yuri’s shirt looked suspiciously like nipples. Yuri and Natsuki had an argument, and really Greenland didn’t agree with either of them, one type of poem wasn’t necessarily better than the other. She chose Sayori, who solved the problem without picking sides. Greenland rather liked Sayori as a person, she didn’t like the way the protagonist treated her. Even South Italy thought he was being an asshole, and South Italy gave everyone less than flattering nicknames. 

Greenland was slightly concerned when Sayori asked who the protagonist would rather walk with, her or Yuri, America had informed Greenland that she was already on the Sayori route, so she was going to stick with it anyway, but it seemed like Sayori was worried. One of her poems had been about giving herself away completely to her friends until she physically couldn’t anymore, and in the poem her friends were mad at her for not being happy enough. America was always smiling, but as he had ranted, that didn’t mean he wasn’t hurting. She told Sayori she would still walk with her. But of course the protagonist said it harshly. America adding words to make it worse didn’t help. Greenland’s concern grew when the protagonist found Sayori staring blankly at her desk. If even the protagonist of the game could tell something was off than she expected the other characters to acknowledge it, but they didn’t. When it came time to share poems Greenland knew there was something wrong with Sayori, but she didn’t expect for the other girl to insist that she make friends with the other girls in the club and leave. Yuri wasn’t even showing her poems anymore. America seemed to be becoming more excited. France was washing dishes and Canada was on his phone. But South Italy had also gotten sucked into the game. His frustrated grumbles about Monika not listening to the protagonist showed it. When the game asked about festival preparations and gave them a choice on who to work with Greenland immediately went for Sayori, but the game wouldn’t let her. So she chose Monika, and again the game wouldn’t let her. The other two girls were on her last nerve, but she chose Natsuki since her attitude was at least familiar. 

Greenland wasn’t sure what she was expecting from this game. She was glad that the protagonist went to comfort Sayori, but when the girl came out saying she had really bad depression her whole life, Greenland got the impression it wasn’t going anywhere she wanted it too. America insisted that it was a horror game, he was getting more excited the further they read. When Sayori confessed he kept looking at Greenland and South Italy as if looking for their reactions. Both of them were quiet. Greenland had purposefully avoided Yuri since she thought the girls route would go more like this. Sayori had seemed so cheerful. Greenland played on, and found herself more uncomfortable than anything with the time spent with Natsuki. The drawings made the pink haired girl look very young and the protagonist actions felt more creepy than romantic. When Natsuki’s face got closer to go in for the kiss Greenland couldn’t keep the frown off her face. She was glad Sayori interrupted, but felt bad that she was crying. She claimed she wasn’t happy that the protagonist was spending time with the other girls, and felt guilty about it, and she admitted that she loved them. None of it felt very healthy in Greenland’s opinion, but she decided to tell Sayori she loved her. They hugged, and that was that. The next morning the protagonist, being his terrible self, didn’t wait for Sayori. Only Monika was in the classroom, but the protagonist noted she was acting different. He seemed creeped out that she already knew about his and Sayori’s new status, but in the age of cellphones Greenland wasn’t surprised. The protagonist at least had the reaction to feel bad about leaving Sayori. Then they read Sayori’s poem, but it wasn’t really a poem. America stopped Greenland halfway through reading all the “Get out of my head”’s and told her to skip to the bottom. Greenland was confused by the end to say the least. The protagonist was worried. South Italy was quiet. The protagonist rushed over to Sayori’s house, which just showed a black screen. The protagonist was over thinking things a lot, still insulting Sayori as he called for her. There wasn’t an indication when he actually went to open the door, he didn’t even finish saying Sayori’s name when there was a loud sound effect and a detailed image of Sayori hanging. There was blood on her finger tips. South Italy had jumped and was cursing in Italian and America was laughing his head off. Greenland couldn’t pinpoint what she was feeling. Even as the background glitched out behind the girl Greenland couldn’t take her eyes off Sayori.

The blood on her finger tips pointed to her regretting it, trying to scratch the rope off her neck. Greenland had thought about hanging herself before. But it was hard to find a place high enough that would break your neck, and asphyxiating wasn’t fun. She also knew she most likely wouldn’t die. She would wake up, only to be hanging again, choke, and die. She remembered lying in bed at night thinking about how it would feel, the burn of the rope, the strain in her head, and the spit and drool that would get everywhere as she tried desperately to free herself. Over the years she had crossed every suicide method off, it’s one of the reasons she hadn’t thought about as an adult in a while. There wasn’t a point. But hanging she had obsessed over, probably because it was so easy to get rope. She knew how to tie a hangman’s knot. 

“America!” Canada snapped, his voice was louder than average, actual anger in his tone. The image of Sayori had been replaced by a black screen that said the end, and back to the title screen, which seemed different but Greenland couldn’t point it out because her eyes weren’t focusing right, they were still stuck on where Sayori had been. She didn’t have to try hard to see the body still. America stopped laughing. “After everything that’s happened what made you think that was a good game to play?” Canada asked, his dad voice coming out again. Greenland wondered that too. Had America really just thoughtlessly picked out a game with the end result of someone killing themselves, or was he making fun of her? He obviously didn’t take it seriously, he actually laughed at it. Maybe it really hadn’t been genuine last night, maybe she had made him mad again this morning. She didn’t see what was funny about it. She didn’t see the point of going through the whole process of liking a character just to kill them. America stumbled on his words.

“I just-- We were talking about games and-- I didn’t mean-- Greenland?” America eventually asked, and Greenland wanted to say yes. To ignore whatever feeling was washing in her head that made her limbs feel so distant and the real world far away. She tried to move her eyes away from the screen but they weren’t budging. It felt like nothing was really responding to her commands. But it was her body, she could do whatever she wanted with it. So she tried again, and she did blink, but it was slow. She swallowed.

“Yes?” She asked, her voice was neutral but slower than normal. It was like everything was taking extra effort. She turned to look at America, whose baby blues shone with worry. His fingers tapped on the table while his other hand rubbed at his shirt.

“I’m sorry if this bothered you, I wasn’t thinking about yesterday and--”

“What the fuck happened yesterday?” South Italy asked, and America froze. Greenland couldn’t hear the scrubbing of dishes anymore and she heard nothing coming from her other side. She knew that she should feel a strike of panic, her body should be pumping adrenaline into her veins, but it wasn’t. It was as if the world had slowed down, or almost like she was floating. She was falling back into the pool of numbness.

“Uh, family stuff, nothing to worry about,” America answered. South Italy’s fingers were tapping widely on the table, much worse than America’s had been. His amber eyes were narrowed and he sat straight up in his seat.

“No, you’re sitting here getting scolded for showing off a game with suicide and you apologize to Greenland about it? I want to know what the fuck went on yesterday!” Greenland could hear the slight edge of panic in South Italy’s voice, it hurt. It felt like a slap to the face. It triggered some feeling back into her body. She swallowed. The one thing she had wanted was for South Italy to not know. She knew he would be upset. He would be hurt.

“Romano, we appreciate your concern but this is a personal matter.” France stepped in and South Italy shook his head and stood up.

“I’m not asking you! Greenland, talk to me, what the hell is this all about?” Greenland looked into his eyes and regretted it. He was scared. He was shaking slightly. Greenland pushed feeling to the side, she had to handle this now and it had to go very carefully.

“Let’s go to my room.” She said, and got off the chair, she immediately started walking, she didn’t bother to look behind her. She could hear America’s voice behind her, but she couldn’t understand his whispers. She opened her door and South Italy came in behind her walking quickly before whipping around to stare at her. She closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hoped you enjoyed! Have a great day and stay safe!


	19. Chapter Eighteen: Another Important Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romano and Greenland have a stressful but needed conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo I actually was able to write a new page of this story! The writer's block is wearing off. The Corona virus hit my state and my college closed face to face classes so I'll be free more often so hopefully I'll take that time to write! I'm reading a book on writing right now to get some more tips. I also started My Hero Academia and that has been interesting and inspiring. Not really inspiring for this story though. My main struggle right now is getting past the chapter I'm on so I can move on to what I have planned. But I don't want to rush. And also I am only really comfortable writing my OC's and FACE plus Romano and SPOILERS but I am not writing them right now and I'm terrified everyone is out of character ;-; Anyway SPOILERS OVER but I would love to hear what you all are thinking! Let me know if you see any mistakes, keep the tags in mind, and I hope you enjoy reading :D

“What happened?” He asked, so much less anger to his voice letting the worry shine through. Greenland sat on the floor crossed legged and gave herself time to think through what she was saying. She couldn’t afford to make a mistake.

“I told you this child body messes with my emotions.” She started and he nodded. “When you left yesterday America immediately came in and yelled at me. Everything I had been feeling before rushed back, and the emotions were overwhelming so my thoughts shut down. I wandered into the road and was almost hit by a car. They’re all really worried about it, and making it a bigger deal than it seems.” It wasn’t really the truth at all, but she couldn’t let South Italy know she had those kind of thoughts. He stood there staring at her, he was tense and still.

“How do you wander from here to in the road and have no one notice?” He asked. She shrugged, breathing a mental sigh of relief. He seemed to have bought the story.

“They were busy doing their own thing. It’s not their fault.” He seemed to only grow tenser.

“Why did you go to the street?” He asked, and her heart picked up. She kept her face neutral.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking at the time.” His lips thinned at her explanation.

“Then why do they all think it was a suicide attempt?”

“They don’t get why I would just wander into the road.” She answered.

“You’re such a bad fucking liar.” His voice wasn’t teasing, and it wasn’t loud, it was flat. Greenland knew immediately that she had made a mistake. “For as long as we’ve known each other, for as much as you claim to care about me, you still lie right to my face.” He was right, but she still thought that the truth would hurt him more. Maybe she was wrong, if she had come up with a better story than this wouldn’t have happened, but she had put as much truth into it as possible, she just left out her thoughts. Isn’t that how to tell a good lie, add a bit of truth? He was waiting for her to say something, maybe apologize. Defending herself would just make him angrier, apologizing would admit it was a lie. What was saying nothing doing? She made sure her face didn’t change with his words, she was just staring blankly at him. His frown deepened. “Do you think I’m just too fragile to handle it? Poor little Romano can’t tell him shit! Is that it?” And in a way he was right, although he put it in a much more negative light. It wasn’t that he was fragile, it was just that she was worried he’d blame himself, and hurt himself worse. Or maybe he’d cut himself off from her to protect her from him, maybe he would still cut himself off from her now that she had lied to him. “I don’t need you to fucking pity me!” He shouted, his arms flying out. Greenland’s mind sent warning signals to her and it took all her focus not to flinch. She didn’t know why she was scared of being hit, she assumed it was just because panic was seeping in. “Why the fuck aren’t you saying anything? Say something!” Desperation mixed with anger in his voice and she realized that once again her choices were hurting him. No matter what she did it wasn’t the right choice.

“I’m sorry,” her voice was smaller than she wanted it to be. She was putting so much effort into not revealing any emotion that she had gone very tense. Her body wanted to move with the energy rushing through her. Part of her was itching to scream. South Italy seemed ready to explode as well. This was not how she wanted this visit to go.

“Sorry about what, that you lied to me? That you didn’t talk to me? Or are you just sorry you got caught?” He went on and she shook her head. 

“I didn’t want you to worry.” She told him, there was no point in denying that she was lying.

“I’m your friend, I’m supposed to be worried when you start thinking like that!” He shouted at her and she couldn’t hold back a small twitch. She could feel his rejection coming from a mile away, this line of conversation could only lead to bad outcomes she was sure of it.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, she wasn’t sure what else there was to say. She hadn’t wanted to make anyone worry, she hadn’t wanted to tell anyone in the first place. She was doing her best to ignore it. 

“Stop saying you’re sorry and tell me the truth.” South Italy practically demanded. She could tell he was stressed, his right hand ran through his hair making it a mess instead of smoothing it. Despite all the yelling Greenland still didn’t want to tell him, because what if he could tell she was leaving something out, what if he wanted to know what happened after? She couldn’t explain to him why she panicked so much about being searched without him wanting to know why. Than they’d enter an entire new topic and he’d leave. She’d be alone. What if he hurt himself and he died, all because she couldn’t keep a secret. The seconds ticked by and she could see South Italy shaking more, his fists tightening as she didn’t give him what he wanted. “So you’ll tell those bastards who hurt you over and over again but not me, is that it?” South Italy wasn’t yelling, she almost wished he was. She was used to the anger, even though it was scaring her. The hurt in his voice though made her want to rip open her thighs. She had messed up, she had made another mistake, she had failed again. She didn’t have a blade to punish herself with. She could break America’s mirror and use the glass, but that’d be too noisy. She’d just have to settle hitting herself over and over again. It wasn’t good enough, but it’d work. She could start as soon as South Italy left her forever. “Greenland?” His voice was quieter this time, it didn’t sound as hurt. She realized that she had started crying, just little tears slipping down her face. She wasn’t even looking at him anymore. Just staring blankly at the bed. She wished France had just hit her with the car. It’d be easier to deal with than this. She wouldn’t be conscious for most of this spell bullshit. South Italy came closer to her until he sat next to her on the floor, before pulling her into his chest. “You know, for all the shit I’ve put you through, I’ve never seen you cry before.” He told her running his hands through her hair like she would for him. She thought back and realized that while he probably knew of instances of her crying, he had never seen it for himself. She was normally very good at keeping herself under control. The burn of his touch was comforting and confusing. She wasn’t sure why he wasn’t leaving. He should hate her, be storming out the door and going home. But instead he was comforting her.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. It must have been uncomfortable for him, being hurt but feeling obliged to help. She felt him sigh. His shirt was slightly damp because she couldn’t get herself to stop crying. At least she kept control of her breath. He smelled like flowers.

“Stop apologizing, I should be the one to say sorry, I found out you were feeling bad and just yelled at you.” He grumbled.

“I lied to you, you have a right to feel mad.” She told him, because he did. She didn’t want him to leave, but she didn’t want him to guilt himself into staying near her either. His fingers were gentle against her scalp and his nails never caught in her hair.

“I lied to you a lot before too. I think it’s natural to want to hide those thoughts, but you shouldn’t. I know it’s hard to talk about, and that it seems like everything is going to go wrong if you do, but it won’t. I mean, I thought if you ever saw my arms you’d tell Vene and lock me away in some hospital for the rest of my life. Instead you just fucking worry about me all the time…” Greenland felt her breath hitch when he paused, she could feel his next words coming, the ones she had been trying to avoid all this time. She didn’t want him to blame himself, it wasn’t his fault. She had been broken for as long as she could remember. “You, you don’t do the shit I do right?” That wasn’t the question she had been expecting to hear but it wasn’t any better either. Her body trembled with the force it took to hold in sobs. It felt like her entire life was falling apart and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t tell him, she didn’t want to lie to him. She didn’t know what to do. His hand stopped going through her hair. “Greenland, please tell me you don’t. I mean, you’re always giving me advice on how to stop and feel better without it so you probably don’t, but I just need to hear you say it.” South Italy rambled, his voice a higher pitch. She tried to push herself away from him but he pulled her closer. She couldn’t tell through her shaking if he was shaking too. A sob escaped her throat and it released some of the pressure building in her head. He began to rock back and forth and shush her, although it would cut off every once and a while. Greenland tried to be quiet, to stop herself from bothering him further but she couldn’t stop. She was scared of whatever was going to happen next, she was angry at herself for not staying under control, and she was tired of dealing with all these thoughts. Part of her wanted to cut, part of her was angry for ever starting in the first place, a feeling she hadn’t felt in a long time. But if she didn’t, she could probably help South Italy better, wouldn’t have hurt him this way.

By the time she was back under control her muscles ached and her eyelids were heavy. The rocking was soothing and seemed less frenzied than before. She realized she was basically on South Italy’s lap, and that probably hurt his legs. His fingers were back to going through her hair. He seemed calmer at least.

“Are you okay?” His voice was almost in a whisper. She nodded into his chest. She pulled away and he let her this time and she sat cross legged in front of him. His eyes were red, she assumed hers were as well. His fingers went to the carpet and pushed in. “So I’m taking your crying as a yes. Was it because of m--”

“No. I started before I met you.” She interrupted, her voice was a little hoarse. She cleared her throat. He nodded but he wasn’t looking at her. She hadn’t really talked about it with Canada, he was all about the why and stopping. South Italy probably already had more of an understanding of why than Canada ever could, unless he started, but he wouldn’t. Greenland pushed away the mental image of Canada with the knife to his arm.

“Do you…” He stumbled for words, one of his hands coming up and circling around. She waited for him to finish. Her talking had gotten her in enough trouble today. “Take care of it I guess? You know, like you do for me?” He asked and she shook her head. He frowned but nodded anyway. “You haven’t done anything like this have you?” He asked, but he didn’t show her any examples. It took her a moment to realize he meant her body.

“Just a little on the legs.” It wasn’t too much, although now that she thought about it more he’d probably disagree. But it was under fifty, and they weren’t deep. Most of them were just little scabs now. South Italy had a tendency to go longer and deeper than she did but make fewer cuts overall, she had noticed through his texts that he got the urge most often when he was angry with himself. She assumed he was sporadic with it, while she normally fell into it slowly. Control was very important to her, she didn’t like it looking like a slasher film body. She made straight lines and went in rows until she ran out of space and then she went across lines she had already made. She moved around her leg, she cut over scabs and scars if she needed to but most of the time avoided them, that way her legs looked like a collection of her work. She wasn’t sure what usually triggered the urge for her, when she made a mistake, when she saw South Italy’s, but sometimes it was nothing. She would just be answering emails when she wanted a break, and cutting was her break. When she was angry she didn’t want to cut as much, she punched holes in her wall and hit her thighs, although sometimes she give in and break out a razor or knife. However afterwards those times were the ones that brought her the most guilt. She wasn’t careful enough those times, she was out of control which went against it in the first place.

“That’s a disturbing image.” South Italy commented. She tilted her head. “Well, I mean, walking in on someone cutting themselves is bad enough but you look like a damn six year old. It’s fucking creepy to think about. It’s like a horror film come to life.” South Italy went on and Greenland could see his point. It’s not an image any adult would really like to see. She wondered which South Italy would find worse, seeing her adult body with all the scars and wounds intact, or just imagining her little body doing it. “So you didn’t take care of them? Well let’s put some Neosporin and bandages on them.” He got up and went towards the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this chapter, a bit short, sorry. Let me know what you thought! Thank you for reading, stay safe, and have a great day!


	20. Chapter Nineteen: An Even More Important Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> South Italy and Greenland have a conversation after treating her wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait with this chapter! I'm on lock down in my home and my body is going into depressed mode. This chapter is mostly dialogue and feelings about self harm from the perspective of two people who do it so it might be pretty triggering, please stay safe! Keep the tags in mind. I hope you enjoy reading, let me know what you think :D

“They’re already closed,” she wasn’t really trying to argue, but she didn’t see the point.

“It will help them heal faster and you always do it for me so come on.” He insisted, so she got up, took her pants off, and walked behind him. While he went through the medicine cabinet she sat on the edge of the bathtub. “So what do you use, because I can’t see anything in here.” He asked, it felt surreal in a way. She had never really gotten to talk about this with anyone. Any conversation she had ended with anger, tears, and disaster. But this was almost causal. 

“Double edge razor blades, but Canada found out and took the one I had here away.” Greenland explained.

“How’d he find out?” Although he didn’t say it Greenland could hear the unsaid “before me?”

“Well we didn’t have pants and I did bandage my leg for a day.” She explained and he nodded. He found the neosporin and the bandages and turned around only to yelp and close and cover his eyes.

“Greenland, what the fuck?!” He was being even louder than earlier and she didn’t understand the problem. “Why the fuck did you take off your underwear?” He exclaimed and she suddenly understood the problem. She supposed she should feel embarrassed, but really his reaction was the worst part. She didn’t care if he saw her naked, it was just to put medicine on. She always forgot how weird he was about that with her. She swore she had taken note of Germany talking about North Italy’s habit of stripping completely naked. 

“I don’t have any underwear, France forgot to buy some.” She answered, his face was very red. “Why does it matter? It’s not like we’re doing something sexual. It’s honestly easier without under clothing.” She explained, although it didn’t seem to be helping.

“It’s fucking weird! People would definitely think it’s some kinky shit.”

“Who are you telling to think that?” She asked, she was pretty sure no one else would know about this, so why would the hypothetical judgement of people matter? Than again she had been worried about his hypothetical judgement, and her families, maybe he had someone more specific in mind. “Is this about Spain?”

“What?” He asked, finally ripping his arm away, his eyes stayed trained on hers. “What the fuck does the tomato bastard have to do with this?”

“Are you worried about his judgement?” She asked and though she didn’t think it was possible he got even redder. He looked away from her to the wall and took in a deep breath.

“It’s just fucking weird okay?” He responded, not giving her any more information to help her understand. She shrugged assuming it was one of the things she would never understand.

“Are you going to put bandages on or not?” She asked, she didn’t really care either way. She didn’t care about them healing faster, she had no idea if the wounds would even stay when England changed them back. No other injuries except the ones she had been in the middle of making stayed on her body when the spell first happened. Even if she was in her regular body she’d want them to heal slowly, to remind herself where she had been recently to know to move on to a different area. South Italy seemed to be having a debate with himself, his eyes would go from the wall, to his arms, to the neosporin, and jump to her for only a second then back to the wall. It was a strange pattern to watch. “Would it make you feel better if I put the medicine on and wrapped them?” She asked.

“How do I know you’ll actually do it?” He responded, it wasn’t harsh, but it stung. She had broken his trust earlier and she’d have to work to get it back. Just because he didn’t seem angry that didn’t mean there weren't consequences. She didn’t have an answer for him because how could he trust her after today? She had lied to his face, twice, and lying by omission and probably a few commissions about this habit since they’ve known each other. Yet he seemed surprised by her silence, he actually looked at her again despite his discomfort. She could tell he was trying to read her face, and she did her best to look unreadable. “I’ll do it, there’s just the ones on the top of your thigh right?”

“There are some on the side too,” she answered and he nodded coming forward and squeezing some of the medicine onto his hand. When he started rubbing it into her leg, he was a bit rougher than she expected, his hand was calloused and he pushed a bit hard. He actually managed to make the wounds hurt, but that wasn’t something she was going to complain about. When he finally got a look at the side of her thigh he frowned and made sure to cover it all. She could almost hear his thoughts contradicting her statement about there only being a little. She wondered if he was thinking about the difference between their styles, or if that was just her being weird. Once he was done he had her stand up and he wrapped the bandages. It was weird having someone else make direct contact with her lines. It felt more personal than most things she had done. On one hand it was nice she was close enough with someone that she would allow them to do this, on the other hand she wanted to put on her pants and never show him again. All of her lines burned now, whether it was the normal burn she got from touch or the wounds were actually aggravated she didn’t know but it did keep her thoughts on them. She thought that having the guilt of cutting come back would overwhelm the urge, but it never had before so she shouldn’t have expected it to. Once he was done with the bandages she went and put her pants back on and he avoided looking at her as he went towards the desk. Once her pants were on she wasn’t sure what to do.

“Did you ever take notes on… this? He asked out of nowhere.

“I took notes of my suspicions I had for you before I met you, if that’s what you mean.” She answered and he tensed. She had wondered why he had never asked her before, she wondered if he ever thought about why she chose to go into his bathroom that night.

“So your boss knows.” He stated his voice flat.

“My boss told me that it was ridiculous to think such a thing and that I was focusing too much on things that didn’t matter. He said we were nations, not depressed adolescents seeking attention from their absent father in America.” She explained, as close to word for word as she could. His little rant had always stuck with her, pointed out to her that she was broken. Also that if he ever found out he’d do little to nothing about it. He would probably insist that she got the wounds from somewhere else or insult her about it and move on.

“Stupido bastardo del cazzo*. Why is such a piece of shit your boss?” South Italy swore and asked.

“Because he was the top personification expert in Greenland many years ago.” Greenland explained. It was frustrating at times to know that’s how he got his position, that he was higher than her based on knowledge that she knew she had more of than him. He could study nations all he wanted but she would always know herself better than him. She had grown up around nations and she had read books and reports written by nations themselves that he couldn’t have touched because the only copies that existed were at England's house. Yet his knowledge was “impressive” because he could interpret old writings by humans about where personifications were throughout history and what they did and what they looked like. He supposedly was the best studied enough to talk to them, as if one had to talk to a personification different from any other government official. What he really did was he was during meetings he’d always bring up history, and make it clear he knew what the personifications physical part was. All it did was make them uncomfortable. It’s not really that fun to remember exactly what battle one was in during world war two. Sometimes it would bring back good memories for the other nations, but it was rare.

“Top expert? He barely treats you like a human!” South Italy exclaimed.

“Well we’re not human. He doesn’t think of us as such. We’re less emotional, we can take severe trauma and come out okay, and our thoughts are dictated by our people.” She explained and South Italy shook his head.

“It’s all bullshit, we’re just as emotional, we can still get traumatized, and we have our own thoughts!” He went on and Greenland agreed, but there wasn’t anything she could do. Nothing she had ever taken note of changed her boss’s mind. He had all her reports, he could edit them as he saw fit. She had no idea what of her reports he was actually showing the Prime Minister, and the more she tried to keep the other nations personal lives out of it the angrier her boss was getting, it didn’t make sense. He insisted that they weren’t human but when she stayed completely focused on the business end of meeting he was angry. That’s how she knew it wasn’t just the work he wasn’t happy with, but her. She knew nothing she did would be good enough for him, so she had stopped trying to make the best work, and instead did the minimum that wouldn’t get her threatened. Although she was struggling to hit the minimum this time. “You’re not letting that bastard get in your head are you?” South Italy asked, he must have taken her silence as disagreement. She shook her head. He nodded back and moved to sit in her desk chair. He looked at the notes she had taken off his notes. “So when did you start, you said it was before you met me, but… I guess what I’m asking is what made you start?” He asked. She hadn’t expected all the questions, she hadn’t questioned him, but maybe he was comparing his own experience to hers. 

“I still lived with England when I noticed that pain distracted me, but I didn’t start acting on it further until America left permanently. It was a strange situation to put it mildly. England was miserable and angry, he struggled greatly with seeing Canada as America which left the task of keeping him healthy mainly up to me. Canada went back to his own country, which was becoming more independent as well. I made meals and cleaned the house. I brought him letters and organized reports. I knew in England’s state he wouldn’t let me go home, but I also knew that I had free reign of the house. I took a few knives and pieces of broken alcohol bottles for my own and tested the theory of the distraction of pain. It worked, and I continued on, it helps keep my emotions in check as well which helped me create a better relationship with England and eventually convinced him to let me go.” Greenland told the story leaving out many details that would show her family in a less flattering manner. South Italy didn’t need to know that the reason there were broken pieces of bottles was because sometimes in a drunken rage England would throw them at her. Or that sometimes Canada would actually yell at England about being mistaken for America, and would have to throw England off him. The fact that America wouldn’t talk to her or Canada for awhile because they had supposedly taken England’s side. Or that France came over to the house at one point to talk to England who promptly tried to shoot him and screeched for him to never come back. Even though the house was emptier than ever it was still suffocating to live in.

“I still lived with Spain when I noticed. He was out being a stupid fucking pirate and I was left at his house. I was washing the dishes thinking about how much that tomato bastard sucks when I cut myself with a knife. It stung and I had to go and clean it out and wrap it, when I noticed I wasn’t thinking about him anymore. When I moved out and started living with Vene that’s when it became clear that my fratello was better at everything, and everyone else noticed too. I tried to be better at at least one thing, but it never fucking worked. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then we had Spain and potato bastard number one and two over and they all were fawning over Vene. Every time I opened my mouth they would interrupt me to say something about my brother. So I took my plate, dumped the rest of the food into the garbage and started washing it, only to cut myself on a knife again, and I remembered that time at Spain’s house. So I finished washing the dishes, went upstairs with the knife and dragged it across my arm, then I did it again, and again. I wasn’t thinking about those stupid bastards anymore.” South Italy explained and Greenland nodded, although the image made her sad. She had had a feeling that South Italy’s insecurity around his brother played a part in why he started hurting himself. It was definitely a trigger for him to this day. “What did Canada do when he found out?”

“He tried to make an example of himself by pretending to cut his arm, and then agreed not to tell anyone but took my razor.” South Italy shifted again at her recount but only nodded in response. On one hand, it was nice not to have to pretend that a big part of her life wasn’t happening, yet it still felt wrong to talk about. She didn’t think that just because they were talking about it that it was comfortable. She still wanted South Italy to stop, she was sure that he didn’t like the fact that she did it. They knew now that they had started for very different reasons, and if they were to stop it would probably be for different reasons. She didn’t know what would make her stop, nothing had ever worked as well and she couldn’t imagine just not doing things that hurt. She had always had the urge to hit things when seemingly unsolvable problems arised. Even if she did give up cutting she’d still have that urge to hit things, she wasn’t sure how to get rid of that. Maybe a punching bag, but that could still hurt her hands. It didn’t really matter, she had no intention of quitting. She was pretty sure South Italy didn’t either. 

“Have you ever tried the ice cube thing?” He asked and she shook her head. He nodded, she wasn’t sure what that meant but she didn’t feel like asking. This interrogation though causal was sucking energy out of her fast. It was probably because of all the emotions she had been cycling through. She wondered how long it had been, and if the others were still worrying about them downstairs. Hopefully they weren’t listening through the walls. That would be disastrous. While South Italy and Canada were handling the news better than Greenland had ever dreamed America would not. She was positive he’d be a stressed yelling mess if he found out. He also wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut. “It’s kinda nice to talk about it with someone who understands, before I always assumed that you were pitying me and questioning my sanity.” He went on. She nodded, although it didn’t really convey an actual message. She understood worrying about that. South Italy didn’t like to be thought of as crazy, but he thought he was broken. There was a difference that was difficult to distinguish but it was a line she also followed. She didn’t think she was crazy either, just broken. 

“What now?” She asked, because really that was what was important. Obviously he wasn’t going to tell, and he probably wouldn’t stop her, but she also doubted that he’d give her a razor to replace hers. She supposed he’d want her to text him when she got the urge, maybe he’d try to make a pact where if he stopped she’d stop. She really didn’t want that. Maybe they could start small, they both could try the ice cube thing and then give up on trying to quit because it didn’t work and they’d both just worry about each other and be sad. Then South Italy would get too angry one day and cut an artery and bleed out and die and she’d never see him again. So she’d try to follow in his footsteps but she wouldn’t die and- why were her thoughts spiraling to the negative so fast? This scenario she had run through her head had always ended with South Italy dying, nothing about killing herself too. South Italy had just told her earlier if she was having those thoughts she should tell him, but she’d have to wait until he answered her first question, one that he was thinking really hard about. Maybe going through the same thought process she was.

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t want you to do this. It hurts me that you feel the same way I do, and I know you probably think the same for me. You gave me all these methods to quit but I don’t want to try them because I know they won’t feel as good, and I’m guessing that’s why you haven’t tried either. I don’t think anything but myself can make me quit, if I quit I’ll have to want to quit, and I don’t. The same goes to you. So we’re not going to make some agreement that I won’t cut if you don’t because I’m going to fail and feel guilty and then I’ll do it again. I’m not going to make you try to quit, but…” He trailed off a moment once again running his hands through his hair. “Your little is not the same definition as my little, and I know that they probably aren’t as deep but it was scary to look at. From the way you described it your reasons aren’t the same as mine, what makes you want to hurt yourself is about control, and I do and don’t understand. When I take the knife to my skin is when I feel most out of control, but it’s not bad. It’s almost like choosing to get drunk. I don’t have to think about Vene or work or the meetings, I almost feel as if I’m floating. The anger disappears…” He trailed off again his hands fidgeting with each other going back and forth. “I guess what I want from this is for you to be more honest with me. I want to know when it happens so I can take care of it like you take care of me. I don’t want anymore methods sent to me and I want you to try and get over the thought that you’re hurting people by making them worry about you, because guess what, even before this I was worried about you! You’ve never actually seemed happy since I met you, you’ve made it clear you think you’re broken, and you live alone and far away with the only people on your land that you talk to treat you like shit. Okay, text me when you feel like hurting yourself and text me when you feel like killing yourself, and hey, text me when something good happens so we can celebrate together. I know emotions are the bane of your existence but you wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for emotion, and doing it will only take them away temporarily, right? Maybe instead of trying to rid yourself of all feeling you should learn to process them. I’m not saying you have to stop cutting or will stop cutting if you do, but you should allow yourself to be happy. There, big rant over. Today and yesterday have been exhausting.” South Italy’s message was heartfelt and she appreciated his worry, but she couldn’t help but feel bad. She didn’t choose to feel bad, it just happened. She was glad they weren’t making any deals about stopping, and she knew it wasn’t a hard request to text him, but she also knew she’d feel guilty. Still he did it for her, for all she knew he dealt with the same thing. 

“Okay.” She answered and he stared at her bemused. Then he laughed.

“Of course after all of that you’d just answer with one word. Okay. I’m taking a siesta, are you going to join me?” It was such a causal experience between them that a smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she nodded. “Can I take the bed? Or should I go to the couch?” He asked and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“We’ll both sleep in the bed.” She told him and he looked like he wanted to protest, but then must have remembered their argument from earlier and just sighed and got on the left side of the bed. Greenland went and unlocked the door and cracked it open to signal that the heavy talk was over to her family and climbed onto the right side of the bed and went under the covers. South Italy stayed above, his weight making the blankets pull on her side, something she wasn’t used to but wasn’t bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Means stupid fucking bastard according to google translate.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think, I'd love to hear it. Have a great day and stay safe!


	21. Chapter Twenty: You Know That Depressed Withdrawal Mood Where Your Emotions Go Haywire And Then You Lose Complete Control?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland's nap gets interrupted and then she thinks so hard that she puts herself in a bad mood and is a bitch to everybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard. I'm still not happy with it but I don't think I ever will be so here you go. I really like writing Greenland being nasty but I feel bad for whoever she's talking to. This chapter mentions some history stuff, basically references what happened to the Native Americans throughout American history in a very generalized way, sorry if that bothers you. Sometimes it's weird being the nice quiet one that no one realizes that you're paying attention. You end up just having all of this information and never wanting to use it, but you have it. So what if you did use it? Blah doesn't matter now cause there's no one to talk to in quarantine. Hope you enjoy this less than stellar chapter, stay safe and have a great day!

She thought that after a full night's rest it would be difficult for her to sleep, but from the crying she was tired. She closed her eyes and waited to stop being aware of her surroundings, and she was making real progress when small feet came up the stairs. It caused her to twitch and her breathing sped back up from the slowness of before. There were definitely four feet, one was louder (although she could tell he was trying his best to be quiet) and covered the other pair but the thumping was at an off beat that showed the truth. She knew that America and Canada came into the room because she heard Canada make a shushing noise at America. It was silent for a moment.

“Are they sleeping?” America whispered, presumably to Canada, who she didn’t hear answer but she imagined he was rolling his eyes and nodding. “How long do you think? It’s been a couple hours since they came up.”

“How should I know?” Canada’s voice was barely audible, but Greenland had spent years listening for him as a child and could pick it up easily.

“I don’t know I was just looking for a guess. England will be home soon and texted France saying he had good news. Should we wait until England gets here or tell them now?” America asked, his voice getting progressively less quiet and more like whisper shouting. “You’re no help.” America said after, Canada must have shrugged. On one hand, Greenland wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep quickly so she might as well get up, but on the other hand South Italy was probably still tired. She would leave him to sleep. She slowly sat up and gently pulled the covers away and climbed off the bed. America and Canada were staring at her and she motioned for them to leave the room. She closed the door behind them.

“What’s the good news?” She asked, still quietly since she knew from experience the door wasn’t sound proof.

“He says they figured out how to fix us!” America exclaimed at full volume and Greenland sighed through her nose and went down the stairs. The boys followed her, there was a small thunk and an “ow” behind her that she ignored. 

“So we’ll be back to normal by tonight?” She asked. 

“I guess so, he didn’t say.” America answered. That would be nice. She would actually get to go to the meeting for a day. With herself taking notes she shouldn’t have a problem hitting her minimum. Then she could go home, she wouldn’t have to worry about Canada taking her things or worry about people seeing her. These overly emotional outbursts would go away. Hopefully the suicidal thoughts with them. If not she had dealt with them before and could again.

“When is he coming home?” She asked, she had no idea what time it was, she supposed she could look at America’s microwave or her phone but that would make it look like she wasn’t giving her full attention to America and Canada. She didn’t need to set America off in these last few hours.

“He should be here in half an hour at most, the meeting ended twenty minutes ago.” Canada answered and Greenland wondered if South Italy was supposed to give North Italy a ride home. Well it was too late now, there was no way he’d make it in time, Germany would already be driving him home into the sunset while Italy imagined the car as a horse and pretend the sunset was happening and not blocked by buildings. South Italy should stay asleep, he’d be fine. Maybe he could stay the night? But then how would North Italy get to the meeting, Germany could give him a ride but she didn’t know if the two were staying near each other, although she assumed they were. The way the two acted made them seem like a married couple but they weren’t even dating. Greenland had a feeling the only reason they weren’t dating was Germany struggled to take his focus off of work, he had a very logical mind and romance had a hard time fitting into there, but it was clear he wanted it to. Then again she wondered the same thing about Canada and Prussia. Maybe it had something to do with their bosses. At least Prussia and Canada were less obvious about it. She wondered if it was still okay to take notes on that, who she thought liked who, or if that was too much an invasion of privacy. Then again it was all speculation based on observation, she could be wrong. So she was pretty sure it was okay to write about. It wasn’t like the other nations didn’t talk about it. They were like highschoolers with the gossip they’d spread about each other. She often neglected to write those down. It was one thing to write down who may be in love with who but it was another to write down that China and Russia had a quick fuck for stress relief (America’s words not her’s). It wasn’t really important, she knew that people did it all the time with strangers, and although she didn’t really understand it, that was only because she viewed sex as stressful. But England had, had France over many times over the years she was there, sometimes for longer periods where France would try to act like a dad, and others where he would just spend the night and obnoxious noises would come from England’s room while it was dark and then he was gone after breakfast for another few months until it happened again. England didn’t really try to talk to France much those mornings. If Canada was there France would talk to him and America, Greenland had no interest in talking to him at the time. Of course France had tried, and she’d answer him because if she didn’t England would scold her and if he scolded her he’d be pissy with her for the rest of the day which could of ended in a spanking with a paddle of being trapped in her room all day with no food.

Her relationship with France was better than it was with England, but she still had highly resented him as a child. When England was away he was the one to make sure she didn’t run away. He seemed sympathetic to her plight but still chose to be on England’s side. He didn’t yell at her as much when she was rude, although there were a few times she had pushed him too far. He’d snap at her and she had gotten slapped before, which in the present day seems awful but was tame for back then. What normally pushed him over was when she started insinuating things about his and England’s relationship in relation to Canada. She knew back then that France gave Canada up to England, something that Canada was very upset about when he first came to England’s house. Canada had also struggled to speak English. It highly reminded Greenland of herself and she tried to spend time with him, she even tried to understand his language, but England found out and got pissed about it. Canada learned English much faster than she did, partially because of the fact that more English travelers were coming to his land. America was Canada’s blood brother and that resulted in him also wanting to spend a lot of time with Canada too. America and Canada played many games together, sometimes inviting her sometimes not. What Greenland didn’t understand at the time was why Canada was always very polite to England even after being ripped away from his father. Even when England started mistaking him for America all the time Canada was still nice to him. Canada began to encourage Greenland to do the same which she refused. He explained to her what his father had told him, if you’re a bad child to the mean man he’ll treat you badly, but if you act like an angel then the mean man will give you nice things. Canada told her that his father had told him that if he was good enough, then England would let Canada see him again, in which Canada turned it on her saying she’d get to see her parents again if she was good. Greenland’s response was to stomp away to her room to hide the fact that she was crying.

The memories brought to her attention something she had been hiding for a long time, something America had snapped at her about at the table last night. Her parents had given her her name, and she had in a sense tossed it away. Her parents weren’t her birth parents, when she was a fresh country and had no idea about anything she had run into an older couple who took her in. They lived in a village on the east side of Greenland. They called her K'âjúnguaĸ and she had thought it was funny since it described their situation. She felt bad for disregarding the name, it almost felt like she betrayed them. It was hard to remember her time with them. All she really remembered was being happy. And then when her father was telling her stories a stranger came in. His skin was like hers and his hair was a dark black that cut off at the end of his neck. She didn’t recognize him, her parents didn’t seem to either as her dad had immediately stood up and got in front of her and her mother. The stranger had an ulu in his hand. Greenland never learned why what happened next did, never understood the strangers intentions. He started shouting at her father to give him food, brandishing the ulu. Her father tried to calm him down and got closer but the man panicked and started swinging. Her mother showed her a place to hide, a small hole dug under the wall, but instead of staying with her she went to help Greenland’s father. She wouldn’t have fit anyway, they must have made it for her she had realized in hindsight. Most people could tell there was something off about a nation, but her parents had thought she was special. Greenland could never forget the sound of her mother’s wails. Greenland had stayed crouched and hiding in the turf hut even after it was silent. No one ever came to get her out. Her young mind had had a hard time accepting that. When she finally did get out the stranger was gone and her parents were on the floor dead with blood spilling out of them. Greenland hadn’t known what to do, hadn’t known who to turn to. She didn’t want her parents taken away. So she stayed in the hut, gave the others around excuses on why her parents weren’t coming out, and stayed by their bodies. But then England came. She didn’t know exactly how he located her, none of his men spoke the language, but he did find her. He came in the door while she sat between her parents bodies, she had been talking to them, asking them to wake up, when he grabbed her and lifted her off the ground. She screamed and thrashed and he spoke to her but she hadn’t known what he was saying. 

She snapped out of the memory and felt heavy. Usually when she thought about her parents she felt furious, she was angry at the stranger, she was angry with herself for hiding, and at most she was angry at England for taking her away from her home just to be some damn trophy. Yet this time she was still a little angry, but she also just wanted to lay down. Her thighs itched too, calling for her attention. Part of her was guilty for thinking about cutting right after that talk, the rest of her knew it was going to happen anyway. She ignored the urge and focused on what she really wanted. She wanted a hug from her mom. She tried to remember what one felt like and with dawning horror realized she couldn’t remember her mother’s face. She tried to remember her father’s but couldn’t. Her eyes filled with tears but she blinked them away. She had cried enough today. America was watching television in the living room and Canada must have gone upstairs because she didn’t see him. France was working on his laptop at the table, but she could see him eyeing her.

“Is something wrong Groenland?” He asked, and she almost just blurted out the problem. But everything had been highly emotional lately, she didn’t need to stress him out over her petty worries. “You’ve just been standing there staring at the same spot for almost five minutes. Tell me what’s on your mind?” He went on, and she was surprised and a little scared that time had jumped on her again. She wasn’t used to losing time around other people, at home at night, sure, but normally she was too focused to get lost in her own thoughts. But the other issue was France seemed to genuinely want to hear what was on her mind. 

“I can’t remember what my parents’ faces looked like.” She answered and France looked like he had been struck. She knew he probably felt like her parent right now, she just had thought he’d remember she had parents before him. On one hand she felt bad that she hurt him, on the other hand she didn’t understand why he seemed hurt. Then again, maybe she was misinterpreting his expression, maybe he was slapped with shock. It had been a very, very long time since she had talked about her parents with other people. Even with South Italy she just mentioned they existed. She hadn’t wanted England to know what they were like, she didn’t want him to act like them to gain her trust, although at the time he never would have acted like them since they were “savages.” But now she didn’t really have to worry about that. She just had never talked about it because she knew it would make her angry and she’d start a fight.

“It’s been a very long time since you’ve seen them, it’s natural. Their memory isn’t fully gone though, tell me about them.” France encouraged, after he recovered. His smile was strained. She found herself growing irritated despite her best efforts. She didn’t want to talk to someone who didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear him talk about them afterwards like they were lesser, which admittedly he had never done, that was America. Still she felt that tiny flame of anger growing brighter and hotter in her chest.

“You don’t want me to.” She answered, her voice was neutral, it always had to be neutral if she didn’t want to start a fight or seem weak. Thinking about her parents made her vulnerable, that’s why she didn’t think about them. That’s why she shouldn’t tell them her name, it made her vulnerable. Anytime anyone would say it it’d force her to remember it all. She flexed her hands making sure they didn’t turn to fists. France didn’t do anything wrong, he had a right to his emotions. But then she thought of America’s words at the dinner table, before all the pity hug they gave her. He was mad at her because he thought she was still mad at the family. Did he not understand the situation? She wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. But France did. That’s why France was nice to her back in the day. But not nice enough to take her home. Bitterness tasted sour in her mouth. All she had wanted to do was remember her mom’s face, give a little trust to France to share something she never had with anyone, and he couldn’t be happy for her. Maybe her frustration was selfish, but she was a selfish person in general.

“Non that’s not it! It’s just…” He couldn’t find the words to explain, which meant her thoughts were right. He didn’t want to listen. It made him feel bad. It reminded him that he wasn’t her first parent.

“It’s fine.” She said before walking out into the living room and sitting on the couch as far from America as she could get.

“Hey Greenland,” he held out the word hey far to long. “You seem less happy than a person who's about to be turned back into an adult should!” America went on, and Greenland suppressed a scowl. If he could tell she was upset her face must be giving her away. She felt like it was in a neutral position. She took deeper breaths and tried to make it less tense. “Wanna talk about it?” What was with her family and suddenly wanting to talk to her about everything? Nobody gave a shit about her problems before, no one cared about her wants. Suddenly she understood what America meant by getting angry at every little thing.

“You don’t want to hear it.” She answered, she had learned lately that silence isn’t the answer to her interpersonal conflicts anymore, at least no one was accepting it anymore.

“Try me! I can handle anything.” America said and Greenland didn’t believe him, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care that it would make him angry and that he would insult her. In fact that was fine. Then when she disappeared somewhere it made sense. She could go back outside into the shed and see if it was unlocked and get those scissors. Maybe that’s why she was so angry. In fact, the more she thought about it she realized every time she thought about her parents she would add quite a few lines. It’d help her calm down. It was all she needed. But fucking Canada took her razor and South Italy was in her room so she couldn’t do it in her bathroom even if she had it. Maybe she should just go look in Canada’s room, who's to say that he would notice since he’s been on his phone so much. She knew she wasn’t being fair, but that’s what emotions do, they compromised her. “Uh, Greenland?” America asked. Greenland’s eyes snapped into focus and she realized she had loss time again.

“I can’t remember my parents' faces, I can barely remember what we used to do together, France doesn’t want me to talk about it because it makes him sad and that makes me mad.” She rushed out, her voice betraying her irritation. America blinked at her a couple times, he must not be used to being on the other side of his unintelligible speech. 

“That’s uh, rough Greenland. I’m sorry.” He said, and now she was frustrated because he wasn’t mad, just uncomfortable. She had no idea what was going on with her emotions but they were pulling her further towards angry for no reason.

“The only reason I can’t talk about it is because I’m supposed to be over it, accept that England and France are my parents now, and I do accept that they raised me and that it wasn’t easy but it wasn’t easy either being dragged away from my home.” She went on, and she could start to see America tense up a little, which was good, if she could just get him to insult her she could go wherever she wanted. He would be too mad to notice. She could get to the shed. 

“I mean, your parents were already dead, what was left for you there?” America asked, she could tell he was trying to be sensitive but it just added wood to the fire that was always simmering in her heart.

“How about the rest of the neighbors who watched over me when my parents were gone, or the families that mine worked with. Or I could have explored my own land and actually have seen it before humans corrupted the planet!” She snapped and America opened his mouth to retort but closed it and swallowed.

“You can’t change history.” He said slowly.

“England did, he made it so I wasn’t in my land, he wasn’t supposed to know I existed yet.” 

“So what, you're mad that you had to live with us! You’d rather be with Denmark and the rest of them!” He shouted at her and this is what she had wanted but it doesn’t feel good. She just wanted to rip herself apart. She wanted the burning anger to go away. She wanted to scream.

“I’m angry because I never had a fucking choice! I’m angry because I was forced to learn English and not speak my own language! I’m angry that I had to dress differently! I’m angry because unlike you I didn’t get to visit my land, play a role in my government and now I’m stuck working for some asshole who treats me like I’m not human!” She shouted at him, which wasn’t really being in control. That’s why she needed the shed. She hurt people when she was out of control.

“Look I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend time on your land but you act like it was all bad, we had plenty of good times-” America went on and she interrupted.

“I’m sure the native Americans brought to England had a bit of fun too before they died an early death.” America’s mouth snapped shut and she knew she had hit a button. She didn’t know much about America’s past before England, whether he formed when the colonizers came or before. She sometimes wondered if there had been a personification for the natives. In the end it didn’t matter, she knew the history of the native Americans was off limits to talk about around America. She was being awful. She just wanted to get the scissors without them being taken away again.

“Shut up.” America’s voice was quiet. Greenland wondered if he would hit her, she wondered if that would make the self destructive urge go away.

“I’m lucky, my people survived while I was gone while the twig you worshiped helped kill yours.” She pushed again, that was one thing about taking notes about everybody, she knew what to say to hurt them. She hadn’t used it before this. She was a monster, she needed control, but like South Italy said it would only be temporary. She needed to die. It was the only way to keep people from getting hurt. What if she got America to choke her, or hit her head to hard? She almost felt giddy with the idea. She was smiling, her eyes were wide, there were tears in them. She didn’t really feel like she knew what was going on. America was shaking with rage. She knew what to do to top it off. “You helped him kill your own people, and then later you killed them on your own.”

“Shut up!” He lunged pushing both of them off the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun! Hope you enjoyed reading, let me know what you thought below. Stay safe and have a great day!


	22. Chapter Twenty-One: Painting A Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland is having a breakdown and runs away to indulge in her habit. No one is happy about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like such shit right now and I hope posting this will help but I doubt it. I'm sorry it's late and I made you wait after a cliff hanger and it's short and I'm sorry about that too. Quarantine is hitting me really hard and I'm struggling really badly with online school. I hope you all are staying safe and taking care of yourself during these tough times. I hope you enjoy reading, stay safe and please mind the tags. These next few chapters are going to be rough and graphic.

Her head slammed into the table but it wasn’t hard enough, she was still conscious, still alive. One of America’s hands was around her throat and the other was in the air getting ready to swing, but then large adult hands grabbed him. It wouldn’t have been enough to actually stop him, but it must have made him think twice.

“What is going on here?” France’s voice was not soft, he was angry, maybe he had been listening, maybe he would slap her. Maybe they’d kick her out, leave her to her own devices. She smiled wider because it was all so funny but it hurt and she really didn’t understand what was going on. 

“Greenland’s being a fucking bitch after I was trying to be nice!” America started, France had let go of his hand and he used the one on her throat to push off. It cut off her air for a second and she coughed out a laugh. They only seemed to think it was a cough.

“Greenland, what do you have to say?” France had a dad voice, her dad had never needed to use a dad voice on her. She was a very obedient child, she was happy to have a home and people to care for her. That was history. She had always been a difficult child with them. The brat. She didn’t get into mischief she got into trouble.

“You’re a piece of shit father, you never would have given Matthew away if you loved him.” His eyes widen at her statement and his entire body tensed up, America gaped at her and started forward again, she let him.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you Greenland, but you need to cut it out.” America stated.

“What are you going to do about it superpower?” She asked, she wasn’t even angry anymore, she didn’t know what this feeling was, a pushing in her chest that made her keep pushing and pushing hoping they would finally pop. America’s eyes narrowed. “Gonna kick me out? Call me names? Tell me how awful I am? Or are you actually going to shut me up? No, you won’t, you’re too much of a coward with France standing there.” America bared his teeth at her and she could see him tearing into her throat. Her throat leaking blood just like her parents had been, it was too much and she couldn’t help but laugh. It only served to make America angrier. 

“America, go upstairs. You don’t want to do anything rash.” France’s voice was cool, it shouldn’t have been. She hadn’t hit him as hard as she thought she had, which was also incredibly funny to her right now.

“Sure listen to your daddy America, it’s not like you’re an adult that can make his own choices.” She said, America gripped his hair.

“Why are you saying all of this!” It was more of a yell than a question, France pushed on his back and he stomped off. He probably woke South Italy, was she going to do the same to South Italy? She didn’t know, but if he was the last one in her way she had a feeling she would. There were so many ways to tear him down, would he kill himself if she did? She choked and she wasn’t sure if it was a laugh or a sob. She wanted to stop but there was France standing over her looking like a disappointed parent and her thoughts were telling her to lunge at him and tear his ear off with her teeth.

“Greenland, I know you’re trying to push us away.” France stated.

“Then get out of the way.” She answered smiling. It didn’t feel natural to smile this long, her cheeks ached and she didn’t like it. France frowned at her.

“Even if you say the most evil thing in the world I would still love you.” That hurt. It hurt a lot. It was like she was being stabbed, this wasn’t the kind of pain she wanted. He stepped closer to her prone form. She twisted herself up and got in a crouch so she would be ready to run or pounce. He kept coming.

“I don’t want your love, I want you to leave.” She was still trying to hurt them, it didn’t feel as funny now or even angry. That’s really all she wanted. She needed him to leave so she could get to the shed.

“I can’t do that Greenland, not when you’re acting like you’re about to hurt yourself.” His voice was soft now. She wondered how he saw through her so easily. Was he worried about another suicide attempt or did he know? That got her heart pumping in her ears and she got ready to sprint. She could lose him in the woods.

“France the burger bastard is throwing a tantrum in his room, thought you might want to know since you’re the only adult that is willing to do something about it.” South Italy called out and she ran, she heard France move more than saw him and just as she was trying to get the door open France snatched her. She shrieked just like last time, but unlike last time she wasn’t hysterical and she hit France in the face. He didn’t let go. “What the fuck are you doing?” South Italy was also yelling his questions and he came forward to try and free her.

“Romano, she’s trying to hurt herself!” France called out and South Italy froze and she could feel his eyes on her as she hit France over and over again. Than she heard footsteps and she hoped that South Italy was coming to her rescue but instead he grabbed her arms making it so she couldn’t hit France. She thought she was being stabbed before, now it was longer, like an ax went into her chest. Instead of curling up into a ball and crying like she wanted she growled and bit South Italy’s finger. He ripped his hands off her and looked like how she felt.

“What the fuck Greenland!” She ignored South Italy’s shout and went for France’s eyes, and stuck her finger in one. He dropped her and she threw open the door and ran for the shed. As she ran out of the house she heard another shout, one that was definitely younger. She knew at the very least, that when it came between her and Canada France would always choose Canada. She didn’t think South Italy would chase after her. She made it to the shed and found the scissors without light and went to the forest running. She didn’t count to sixty, instead she kept running until she couldn’t breath and then she took up the challenge of climbing a tree. She should have at least two hours with the scissors. Climbing the tree with scissors and little energy was harder than it was last time, but she didn’t give up. She got up into the tree as high as she could. Then it was just her and the scissors. She took off her shirt pulled down her pants and let them stay around her feet. She used the trunk to hold herself up and take off the bandages wrapped around her leg and let them fall to the ground. Her bare ass was not comfortable on the bark. It was cold and rough but it didn’t matter because she was about to paint it. She started with her left arm, because she knew she could get a lot of blood out of it. She had been so scared that they would notice but she had been wearing t-shirts then and now she had long sleeves. France said they wouldn’t check her. These wounds would be gone when she got her body back, which was in a few hours. That was sad, but it meant she could do as many as she wanted. She pushed down hard on her skin and dragged it down her arm, not across. It felt like fire and blood immediately came up and filled in the line until it bubbled over. She didn’t know if she hit the artery or not, but since she could still use her right arm she drew lines around the big one, they didn’t bubble out as fast which was disappointing. She drew nine lines to the right of the big one and then moved on to her legs. She started with the left and brought her knee closer to her. She cut all around the knee going down the drops in the knee on every side and then on the top. Then she moved down her leg. It all stung but that was background information in her brain. Her breathing went with the pain, she held her breath as she drew the lines and took in air as she watched them bleed. Down her leg she drew vertically with the scissors. In all honesty she hated using the scissors, they didn’t open as far as she thought they would and it felt like that was making things shallower. Once she got closer to her hips she moved to horizontal and stayed close to the front of her thigh since if she twisted to far she’d fall. She heard her phone buzz in her pants pocket. She bent over getting blood on her stomach and grabbed it. She had a text from South Italy.

“ _ Where are you? _ ” The scissors were resting on her legs, she tried to keep it more on her right leg so she could watch the blood flow but it was unavoidable to get blood on it. The blood had been trailing towards her hip and down her leg but now that her leg was flat everything was at a stand still. They were going to clot like this.

“ _ I’m in a tree. _ ” She answered, she didn’t know where to put her phone but it was small enough to rest on her right thigh without getting wet. She picked the scissors back up and left her left leg lying down and pulled her thigh tighter with her left hand, which was much harder and made her experience a lot more burning that she had been expecting. She added three more lines before her phone buzzed again.

“ _ What the hell is going on Greenland! I thought we agreed you’d talk to me about shit not fucking bite me and run off into the woods _ ” she could tell he was angry, which he had every right to be. She had agreed to that, and it had took less than a day for her to break that agreement. She had thought South Italy would leave her when he found out, but he hadn’t. Now she was pushing him away. A self fulfilling prophecy. She was feeling calmer now, but her arms still were flooded with energy and she knew to be in complete control she had to do more.

“ _ I lost control, so I’m getting it back. Things will be better when I’m done. I’m sorry you have to deal with this while you’re over. _ ” The giddiness was gone and she did feel bad, but she needed to be in control of her emotions, it wouldn’t help if she just started sobbing about it. Once she would finish she would let it all dry and head back to America’s house and apologize. It probably wouldn’t fix the damage but it would smooth it over. America had snapped at her quite a few times and hurt her feelings this visit but he hadn’t attacked her like she had. She put down her phone and pulled the skin tight again and began adding more. Her phone buzzed much more quickly this time.

“ _ What the fuck are you doing I thought you said Canada took your razor _ ” the lack of punctuation was just South Italy’s style but she also could tell he was worried. She saw the message pop on her phone but she added one more line before setting the scissors down again.

“ _ I found some scissors in America’s shed. _ ” She wanted to move to her right leg but she didn’t really want her phone to dry to her leg. Than again it wouldn't be that hard to get off when it was dry, unless it stained her phone case. Her phone case was a leaf green color, stained blood would show. She’d just have to clean it. Maybe she could get the Greenland flag this time. She set it in wet blood on her thigh. Her hands were starting to get dirty with blood. Blood on her screen wouldn’t be that great, maybe she would just upgrade her phone. But she had some nice photos on this one, she wasn’t that technology aware, she didn’t know if she could transfer the photos to the next phone. Oh well, she’d figure out how to clean the screen. She shifted her right leg knee up and began slicing into her knee. Her phone buzzed again after she had added four lines. The knees went a lot faster. She added two more before picking up her phone.

“ _ Are you fucking crazy?! You can’t use someones lawn tools to cut yourself they’re defiantly going to get infected. Get out of the damn tree and get back to America’s so we can clean those!”  _ South Italy seemed to be more clean than she was about her tools. Or maybe it was just because it was her. Her phone back was slick with blood and so were her hands. She wiped her right hand on her right thighs side leaving them stained red.

“ _ I will when I’m done. I have to be in full control when I come back so I don’t hurt anyone again. _ ” She put her phone back down in the same spot and continued on her knee trying to ignore the word crazy swirling in her mind like a hornet. That could go in a box to unpack later. She went all around her knee but noticed as she sat there that her left arm dangling in the air was still bleeding and dripping. Normally her wounds didn’t bleed this long. She was losing a bit of feeling in her left hand. That would make it hard to climb down the tree and hold her phone. Her phone buzzed again but she waited until there were cuts going all around the knee and seven on the top. The lines were starting to get closer than she normally went.

“ _ No Greenland, you need to stop using the damn garden tool! If you don’t tell me you’re on your way I’ll tell the others and start a search party for you, this is going too far. _ ” She felt the hot anger again and she put her phone down ignoring him and dragged the scissors hard down her leg to the point that it made tears spring to her eyes and a whimper escape her mouth. She never should have told him, she knew she couldn’t trust anyone. Her phone buzzed again. She dragged another hard line down her leg. She breathed heavily trying to push away the burning and focusing on the blood coming towards her. It was on her hands, her legs, her stomach, and the tree. Some of it trailed down to her pants. South Italy had set her control back two steps, she needed more. She slashed over the lines on her knees making criss crosses before moving down to her upper thigh. She twisted more despite the fear of falling and hit the sweet spot again reopening old wounds. Her phone buzzed again, and again. Then it started consistently vibrating, someone was calling her. She picked up the phone and set it to speaker so she could keep working. She had thought it was South Italy but it was Canada.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below! Stay safe and have a great day!


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two: Telephone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland continues to indulge in her habit while everyone tells her to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has been getting more love lately and I cannot thank you enough! This makes me so happy and is helping me get through this quarantine! This chapter continues to be heavy and sad so uh, have fun with that. Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you thought :D

“Greenland! You actually answered! What’s going on, America is really upset and France can’t get him to calm down and Romano just burst out of the house. France told me to call you and make sure you were okay.” Poor Canada seemed very upset, his voice was shaky and had that quality of someone holding in tears. She continued her work as she listened and she continued while she answered.

“America is upset because of me, which I apologize for and will apologize again in person when I return to his house. South Italy is looking for me which is not necessary. I’m fine, you should focus on America.” She told him. South Italy wouldn’t find her anytime soon, and he hadn’t told the rest of the family which was nice. He might get lost and then they’d have to make a search party for him. She’d need to text him after this call to tell him to turn back.

“What did you say?” Canada asked a little exasperated. She heard a shout in the background and then a crash. America must have been breaking things. That was her fault. She stuck the tip in her skin and dragged.

“I blamed him for what happened to the native American’s, which I know isn’t his fault and will express that to him when I get back.” She told him, she heard Canada suck in a breath and he was silent for a few moments with only the background muffled voices to listen to.

“Why would you do that?” Canada asked, she could tell he was restraining himself, trying to not blame her but she knew he did. She didn’t know if she should tell the truth, Canada already knew about her habit, they knew she was struggling with suicidal thoughts, but it would probably upset him in a different way if he knew she was trying to get America to kill her, or leave her alone so she could do this. It was okay if he was mad at her, she deserved it. Then things would go back to normal, they wouldn’t invite her to do things, they wouldn’t mind if she spent all of the meetings taking notes and not talking to them. They’d ignore all of the suicidal stuff because it was too hard to deal with, and that was fine. She didn’t need help.

“I don’t know.” She answered as another crash came from the background. She couldn’t stretch out her thigh because her left arm hurt too much. It made it harder to break skin there. None of it felt like enough, the blood wasn’t enough and she still felt like she was on the edge of losing control. Maybe talking to people while she did it wasn’t good. It was a distraction.

“Where are you, what do you mean get back?” Canada’s voice had picked up speed and worry. He apparently was going to ignore her awful actions. She didn’t understand them. He should be focused on America!

“In a tree.” She answered and she heard him curse in French. She didn’t know what it meant. She tried to get another line in her thigh but was struggling. She moved to her stomach, it wasn’t as satisfying but she at least could break skin. 

“Why is South Italy worried about you, why is France worried about you?” Canada kept pushing and Greenland sighed through her nose. She pushed out her stomach and made three cuts before responding.

“They’re worried that I’m trying to kill myself.” It wasn’t a complete lie, France was probably worried about that. South Italy might be worried that she would die from infection. 

“You’re not right?” He asked and she stopped herself from rolling her eyes.

“Why would I answer the phone if I was?” She asked, she wasn’t expecting a response but she got one right away.

“Suicide note.” Oh. She hadn’t thought about that. But she kept referencing getting back so she made it obvious that she was coming back.

“I’m not killing myself.”

“Are you hurting yourself?” Why did he have to care about that so much? It was her business what she did with her body. She added five more lines. She remembered her parents throats. She lifted up the scissors and placed the blade on her throat. It would be easy. But she had just told Canada that she wasn’t killing herself. She’d wake up though, maybe on the ground. That would be terrible for the others to find. She moved the blade back to her stomach.

“I lost control, so I’m getting it back. How I do that is my business.” She told him finally and he let out a heavy breath that sounded like a sob.

“Greenland stop, please stop. You don’t have to punish yourself like this.” He told her. She felt bad that she had made him cry but that was why she had to do this. He was wrong, she did deserve a punishment. But this wasn’t just a punishment, this would make it so she would be in control.

“Just go calm America down, I’m fine.” She told him.

“You’re not fine! This isn’t fine! None of this is fine!” His outburst caused her to flinch and her phone almost fell off her leg. She slammed her hands and the scissor down on it and held her breath as she wobbled on the branch. She let out a breath as everything was stable. Canada was definitely sobbing now and Greenland didn’t know what to do.

“Go get France, he’ll help you be calm. It’s okay.” She told him, because what could she do?

“I don’t want France I want you to stop hurting yourself! How would you feel if you found out I was slicing my skin open while talking to you?” He snapped and she could picture clearly in her mind Canada dragging the knife across his skin. She put her leg down, then the scissors, and then rested her right arm on her leg.

“It’ll all go away when England reverses the spell.” She told him. 

“That’s not the point! God I thought you understood with the whole demonstration.” Canada sounded a little angry at her. She was tired. She didn’t really have a response. He didn’t care that it helped her, that she hurt others without it. She had to be in control. Wasn’t America a good enough example on why. “Greenland, are you still there?” He asked.

“Yes.” She’d never be what anyone wanted. She couldn’t be the sweet little girl England and France wanted, the fun sister America wanted, the quiet sister Canada wanted, or the healthy friend South Italy needed. Here he was running through the forest trying to find her. Canada was crying because of her. America was probably hurting himself too. France was struggling because of her. Canada was silent too. They stayed there listening to the sounds coming from America’s room. They were getting quieter. She heard a door slam open. Canada didn’t hang up but he must have moved the phone because his voice was quieter than before.

“Are you okay?” He asked, she didn’t know who.

“Not really, but better.” It was America then. His hoarse voice sent a shot of pain through her. She wanted to pick the scissors back up, but she was heavy. “Are you talking to Greenland?” She didn’t hear a response. “Is she okay?” Once again she heard no response. She wanted to say she was fine but she was pretty sure she was not on speaker phone so it would be effort wasted. “Oh…” America trailed off. Canada must have given him a nonverbal negative. “Can I talk to her?” There were whooshing noises that came with the movement of a phone. “Hey Greenland,” once again he held out the word hey.

“I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry I was so cruel. It’s not your fault what your people decide.” She told him, it was important that he didn’t believe what she had said. She didn’t want to hurt America anymore, the only reason she had before was because she was selfish.

“Yeah France kinda explained it to me that you were trying to push us away. I guess it worked on me, sorry.” He sounded as tired as her.

“You shouldn’t be sorry. I deserved your reaction.” It was the reaction she was expecting, what she wanted. She wished France hadn’t stopped him.

“No, I’m the hero and you’re hurting. You even told me you were angry and I tried to argue with you and lashed out and you lashed out back. I get it, it’s so easy to get angry like this. You didn’t lash out in the forest when I was yelling at you and I couldn’t do the same, so I’m sorry.” He explained, and she supposed she understood his point, but it wasn’t the same. His purpose in the forest was he was angry and hurt. Her purpose had literally been to make him angry enough to hurt her. “You’re not in the road are you? Because it’s really not busy out here so you’re not going to have much luck.” He was trying to lighten it up, although she heard Canada scold him, the joke made her want to smile.

“No, I’m sitting in a tree. I’m fine.” She told him.

“Really, because Canada said you weren’t and he was yelling earlier while I was yelling.” How America heard Canada yelling while he was yelling she didn’t know. She supposed she should be panicking but it wasn’t coming. The blood was drying on her leg. Her left arm was numb.

“Canada doesn’t believe I’m fine. Neither does South Italy. He ran after to come find me. Although I doubt he’ll be as good a seeker as you were.” Her words were slightly slurring together. She was very tired, she could take a nap after this phone call.

“You sound like you’ve been drinking.” He answered. “Did you break into my alcohol in the shed, are you lying about being in a tree?!” America exclaimed and she heard him running down the stairs. He wasn't breathing hard like she did. “My shed door is open! You’re right, I am the best seeker ever!” He sounded like he was cheering up at least. “You’re drinking in the dark?” He asked with a hint of confusion.

“I’ve had enough bottles of alcohol thrown at me that I believe we don’t get along.” She told him. She let her eyes close and felt the wind hit her bare legs. 

“You’re not in here. Why didn’t you tell me? Wait a minute, you must of been in here because the shed door was open, why were you in my shed!” He was like a detective, a very loud detective. She wondered if he would figure it out. After the week she’d had she wouldn’t be surprised. He’d probably act the opposite of her expectations because it was clear she couldn’t predict things anymore. 

“Is she in here?” She heard Canada ask. She bet he was looking at America’s workshop table where she had left the scissors.

“No, but she was definitely here and isn’t telling me why.” He was silent for another few moments. “Why do you keep looking over there?” He asked. At least she was still somewhat good at predicting things. “My scissors! You took my scissors!” America announced. “Why?” There was so much confusion in his voice.

“Someone has to make the forest pretty.” She told him. Blood made things prettier in her opinion, so it wasn’t a lie.

“You’re getting quieter. Are you sure you’re okay?” America asked. She was not okay. Her brain felt like it was floating and she was dizzy. But at the same time she was light, nothing really mattered.

“Hey America, try to pronounce  K'âjúnguaĸ.” She told him, she was expecting him to mess it up, it’d be funny. Plus him knowing her name would make him happy, show him that she did trust him and that she was sorry. It would also make him less likely to use her name since it wasn’t as easy as Matthew or Arthur. 

“Uh okay.” She was right, his attempt was a jumble of sounds that didn’t come even close.

“That’s me.” She held out the word me just like he held out the word hey.

“What?” He didn’t get it.

“You were mad that I didn’t tell you my name, it’s K'âjúnguaĸ. The sweet guest you invite in before she’s numb with cold.” She was cold right now, which was strange because it was another warm day. Perhaps she really had gone too far. Oh well.

“Oh. Did I say it right?” 

“Not at all.” She smiled as she pictured his pout. 

“Why did you steal my scissors?” He asked again. She thought of the edgy memes he showed her, ones with razor blades and insults.

“Down the river not across the road.” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but her brain had other ideas. She supposed she had just gave herself away, the whole family might as well know. Maybe America could convince Canada to give up on her.

“What? What does that mean?” He paused for a moment. “She said down the river not across the road. What does that have to do with-- oh. Oh. I showed her that I-- Greenland you didn’t do that right? That was an example of a bad meme, a mean meme, not one you’re supposed to listen to, and not with my gardening scissors! That’s like super unhygienic.” He went on and she did roll her eyes this time.

“I did not do that, but you mentioning your missing scissors and everyone thinking I’m trying to kill myself made me think about it.” She lied, it was a big lie. She was a liar. What was the saying, liar liar pants on fire? If her pants spontaneously combusted that would start a forest fire making it simultaneously easier and harder for South Italy to find her.

“God don’t scare me like that Greenland! You almost gave Mattie a heart attack. So you didn’t take my scissors?” He asked.

“No I did not.” She was going to leave them in the forest, how terrible was that? But they were stained in blood and she didn’t have a way to get them back without revealing she was lying. She’d leave some money in his room while he slept. More for the things he broke because he was mad because of her. She had made a lot of mistakes today.

“So since we’re talking are you on your way back out of the forest?” He asked, he sounded kind of hopeful.

“I’m going to take a nap.” She responded.

“At my house in your bed right?” He pushed.

“On this branch.” She answered.

“What if you turn in your sleep and fall off?!” America exclaimed.

“I don’t move in my sleep, it’s fine.” She told him.

“All of us would really prefer it if you came home to sleep.” America said slowly.

“Guess I’m making another mistake then.” She told him and hung up. She laid there with her eyes closed and back propped up against the trunk. If Katniss could do it so could she, she had spent many more years in trees than the teenager anyway. She missed reading. After this whole meeting was over she was going to go home and read. Maybe she should try and write a poem again. She felt much better than before the session. She knew it would help. Sure her whole body was on fire and stung but she wasn’t thinking weird sad thoughts or violent ones. Now she knew that talking to people during a session made things worse. She should read some of Torkilk Morch's work again. There were plenty of options. She could read some American poetry, or French, although she’d have to get those translated into English and that could make them lose some of their meaning. She didn’t need to read English poetry, she had read it many times. She could listen to some Kalaat and relax on her couch. With these thoughts in mind her head drifted into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought and have a great safe day!


	24. Chapter Twenty-Three: Pointing Out There’s A Problem... Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland is found and taken to America's house were she has a talk with South Italy and Canada.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey wow I'm posting on a Friday again. Woo! I have good news and bad news. The good news, I've found a little bit of writing inspiration. The bad news. It's not inspiring me to write for this story and I'm running out of prewritten chapters. I'm having mental health issues and college issues and in turn it's hard for me to write and now when I want to write it's not this. Not to say that I'm never going to write this again it's just that lately when I've tried writing this it's been forced and I'm not making much progress. I'm not giving up but things are going to slow down soon. I'm really sorry about that. I thought an eleven chapter cushion would be enough to get me through any writers block but uh I didn't count on a pandemic xD On the other hand I really love all the love this story is getting!! I love hearing what you all are thinking, memes, ships, I love it all! I have made a writing tumblr which I'll link at the end of the chapter. So if you want to yell at me about this story, hear more about theories, head cannons, or AU's I have come talk to me :D

* * *

She awoke to the feeling of the tree shaking and the sound of branches creaking and heavy breathing. She grabbed her phone and the scissors in one hand and braced herself with her left, which was working now. She looked down and saw South Italy climbing. There was sweat on his forehead and staining his shirt. His jacket was no longer on. He didn’t seem to notice that she was awake.

“I didn’t know you could climb trees.” Her voice made him jump and let go of the branch he was holding only to screech and grab onto it again with a string of curses falling out of his mouth. He looked up at her and glared.

“So now you fucking notice me, I was calling your name down there!” He shouted at her, moving up the branches still.

“I was asleep.”

“You weren’t asleep when you quit replying.” He muttered and he was right. “America told me you were alright and that you were going to take a nap in a tree. Said that you told him you were fine. But then Canada called me a few minutes later said you stole America’s scissors and were hurting yourself in a tree and had made a reference to an American suicide meme. So I knew I was going to be searching this damn forest forever so I downloaded an app and put in your phone’s information and started tracking you, but that still took an hour because I had been going the opposite direction. So you better be really fucking hurt so I didn’t waste my fucking time trying to find you all the while you’re taking a damn nap.” She knew that he didn’t really mean that. It was his way of expressing worry. She watched him as he climbed up the rest of the way so he could look above her. When he first spotted her he looked like he was going to yelp, probably because she was naked, but then he spotted her legs and sucked in a deep breath. Then he saw her stomach. Because she knew he was going to ask she lifted up her left arm. Everything was covered in dry blood that would flake off when a hand passed over it and then it would start bleeding again. He was silent for a minute at least. He just kept looking. She hadn’t been counting when she was doing it, this gave her the time. Including the big long one down her left arm there were ten total. On her left knee there were twenty-one. There were seven vertical lines running down under her knee and then on her thigh there were forty-eight. This was the most she had ever done and she still had her right leg and stomach to go. Apparently she had subconsciously wanted to do the 100 cut challenge. Well now she kind of wanted to know if she had done it. There were twenty-six on her right knee, eight going down her leg. She had twisted to the side and done forty-two. On the front of her upper thigh she had been struggling so she only had two very shallow marks. There were six on her stomach. She had done more than one hundred. No wonder she had been so tired afterwards. She saw South Italy take a deep breath. “Pull up your pants, I’ll grab your shirt, you can put it on when we’re out of the tree. We’re going to go back to America’s house and clean these out and bandage them.” He swallowed. “Please don’t leave the house without someone else again.” What he was really asking was for her to not do this again. He definitely was holding back tears. Her emotions were conflicting. She felt guilty for upsetting people with this, but she was also really proud because she was able to do so much damage in one session. She wanted to be able to look at these wounds for weeks on end to prove that she was strong enough to do this. She knew better than to think that South Italy would have been excited too but his hurt expression was worse than she was expecting. She pulled her pants up and put her phone into her pocket. Her legs were practically tingling with pain, all the wounds yelling at being jostled. She had moved and saw the blood stains on the branch from her right thigh. She was happy to leave her mark in a forest. She stabbed the trunk with the scissors that did not stay so she just set them on the thickest part of the branch next to the trunk and started climbing down. It was not fun. Her left arm was back in commission but it was very angry and the lines started reopening. Blood trickled down her arm as she climbed and a drop fell onto her foot which she only now noticed was bare. She couldn’t wait to take an actual shower as an adult again, or better, a bath. She could answer emails in a bath. It also made her skin soft and would make cuts deeper. Information best kept to herself. South Italy reached the bottom before her but at the moment he was much longer than she was and he also had a head start so she didn’t take it as a lack of her skill.

He held out her shirt to her. It was white. It would be very obvious her arm was bleeding. She showed him her arm and he sighed and kept ahold of the shirt. He wasn’t speaking to her. He walked following his phone’s directions. She watched him. His face was tight and his shoulders tense. She could hear his breathing which still seemed slightly labored. He walked faster than her thanks to his longer legs and it took a bit of effort to keep up with him. Eventually she gave up and stayed behind. He didn’t seem to care. She took her phone out of her pocket and inspected the damage. The sides had thick dried blood around it that flaked off easily. She used her finger nails to get as much off the screen as she could. She turned it around and it was an ugly color. Blood didn’t seem so pretty now. Greenland licked her hand only to realize it was also stained in blood, now her mouth tasted like blood. She put her phone back in her pocket and gathered up spit almost glad that South Italy was ignoring her. He was sure to be disgusted by what she was about to do. Once she had enough spit she put it on her hands and rubbed them together. Once she didn’t see any traces of blood she wiped them on her pants glad she wouldn’t have to wear them again. Then she picked at under her fingernails only to realize she was going to get more blood under them trying to get it off the back of her phone. So she got her phone back out spit on it and began rubbing off as much as she could. Wiping her hand and her phone on her pants she started scratching off the rest. It looked mostly fine, she would definitely be looking up how to properly wash it later. One of the things she realized was that England should be home by the time they got back, she had made everyone wait to do the spell. That made her guilt intensify. She was sure America and Canada were just as sick as her to get out of these bodies. She just hadn’t been thinking about that, only what she wanted. She put her phone in her pocket, not wanting to see how long she made everyone wait or the panicked messages that South Italy had sent her. She also put that feeling in a box to deal with later. She needed to be in complete control around everyone now. They kept walking along and eventually the house came into view between the trees. South Italy handed her her shirt and she stopped and put it on. He didn’t notice she wasn’t walking. It took her a moment to get the shirt on because of all the buttons and she was trying to be very careful with her sleeve. She ignored how much South Italy ignoring her was just like all her fears about him leaving her. She should have known that even though both of them did the same thing that it wouldn’t be the same for him. She should have just lied again. She tried to put that in a box too but the boxes in her head were overflowing already and thoughts still snuck up and bothered her. Back into the completely green lawn of America’s backyard South Italy was making the turn to the front door. Greenland ran to catch up so the others wouldn’t be confused about why he was showing up empty handed. She was a couple feet away from him when the door swung open.

“Did you find her?” Came France’s slightly panicked voice. She ran up beside South Italy and took a moment to breath. France apparently didn’t believe in moments to breathe because he picked her up and squeezed her. “Oh ma chérie you need to quit scaring us all like this.” He mumbled and she nodded her head. He did not put her down, instead he positioned her so that they were both facing the same way and carried her into the house. She did not see England. South Italy went around them and gave her a look that said come upstairs as soon as possible. Then he went up the stairs. America was on the couch watching t.v and Canada sat next to him on his phone, but his legs were bouncing like crazy. They both looked over as France carried her in. She decided not to frown but his touch was making her body burn.

“K'âjúnguaĸ, you’re okay!” America exclaimed, getting closer to actually saying her name. He must have looked it up and practiced, how nice. France put her down and she stepped slightly away from him and dusted off her pants as if that would make the burning go away but then America was hugging her. “It’s been two hours, you could have been stuck out there in the dark, that’s why you don’t take naps in trees!” He exclaimed as he let her go. She nodded again trying to placate them. She didn’t want to keep South Italy waiting too long. “You’re lucky England has been trying to gather supplies this whole time, apparently to reverse the spell they need to make a circle and sacrifice some stuff to it. Not animals though, I told him he wasn’t sacrificing any of my animals for his freaky magic shit.” America rambled and Greenland felt a little better that she hadn’t made them wait to change back. Canada was looking at her, his feet still bouncing. He was staring at her arm. She looked down and saw a speck of red on it.

“South Italy had some meeting notes he wanted to share with me, I need to go work on them for my boss.” She told the room. They were reluctant to let her go.

“You can do that when you’re an adult, let’s watch a movie together again.” America tried. 

“He’s already waiting for me upstairs, it won’t take long, I’ll watch the movie when we get done.” She explained and while America sighed and pouted he acquiesced. She started up the stairs when she saw Canada following her. No one else was following him. She held in a sigh and let him into her room and locked the door. Inside South Italy was already in the bathroom getting rolls of bandages out of the mirror and her bag. The alcohol was already out along with two tubes of Neosporin. She took off her pants and started unbuttoning her shirt. Canada looked like he wanted to question her but he was on her right side and saw all the marks she made. She got her shirt off and went to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub. Canada stared at her, South Italy didn’t seem to notice him.

“I don’t know if there’s enough here.” He said his voice flat. 

“What do we need more of?” She asked and looked at Canada. If he was going to stare at her he could at least be useful. He swallowed.

“Bandages, I have to cover both of your legs, your arm, and your stomach. This isn’t even a fresh roll.” He complained.

“I know where America keeps his first aid kit, it should have some bandages in there.” Canada announced forcing South Italy to notice him. He didn’t say anything about it, which was not normal. South Italy had her sit inside the tub and poured alcohol on the many lines, and it hurt horribly, like her entire body was on fire. She ground her teeth and clenched her fists, but that made her left arm hurt more.

“I told you to stop using those fucking gardening tools, these are going to get infected.” He commented and she nodded. He frowned more at that. Canada brought more bandages. Both boys helped dry Greenland off and then rubbed Neosporin on. Canada was much more gentle than South Italy, who was even rougher than before. Some of the wounds started bleeding again. Greenland kept silent, trying to not make South Italy angrier than he was. The bandaging process began. Canada did her legs while South Italy did her arms and stomach. They ended up needing both bandage rolls. Once they were done Greenland put her clothes back on and both boys stood in front of the closed bathroom door staring at her. She sat down. Canada fumbled with his hands, seeming to be searching for words while South Italy got closer to her and sat across from her. “We had just fucking agreed that you would talk to me about this shit.” He stated and she nodded. “Why didn’t you talk to me?” He asked.

“You were asleep, and then I would have hurt you.” She told him, because that’s what she did. That answer did not please him.

“You wouldn’t hurt me by waking me up!” She shook her head.

“That’s not what I meant--”

“What could hurt me more than staring at my best friend lying on a fucking tree branch looking like she was dead? You wouldn’t wake up and then you did wake up and it fucking looks like you tired to kill yourself,  _ again _ . Stop making excuses and actually talk to me. I’m not going to break apart just because you’re upset about something.” He interrupted and Canada looked uncomfortable but sat down next to him.

“We can handle your problems.” Canada added.

“I wasn’t sad I was angry.” She corrected, because it was a big difference with her. When she was sad she’d be quiet or cry, in this body she had anxiety attacks. But she was cruel when she was angry.

“It doesn’t matter.” South Italy told her.

“Yes it does, it’s not the same. I was out of control. I hurt people when I’m out of control.” She explained again, it just didn’t seem to go through to them.

“So hitting France over and over again in the face and biting me was on the path to control?” South Italy questioned sarcastically.

“No, I was out of control then. I wouldn’t have done that if I had had my razor.” She explained and Canada opened his mouth but South Italy beat him to it.

“This is not Canada’s fault. Your actions are your actions. He didn’t make you do shit. You chose to bite me and you chose to hurt America. Withdrawals don’t excuse your actions.” He said and she bit her cheek to remain expressionless. She was better now, she could see the rational side of things. He was right.

“I’m sorry I bit you.” She told him and he nodded. “But I need this,” she gestured to her legs, “to stay in control. I’m not saying it’s Canada’s fault but I need a razor to stop those feelings and keep me from hurting others.” She explained and South Italy took a deep breath while Canada tensed.

“If you need to practically kill yourself with blood loss every time you get angry than something is wrong.” South Italy explained slowly.

“I only needed that much because I had been without it for so long.” She answered, because this was the worst she had ever done at once.

“Greenland, it’s been less than two days, and this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to hurt yourself in these two days. You shouldn’t be hurting yourself like this daily. Or even more than daily.” Canada started and South Italy’s frown grew when he learned how long she had been without the razor. “I’ve been doing research, I’ve found some methods that are supposed to help stop the urge.” Canada went on, and that must have been what he was so busy doing on his phone! Well that was one mystery put to bed. 

“I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to put ice cubes on my wrist or snap rubber bands. Drawing has never been my strong suit and we’ve seen what happens when you take my stuff away. My boss would never let me see a therapist, and I don’t want to talk to one anyway. I’ve done the research too Canada, I’ve done this longer than there were computers to look up help with.” Greenland went on and Canada swallowed. South Italy shifted.

“Try the texting thing, it’s really supposed to help.” South Italy told her, and what he was really saying was that he found it helpful. She wanted to scream that she didn’t want to text him because he would try to convince her to stop or make her feel guilty. She didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Instead of focusing on how it helps you focus on how it hurts us.” Canada suggested and South Italy’s frown deepened and he shifted. Greenland felt the anger coming back, bubbling under the surface. She wanted to snap that if they had just stayed out of her business they would have never known and they wouldn’t be hurt. That they were choosing to be hurt by her actions. She had been dealing with helping South Italy and she had never tried to make him stop because it hurt her. It was her problem that his actions hurt her, they definitely hurt him more. Instead of expressing any of that she let her face fall into neutrality and nodded. She would not be doing that. But this conversation was going to go nowhere. Canada nodded back, although he seemed unsure of himself. Maybe he felt how high the tension had grown at his statement. “Let’s go watch that movie with America.” He suggested and Greenland got up to follow him. South Italy stayed seated.

“I’m tired after all that searching, I’m going to take another siesta.” He answered and he avoided their eyes as he said it. Greenland could see the way his leg bounced. He wasn’t going to go to sleep. Canada just nodded and led Greenland out the room, but didn’t protest at her hanging behind. She got out her phone and went to text South Italy.

“ _ Don’t go too far. _ ” She saw the bubble let her know he saw it, but he didn’t respond. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow such a happy note to end on! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below and stay safe. Maybe come chat with me on tumblr? Link below!
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alltheangstmygifttoyou


	25. Chapter Twenty-Four: Adulting Is Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Magic trio arrive and turn the children back to adults, with a little problem. South Italy is also having a problem. Canada's stress meter is hitting it's limit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's Saturday and I'm probably only going to fail one class and lose my scholarship, but that's okay because I already messed it up for next spring anyway :'D Life is hard. In real life and in this fic. This chapter is kind of hard. I have been Canada in this chapter and I have been Greenland. Tensions be rising and I feel bad for everyone involved. Fun fact, when Greenland goes on about all the research she's done, that's actual research I've done. Not just for this story but it helps. However I would like to point out that this chapter has a bit of a powerless tone and that is not the case! There's always hope! It is not useless to try and help somebody and it is good to encourage them to not self harm! This story takes place from Greenland's perspective and as you can tell it's not the healthiest or always right. She is a very biased character despite her logical exterior. I'm still very burnt out from this story but I have been able to write a little bit so I'm hoping that within the next week or two I'll be able to start writing this story again! I've been thinking about Greenland herself a lot and just this universe and I'm messing around a bit. I've been toying around with when this story is finished going back and writing a bit of a prequel and then some scenes but from America's perspective. But that can't happen until this story is done because spoilers. 
> 
> I love hearing your head cannons and ships! Ideas where this is going to go, anything. I'm so appreciative of the people who have been commenting, it really brings joy to my day and encourages me to keep working on this and myself. This was long sorry >.< Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy this chapter!

She swallowed and kept her phone in her hand to make sure she wouldn’t miss any vibrations. Going down the stairs and through the kitchen to get to the living room ended with a bouncy America rambling on about the movie he put on. It was the third installment into the marvel superhero movies he loved, Avengers or something. Once again they made Greenland sit in the center. America talked through the whole movie, pointing out things both negative and positive while also pausing to recap whatever Greenland had missed in the previous movies. She tried hard to listen but her mind was off focusing on South Italy, how she had just put him in this position. It also liked to focus on the fact that America was definitely overcompensating his energy levels. Greenland knew all of this was her fault. The benefit of being in control was she didn’t express that, she was able to sit and nod at America and hum in all the right places while also not actually absorbing anything he was saying. Instead her mind focused on how much her arm itched. She’d rather focus on that then the state South Italy was in. It also allowed her to notice that France was keeping a very close eye on her, while Canada was back on his phone. A small whisper went through her head that was trying to convince her that France knew, but she didn’t tense or let her breath get out of hand. When the movie ended Greenland was still in the exact same spot, she kept her left arm close to her body and her right arm lay limp on her leg. The weight reminded her what she had done. England still wasn’t home. America put on a movie called Avengers Infinity War and started talking again. Greenland didn’t think any of them were actually watching the movie. America was so busy explaining the past that he couldn’t be focused on the present, Canada was reading his phone while his legs bounced like crazy, and France was looking out the window, his arm around Canada. It was around the time when America was explaining the plot of a movie about a panther when France perked up. Out the window two new cars were in the driveway. America muted the movie and ran to the door while France more calmly walked to the door. Canada stayed on the couch, but put away his phone and Greenland stayed where she was. America opened the door to show England, Romania, and Norway all walking along, with England carrying a box of things. He hadn’t needed any supplies to do the original spell so she had no idea why he needed supplies to reverse it, but she didn’t really want to understand it either. She could go her whole life never dealing with magic again and be happy. But that wouldn’t happen given how much time she spent around England.

“Alright, America move your table out of the way we need space.” England instructed as he set the box down. Romania was looking at them all with fascination and Norway looked indifferent but his eyes kept trailing back to her. She ignored them. She sat on the couch and stayed out the magicians way as they put a tarp down and began making some kind of symbol that was a combination of squares, triangles, and circles thrown together and crossed over each other. Then they had what looked like oils but for all Greenland knew they were potions. Then England sliced his palm open with a knife and Greenland wanted to slap him really hard because that was a stupid place to cut yourself and he could have gotten that blood with his arm, a prick of his finger, or at least given her some warning that he was going to do that. However, her face expressed none of that. America’s however scrunched up and Canada flinched and his eyes went to her which she ignored. France just rolled his eyes. Then Norway sprinkled some white stuff on it and then ripped some of England’s hair out. “Alright, you three on the circle.” England motioned to them and Greenland got off the couch and stood as far on the edge of the circle as she could. America and Canada stood close together and Canada kept reaching over as if he wanted her to move closer, but she pretended she couldn’t see that. She wasn’t really scared, she would be turned back into an adult and her all the problems of this week would ease off. With the other two’s help she was sure they wouldn’t mess it up again. The three wizards or whatever they called themselves started chanting, all of their voices low. France stood behind Greenland but she had a feeling he was trying to comfort America and Canada since they were looking above her with weak smiles. The circle began to grow brighter as they chanted and it got to the point that it hurt too much to look at it to keep her eyes open. Then there was a sharp pain ripping through her, as if all of her muscles were being pulled in opposite directions farther than they could go. She could hear one of the boys crying out but the chanting didn’t stop. Greenland felt her arm’s wound rip open and get longer and she could feel blood seeping out. This was less than optimal. She wanted to curl in on herself to shield her body but her legs weren’t responding. She might have been on the floor laying down or she could have still been standing for all she knew. It was cold, the blood starting to leak out from her was colder. All of her wounds had been reopened and pulled and it felt like she was being ripped apart. She couldn’t keep the cry of pain in nor the tears. When the bright light was no longer assaulting her closed eyes the burn was still there. She was curled up on the floor, and she was an adult again. She was also naked and bleeding. 

“What the hell did you do Angleterre!” France screeched and she heard his footsteps coming over. She didn’t feel anyone touch her. There was static in her mind from the pain. Once it died down some she could hear sobbing. America’s rib had been broken, if the same pulling and stretching feeling had been going through him like it was her and their bodies were really being pulled that way who knew what had happened to his rib. The selfish thought passed through her mind that at least they weren’t focused on her.

“Nothing! The spell just made them adults again! America, where does it hurt?” He asked, his voice going soft, not how it went soft for her but his softness for America and Canada. Greenland didn’t bother to open her eyes. She couldn’t unclench. Her right thigh was on the floor so the wounds there just bled into the tarp, she was curled up tight with her knees hiding under her chin. It was hard to keep it there since it was so wet. Her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, although she was sure that blood was trailing down from her left arm, which was burning so badly Greenland had to breathe shallowly. She felt the wind move as more people went towards America. They were mumbling over it. Then there was a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” It was Canada whispering to her. She wanted to nod so he’d go away but if she was going to get out of this without a lot of questions she’d need help. She shook her head. “What hurts?” He asked and she was tempted to snap that everything hurt but she didn’t. 

“Bring me a blanket.” She told him instead and she heard him get up and cover her as well as he could. She opened her eyes and shifted the blanket so it was covering her but it left her left arm exposed since she had to hold it. She pressed it as tightly as she could into the blanket but she still heard a tiny gasp from Canada. There was blood all over her legs and when she stood it came running down. She didn’t focus on that, instead she looked towards America. France and England were kneeling down next to him while Norway and Romania stood over him, talking to each other about what was going wrong.

“His broken rib was made worse by the spell as it expanded and stretched. Get his phone and call his boss so they can get a nation specialist.” She told them, getting everyone's attention.

“How do you know that?” Norway asked, although it didn’t sound rude or really curious. More that he needed to know she wasn’t just guessing.

“We could feel it pulling and stretching the entire time.” She informed him and Canada came beside her and nodded. England and Norway both turned to Romania.

“You didn’t add the egg shell dust did you?” England asked bitterly and Romania’s smile faltered and he just made a sound of apology. “That was to make it painless and erase injury!” England snapped and Romania began to argue back but France stopped them.

“Enough, we need to get Amerique help, call his doctor.” The two nations quieted down and got to work. Greenland didn’t want to leave America on the ground in pain, but she was starting to get dizzy. Canada had gotten a blanket for both himself and America and they were waiting for the doctor to come to him. The magic trio were quietly arguing, although Norway wasn’t really arguing so much as adding a comment every once and awhile. He was examining the circle. Greenland couldn’t sit down without adjusting her arm on the blanket so she stayed standing in the same place she had started. Her feet were wet but a lot of the blood on her legs had quit trailing. Her arm on the other hand was soaking the blanket and getting her stomach wet with blood. Norway started to walk in her direction but France intercepted and started asking for details on what the damage on America’s rib might be. However that didn’t stop England from wandering over to examine the spot behind her where she had gotten up. He was mumbling to himself on why the symbol would change so much. It was almost comical how oblivious he could be at times. When the doctor came and started trying to get people to back off Greenland took that as her cue to go to her room. The stairs were not fun. Her balance was off and she had a hard time getting to lift her leg up and down without making the blanket move too much. When she finally got to the top of the steps she noticed she had left tracks behind her. She wouldn’t be able to fix that until the blood was off so she ignored it and went to her room. The door was locked. She knocked as softly as she could and South Italy didn’t open the door for her. She knocked louder and he still didn’t open the door. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself so she went to Canada’s room instead. It was very similar to her room except her’s had more stuff everywhere. She didn’t take the time to take it all in, instead just going to his bathroom and taking the ruined blanket off. She stepped into the shower and put it as hot as she could stand it and stood there as the string like clots came off and went into the drain. After a minute she sat down and used her hand to get the more stubborn blood off her feet and legs. Her left arm was still bleeding. The cut hadn’t stayed the same length, it went from the crook of her elbow up to her wrist like it had before, but that was a much longer cut on this arm. All the cuts were longer, and wider than before. They may have even gotten deeper. This wasn’t good. Her left arm’s feeling was almost completely gone. The shower wasn’t stopping the bleeding. She got up, turned off the water, and stole a towel from the floor. She didn’t care about germs at the moment. Now the towel was bloody. She left the already ruined blanket on the floor and stole another one from Canada’s bed. She left the room and went back to her room door. Her left arm hung limp beside her still dripping blood. She knocked on her door again. No one answered. She went back to Canada’s room and searched the medicine cabinet for band aids but they must have left that in her room. Her phone was somewhere downstairs with her ruined clothes she hadn’t noticed on her at all. Their ripped pieces probably got soaked with blood and stuck to the tarp. Her phone should have been in that mess somewhere, unless it fell out onto the couch while watching movies. America had a landline downstairs too. If she had a phone she could call South Italy to tell him to let her in. But she couldn’t be downstairs with her mutilated arm fully on display. She couldn’t leave the bloody trail either. She was ruining Canada’s blanket. 

When it started to get harder to breathe Greenland was more frustrated than scared. She had thought these attacks would stop after the spell. She focused on taking deep breaths and rested her head on her door. It was quiet downstairs. Her thoughts tried to tell her that the reason South Italy wasn’t answering was because he was dead but she pushed those aside. He wouldn’t do that. She didn’t really know what to do next. However she wasn’t one to give up. She crept back down the stairs slower than a snail and went to the counter and got a piece of paper towel wet (since she could only use her right arm the blanket was left to expose her top while her waist pressed against the counter keeping it from falling completely) and dropped it to the floor and used her feet to get the barely formed footprints off. She succeeded in the majority of the kitchen without being seen but when she started moving closer to the arch Canada saw her and started walking over in a hurry.

“Did you bandage them up?” He asked in a whisper and she shook her head and used his body as a cover as she finished wiping up the trail. His eyes darted to her arm on the blanket where there was still red spreading. “Why not?” He asked.

“I can’t get into my room.” She told him just as quietly. She moved out of the way of the arch and used her foot to pick the piece of paper towel up and throw it in the garbage. Then she started the slow trek of getting upstairs. Canada followed her, and put a hand on her shoulder to help keep her steady. Once up the stairs she knocked on her room’s door again. Still no opening of the door, but now her blanket was on the floor. Canada grabbed her left arm and flipped it over examining the wound closer. Before she had given it a couple of hours to heal before she tried to use it, or expected it to stop bleeding. She didn’t have that kind of time now. “This is really bad Greenland.” He was holding her arm like it was a fragile piece of glass. She supposed she would appreciate that if her arm hurt. As it was she’d barely be able to tell he was holding it if she was looking away. His eyes traveled down her body which she supposed many onlookers would take as sexual intimacy, but that was gross for one, and for two the pale look of fear on his face wouldn’t make anyone think of sex. “These are really bad.” He said again and this time he tried knocking on the door. When there was no answer he took a second to think. “America keeps bobby pins on his dresser, I can pick the lock with that.” He told her, and she took his word for it because it had been over fifty years since she had picked a lock and she didn’t think locks were the same anymore. She picked the blanket back up and tried to wrap it around her but eventually gave up and had it cover as much of her as it could with it hanging limply. Some people might have been embarrassed that they were parading around someone else's house naked, not only going around someone else’s house, but that house contains their adoptive family and their biological family that they’ve never been able to connect with, but Greenland didn’t really care. It wasn’t like it was the first time her adoptive family had seen her naked, and Norway should have seen it when she was little. Really the only problem with being naked around people were the scars and wounds. Looking down at her adult body there were so many scars. Some were just red lines that were wrinkled in the middle, others were white and raised. She knew that if she pulled at the skin of her leg then she’d see even more. Canada hadn’t even noticed them, too busy focusing on the open wounds. Greenland looked down the stairs to see Norway staring at her, but when he saw her looking he walked away. He was like her in the way he kept his face carefully blank. Greenland supposed she should panic, but honestly, Norway was one of the least likely of people in the Nordics to do anything about her. Canada came back and began to work on the door doing a great job of not looking at her. Greenland couldn’t feel her entire left arm any more. She looked over to see it was still bleeding and clotting on the wood floor. She ground her teeth and noted to fix that later. Canada got the door open and they went inside and she closed the door behind them only to run into Canada who was frozen staring at the bathroom. She moved past him and looked and saw South Italy on the floor surrounded by blood. 

“Get the bandages out of the medical cabinet.” She ordered him while going to her medical bag. She had prepared for this day. She hadn’t expected it to happen at America’s house but she had put the supplies in her bag a little while after she started suspecting him. She had the supplies to do stitches although she wasn’t exactly sure how to do them one handed. She had done stitches on England before but that was a long time ago. She had watched some YouTube videos to remind herself a few months ago. She knew what she needed to do so she got ready, disinfecting his arm and getting as much blood off as she could. Only three of them looked deep enough for stitches. Canada was beside her with bandages. “Do you know how to do stitches?” She asked and he nodded. She gave him the supplies and he got to work threading the needle. She watched Canada work, South Italy’s face wasn’t reacting which Greenland wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Canada worked efficiently and quickly, once he was done they got to work wrapping bandages. Then it was a waiting game for South Italy to wake up. Greenland sat cross legged on the floor leaning against the base of the sink while Canada sat knees up while also being on the floor leaning on the wall. 

“Is this why you wanted South Italy to come over?” He asked and she nodded because it was pointless to try and keep it a secret that this was a one time thing. There were scabbed over wounds on his arms anyway. Greenland hadn’t planned on revealing South Italy’s secret, she had been hoping he was in the bathroom with the door closed. She would have kept Canada away from the bathroom while she and South Italy talked and then she would quickly bandage her arm, leave the bandages with him, and leave the bathroom showing Canada everything was fine. They both could get dressed and Greenland would take care of South Italy while Canada would go down to take care of America. Not a perfect plan, it depended on Canada being complicit and when he was determined he was not good at doing what he was told, but it had been better than this. “Are you mad?” He asked, and she looked at him trying to decipher why she would be mad. If she was mad she was mad at herself. She knew that every time she took care of South Italy it made her want to cut, she knew that he was going to hurt himself while they were watching movies and she had just brushed it off. She wasn’t mad at him for doing this. It had been a horribly stressful day for him, the exact opposite of what she had wanted. She should have stayed with him instead of watching the movie. She shouldn’t have trusted that he’d be okay, especially since he had brushed off her text. This was her fault. It wouldn’t have happened if she hadn't run off. She didn’t even know why she had gotten so mad and then so desperate so fast. She could blame the spell but as South Italy told her she needed to take responsibility for her own actions. She realized she hadn’t answered Canada’s question, she had been too lost in thought. She shook her head in answer. “Did you too start together? Have both of you always known and kept it secret from the rest of the world or did he only find out today and that’s why he was so frustrated earlier? Did you know?” Canada questioned and Greenland wanted to lay on the floor and close her eyes instead of answering but then her face would be in her best friend’s blood and she didn’t want to touch that. She supposed South Italy had done a really good job of forcing her into the exact position he had been in earlier, but she doubted he did it on purpose. The act of hurting yourself for revenge wasn’t his style. Maybe Canada, whose passive aggressiveness could know no bounds some days, but not South Italy.

“He only found out about me today, I’ve known about him for awhile. I don’t want to tell you about his personal life, he’ll be very upset to know that you found out in the first place.” She told him, keeping all emotion from her voice. Her brain felt like a void, it was sucking everything in but she couldn’t feel it. Or at least, wasn’t expressing it. This is how she was supposed to be, what she had been working towards for years. Having it back was like a security blanket wrapped around her. However while it was comforting it didn’t let her be happy either. This numb feeling didn’t allow it. It did allow for anger and sadness but she couldn’t feel a spark of joy at being normal again. Just relief. Maybe that was temporary. 

“You knew? Did you know that he had something on him to use?” Canada asked.

“Yes.” She told him and his face looked as if he had been struck. He stared at her like she was insane.

“Did you know what he was doing in here?” He sounded exasperated.

“Yes.” She told him, because lying was hard and had caused so much trouble. Canada’s hands were in the air and his voice was growing louder.

“Then why didn’t you say something, do something!?”

“It wouldn’t have stopped him.” She informed him and Canada glared at her.

“If you took it from him, or told me so I could take it from him then he wouldn’t be on the floor right now.” Canada snapped and Greenland wanted to snap right back that he didn’t get it, couldn’t get it. She knew South Italy would have grown desperate, that it would have been even worse when he got home and who knew if North Italy would find him to take care of him. But lately all of her assumptions had been wrong. Maybe Canada was right. She knew this was all her fault.

“I promised him I wouldn’t tell.” She said instead, because she still had no intention of breaking that promise. If he kept it for her she’d keep it for him. She struggled with trust, but in order to help with that she kept promises.

“Greenland that-- Promises like that don’t matter when someone's life is on the line.” Canada sounded less angry, she could tell he was trying not to be irritated with her. He still treated her like a child in this sense. Like she was too naive to know anything. 

“His life is not on the line, I am always prepared to make sure he’s okay when he’s near.” She told him, although it did feel like a lie, because what would happen when she wasn’t there? Then again he normally didn’t go this far. The only reason he did was because of her. That had been her fear of telling him and it came true. Next he would cut himself off. She’d have to wait for him to wake up for that. Or maybe she should cut herself off from him, if this was the result of him knowing about her and what she did it wasn’t safe for him to be around her. It wasn’t safe for her to text him. But she didn’t want to lose him, she was selfish like that.

“I’ve been doing a lot of research Greenland, so much. But none of it can tell me why you believe that. I don’t get it. I listened to your reasons and I read about them online and they all say the same thing but for someone as logical as you I don’t get how you think this is okay. How it’s okay for someone else to do! You seemed so against me doing it but when it comes to South Italy you just go and watch a movie? Have you given up on him?” Canada went on and Greenland just felt so heavy. She stared at the blood on the floor which had mostly dried.

“I don’t want South Italy to do it, but no one can stop him but him. I can just be there for him.” She explained.

“You could help him stop, take his things, stay with him when he’s about to do it-”

“You don’t get it. That won’t make it stop. If I did that I just delayed the inevitable. I’d rather he’d do it here where I can help then at home when he’s alone. If I took his tools then it’d just go to hitting or burning. It doesn’t end just because you can’t cut your skin open. It doesn’t go away just because someone’s there. I have been researching this for years. You’ve been researching for a few days. I have read books on the subject and research studies, I’ve read personal anecdotes and scientific opinions. I’ve seen books trying to help parents with a self harming teenager and I’ve read about people who break their own bones to get relief. I’ve seen what people do to themselves and you can see what I’ve done to myself. It doesn’t help. I have no interest in stopping. South Italy has no interest in stopping. I can’t make him stop. All I can do is help him through it. If I push too hard it’ll push him away, and I won’t do that.” She told him, never changing tone. She had never been in Canada’s place, she had never met someone who self harmed before she self harmed. But she had done research when she found out South Italy was for sure doing it as well. In interest of convincing him to stop she had seen many things. She had also come to the conclusion that she was useless. She didn’t live with him, she didn’t know if he could get access to a therapist or if he’d be willing to see one, she knew she was not. She knew she’d never be able to convince him to stop because she couldn’t get the fundamental understanding of why it was bad for her too. She didn’t want him to do it because she didn’t want him to be hurt. But whether he did it or not he was still hurting. The self harm was just a physical representation. If she could stop his damn complex about not being as good as North Italy then the biggest problem would be solved. Canada’s mouth was in a thin line. He was definitely thinking about how to rebuttal. She didn’t want to hear it. “Go get dressed and stay with America, it’s suspicious if we’re both gone.” His mouth hardened further at her comment but his eyes darted to his uncovered genitals and he went a little red, his eyes completely avoided her as he made his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh an angsty end again. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and healthy and have a great day!


	26. Chapter Twenty-Five: Got a Secret, Can You Keep It Canada?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> South Italy and Greenland make and plan and England really wants to know why his tarp is covered in blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone I'm back with another chapter! School is finally over and I can breathe again. I'm a little worried about the reaction to this chapter but I actually still really like it. The dysfunction of this family is interesting to explore and to me everyone is just trying their best. I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think below, and stay safe!

Greenland watched South Italy breath. He hadn’t taken his shirt off, just rolled the sleeves up. They were stained now. She didn’t know how he would hide that from North Italy. Her arm had stopped bleeding, they had never bandaged it, distracted by the other emergency in front of them. She didn’t feel like bandaging it now. She got up and went to her dresser pulling out a dark green long sleeved V-neck sweater, a black bra, some red underwear, and blue jeans. To have underwear again was another comfort. Not the bra though, she hadn’t missed the bra but she wasn’t going to be around others without one. She went and grabbed a pillow and a not stained blanket and set them for South Italy. She wet some toilet paper and went outside her door and cleaned up the blood. She took her stained blanket that she took from Canada’s room and filled up the bathtub and put it in to let it soak. Then she started trying to get the blood off the bathroom floor. She flushed the bloody toilet paper and went to start sorting through the meeting notes she had taken. She grabbed her laptop and set up in the bathroom and began getting the final report for her boss started. She checked her email and there were a few questions from coworkers about little things, like when certain meetings were, that her boss had forwarded to her to answer, as if she were his secretary. He goes to all of those too. Nevertheless she answered them. She had answered all of her emails and had the first page of the report typed when South Italy groaned.

“Il mio braccio del cazzo, brucia... Sono sul pavimento?” She once again had no idea what he was saying. She shut her laptop down and set it to the side waiting for him to wake up fully. He sat up and reached to wipe his face with both hands but hissed and looked at his left arm. “Shit.”

“Shit indeed.” She repeated and his head snapped over to her. His face was pale but had gained some color since she first saw him in the bathroom.

“You’re an adult.” He said, although he sounded more confused than happy. She nodded. “You did this?” He asked gesturing his head to his arms. She shook her head. He grew very tense and his face darkened. “Burger bastard’s brother?” She nodded and he cursed under his breath. “Why did you tell him?” He didn’t sound as angry as she expected, he wasn’t being very loud either.

“We needed to get into my room which was locked so he picked it and saw you on the floor. I couldn’t use my left arm because the spell reopened all my lines so Canada had to do the stitches. He’s currently downstairs with America, who is with a doctor.” She caught him up on what was important. The details didn’t matter in the end. His frown tightened but he nodded. “Do you want painkillers?” He nodded in answer to her question and she grabbed some out of her bag and handed them to him then got a paper cup from the medicine cabinet and filled it with sink water and gave it to him. Feeling was coming back slowly to her arm and she didn’t want to aggravate it by moving it too soon. He downed four pills which was more than she would have taken but she didn’t say anything about it. He gave her back the cup and she put it on the sink and sat back down on the floor next to him. They stayed in silence for a moment, South Italy starting to fidget more and more.

“Where’s the big rant on how I just did to you what you did to me?” He finally asked.

“You didn’t do it on purpose.” She told him and he just frowned more.

“You don’t know that.” He told her and she supposed that there was a very small possibility he was trying to get revenge, but even then it was revenge deserved so it didn’t bother her that much. It bothered her more that he would use his body as a revenge tool than the fact that he could have been trying to hurt her. “I just scolded you for doing this shit, I got pissed at you for not answering texts and looking dead, and then I just did it!” He was getting louder now. His right arm was gesturing about.

“It wasn’t your fault.” She told him, because it was her fault. She had triggered him. His glare might as well thrown daggers into her.

“Yes it was, I chose to do it. No one made me do it! I’m the one who pulled out a fucking knife and dug it into my arm until I passed out.” He snapped at her.

“You have an addiction, in stressful times it’s very hard to not give into the urge. Not to mention the fact that the whole reason you’re here was because you were struggling.” She told him, his face was getting red but she didn’t think it was from embarrassment.

“But you’re obviously struggling more! You’ve tried to kill yourself twice in the past week!” That was not a factual statement but he was not finished so she let him continue. “I shouldn’t make you take care of me when you’re struggling, that’s not what friends do.”

“I brought you over here because you had a bad night. Then you found out that I tried to kill myself and that I self harmed. Then after you finished trying to help me I ran off and self harmed again leaving you to think I could be dead. You found me took care of my wounds and then felt bad so you hurt yourself. If you’re a bad friend for doing so, then so am I.” She explained and he didn’t respond right away.

“We’re both fucked up.” He stated instead and she nodded. “So what are we going to do now?” He asked.

“I plan on acting as if none of the last few days happened. Canada most likely plans on trying to make us stop. I need to go to the meeting tomorrow and take as many notes as I can. I’ll try to keep Canada from telling anyone about you. Once tomorrow is over then we can all go home. Everyone has their own countries to run so they can’t focus on us. Things should fall back into normalcy by the next meeting.” She told him, but he didn’t seem convinced.

“You really think Cana-whatever is really going to drop this after the meeting?” He asked, although he seemed to have already come to an answer for himself.

“No, but I don’t think he will bother me in my own home.”

“What if he doesn’t let you go home?” South Italy persisted. There was the possibility that Canada would try to take her home with him, but that wouldn’t work, her boss wouldn’t allow that for more than a week. It would be a very frustrating week but she could survive that. He didn’t have any power over South Italy, she didn’t think Canada would try to interfere with his life too much.

“Canada can’t put my life on hold because of this. With the spell over to I will also be able to think much more rationally than I was before. My emotions have already been easier to manage.” She explained and he seemed to actually accept this. “You can spend the night or go home, I don’t really mind and I doubt America will either.” She went on.

“No, I told Vene I would be back to the hotel in time for dinner.” He rolled down his sleeves staring down at the blood stains with a wrinkled nose. He got his phone out of his pants pockets. “I’m already an hour late.” He got up and grabbed his jacket off the floor which had escaped the bloody mess. He stopped for a moment at seeing a blanket in a full tub but then saw the blood stains and continued. She followed him out of the bathroom and out of her room and down the stairs. France was in the kitchen along with Canada and America, the last of which was pouting up a storm. She could hear England in the living room along with Romania. She waved goodbye to South Italy as he left the kitchen and he said one out loud as he went behind the couch, avoiding the bloody tarp and out the door. Greenland ignored the living room and sat at her normal spot on the table. America was still only in a blanket which he was acting like it was towel but his chest had bandages all around it so she couldn’t see it well. She did see however that he was dangerously skinny. She didn’t stare though and instead fixed her eyes on the table. America was describing to Canada what the doctor said his rib probably looked like and saying how after a painkiller he couldn’t feel any pain at all. Greenland had a feeling that this was an exaggeration. Canada didn’t seem to be listening. His leg was bouncing, not as much as it did as a child but enough to be a little vibration. He was mostly humming in response. France was cooking dinner. He was stiff, his movements less dance-like as he worked. She assumed that he was disappointed about not having children to take care of anymore. Greenland’s observations were cut short when she felt a hand on her shoulder. The magic trio had moved to the kitchen, all eyes on her. That was not a great sign. America quieted down. It was England’s hand on her shoulder. 

“Greenland, did you notice any injuries open on your skin during the spell?” He asked very carefully.

“No.” She lied, because if she said yes then they would want to know when she got injured and how she got injured and then she would have to lie about that too. 

“Really?” England said, he clearly was trying to hold back his sarcasm but he failed. “Then do you have any idea on why there’s dried blood where you fell?” He went on and she was glad to be an adult again because her face was so easy to keep still like this.

“I assume it had something to do with the blood you put on the symbol.” She answered.

“The spell wouldn’t do that, in fact, it absorbs that blood as energy. There shouldn’t have been any visible blood.” England went on. That was a magic fact she didn’t care about. Romania was fidgety. He looked between her and the bloody spot. It was quite a bit of blood.

“Then I have no idea where it came from.” She told him and his frown deepened.

“We saw you bleeding Greenland, we just want to make sure you’re alright.” He pushed and Greenland imagined herself rolling her eyes. Only Norway had seen her. He probably hadn’t even seen her bleeding, he had seen her side which was covered in cuts.

“I don’t know what you saw but I’m fine.” Greenland went on and she heard a very quiet snort. It must have been Canada. She didn’t see any of the magic trio react so they most likely didn’t hear. England’s eyes hardened. 

“We know you’re injured, we know the spell would have made it worse, we just want to check on it.” England ground out, he was trying to be patient even though it wasn’t his strong suit.

“I’m not injured.” She told him again.

“Are you sure you didn’t get a scratch when climbing the tree today?” America asked and Greenland made sure not to zip around and glare at him as her urges wanted her to. Instead she shook her head.

“What do you mean today? You told me you weren’t going back out there after you broke your rib!” England finally snapped, but it was directed at America.

“I didn’t, Greenland just got a little angry and ran away and took a nap in one of my trees.” America explained and Greenland wanted to tell him that she didn’t really want two practically strangers knowing her business. But to do that would make what he was saying seem like a big deal, and she didn’t need that idea in their heads either. England looked down to Greenland again who easily met his eye and stared. 

“Well Greenland, if you’re sure you’re fine then I’m sure you won’t mind us checking you.” England stated it like was nonchalant but the bruise on her wrist throbbed with the memory. She hadn’t even noticed that it had also transferred.

“France said you wouldn’t.” She kept her voice calm but she could feel her heart starting to beat faster again. England looked like he had had a mini victory.

‘That was when you were a child, you’re an adult now. You won’t panic like before.” She really wanted to hit him for that. Her hands weren’t fists only because she was focusing on them staying straight. She wouldn’t give in.

“I’m an adult, you have no power over me. I do not give you permission to look over me.” She said it like she meant it but saying it made her feel extremely young. When she looked at England it didn’t matter the height she always felt like she was looking up. He would always be older than her and could use that to his authority.

“Well I’m an adult too, much older than you and I don’t need your permission.” England said and reached for her arm.

“Woah England dude, consent is important! If Greenland doesn’t want you to check her then leave it alone.” America defended her, which was nice. What was not nice was England’s coming hand. She hit it hard out of the air.

“She could be really hurt America, your rib didn’t bother you at all before but then with the spell it was really bad. Greenland’s not good at asking for help, shouldn’t he check just to be safe?” Canada countered and she barely resisted the urge to jump out of her chair and tackle him. He said he wouldn’t tell. He was trying to make them find out. She had just told him she wouldn’t stop. Maybe he thought that if he had more people on his side he could control her. He should have learned growing up with her that she didn’t take kindly to being controlled. England had brought his hand back and rubbed it but seemed ready to snatch at her again.

“Damnit Greenland it’s not a big deal! Just let us look you over.” England snapped at her.

“I don’t want to be checked by strangers.” She countered. She was expecting England to retort something to the effect of ‘Well then it’ll just be me!’ but he didn’t.

“Only one of them is a stranger according to you, the other one is who you call your real family!” That was not something she could recall saying. She had mentioned that they were her biological family, they were the ones she was supposed to grow up with, but she didn’t know them. Couldn’t get close to them. Norway looked between her and England and she was highly tempted to snap back. Her heart was beating faster. She did talk about real family in the sense of her parents. 

“When I say real family I meant the humans who took care of me. I also understand the fact that Norway is my biological family.” She put out. She didn’t want to see America or France’s faces during this, it always came down to this. It always put a rift between her and the rest of them. She hadn’t even been the one to bring it up for once.

“So it shouldn’t be a problem if he sees than!” With that he snatched her left arm. He might as well as ripped it off the pain was so bad. It was hard to breathe. She twisted herself around and got off the chair and pulled with her body and her right arm. There were tears in her eyes but she wouldn’t let him pull down the sleeve. “Let go and let us see!” England snapped again. He came closer to her and she stopped pulling to stomp on his foot causing him to let go. She cradled her left arm and stepped away from him.

“England I think this is--” Romania started but England cut him.

“She’s my daughter and she’s hurt and I’m going to help!” He started coming towards her again.

“You’re not helping me like this.” She told him, he was getting into one of his more stubborn moods. She knew that he was trying to help, but she had too many memories of him doing the same walk coming towards her with the paddle or a broken beer bottle in a drunken rage. She stepped back. He kept coming forward. She looked to Canada for help, but his head was down. America was watching her arm with worried eyes. She looked at it to see it was getting wet. England had reopened the wound. She backed up until she was against the wall. England kept coming forward. He was in front of her. He grabbed her left arm and without much thought she stomped on his foot again. His grip tightened. He brought up his other hand and she slammed her head into his. He fell to the floor and she hit the wall, her head pounding. It always came down to physical violence. America shot up and went to check on England who was groaning and cursing on the floor. America looked up to her and she could tell that he was both angry and worried. She assumed that he was angry at her for hurting his dad. She moved away from them and to the counter keeping an eye on everyone. Norway was watching her, not a hint of an expression on his face, Romania was sneaking his way out, clearly not interested in the family drama enough to warrant the potential to get caught in the crossfire. Canada still looked pissed in his seat and France- where was France?

“I think that’s enough.” France said behind her and she had no idea how he had gotten behind her but she whipped around so he couldn’t touch her. “Norway, Romania, thank you for your help but I’d appreciate it if you saw yourselves out.” France’s voice was stern and Norway nodded and left. Romania didn’t need anymore encouragement and ducked out. “England are you alright?” France asked after the house was silent for a full minute.

“My bloody fucking head just got smashed into, what do you think?” France rolled his eyes at England’s answer. England stood up with the help of America and all eyes were on her. Greenland wasn’t really sure what to say, it was hard enough to pretend that she wasn’t barely breathing because of pain. She was glad South Italy was gone for this, he had had enough drama for the day. “What are you cradling your arm for? I barely touched it!” England defended himself despite no one blaming him. 

“It’s harder to check in this position.” She answered and while that wasn’t the main reason it technically was one.

“What is your problem with being checked? It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before!” England went on.

“I don’t think the problem is you Artie, she won’t even get in a swimsuit near me. I’ve been inviting her to some of my water parks and she always says no.” America added.

“So this has been going on for awhile?” England concluded and America nodded. They all kept looking at her like she was going to give them an answer. They could pry it from her cold dead hands. Canada was staring at America and England as if he could use the power of thought to get the answer. This had gone on long enough.

“If you’re done grabbing at me, I’m going to my room.” She told them and started to walk away but there was a hand on her shoulder. It was France’s hand.

“We can’t just ignore something like this. Especially since it has been happening since before the spell.” France pushed. 

“Why I don’t like to be nude around others is my business, I appreciate your concern--” 

“For God’s sake they’ve basically figured it out just tell them!” Canada snapped and all eyes went to him.

“You know what she’s hiding bro?” America asked and Canada grit his teeth then nodded. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because he had been respecting my privacy. And he won’t tell you because he still respects my privacy.” She strained so hard to keep all the anger out of her voice. This was everything she had feared and Canada was trying to make it come true and there was nowhere to run.

“It’s not disrespecting your privacy when you seem to be on a mission of killing yourself someday!” Canada snapped back, getting out of the chair and standing.

“I’m not going to kill myself.”

“You sure seemed fucking close a few hours ago.” Canada snapped back.

“I was not.”

“You’re right that was just Ro--”

“That isn’t for you to share.” She raised her voice but didn’t change her tone to interrupt him. He was glaring hard at her. This is more what she expected, for them to be mad at her.

“What the hell is going on?” America asked.

“Greenland--” Canada started.

“My business is private.” She said again, unable to keep all hostility out of her voice. Canada was standing now, he was shaking slightly. She had upset him, but it was hard to care when he was trying to ruin her life.

“Greenland, did you try to kill yourself again while under the spell?” England asked, less hurt than before, it was just forceful. 

“No.”

“Bullshit!” Canada shouted and she so badly wanted to hit him. He didn’t have any idea about her or her intentions. He would never understand what she was doing. She should have left as soon as he found out. She should haven’t bandaged her leg. She shouldn’t have panicked so badly when England grabbed her. There were so many mistakes leading up to this point that just proved to her that she was an idiot. That all of this was her fault. “If it wasn’t a suicide attempt than why did you reference that meme?”

“I just thought about it when I was in the tree. It was an interesting time between America and I as he introduced me to some internet culture.” She kept her voice calm, but she could see on America’s face the start of an idea. “I’m going to my room now. I don’t want to discuss this anymore.” She tried to leave again but Canada got in her way. France came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder and she jerked her shoulder away. She was tired of the burn of touch, it didn’t seem nearly as pleasant when her arm was still burning.

“If you were only thinking about it why don’t you show them your arm?” Canada said in a very sarcastic tone. She had been working very hard to not be antagonistic but his anger at her didn’t help. His betrayal and their rough handling and trapping of her was enough. They didn’t deserve her control.

“Get out of the way.” She told him darkly. He didn’t move, in fact he crossed his arms to show he wouldn’t budge. “You act like you know everything because of a few days research when I’ve been doing this since the late seventeen hundreds. If I wanted to be dead then I’d be dead. You all only noticed the supposed “problem” because of a spell that messed with my mind. If it hadn’t been for that we wouldn’t be having this conversation. That spell is over. I’m not a child waddling around crying over the smallest problems. I'm an adult who can take care of themselves. If I wanted your help I’d ask. If I needed your help I’d ask. I never asked. This secret I’ve been carrying with me is more important and special to me than the name my parents gave me, and Canada, you found it out without me giving it to you. Now you’re trying to force it out into the world with the idea that you’re saving me, but believe me when I say that the more you take away from me, the worse I will become. Now let me go to my room.” They may not have deserved her control, but she kept it. There were so many hateful words she could spew at Canada, reasons why he was invisible, and would always stay invisible, but she kept them to herself. She had hoped Canada would have moved, would have seen that he was not helping. Instead he shook his head. He started talking, but she stopped listening, America and France had probably figured out what she was hiding by now, they would tell England if Canada didn’t. She needed to get away. Canada was just about as strong as America, although he didn’t use this strength very often. The difference between Canada and America is that America was almost always on guard. Canada was not. If it was America Greenland had no hope of escaping, she would either have to somehow get past him, or get past France run around the table and get past England, which was also unlikely. But with Canada in front of her trying to convey some emotional plea he wasn’t prepared for her to attack. She took one look around the room, France had gotten a nice distance away from her after she brushed him off. America was on the other side of the table next to England who was still holding his head. She was a good runner, she had lots of practice running away from England. She ripped her arms out of their cradle position and ran with them stuck out and pushed Canada full force than ran across him up the stairs and to her room. She locked the door and grabbed her bag, her laptop, and her notebook. She needed out of the house, America was guaranteed to have a key to the room. She propped a chair under the door to give herself a little more time. She could already hear a commotion downstairs and thumping up the stairs. The window. When she had a little body the fall would have been pretty bad, now that she was bigger it wasn’t as bad, but it would still hurt. However this also wasn’t her first time jumping out of a secondary story window, good times with England came in handy. She opened the window tossed her bag which now contained her notebook and laptop which was padded in-between clothes and started climbing out. She could hear England yelling her name as he banged on the door. She got herself to the point where she was dangling on the outside of the window and let herself fall. Hitting the ground she rolled although she was pretty sure one of her toes were still broken. She got up anyway ignored the burning of her foot and arm grabbed her bag, slung it over her shoulders and started running. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Google Translate says Italian:
> 
> My fucking arm, it burns... Am I on the floor?
> 
> Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below. Stay safe and have a great day!


	27. Chapter Twenty-Six: Greenland Be Like, No Phone No Phone I Just Want To Be Alone Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland goes to a hotel and makes some calls. No one is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello a new chapter here. I don't like this chapter very much but it feels necessary for establishing some things. I've started to be able to day dream for this story again, problem is the part I'm excited to write is probably about twenty chapters away from this one ^^; but I have a better idea for the turning point of the story so that's cool. I was really worried for awhile about that. I've known how I want the story to end since I started but I was very unsure how to get to that point but now I have a better plan! But I won't be surprised that if between now and that point I somehow change the entire plot point I came up with because I can't stick to an outline to save my life xD Anyway I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter or whatever your thinking about the story in general! Thank you for reading I hope you enjoy!

It was dark out. It had taken the magic trio awhile to find supplies. Greenland followed the road and stayed to the side. She took a turn at every street going right than left at the next one. Eventually she got to the point where she saw more and more cars and she followed them. She wasn’t going to hitchhike, she was in enough trouble as it was. The headlights of the cars were easier to travel in at least, although some kept honking at her. She didn’t think wearing a sweater that barely went down her collar bone and pants that left everything to the imagination were that attractive, nor did she think her face was that attractive either but that really didn’t matter to these night time drivers. Maybe she was just running on the wrong side of the road. Either way her plan worked and she was eventually in a business area full of buildings. In her bag she had about four hundred U.S dollars. That should be enough for two taxis and a hotel. She would just walk to the airport after the meeting. She went into the nearest building that was open, which happened to be a gas station. The person working looked to be around seventeen to twenty-two. They had short and curly bright blue hair and were writing in a notebook. Greenland, who was covered in sweat and had a sleeve stained with blood approached the counter. The person, Greenland didn’t know if they were a boy or a girl and didn’t want to waste time asking, looked up, set their notebook aside and gave a smile that didn’t seem very forced, until Greenland got closer. Then their eyes darted around her, and focused on her sleeve. The smile was very forced than.

“Hello, how can I help you?” They asked a bit shaky. Both arms under the counter.

“May I please use your phone?” Greenland asked, keeping her voice steady despite how her heart raced. The person’s smile dropped.

“Are you in trouble? Do you need me to call the police?” The person went on, and Greenland thought that they must have been a nice person to assume that someone else was the reason that Greenland looked like this. Well in a way it was another person’s fault. England had reopened the wound and she was running in the night because she was scared they were out looking for her.

“I don’t need to call the police, thank you, but my living arrangement needs to change. I’m hoping to call a taxi to take me to a hotel.” Greenland explained. She’d let the person think what they want about that statement. It may have been deceitful but she never lied. The person nodded behind the counter seeming a bit uncertain and showed Greenland to the phone.

“When you get to the hotel you can tell the person at the desk not to tell anyone who you are, most will agree.” The person gave that advice as Greenland dialed the taxi company’s number. She asked the person for the name and address of the gas station which they happily gave and Greenland hung up the phone.

“Thank you.” Greenland told the person. They waved the thanks off, literally, they swatted at the air.

“No problem, I’m Rox, I use they/them pronouns and I’m always happy to help someone get away from a bad situation.” They answered, and Greenland had never been introduced to someone’s pronouns that way, but she had already been using they and them in her head so it didn’t seem so hard to keep doing so. At least now she could give them a name in her head.

“I’m K'âjúnguaĸ.” Greenland answered, she didn’t talk to humans that didn’t know her as Greenland often anymore, and it felt weird telling a stranger a name she had kept secret for a long time, but that was what human names were for. Rox gave a bit of a blank stare when Greenland said her name, she supposed it would be hard for American’s to say it. “You can call me K.” Greenland gave that option and Rox seemed to let out their breath. Greenland expected them to question Greenland’s situation, after all she did look very curious and hadn’t denied the trouble part.

“Do you mind if I ask where your accent comes from?” They asked instead, as they stood looking out the gas station’s windows watching for the taxi.

“I’m from Greenland, I came down here for business and was staying with family.” Rox’s face darkened when Greenland said that.

“Yeah, my family wasn’t really accepting when I came out as non-binary, they refused to call me by my name or use my pronouns. They constantly were trying to dress me up in ways I hated. So I left.” Greenland didn’t know what non-binary was but she could understand not being addressed the way she wanted and being dressed up in ways she hated. It probably wasn't the same since there was the added layer of pronouns involved, but it was a connection. The silence afterwards was comfortable, and when the taxi arrived Rox asked if Greenland wanted a hug. She didn’t really want to be touched but they had been nice so she gave them a hug before getting in the taxi and telling the driver to take her to the cheapest hotel nearby. Greenland just needed a place with a bed and a phone. She needed to tell South Italy what had happened and to ignore any texts or calls from her family. She hadn’t picked up her phone after the spell, so he would need to ignore texts from ‘her’ too until she got it back. She’d also need to tell her boss to ignore any messages from her. The taxi driver thankfully did not try and make conversation. She could ask the desk if she could have a razor but she doubted they’d have one. She’d just search the room for something usable, maybe break a glass and use the sharpest piece. She needed more after what happened. She needed to be in control of her pain and right now she wasn’t, her pain came from England and Canada. The pain Canada caused was more emotional than physical but it still hurt. She could ignore that by covering it up with her own hurt. She would be more careful this time.

She paid the taxi driver and went into the small hotel, she paid in cash at the desk and requested them not to give her information out. They agreed and gave her a room on the second floor. She took the elevator since her legs ached from the running and went directly to her room. Despite the lower cost the floors were still nice, a red carpet with no visible stains. Her door opened with the card on the first try and she entered to find a green floor with white walls. There was a closet immediately to her right and the door to the bathroom on the left. There was one bed further in. A desk with a phone on it along with an information card for the T.V and Wi-Fi. The T.V wasn’t as big as America’s but it was still a good size. She went straight for the phone. She dialed South Italy’s cell phone and waited. 

“Ciao! Feliciano speaking, Lovino is in the bathroom right now, but I can take a message.” North Italy went on and Greenland supposed it made more sense for him to pick up a call from a random number than his brother. 

“Hello North Italy, this is Greenland speaking. My phone has been stolen so I just wanted to let South Italy know not to trust any messages from me.” She explained. North Italy was a very kind man, but despite this she had always gotten the feeling that he didn’t like her very much. He never said anything of the sort, but he would always derail the conversation topics she brought up, and he had a habit of wanting family time whenever she wanted to come over and he wouldn’t be away. South Italy had noticed it before her actually as apparently at multiple of these supposed family times Germany and Japan had still been invited over. Greenland didn’t know why North Italy didn’t like her, it may be because she was raised by England and had a very sort of cold demeanor, or it may have been because he somehow could tell she was broken. She didn’t really blame him for it. If she didn’t like herself then why would other people like her? There were some days she had a hard time believing that South Italy actually liked her. 

“That’s terrible news, I’m so sorry that happened! Romano told me that you were having a lot of troubles because of England’s spell, so much so that he had to miss some of the meeting, are you feeling better?” North Italy went on, and the addition of making sure she knew that she was the one who made South Italy miss part of the meeting sent a stab of guilt through. She wondered if that was on purpose or not. 

“Thank you. I was having trouble but the spell has been reversed. I have to inform my boss of the situation, have a good night.” She didn’t wait for him to respond before hanging up. She supposed she should have called her boss first, but she didn’t really want to speak to him at all. It would also make sense that her family would try to get in touch with South Italy first, since they were close. Regretfully she dialed her bosses cell phone, she was probably going to get an extra charge for calling out of the country but it had to be done. It didn’t take as long for him to pick up.

“I don’t want any car insurance now block this number!” He snapped at her in Kalaallisut. At least one nice thing talking to him was she could speak one of her own languages.

“Mr. Filemonsen, this is Greenland. I’m calling to inform you that my phone has been stolen. Please ignore any messages or calls sent from my number until I come back home.” She kept her voice quiet and respectful. She had a feeling that he wasn’t going to be happy with her.

“You lost your phone? That has secure contacts on it! Classified emails! How could you be so careless-- Do you know who took it? You better get it back before we have a security breach. Your notes from this meeting have better be good enough to make up for this.” He went on yelling into the phone that she held away from her ear. Part of her was tempted to throw it, it wasn’t like people had their phones stolen on purpose. At least he had moved on from the who, if she told him another country had it he’d be calling their bosses complaining. She didn’t want them to get in trouble that way. Yet. If they kept pushing that may become an option. 

“There was an incident, I was forced to miss the meeting for the first four days. I borrowed notes from others but--”

“What sort of incident could incapacitate you for four days! You’re a nation! You’re supposed to be strong enough to get past obstacles, not just lay in bed for a few days when you’re supposed to be helping your country.” He snapped, she could get shot and he’d yell at her to walk it off.

“I felt it would be better if I didn’t attend given the situation. There was a spell cast that--”

“Did you just say a spell? For the last time, there is no such thing as magic! I don’t know what they taught you over there in medieval England but magic isn’t real. You can’t just keep using it as an excuse to not do your work. I have half a mind to replace your position in meetings all together, you clearly can’t keep it together.” He ranted, but he couldn’t hold back an insult under his breath, one she might not have heard if she hadn’t spent years straining to hear Canada. “Of course we got stuck with the crazy nation.” Greenland was so close to throwing the phone. She had been alive since before the years were counted in the thousands and this fragile less than a hundred years worth of experience acted like he knew better than her at every moment. She wanted to scream. She hated the word crazy. She accepted the fact that she was broken, she accepted that she was different, but she was not crazy. And to be called crazy over magic? She could imagine people calling her crazy because of her habit, she’d disagree but at least it made sense. But magic? Anyone who believed in nations shouldn’t have that hard of a time believing in magic! It wasn’t like a personification body worked on the principles of science, how could science explain their accelerated healing, or how they were physically affected by large events in the land? It couldn’t. But explaining all of that was worthless to a man who only believed in himself.

“Sir, I understand that you do not believe in magic but what happened not only incapacitated me but also the United States of America and Canada. France and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland took turns watching over us. All of this will be documented in my report.” She explained with as calm a voice as she could muster.

“Great, so I’m supposed to report to the Prime Minster your fairy tales and tell him that you caused a major security breach? That’s it, when you get back this department is having a meeting and you’re being reassigned to something else. I’ll choose who takes your place at meetings.” He said and Greenland could feel her heart being stabbed. All she had wanted for years was to go home and be like the rest of the nations, to go to meetings and tell her boss what happened, to fill out reports, to tell her boss what her people thought, and to defend her land. Instead she never got to talk to her real boss, she was never asked for what her people thought and were feeling, and now she wouldn’t even get to go to world meetings. Meetings that were meant for nations. She’d be stuck in an office doing busy work because they didn’t trust her to do her job.

“Sir, with all due respect world meetings aren’t like what you think they are, they’re not--” She tried, because it really wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t get good enough notes. The meetings were chaos, they barely got anything done. She was often told by others that she got the most out of meetings, even Germany, one of the few times she was able to present, had complimented her on her work and speech. But he interrupted her again.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses! We were fine sending an agent before and we’ll be fine sending one again! If you really were as useful as you think you are you would have kept doing what I told you and not started lying to me about your communication with other nations. If you’re not going to do what your people demand then there’s no point to you. Goodbye Greenland.” With that he hung up on her. She stayed still with the phone to her ear for a moment, unable to get her body to move. Then very slowly she put it down. Her mind felt blank and the world felt light. She might as well have been as close to fired as her boss could get away with. She wanted to blame England, but the problems had started before this. Her not going to the meetings because of the spell was just the last straw. Once she went back home she’d be nothing, have nothing. Would he even let her keep talking to the other nations for pleasure, or would he tell her she couldn’t because it was a risk to the national security? Her family wouldn’t want to talk to her anyway. South Italy was probably tired of her, realized how taxing she was on his health. He had been in the bathroom when she called, had he been cutting again after almost dying? It was her fault. All of this was her fault. She was going to go back to being nothing. At least at England’s she was a trophy. Now at her own home she was like an unwanted dog they had to take care of. If her own nation was shunning her did that mean she would actually die if she tried? She used to use the argument that her people needed her but now it seemed that they didn’t. Mr. Filemonsen was right, they hadn’t needed her when she was at England’s, they didn’t need her now. Her movements were still slow as she took her shirt off. Then her pants and finally the bra and underwear. She let them lay in a pile on the floor. Then she went to the bathroom and turned on the lights. There was a nice mirror. She saw herself, neutral face, dead eyes, and scared body. In a flash of horrible and hot rage she slammed her fist into the mirror with a growl. It shattered leaving little pieces behind. Most were on the counter, some fell to the floor. She picked up a nice piece and found some clear skin on the stop on her arm and dragged down. The line beaded up with blood. Greenland walked on the broken glass letting it get stuck in her feet and got into the bathtub and sat down. Then she took the glass wherever it wanted to go on her. She let it go deeper than she normally did. She cut and sliced and let the blood drip to the white porcelain and then she cut some more. She didn’t care if it killed her. She didn’t care if it didn’t. She cut to the point where it didn’t matter that her life was over, and she was finally tired enough to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed your scheduled angst of the week! Let me know what you thought and have a great day! Stay safe!


	28. Chapter Twenty-Seven: Having So Many Important Conversations Is Stressful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland goes to the world meeting only to have another confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Friday another chapter! I have actually managed to write two new pages of this story so I'm hoping this writers block is over. This chapter covers something I learned during my research that will be important later. This chapter feels a little rushed to me but I still like it. I personally really like exploring Greenland and England's relationship since it's so complicated in this story. No one in this story is meant to be a bad guy (except a certain boss...) but no one is a perfectly good person either. The more I come up with this story the more I wish I could show other characters perspectives, but I don't think that would work. I guess it'll just have to be extra's for when this story comes to an end. When will that be? I don't know! This is the longest story I've ever written and actually gone through with so it's hard to put a time frame to it. Thank you for sticking with it! I appreciate all the comments and kudos so much!! Thank you for reading I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Greenland woke up and wondered if she had been kidnapped. The scent of blood was strong in the air, she was laying in an uncomfortable position on something hard and smooth. Even with her eyes closed, she could tell the lights were bright. She opened them up anyway and found herself in a bloody bathtub. There was a piece of glass beside her. She looked at her body and there were lines haphazardly drawn everywhere jagged and crossing over the older ones from the same day. She didn’t remember doing it. She remembered the phone call and feeling light and floaty but things went blank after that. That was something that had never happened to her before. She never just forgot a session right after it happened. Maybe in a week she wouldn’t remember when she did what but right after it happened? She could focus on that later, now she needed to get clean and clean the tub. The first thing she noticed when she went to stand up was that it was agonizing. There was still glass in her foot. So she sat back down and picked it out. She also picked the glass out of her hand. She put that glass on the shelves that shampoo and the like were supposed to go on to make sure she wouldn’t step on it again since it shouldn’t get dragged down by the water there. She closed the curtain. Then she set the shower hot and began rubbing all the dried blood off her body then the floor. It felt terrible. The lines were everywhere and they were all angry. The blood didn’t want to come off the bottom of the tub and she eventually gave up focusing on herself. Some of the wounds reopened as she rubbed and she waited for them to stop bleeding before turning the water off. She opened the curtain and carefully made her way to a bright white towel avoiding the glass on the way. Some of the wounds started bleeding again and the towel got a little stained but she was pretty sure it was about to get more stained because she bent down and started to get as much of the glass off the floor with her fingers as she could. She only cut her fingers in four different places in the process and she stopped the bleeding with the towel. She left the room grabbed and put on the underwear and bra from the floor got out of her bag a white button up, black blazer, black dress pants, and black socks and put them on. After that, she grabbed her discarded clothes and the key card went down the stairs two at a time. Once she was downstairs she was luckily the only one in the lobby heading for the desk. She checked out and gave them an extra fifty dollars for the mirror and rushed out to the parking lot. Her luck was on point because there was a taxi there. She gave the driver the address and asked for the time.

“It’s about 7:30 love.” He responded with a chuckle. He tried to continue the conversation but Greenland just gave noncommittal hums in return. Eventually he fell quiet. The meeting didn’t start until 8:30, it was about a half an hour drive. She would get there at her usual time then. She would take more notes than she ever had before so Mr. Filemonsen would see that she was still able to do her job. She’d ignore her family and stay focused. Things would be fine. She barely had enough to pay the taxi driver but she did and she walked into the building where the meetings took place with purpose. She entered the large room with the long round table with a projector at the front and took her normal seat in the middle of the west side. Germany was already there along with England. If things had been normal she would have rode with England to the meeting, but things weren’t normal no matter how much she wished they were. She half expected England to just immediately march over to her and start demanding that she pulled down her sleeve, but he was absorbed in his newspaper, which was causing him to frown hard. She got out her notebook and began to review what she had already had. She had written plenty about the spell, but her boss wouldn’t take any of that. She had what South Italy had told her, but only two days worth of that and she needed five days worth of notes. The meeting room began to fill as more countries came in. America came in with France and Canada, most likely they were the only reason he was on time. All of their eyes landed on her for a moment and she was worried that they were going to bother her, but they all turned and went towards England instead. She sighed out of her nose and began to take note who came in with who. She felt a mixture of excitement and dread when South Italy came in with North Italy. Part of her was just happy to see him, that he was alive and okay. Part of her just wanted to reach out and hold his hand. She wanted to cry into his arms while he went through her hair. But that wasn’t fair to him. She was hurting him with what she was doing. She didn’t need to bother him with that. She was worried that he would come over and ask about what happened to her phone. Then she’d have to explain last night and he would have questions that she didn’t want to answer. As it was he didn’t come over. He didn’t even look at her. Which was fine. She didn’t know why her chest hurt so much. She ignored it and kept writing notes. 

When the first presentation began, given by Germany, Greenland knew that it would cause problems. It was about how to ease tensions around the world through diplomacy. Many eyes were on America, as his current boss wasn’t the best at that. Eventually Russia couldn’t keep his mouth shut and made a comment about it, to which America argued back, but then China joined Russia’s side, and so did Cuba. Then America made fun of Russia’s diplomacy, something about giving guns as gifts, to which Prussia also joined in. Germany tried to move on but all hope was lost when England suddenly got up and started choking France. Such as the way these meetings go. With everyone bickering amongst themselves Germany did not continue his presentation. Greenland wrote as much as she could about it than switched to listening around the room. Norway was talking to the other Nordics but she couldn’t make out what he was saying, they all looked worried though, except Sweden. Sealand had snuck into the meeting and was pretending to be Canada and talking to Cuba as if he was Canada. Spain and South Italy were talking to each other, South Italy calling him an idiot bastard about something. North Italy was comforting Germany about the loss of control and trying to convince him to call a lunch break despite the meeting only having started half an hour ago. She was so deep in writing all of this down that she hadn’t realized someone was coming up behind her until there was a hand on her shoulder. On reflex she whipped around trying to get her shoulder out of the hand’s grasp. It didn’t work. Behind her were America and England, and it was America’s hand on her shoulder.

“Hey Greenland, we would like to finish that talk from last night.” America said, although his voice wasn’t threatening, it was very soft. He treated her like a wounded animal. It was frustrating but almost felt true. 

“I’m busy. I have to make up four days worth of notes in one day.” She told him, making sure the seriousness came through. She didn’t have time for this.

“But the meeting is in shambles right now, we have at least another hour before things start going smoothly again, France is making sure of that.” America went on and she realized that they had purposely threw the meeting into chaos. They didn’t know she took notes on everyone's actions. They were at least trying to be a little considerate.

“Canada already told you, why do you need to talk to me?” She said, surprisingly able to keep all the bitterness out of her voice. She was glad Canada wasn’t with them right now, it would have been harder to keep her control if he was. 

“Actually Canada didn’t tell us. He thought that we had already figured it out, but England and I still aren’t exactly sure what’s going on. We talked about it last night and we’re pretty sure we went the completely wrong way of talking to you about it. We’re sorry for that. But you’re still our family and it’s obvious you’re hurting and we want to help.” America was doing all the talking, which didn’t surprise Greenland seeing how her last conversation with England went. America had been mostly a neutral party in that situation.

“I appreciate your apology and your concern but as I stated last night I do not want or need help.”

“Most addicts tend to think that.” Greenland’s stomach lurched at that and she was glad she hadn’t eaten anything. “There’s a private room down the hall we can talk in.” America added and Greenland nodded. America said that they didn’t know what was going on but it sounded to Greenland that they had a pretty good idea. Might as well get their disgust and anger out of the way. They left the meeting room easily and went past it further into the building until they reached a door. England held it open for both of them and there were three fluffy chairs set up, two facing the other. This had been set up. Maybe they had never even gone looking for her, just started planning as soon as they realized she was gone. They all sat down, America’s face was in a fake smile and England’s had fallen into a neutral position. “So, you came with us. No one’s going to touch you without your consent, but we would like to know why there was a lot of dried blood where you were during the spell.” America went on. Greenland’s life was already over. She didn’t know why she was trying so hard to keep it going. She should have ended it in the hotel. They already knew enough to treat her differently. She might as well put the icing on the cake to keep them away from her. She stood up and took off her blazer. Then she started unbuttoning her shirt. She pulled it off and she heard the hiss of someone taking in air fast. Then she dropped her pants. Her lines were out for the room to see. So many angry and red. She had cut over old raised one and soft pale pink ones. They were all over and she had done them and she was going to do at least two more. America and England were staring. England was very tense and was frowning so hard that his massive eyebrows were covering up his eyes. America looked like he had been punched in the stomach and was trying to look tough still. It was very quiet in the room. Greenland started to feel self conscious because they never stopped staring. Canada had seemed like he didn’t want to look at them, South Italy was the same way though his eyes would linger than look at his own arm. But it was like these two couldn’t look away.

“You started this when you were still living with me?” England asked suddenly, not looking up to see her face, he was staring at her knees.

“Yes.”

“So you really did steal my scissors?” America asked.

“Yes.”

“Where did you put them?” He asked, he was staring at her left arm.

“I left them in the woods.” She answered, the hollow feeling was coming back and swallowing her.

“You were the reason my kitchen knives kept disappearing?” England asked, although it sounded more like an exclamation.

“Yes.”

“Was it because I left?” America asked and that question was almost funny if she could feel.

“No.”

“Was it me?” England asked. She supposed that question had a little more merit. England was at his worst back then. She mostly used that to her advantage, if he broke a glass she had something new to use. Then again, the reason control became so important to her was so she would be able to convince England that she was good enough to go home. If she stopped getting so upset all the time it would show she was mature. But then control always had to be kept now. It wasn’t England’s fault she hurt people when she was out of control. 

“No.” After that it was silent for awhile. Greenland sat down without putting her clothes back on. The air felt nice on some of the lines.

“This can’t continue Greenland, I mean America thought you were hurting yourself, I still thought drugs had something to do with it but neither of us thought it would be this bad! You are covered in cuts, and they're not even bandaged, what if these get infected?” England shouted getting to his feet to pace behind his chair, finally looking away. She shrugged. It didn’t really matter. They wouldn’t have a chance to soon. England looked at her tears in his eyes, they were open wide. “Do you really not see how bad this is?” England asked. She shrugged again because she didn’t really care. She could see England swallow. England approached her and actually got on his knees in front of her. “Greenland, I’m not mad at you.” He started slowly with his soft voice. “But I’m worried for you. You’ve been hurting for so long and keeping it to yourself. I know that we don’t have the best relationship and that I haven’t always been the best to you, but I’m here for you. You don’t have to do this to yourself.” It was a very heartfelt statement. She could tell from his eyes and the way his hand twitched that he wanted to touch her but he was holding himself back. She didn’t know how she would react if her body was letting her feel, maybe she would be touched, she probably would be angry. But now she felt nothing. It was like she was watching a movie, none of this was happening to her. England was staring into her eyes now. She wondered what he saw. “Greenland?” She wanted to say yes, but her mouth wasn’t moving. It wasn’t tight or tense, her body was relaxed. It wasn’t responding to her brains commands. Her eyes were, she stared back at England, hoping he could get the message that something was wrong. On a fundamental level she knew something was wrong, but on the inside she wasn’t that worried about it. It wasn’t if she was screaming in her head to be able to move, it was just a small want that wasn’t being fulfilled. “Greenland, are you alright?” He asked and she was pretty sure the answer was both yes and no. On one hand, everything was very far away, and that wasn’t normal, on the other hand, it was nice to be far away. She didn’t have to feel the pain that being alive caused. No more worries about being fired or people locking her away. She could just hide away and watch the world move on without her. Slowly England reached out and put a hand on her knee. She knew it was warm and slightly stung but it still didn’t feel like he was touching her. That wasn’t her knee. It was her body’s knee. She was feeling an echo of touch. 

“I think she’s dissociating England.” America said, he didn’t get up from his chair though.

“What’s that?” England asked, not moving his hand but turning to look at America.

“It’s kinda where you feel a separation from yourself and your body. She hasn’t really been reacting to anything that’s going on and she looks a little spacy. This has probably been really stressful on her. Some of those cuts don’t look very old.” America went on, getting up and coming closer. He was examining her thigh. “Some of these aren’t very straight, I don’t think she made all of these with a knife. I mean, none of my knives were missing. If Canada already knew he probably took away what she was using. So unless she hid something really well she probably improvised.” America went on, much more knowledgeable than she expected.

“What do you mean ‘improvised,’ how do you know this?” England pushed, sounding a bit annoyed. He was probably frustrated with the situation. He loved to know everything and he didn’t know about this.

“I go to college every few years to keep updated on information and it helps keep me up to date with the youth. I can’t just not talk to people there, I make some friends, and some of them struggled with this kind of stuff. And some of them when there wasn’t a razor or a knife available to use would use whatever was around, like they’d break a glass to use the broken glass or they’d break apart pencil sharpeners. Sometimes they’d even steal just to get their hands on something to use. Kinda like how Greenland took my scissors.” America went on, waving his hand in her face. She blinked very slowly and America seemed to take that as a good sign as his smile lifted. England seemed very confused at first than very frustrated.

“Canada told me she was the one always taking care of the alcohol bottles! The knives would go missing, the bottles would go missing, she was always wearing long sleeves on the hottest of days, she wouldn’t go swimming, she spent hours upon hours in her room, she stopped getting angry and yelling at me, how the hell didn’t I notice?!” England shouted getting up, she assumed the extra pressure he put on her knee was on accident since she received an extra echo of stinging pain. He was back to pacing. America looked at him a bit sadly but didn’t move from his spot by her.

“It’s not like the information that people did that was prevalent back then, and you weren’t in the best of shape either.” America told him, and it was true, Greenland had never heard of anyone doing back then. She had discovered it on accident and hid it as well as she could. England was normally to drunk to notice any slip ups she made. She hadn’t even known he knew his knives were going missing. She was the one to go buy new ones. “It’s also not something very easy to spot. Greenland was very good at hiding her emotions, and those are normally the biggest tell.” He turned to her. “You’re right, without that spell we probably would have never noticed, which is why I’m grateful for the spell. I’m glad I got to understand you better. I’m glad we got to play hide and seek again and watch horror and Disney movies. I missed spending time with you. I know you’re not happy about us knowing and I know you don’t want to stop, and we’re not going to make you--”

“Like hell she’s going to keep doing this!” England interrupted turning on America. “She already tried to kill herself once I’m not having her try again.” He pushed on, a slight tremor in his voice. He was worried.

“Listen England, I’ve been through this before. If Greenland is going to stop doing this she’ll need a reason to. We can’t just baby proof her house, look what happened when Canada took her tools. Before Greenland stops we have to make her want to stop. Show her how much we care, get her psychiatric help, and give her other coping mechanisms to use. This isn’t just going to be a one and done thing, if Greenland has been doing this for over three hundred years it’s going to take a lot to make it stop.” America went on, and Greenland felt her heart ease a little. Than it started picking up. Feeling was coming back and as always it wasn’t pleasant. Psychiatric help? Did that mean he was going to lock her up? Her government didn’t have a therapist ready and she didn’t think after being basically demoted to the lowest point she could possibly be her boss wouldn’t be willing to get her one.

“So we’re supposed to just let her hurt herself?” England asked incredulously. “No, I’ve been blind for far to long. Greenland can come stay with me, that way I can keep an eye on her.” It was an innocent request but Greenland’s heart squeezed hard and breathing became more difficult. She had been trapped at England’s house for so long, it hadn’t even been a century since he let her go. She was about to be trapped in her home country but at least it was her home. She had built her own home there. She could feel the land around her there. She knew the news, why she would think certain things about the government. Why she felt sick or hurt. If she went back to England’s against her will she wouldn’t even have that. She’d be Ginger again, Arthur’s brat daughter who was always causing trouble. She wanted to stay  K'âjúnguaĸ, the personification of Greenland who went to world meetings, took too many notes, and was friends with South Italy. No matter what she wasn’t going to get that. No one was going to look at her the same anymore. She was a freak who cut herself. She was crazy. She hurt other people. She deserved to be trapped away. But she didn’t want it, she’d rather die. 

“Greenland, Greenland can you breath like me?” America asked and he was taking deep breaths like it was the easiest thing in the world. They were staring at her. She had pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around tight on them. Her head was resting on her thighs and while she could hear America taking deep breaths she couldn’t follow them. Maybe this would be how she died. She’d keep oxygen from her brain and let it suffocate. England and America were saying something, she couldn’t piece it out. This hadn’t ever happened around other people before. Her chest ached and her lines burned and how she had not missed feeling. Everything was too much, she was trapped. She should be taking notes to try and save herself from her boss’s wrath but here she was showing off her secret habit to two of the people she hadn’t ever wanted to know. Something touched her and her entire body jerked at the contact but they didn’t let go. It burned, her whole body was on fire. Then it started tapping a calm beat. It was like the ticking of a clock. It felt like it pushed through her whole head, it was nicer to focus on that then the thought that she was trapped. It wasn’t instant, and it took multiple tries, but eventually she was able to line up her breathing to the beat. Counting in her head to four and then out for four. Apparently during that she had started crying leaving her face wet when she finally lifted it up out of her cocoon. America was there, one of his hands on her ankle still tapping the beat and the other offering a tissue. “How long have you had panic attacks, or was that the first one?” America asked.

“Since the spell.” She didn’t really want to talk but it wasn’t impossible to. America nodded, England was sitting on the floor beside him looking very stressed about not being able to do anything to help. 

“Do you know what set you off?” America asked.

“I don’t want to be trapped.” She told them and America cringed slightly and England wilted.

“You wouldn’t be trapped at my house.” England said quietly.

“I will be trapped if I go or not. My boss has done the closest thing to firing me as he can. I doubt he will let me leave Greenland when I fly back.” Greenland answered, getting her voice back to neutral. 

“Why the hell did he do that?” America exclaimed, seemingly flabbergasted that that could happen.

“I told him that was my phone was stolen and that a spell kept me from attending the meetings. He doesn’t believe in magic and told me I had committed a major security breach.” Greenland answered.

“Who stole your phone?” England asked and Greenland had a strong urge to look down, but she kept her head up and looked into his eyes.

“I lost my phone at America’s, I wanted to assure that if you all found it and tried to contact him that he would ignore the message. I told the same to South Italy.” She said and both boys looked at her like she had been imagining things. It seemed like a fair assumption to her that Canada would have told them and they would have contacted South Italy to figure out where she was and told her boss she was sick or some nonsense. She didn’t want to deal with that later so she took preventive measures. America sighed and pulled out of his pocket her phone. England gaped at him.

“You bloody git, you actually stole her phone?” She didn’t know why England seemed so surprised at this.

“I  _ found _ her phone on the floor and was planning on giving it back to her at the meeting. I wasn’t planning on telling your boss about anything since it’s not his business.” America addressed both of them. She took her phone, which still had specks of dried blood on it, and went to put it in her pocket only to remember that her clothes were mostly all over the floor. She got up causing both boys to move and started getting dressed again. “We could tell your boss there really was a spell?” America suggested but she shook her head.

“He’ll just call you crazy too.” And he would. He wasn’t a very reasonable man. He had his beliefs and he stuck to them. He had believed Greenland was incompetent since the day she had gotten back to her country and he had stuck to that. He didn’t believe nations should be treated like people and no matter how much time Greenland spent with him or all the different nations he met with and spent time with him he still believed that and treated her as such. Dragging in other nations wouldn’t help. 

“I could show him magic?” England suggested, and Greenland considered it despite what had happened last time. It wouldn’t be that bad if England made a mistake and turned Mr. Filemonsen into a toad. She nodded. Both men brightened. Greenland finished getting around buttoning up her blazer and looked to the door. The men wilted. “Are you sure you aren’t willing to stay with me for awhile?” England asked. She shook her head. 

“Can we stay over at your place for a little bit then, not to like, take over your house or anything but to just be near you. It’s been a little nerve racking and it’d be nice to see you safe. Plus I don’t think I’ve ever been to your house!” America went on.

“Come to think of it neither have I.” England added. Both looked at her expectantly. She didn’t really think their boss’s would be too pleased having them leave their country even longer just to spend time with her but if that’s what they really wanted, and they weren’t going to take her things, then she supposed it would be fine. She nodded. America beamed and England straightened up slightly and they opened the door for her to go back to the meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below, stay safe and have great day!


	29. Chapter Twenty-Eight: That Moment When the Conversation Switches From Dead Childeren To Fucking In Less Than A Minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland is an overdramatic depressed bitch who thinks everything is terrible. It's genetic really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This is my last prewritten edited chapter so I'm scared. I need to type teen more pages before I start editing the next batch of chapters. Writing has been really slow because the story has been pretty slow. Can't have action all the time unfortunately. This chapter is actually one of my favorites. I really like the last scene and I really like finally getting to introduce Prussia who will become an important character later. It feels like everything in this story happens later ^^; This chapter makes reference to the ending of one of my mini stories I'm writing for Greenland, Mother of Many, so be warned. If the tags on that story weren't warning enough. I've been putting so much focus in trying to get the next batch of chapters ready for this story that I've stopped working on practically everything else. I'm really excited to get to two certain plot points that it feels like a drag to write everything in-between. But I shall persevere. Hopefully it's not a drag to read. Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy!

Back in the meeting room it was still chaos. Denmark was on the table being choked by Norway who was dragging him back down, France and China were arguing about something, Spain and Prussia had snuck some sort of alcohol in and were sneaking it around while Germany spotted more and more people drinking something and was trying to find out where it was coming from, probably so he could have some. South Italy was sitting at the table looking pissed while North Italy blabbered on to him. Russia had managed to sit on Canada again and while Greenland might have said something to him a week ago with no hesitation now she had to take a moment to think about it. Canada hadn’t told them in the end. But he had gotten very close and snapped at her in front of everyone about it, and most unforgivable, had almost given away South Italy’s secret in his anger. On the other hand it was her fault he was angry, she hadn’t covered it up as well as she should. Besides, just because she was hurt emotionally didn’t mean he should be hurt physically. So she went over to Russia and tapped him on the shoulder. Russia had a childlike smile that reminded of children who were burning ants. Her calm demeanor and lack of response normally led to nothing bad coming out of her interactions with him.

“Hm? Oh, hello Greenland, do you need something?” Russia asked turning around. Canada was looking at her with desperate eyes.

“I’m sorry to bother you but you’re sitting on my brother again.” She told him. Russia turned further and his eyes met Canada and he seemed a bit surprised to see him.

“I wondered why this chair was so comfortable, sorry friend.” Russia said as he got up. Greenland nodded and made her way back to her chair. Canada followed her wheezing.

“Did they talk to you?” He asked.

“They did. They know. They’re coming to my house after the meeting.” Greenland answered, sitting down in her chair and starting to take note of everything she had noticed since she walked in. Canada sat down next to her despite his chair being across the table. 

“Can I come too? And France?” He went on.

“They agreed not to take my things. If you come over you will also not take my things.” She told him. She didn’t really get what they thought the point of coming over was if they weren’t going to stop her. She also didn’t know how long they were going to stay but she didn’t have a place for all of them to sleep. She had a guest room that two people could sleep in if they shared a bed and a couch that they could sleep on. She supposed another person could fit in her bed but that was not really an ideal situation. Maybe she could pick up an air mattress at the store once she was home. She didn’t know what they would do when they were there, England would come to work with her one day but the rest of them would be stuck at her house. She had some books in English and a computer. She could leave her laptop for them. She had a T.V with a gaming console but all the games weren’t in English. She had a guitar she never learned to play, America could be entertained with that. She supposed it wasn’t really her problem whether they were entertained or not, it wasn’t like she wanted them over badly. They were just inviting themselves over.

“What do you mean they’re not going to take your things?” Canada asked, a little annoyed. She made sure her face didn't become a glare. 

“They’re not going to do what you did. It’s my house, it’s my rules. If you can’t follow them then you can’t come over.” She told him calmly. Canada looked torn and a bit frustrated. 

“Why did they agree to that?” He asked eventually.

“Because none of you can make me quit, it’s just a fact.” She answered, looking around the room to spot something else to take down.

“I bet the amazing Prussia can make you quit!” Prussia announced right behind her, she held in a flinch. She turned and looked him over, he had a bottle in his hand that she was sure had alcohol in it and he had ditched the jacket he had been wearing showing off his cream colored shirt that was slightly see through. He was well toned and despite his smaller frame he was still muscular. Greenland had a feeling the lack of his jacket and the choice of this shirt was no accident. She was glad she wasn’t a child anymore, she was sure if the spell was still going on her entire body would have tensed involuntarily at his words. Now only her shoulders did. She relaxed them and looked at Prussia, who was all smiles and had a slight flush on his face. He had no idea what they were talking about. “I can do anything that’s awesome, Mattie knows that. So what do you need help quitting, are you trying to stop putting a stick up your ass every morning?” Prussia went on, laughing at his own joke.

“Prussia, that’s not funny.” Canada scolded but Greenland could tell he was holding back a smile. He didn’t need to lie for her benefit. She knew she wasn’t well liked, especially by countries like Prussia, who liked to go out to parties and pull pranks while drinking. Greenland was the one likely to put in an anonymous note saying they were the ones who did it. No one liked someone like that. 

“Right, right, I’m not supposed to make fun of your asshole family anymore even though they don’t treat you with the love and respect they should. I didn’t mention anything about a stick being up your ass Greenland or your dead eyes.” Prussia went on and Greenland was tempted to roll said eyes. Prussia was drunk it seemed. He must have been drinking for awhile. Or whatever they brought was very strong. She hoped England wouldn’t touch it. His lips became very loose with alcohol. Something that had worked for and against her in the past. Canada pushed Prussia’s arm and the two of them started talking to each other. Prussia insulting her, America, and England trying to make Canada laugh while Canada resisted poorly. She took note of what they were talking about, she had thought Prussia liked America, and maybe he did, but these were a lot of complaints. Some of them very personal to Canada. Those two must talk more than she originally thought. She didn’t mind the insults much, she knew they were all true in some sense. She wasn’t a fun person or a pretty person. She didn’t defend Canada or anyone and asked too many controversial questions. She was unnerving to be around because of her lack of reaction. Most of Prussia jokes hit those aspects in different ways over and over again, he had more material with America and England. This almost proved that being in control was better than being considered normal. The only thing that they could make fun of was something she chose to do. That and her appearance but nothing could really change that, if she wore makeup she’d get called different names. If she got plastic surgery the names would be even worse and she didn’t really know how a nation's body would handle it. It was only when the insults went from that, to Prussia talking about when they were children did she start to feel uncomfortable. And angry. Because he started teasing about when she was screaming. Canada grew a little more serious at that and told Prussia to stop but he kept going, making fun of America for crying, making fun of her for crying and running off, and making fun of both of them for lashing out at each other. She hadn’t really described that night of screaming to anybody. She had thought it would stay with the people who were there. It had not. Loss of control led to people being able to hurt her, and it did hurt. She remembered how badly her throat had hurt, how badly her muscles had ached, and how her heart wouldn’t stop beating so fast and her brain kept pumping out thoughts of how her life would be over if they found out. She had gone out to kill herself only to come back in and fight for life as hard as she could. But everyone else viewed it as a temper tantrum. A fit a child threw because she wasn’t getting what she wanted. She still had the bruise England gave her, dark and angry. It had been healing nicely before the spell was reversed and it was set back again. She was distracted by the pain, enough so that she didn’t react fast enough when Prussia swiped her notebook out from under her arms. 

“See, she was still taking notes even during all of this! I bet she’s making stuff up so she looks better for her boss.” He went on and she stood up and snatched at it but he dodged her. “Prussia and Canada are closer than previously noted. What?” Prussia seemed a little less smiley after that, he kept dodging her attempts to get the notebook back. He held it up high where she couldn’t reach. She cursed her height in her mind and wished that South Italy would come by, Prussia liked him, he’d be able to get through to Prussia why she was doing this and have him actually listen. If he didn’t he might tell the whole world what she was doing, and then they’d never want her to come back to meetings, it would reinforce what her boss had already decided. She’d have no chances. “Prussia does not appear to think as highly of America as previously noted. Canada tells Prussia personal information, some that one would assume would stay between family members. Prussia does not think highly of the personification of Greenland nor the personification of The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. You’re taking notes on us? That is not awesome.” Prussia finally finished, too drunk and love sick to be as angry as she thought he’d be. He put the notebook back down but instead of giving it to her he handed it to Canada. Greenland gave up trying to get it back and sat back down in her seat. Canada looked over the page, then flipped to the beginning. She had started this notebook five meetings ago, she had a bookshelf dedicated to notebooks from meetings in her room. The bookshelf next to it was dedicated to her studies in England. It also contained most of her poetry, both in English and Greenlandic. She wrote the meeting notes in English in her notebook, since the agreement at meetings was presentations were to be given in English and most of the other countries just stuck to English at the meetings. She translated it into her one of her own languages when she typed it up on her laptop. She didn’t want to have to write fast and translate at the same time. Canada was silent as he looked it over. She was very detailed in her notes but also very impersonal. Her boss had made it clear that he didn’t want her opinion, he wanted the facts.

“How long have you been doing this?” Canada eventually asked, still looking through the notebook.

“Since I’ve come to meetings. My boss requires it. The humans that came here before me did it as well.” She told them and Prussia stared bewildered.

“Why does he give a shit what we talk about at meetings? Everyone knows these are practically jokes.” Prussia went on.

“My boss did not get the memo. He never has. He believes that nations are completely different than humans, that they’re not people. Every action they take, every word spoken is completely because of their people to him. Every relationship formed has nothing to do with the nations’ compatible personalities, but because their people must be directing them so. I do not take these because they’re fun or because I want to spy on you, but because I am required to. At least with me taking them and not a human I can filter things that I understand should not be told and that I wish I didn’t hear.” Greenland explained calmly, she knew what to point out first now since she had explained it completely wrong with South Italy. 

“Your boss is almost as big a dick as my twelve meters.” Prussia pointed out and Greenland hoped for whoever had sex with Prussia that he was lying. She nodded anyway. This was not the first time someone compared her boss with the male genitalia and it would not be the last. Considering the fact that South Italy hated the guys guts, and so did she. Canada didn’t seem pleased with what she had written down. 

“You noticed a lot of things in here, why didn’t you say anything?” Canada asked giving her no frame of reference to know what he was talking about. 

“I assume most people would not appreciate being confronted by a person eavesdropping on their conversations, even if said person was offering advice or support.” Greenland answered, it could be any number of situations written down in the notebook he was referring to. South Italy’s attraction to Spain, Canada and Prussia’s attraction to each other, America’s loss of weight, America’s fake smiles, or England’s more dower moods lately. She noticed it all but had no idea what to do with the information except tell her boss. Then he’d either tell her she didn’t do enough or that it was ridiculous to think that a nation would have such a problem. 

“I’d probably punch you if you tried to give Birdie and me relationship advice!” Prussia agreed loudly. Canada went red and closed the notebook giving it back to her. He started shushing Prussia who only started announcing his affections louder. Greenland opened her notebook back up to the page she had been writing on and listened around the room for something noteworthy. It was hard to hear with Prussia being loud right beside her but she was able to spot Spain giving England two drinks. She felt her stomach twist. She hated it when England drank. Not that it stopped him. She didn’t like it when anyone drank, but England played the biggest role in that. It didn’t matter that it was better now and that he was more likely to just complain or cry, she still would think of the days where alcohol meant flying bottles, harsh words, and threats. America and Canada didn’t seem to have the same problem as her. They hung out with England and drank plenty of times. It took a lot to get America drunk, he wasn’t a light weight like England. Canada wasn’t as bad as England but he wasn’t as good as America. When he got drunk he got a little louder and more sarcastic. France became more of a flirt when drunk, he was between Canada and England on the light weight scale. Greenland had gotten drunk once, in the privacy of her own home. The drink had tasted sour and burned her throat on the way down. She remembered feeling absolutely miserable, and then nothing. Obviously she hadn’t passed out because when she woke up she was on the floor next to a puddle of vomit, she was naked, covered in dry blood, and there were six new holes in her walls. She hadn’t drank since. She watched England take drink after drink, she also watched America accept one as well. She took note of it in her notebook. Denmark was across the room drinking, trying to get Norway to accept another cup, which Norway was steadfastly ignoring and instead listening to Finland. She couldn’t tell what they were saying at all. Estonia came in to listen as well which made all of the Nordic’s tense slightly but they didn’t move to kick him out. She took note of that as well and looked up again to find all six of them staring at her. She didn’t really know why but if she had to guess Norway had actually said something about the events of the night before. Now she was a freak to everybody. She ignored that thought and turned her attention away from their eyes and to South Italy, who looked exhausted. North Italy was prattling on very fast and it felt like Greenland could see his words soaring past South Italy’s head. He still hadn’t come over to talk to her, which wasn’t normal. At most meetings when things broke into chaos he’d come sit by her and rant, sometimes he’d ask if she had heard anything good. She had always known that if he found out about her habit he’d leave her. It didn’t seem that way at first when he found out but now it was becoming more clear. She supposed her heart should feel like it was breaking from the conclusion, but it wasn’t, she just felt resigned. The rest of her life was ending slowly around her, it made since that his part would too. She was losing everything that she had going. The only thing she had gained was the worry of her family. Once they were out of her house she could end it all. Or at least try. If it didn’t work she didn’t really know what she’d do. Rot in some sort of institution probably. If they could keep her high enough that she couldn’t think anymore it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Did you and Roma get into a fight? I haven’t seen you speak to each other all day.” Spain’s voice came from behind her and pulled her away from her thoughts. She turned to look at the Spanish man. He had bright green eyes and smooth tan skin. He was like Prussia in the fact that he looked small but had plenty of muscle. His hair was messy and his smile was bright. It was also fake. Sometimes she resented Spain. South Italy cared about him so much and Spain made it too easy for South Italy to think that he cared about North Italy more. He also had that same passive aggressive style as North Italy when it came to her. Sometimes she hoped that Spain was jealous of her and South Italy’s relationship, if he was that meant he felt the same way about South Italy as South Italy felt about him. Other times it just annoyed her. There were times she felt like Spain was a little too possessive of South Italy, giving subtle threats about those who would hurt South Italy, and complaining when South Italy went to spend time with her instead of him, even when he knew that South Italy had no interest hanging out with France at a bar.

“I suppose one could think of it that way.” She didn’t really think of it as a fight, more of just a disagreement. They hadn’t been standing and yelling at each other, trying to hurt one another. They just hurt themselves and were sad about it. South Italy was frustrated about it. He hurt himself because of her. He should avoid her to stay safe. She deserved it. 

“Have you tried apologizing?” Spain pressed. Canada was dragging Prussia out of the room to keep others from hearing the declarations of love. It had been a long day already and it wasn’t even close to being over. She was tired of being questioned and accused. She just wanted to take notes to try and keep her job. But expressing any of that would lead to problems, it always did, so she kept her face neutral and her voice calm.

“Yes.” She didn’t know if that was a lie or not, she couldn’t remember if she had actually apologized to him or just defended herself. Either way she was sorry, but that wouldn’t change anything. She wouldn’t guilt him into staying near her. If he wanted to talk to her he’d come over, but he wasn’t because he didn’t want to be near her. He had had enough of her. She had had enough of herself. She didn’t blame him. But that didn’t mean she wanted Spain over here questioning her about it.

“It must have been a really bad fight then, Roma normally can’t leave me alone for an hour after I apologize. What did you do?” Spain went on rubbing it in that he had a better relationship with South Italy. Maybe she was making his actions seem more negative than they were. What were the chances he was being genuine? Either way she would have to lie to him. Then a thought occurred to her. She could do the same thing she had done to America to Spain. It wouldn’t take much goading, all she’d really have to do was lie about terrible things she had done to South Italy. Then Spain would attack her and hopefully kill her on accident. But then South Italy might not be able to forgive Spain and she didn’t want to ruin his love for him that way. Plus if Spain didn’t kill her it would cause a lot of unnecessary drama, and if Spain didn’t attack her she looked like an asshole for no reason. This was why it was nice to have the logic skills of an adult, she could think things through before she acted. So instead she needed to think of a suitable lie that would satisfy Spain’s curiosity.

“I hurt him.” She started with, because it was the truth. Spain’s eyes blared for a moment but his smile never dropped. That was one of the reasons she knew it was fake. 

“Oh, how did you do that?” Spain’s pleasant voice had a slight strain to it.

“I broke a promise. I wouldn’t tell him my name.” She added that last part so Spain wouldn’t question what the promise was. She hadn’t told South Italy her name, she had explained to him about England trying to change it so she kept it to herself. He hadn’t seemed to mind that she didn’t want to share it, although for all she knew he was as bitter about it as America had been and didn’t say anything about it. She’d tell him now if he asked, she didn’t think he’d be able to say it very well. Maybe she’d just tell him to call her K, like she had done for Rox. But it didn’t really matter at this point because he wasn’t ever going to talk to her again.

“Hmm, that is bad. Don’t worry, I’ll go over and try to smooth things over for you, after all, you’ve been such a great friend to Lovi these last few years. A name shouldn’t break that kind of relationship.” Spain went on and then went over to South Italy. Greenland didn’t want to watch. So she turned her attention back to where England had been. He was yelling at America, but also holding on to his chest. America did not look all that uncomfortable, more just resigned to his fate. Canada was carrying a sleeping Prussia (when he fell asleep she did not know) to a chair. France was making his way to England with grabby hands. Multiple countries were asleep already. They hadn’t even gotten to break for lunch yet. The Nordics were no longer staring at her at the very least. They were huddled closer together, Estonia kicked back to the Baltics, which were cowering around Russia as he drank cup after cup of whatever Spain and Prussia brought in. Germany sat with a cup to his right and his head in his hands by the computer the presentation was on. England was now loudly sobbing into America’s chest and Greenland was uncomfortable. She had a very strong feeling that he was crying because of her. America passed England’s sad form to France who held on to him tightly. America scooted himself right out of that situation and made his way towards her. At the same time South Italy was standing and yelling at Spain who for once seemed to actually be getting a little upset about it. North Italy had broken off from them and went to pester Germany about something.

“Well, when I gave Prussia all that Spirytus Stawski I didn’t expect things to get this out of hand. How are you holding up?” America asked, his breath smelled of alcohol but he didn’t seem drunk.

“Fine. Why is England crying?” She asked. America rubbed the back of his head.

“Well he’s definitely drunk, and he’s a little emotional from last night and this morning, so when his boss called and said that the police investigated his house on accident and managed to find three children's bodies in the backyard he broke down. The police aren’t investigating him for it since the bodies are apparently from the 1930’s and they think he’s in his twenties, but his boss wants to know what was going on and England couldn’t tell him. So now he’s upset because there are dead young kids in his backyard that he can’t remember ever having put there.” America explained and Greenland’s heart clenched hard enough for her control to break for a second, allowing her lips to twitch. 

“England didn’t bury those children.” She said, her voice hollow.

“I know! I told him that. He wasn’t even home then since he was off fighting the war. No one was even in his house. Everyone had gotten their independence by then.” America went on. He paused for a moment, then he froze in the middle of rolling his eyes. Then he looked down at her. “Except you. You didn’t fight in the war, England wouldn’t let you.” America remembered and Greenland nodded. “So you know about those kids?” America went on, and Greenland knew very much about those kids. She knew their names, their sex, their age, what clothes they had been wearing, if their hair had been brushed that day, and where they slept at night. She also knew that she hadn’t wanted to think about them again. Any of them again, because while there were three in the backyard there were more that were probably still alive to this day. At least she could hope they were. They’d be in pretty bad condition by now, being around ninety. She doubted they would remember her. She wanted to stay silent or push the conversation away but she knew America would keep pushing. She had brought the conversation down upon herself.

“I buried them.” She answered and America bristled. 

“You didn’t bring them to a hospital or the police?” America asked. She remembered looking down at their bodies, how their eyes were wide open and their faces pale. She could still see the dried tear tracks on two, one of them didn’t even get the chance to cry with the bullet hole going between his eyes. The other two had been shot in the lung. They had choked on their own blood. It came out their mouths and stained their chests. Their hands were covered in blood. Some of the other children had their blood on their hands, trying to save their family, not their blood family but their found family. 

“They were dead.” She told him.

“Well the police could have found out how or why!” America exclaimed as if she was missing the obvious. She knew very well how they died. She knew very well who did it. She took care of it.

“I already knew, and I took care of it. It didn’t happen again.” She said and he gave her a strange look, as if what she said was puzzling. She thought it was pretty straight forward.

“What does that even me--”

“Greenland! This stupid tomato bastard won’t leave me alone until I talk to you, so what do you want?” South Italy interrupted, storming over with Spain behind.

“I didn’t say that because she wanted something, I told you that she told me about the fight and I wanted you to go make up with her. I know you two are really close and love each other--”

“We do not love each other! We didn’t have a fight either, I was busy talking to Vene that’s all.” South Italy interrupted Spain. 

“You don’t have to hide your relationship from me, we all know about it Lovi.” Spain added and Greenland was going to get emotional whiplash from these very different conversations switching so fast. South Italy was bright red at this point.

“We’re not fucking dating! We just hang out, I’d never even consider dating her. Would you stop getting into my personal life?” South Italy argued and Greenland wondered if he’d never consider dating her because he saw her in more of a sister role, same as she saw him in a brother role, or if it was because she was an unattractive cold stubborn bitch. In the end it didn’t really matter. America watched the exchange, his head going back and forth between the two arguing. He didn’t seem to feel the need to interject, which was probably the best for him.

“Both Italy and I have seen the way you talk about her, and you invite her over often! You two even cuddle on the couch sometimes to watch movies. I know not knowing your girlfriend’s name must be hard--”

“I don’t give a shit about not knowing her human name because I understand why she keeps it to herself! I talk about her because she’s my best friend and she actually fucking listens to me. We cuddle on the couch because sometimes I want to be held and she’s the only one willing to do it without rubbing it in my face later about how pathetic I am. I invite her over because she’s nice company and it’s better than sitting in the house alone or going to a bar to get molested by France while the rest of you fuckers laugh about it!” South Italy went on. It was nice to hear that he still liked her, even though he shouldn’t. She supposed assuming he hated her because he hadn’t talked to her the first half of the meeting might have been an overreaction. She should have just told Spain they weren’t fighting. 

“Well all of that sounds like you like her! That could be your love confession Lovi, do you accept Greenland?” Spain pushed on looking at Greenland hopefully. Greenland did not really want to answer, because she mainly didn’t want to put herself verbally into the argument, not because she didn’t know her answer, which was no.

“I don’t want to fuck her you thick headed bastard! I like someone else like that, Greenland is like a sister to me. That wasn’t a damn love confession, if I was confessing my love you’d fucking know it.” South Italy answered and Greenland felt a little better knowing that he felt the same way about their relationship she did. She hoped that it would put an end to the arguing.

“Oh, who do you like?” Spain asked, of course only pulling that out of South Italy’s rant. South Italy went even redder and he started sputtering nonsense. Spain laughed and ruffled South Italy’s hair. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered! Come on, I’ll get you a drink and then you can tell me all about who it is.” Spain laughed, dragging South Italy away. Before he was gone Spain winked at Greenland, she didn’t know if it was a wink saying he still thought South Italy was into her, or if it was a wink saying that at least her and South Italy weren’t fighting anymore. She turned back to America.

“Aren’t you glad I’m educated on the subject of love?” America asked and Greenland nodded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you thought below. Stay safe and have a great day!
> 
> (psst, if anyone maybe started shipping Greenland and South Italy during this story you could come yell at me about it https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alltheangstmygifttoyou and I could tell you about another direction this story could have taken :>)


	30. Chapter Twenty-Nine: Better Brother and Another Flintstone Hater Have Entered The Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland and America finish their chat and the meeting goes on break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am late sorry about that! I thought writers block was over and I would be able to hit my goal or nine more pages before I started editing but I failed and wrote zero. Not a single word. But I have three more chapters edited so there's a little more time before I'm out again. My birthday is coming up and I'm trying to convince people to read this and give me ideas instead of presents xD It's not that I don't have ideas but I work better when I keep talking about it, and I've already talked my moms ear off about what's coming next and the three thousand soulmate au's my brain is cooking up. Shout out to my mom who's been beta reading this fic for me. Thank you for all the encouragement I've been getting, it always makes my day :3 Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy!

America didn’t bring back up the conversation from before thankfully, instead he looked around the meeting room. His eyes landed on Canada and Prussia. “You know, I’m glad for Mattie.” Greenland hummed in response. If Prussia made Canada happy that was good enough for her. “Prussia may seem like an asshole at times but once you get to know him he’s pretty, well, awesome. He does a really good job making Mattie feel seen.” America went on. She hadn’t known that America knew so much about Canada and Prussia’s relationship, Canada never talked about it when she was around. She had assumed he was keeping it a secret. She marked down the new information. “It was kind of weird to me at first since Prussia trained me in the revolutionary war, and I didn’t even know that he knew Mattie existed, but it was a bit of an eye opener for me that I didn’t know Mattie as well as I thought I did. I wasn’t as involved in his life as a brother should be. So I worked hard to get better.” America went on, Greenland didn’t know why he was suddenly opening up to her, but she’d take it. It didn’t seem too personal to not take notes on it. She had always thought that America and Canada were close, just that Canada had a hint of resentment that America ignored that prevented them from becoming closer. Their different personalities would also clash and cause problems, but they were definitely closer to each other than they were with her. Not that that was completely their fault, Greenland didn’t want as much to do with America as a child since he was so pro-England. As an adult she was all about business, partially because of her boss, partially because it was all she really knew how to do. It was hard to just watch a movie with America when she knew she was supposed to be taking notes, and there was all this drama going on in his country all the time. There was also the underlying problem when she hung out with him that she felt like he was just doing it because he felt like he had to. He took the big brother role seriously so even though he didn’t like his little sister he’d take her out because he felt like he had to. She didn’t need to waste his time like that. It was easier to be with South Italy, because he had no obligation to keep her around, at least before he didn’t. Now he might just invite her out to make sure she wasn’t hurting herself. The rest of her family would do the same. This is why she didn’t want people to know. She couldn’t trust their actions like this. How would she know if they had some underlying reasons for being around her? The answer was she wouldn’t and that made it all less enjoyable. She knew the only reason they all wanted to come to her house was to keep an eye on her, it had never been brought up before this, except when she first got back home. America and Canada wanted to see her place then but she told them no, mostly because her government was surprised and confused and just having her stay in a hotel while they tried to figure out what to do with her. She hadn’t really prepared her house for anyone but a random stranger in need. She didn’t like the idea of people coming over, it was a space that was all her own. It was also a bit of a wreck. She must of spaced out though because America was tapping her shoulder.

“Yes, sorry?” She said, because what else was she supposed to say when that happened. 

“Are you feeling alright?” He asked, and she nodded. “Okay, I was just trying to say that I’m going to try harder with you to be a better brother.”

“You don’t need to.” She told him, she really didn’t want him inviting her out more and trying to make her stop cutting. She didn’t need to be protected or babied. She just was just fine.

“Yes I do. You need help just as much as the rest of us, and I ignored that. I didn’t talk to you about what it was like when I left and I never made an effort to talk to you about your country and its dealings. I didn’t even know your boss wasn’t your boss! I didn’t write to you during the war like my brother did, I just… I never treated you the same way I treated Canada. And that was wrong, because you’re my sister just as much as he is my brother no matter what anyone says, okay?” America went on and Greenland felt her heart clench and she struggled hard to make her face stay neutral. She gave him a nod, and if he was disappointed by her lack of reaction he didn’t show it. “So what are we going to do at your place? Any sights you want to show off?” America asked and the 180 was enough to make her blink a few times before she shrugged. Would she have time to show them around? Would her boss even let her take a few days off, even if he would should she? Wouldn’t that prove her as imcompetent like he thought she was? “Could we see a polar bear?” America shouted excitedly. 

“I could pay for you all to take a trip to a zoo?” She suggested, she had around fourteen of them. He seemed more excited at that. She was glad he had some way to entertain himself other than hanging around at her house all day. She was pretty sure that was a good way for it to get trashed.

“I love zoo’s! I know Mattie does too, he’s coming right? Oh this will be so much fun! Germany should call a lunch break soon so we can get this meeting over with faster.” America went on and he was going a little too fast for her to keep up with and be able to respond in a timely manner. She gave herself a second.

“Canada and France will only be coming over if they can follow the rules. If they don’t agree to the rules then they can’t come over, and if I find them breaking the rules then they can be on the first flight out.” She told him, because it was important to get that out of the way first. It wasn’t really time for a lunch break, but they could use one to get everyone back on track. If they could. Everyone was starting to seem at least a little drunk, more so for others.

“Did Canada say something to you, or is this about last night? Or something that happened before? How long did he know anyway? And does France know, did you tell him or did Canada? Does Romano know?” America asked rapid fire and Greenland didn’t really want to talk about this in a room full of nations but it wasn’t like anyone could figure out what they were talking about anyway. Besides, it was interesting what he wanted to know. She wondered if he felt bad that he hadn’t noticed despite his apparent experience with the subject.

“Canada did say something, it also comes from worry of last night, and past action. As I said before he only found out when we were under the spell. I assume France figured it out on his own. South Italy also only found out during the spell. I also have reason to believe that Norway knows or has an idea about it and he may have told the rest of the Nordics, not including Sealand. Norway was the one to see my… secret which brought on England’s confrontation.” She explained doing her best not to give any hint about what it actually was in case of listening ears. 

“Damn, so no one knew before the spell?” America asked.

“No one who is alive today had an idea before the spell.” Greenland answered, because some of the children had seen her scars, but that was all. Well they could be alive, but they wouldn’t remember. She didn’t want to think about it. 

“Well then. Part of me wants to say that’s impressive, but it also makes me feel like shit. Do you want to get lunch together? I was thinking we could go to a pizza place I know, it has some great pan bread!” America continued.

“Are you feeling alright?” Greenland asked instead, because while America was normally hyper the continual subject changing felt forced and it was leaving her confused. He was probably trying to hide that he was upset, which was her fault. She had given him a very unpleasant image to see earlier.

“Yeah, never better! Well no, I mean, I am a little down because I know you’re down, but like, being an adult again is great! My rib isn’t bothering me and they have great drinks here. I’m hanging out with family and we’ve cleared up some major misunderstandings so it’s not so stressful. I think things are gonna get better. It’s all up from here! Hey I have to use the bathroom, let me know about lunch.” With that America was on his way and Greenland was left unsure if he was faking all his energy or if alcohol had reacted with his pain medication to make him loopy. She went to her notebook and wrote it down and listened around the room for other things to take notes on. She also thought about whether she should try to go to lunch with South Italy or take America up on his offer. The polite thing to do would be to take up America’s offer, but England was drunk, Canada was probably still grouchy, America was high, and France, well France seemed to be fine. On the other hand Spain and North Italy and perhaps Germany would go to lunch with South Italy and she didn’t want to deal with that either. She mostly just wanted to check on him and figure out how they were going to proceed with their personal problems. She also wanted to know if he had been in the bathroom cutting some more after collapsing, she wasn’t mad about it, just worried. But if she asked then he might ask if she had cut more and then she’d have to say yes and he’d be worried. Or he’d want to know what the hell was going on with her phone. Then she’d have to explain last night and he’d be mad at her family and right now they were trying their best so she didn’t really want to hear complaints about them. Then again South Italy might not want to be seen with her right now if Spain was still teasing him about them dating. It would be best to go to lunch with her family, she would be causing South Italy to much distress by asking him to lunch. She’d just fill him in on yesterday’s and today’s events at a later date. 

As she looked around England was now yelling and crying at France. Canada had his head down while Prussia rambled on about how much he loved him and beer, Germany was watching North Italy ramble on about art, South Italy looked like he wanted to deck Spain as he yelled at the man about personal business while Spain laughed about young love and crushes. The Nordics were talking too quietly for her to hear still, but Finland and Denmark kept taking peeks at her. Russia and China were talking about America being an idiot, which was rude. The Baltics were hanging out together, seeming to be discussing Estonia’s attempts to join the Nordics. Switzerland was telling Litcherstien to stay away from all the drunk idiots and some of the other female nations were sitting in a circle on the floor talking to each other about how stupid the boy nations were. Austria was definitely listening to them. At some point the rest of the micro nations came in and they were taking notes on the meeting, and just talking around. Kugelmugel had brought an easel and was painting. In conclusion everything was in complete and utter chaos and she was pretty sure her boss wouldn’t care about any of these notes. She needed some semblance of order back to get work done. She got up and went to Germany and waited for North Italy to take a break in speaking before breaking in.

“I apologize for interrupting but I think it would be best to break for lunch early in order to regain some semblance of normalcy and sobriety.” She told him and Germany straightened up further and nodded. North Italy slumped a bit.

“Aw, but this is so fun, we’re all just hanging out together and having a nice time. We don’t need to stop the fun early, do we?” He asked, and Greenland couldn’t help but wonder how nice it would be to find this the perfect time to hang out instead of a stressful time where you had to get work done. She didn’t like ruining other people’s fun, she just did it so she could get her work done. Nonetheless it was Germany’s decision, and with how infatuated with North Italy he was she wouldn’t be too surprised if he told her no just so he could listen to North Italy talk some more without being interrupted. But that wasn’t really Germany's style no matter how much he loved others.

“No no, Greenland’s right. This is a meeting, it’s not supposed to be fun, we’re here to solve the world's issues.” He said, and North Italy deflated a little while Germany took a deep breath. “LUNCH BREAK BE BACK IN HALF AN HOUR!” His voice overtook the room easily and everyone started making their way out. Greenland nodded in thanks and went back to her seat and gathered her things and got her phone out and texted America her agreement to go to lunch. She received a thumbs up in reply. So she went to wait out in the hall. The other nations passed her in pairs or in groups chatting with one and other easily. Prussia had detached himself from Canada’s side and was now hanging off his brother who looked like he had aged ten years in the time Greenland walked away from him. South Italy walked by her but he didn’t notice her seeing as his eyes were closed and he had his hands over his ears while he shouted in Italian while Spain laughed and laughed. Russia was walking with Latavia who seemed less than thrilled and Lithuania was talking to Belarus who seemed just as amused as Latavia, but a lot more pissed off. America had once suggested that she and Belarus would get along, but she never felt like it was worth getting stabbed to try. Also Belarus hung out with the rest of the girl nations easily, which slightly intimidated Greenland. She had grown up with all boys, she didn’t really know how to act with girls. She knew that in reality that girls didn’t just talk about fashion or makeup or boys, but she didn’t know what else they talked about together. She found talking with her family easy in its own way because she knew their limits. She had started talking to South Italy because of an accident and their relationship grew from there. To just go up to another nation, to a person, and just try to initiate friendship felt forced and uncomfortable. Besides, no one would want to be friends with her anyway. Belarus was intimidating, but that made her interesting. She dressed nice and was strong, she knew how to protect herself. Those were all things that could start a conversation. Greenland was cold and plain. She wasn’t intimidating because of her strength but because of her control. Control that if someone noticed would probably push them away, because if she was in so much control than how could they trust her? She had probably over thought this too much. She wasn’t likeable, she wasn’t well known. That’s why they didn’t invite her to their girls nights. End of story. She was keeping on a look out for America when someone tapped on her shoulder. She turned around at a normal pace, reminding herself that there was no need to be afraid at a world meeting. No one was going to jump her and try to make her show off her arms here. Behind her was Denmark, just Denmark from the looks of it. He was in a nice navy blue suit and had a smile on his face that twitched every so often, he was nervous.

“Hey Greenland, can I talk to you for a second?” He asked, and Greenland felt more tired than panicked. She wasn’t really in the mood to talk about self harm, she didn’t really know if she would ever be in the mood to talk about it. But telling him no meant he would bother her later, she might as well get this over with now.

“Yes, but I am meeting America for lunch soon so it’ll have to be quick.” She told him and he nodded and led her a little ways away from the crowd. Not even in a private room?

“So Norway was telling us a bit about how the magic stuff went down and he said that you were hurt, but not comfortable with your family knowing about it? I just wanted to double check with you and make sure everything is fine.” He said, and that was nice. She wasn’t sure if Denmark was dancing around the subject of self harm for privacy reasons, if Norway had danced around the subject of self harm with the rest of the Nordics, or if Norway didn’t even suspect self harm and really just thought that she got a bunch of horizontal and vertical lines another way.

“I do appreciate all of your concerns but as I did last night with Norway I assure you I am alright.” She told him and Denmark’s smile fell a bit but he nodded anyway.

“Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll see you next week with Mr. Flintstone?” He asked and Greenland held back a smile at the nickname of her boss. She tried to focus on the small enjoyment she got from the joke instead of the cold hard despair she got from knowing the answer to his question.

“Unfortunately my boss has decided that I shall not be attending meetings with other nations. Until otherwise noted this will be my last meeting for a period of time.” She told him, because even though England was coming to show him magic she doubted he’d just let her come back to work. No matter how hard she worked on these meeting notes they wouldn’t be good enough either. She knew it was a hopeless venture, she just had to try anyway. Denmark, actually seemed a little upset at the news. He lost his smile completely and he straightened up.

“What? Why? What are you doing instead?” He asked. Greenland wanted to look away but she didn’t want to show weakness so she kept eye contact. 

“Paperwork I believe.” Greenland replied and he seemed more flabbergasted than before. 

“Well that’s just wrong! You’re their personification they should be letting you handle our side of the business. It’s weird talking to Flintstone. He’s always bringing up the past when we’re talking about the present. And he doesn’t let you say what your people are feeling. I’ve wanted to ask you about that for awhile but there’s never been a good time--”

“Greenland! Are you driving with me or France?” America interrupted waving at her. She was glad France was driving and not England.

“I’ll drive with you. I’m sorry Denmark but I need to go. If there is more you wanted to talk about I’ll be checking my email.” She told him and she was off away from the conversation that was forcing her to remember one of her problems and off to another conversation that would inevitably lead to her having to hear about another one of her problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below, stay safe and have a great day!


	31. Chapter Thirty: Lunch Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fam go to lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am officially 19! Woop another year another chapter. I've had people look over this chapter and they say that it's fine but it still feels rushed to me. Hope you enjoy it anyway! Let me know what you think below, I really appreciate all the love this story has been receiving :D

She got to America’s side and he put an arm around her shoulder that she could not escape and burned her skin enough that she couldn’t hold back the slightest flinch. She didn’t say anything about it though, she assumed that if he was touching and so grabby about it he must need it for comfort. He led her outside and to his red corvette which, to her slight disappointment (which she felt guilty about feeling the disappointment but she also felt annoyed at feeling guilty and this whole feelings fest was giving her a headache so she pushed it all down) Canada was sitting in the passenger's seat. She had assumed the whole family would come, but she had also assumed Canada would ride with France. She supposed no one wanted to ride with an upset drunk England. America let her go and opened up the back door for her and she sat down behind the driver's seat and buckled herself in. Canada didn’t say anything to her, which she appreciated. America hopped in and immediately began rambling, first about the pizza place than about his shoes. He normally rambled but it didn’t jump in subject so drastically. He went from shoes to carpet cleaner he needed to buy during which in the middle of his sentence he jumped to Avengers End Game. Greenland couldn’t keep up. Canada didn’t seem bothered, he just sat and nodded along as if this was normal. Maybe he was like this after she left too, so it was probably her fault. It didn’t take long to get to the pizza place. It didn’t have it’s own parking lot, America parked on the street. America got out swinging his door open as far as it could go and stepped out. Greenland waited until traffic was clearer before opening her door as much as she needed to get out and stayed close to the car. America meanwhile seemed oblivious to the white line that separated their parking area from the street and was standing on it talking about super heroes still. A car was coming too close for comfort and Greenland grabbed America by the shirt and pulled him into the safe area. America wouldn’t have moved if he didn’t want to, but he did thankfully and while he seemed a little surprised it didn’t stop him from talking. His rambling went from super heroes to a quick thanks and back to the pizza place. He stepped in front of her and led both her and Canada to the door. The inside wasn’t very well lit, there were tables and booths made out of wood that seemed old and used but still clean. Around the edges and walls there was a chalk board for people to write on. Some old style arcade games were in the back as well. France came in behind them a few minutes later practically dragging England with him. America took that as a signal to go order and ordered them a large pizza with pepperoni, ground beef, extra cheese, and sausage, and sat them down at the booth closest to the arcade games so they had to listen to the music they were emitting along with the pop songs coming over the speakers. They were all brought waters and Greenland immediately began sipping hers. She hadn’t even realized she was thirsty until it was placed in front of her. It would also discourage the others from talking to her.

“So Greonland, Canada said we were going to your house after this meeting?” France asked and Greenland made sure she wasn’t frowning when she put the water down. 

“Yes, as long as everyone agrees to follow the rules.” She added the last part not to cause an argument but because she hadn’t told France and she had no idea if Canada or the others had. She wouldn’t give them a chance to claim they didn’t know to stay in her house.

“Of course we will, do you have any special rules you’re speaking of?” France answered.

“Just don’t take my stuff.” She replied because other than that she didn’t really care what they did. They could have free reign of any of her things, they wouldn’t be able to read most of it. They could rearrange the furniture to their heart's content, she hadn’t really set it up with guests in mind. If she hated their arrangement she could just move it all back when they left. France blinked at her answer.

“Of course, what kind of guests would we be if we stole?” France answered and Greenland had a hard time figuring if he was getting the subtext. As far as she knew no one had gone to France and told him she self harmed. She had strong suspicions that he already knew or at least highly suspected it, but highly suspecting was very different from actually knowing and he had been the least involved in the actual finding out so he probably thought she would never mention it even this vaguely in public or in front of him. She really didn’t want to do another big reveal though. Maybe she would just ask America to talk to him about it. She had enough to worry about.

“Bloody good ones in this case frog! I still don’t understand why America agreed, it’s nonsense-” England began and Greenland felt herself tense and tried to relax herself. She had been looking forward to that being the end of the conversation. America could ramble some more and England would cry about religion. Then they’d argue about politics and Greenland would take notes. A normal family lunch. Instead she had England talking way too loudly only to be interrupted by America laughing even louder. They had to be annoying the employees of this place. 

“You’re so funny Artie, but we shouldn’t talk about things like  _ that _ in public!” America was doing his best to make it sound sexual with how much he was raising his eyebrows and gesturing. Greenland appreciated his help but there was literally nothing in what England said that could be thought of as sexual.

“Don’t call me that! And I didn’t start the conversation she did so she’s obviously fine with it! I’m saying that we shouldn’t just let her keep her “stuff” so she can just hurt herself while we’re there. What kind of father would I be if I just let her hurt herself? It’s wrong!” England went on and he had said it in public and she wanted to strangle him and melt into thin air at the same time. She was hot and cold at the same time. Her eyes darted to the employees in the back but they weren’t looking. That didn’t mean anything though, they could just be not looking out of respect.

“I agree with England.” Canada stated and America gave him a look of a puppy dog that had been tricked out of a treat. 

“Bro really?” America asked. Once again Greenland could almost pretend that she wasn’t there. If she walked out would they notice? She didn’t want to participate in the conversation but she knew she would have to. Because in the end if they agreed on taking her things then they weren’t coming over to her house. It wasn’t like she had given them the address yet. 

“America have you seen what she’s done to herself? You didn’t see all the blood. She’s not careful, we can’t trust her not to go too far. And really, isn’t just one cut too far? She is hurting herself!” Canada went on and Greenland wanted to growl. She wanted to bare her teeth. Why couldn’t they be quiet about this? Why did they not listen to her? Or listen to America who had dealt with real people like her, not just advice on the internet.

“I agree with America that this is not a conversation that should be had in public.” France added.

“Well when else are we going to have it? At the bloody meeting? She’ll throw another fit if she doesn’t get to take her notes, and for good reason, it’s best for her to look her best for her boss after being fired.” England went on and Canada and France looked at England then at her then back to England.

“What do you mean fired?” Canada asked.

“That bloody wanker has taken away all her duties as a nation, didn’t she tell you?” England went on and Canada turned to face her again. She was trying her best to look neutral despite her entire being just wanting to glare and glower at all of them. Apparently this lunch’s theme was going to be bother Greenland about all her problems. Hadn’t the last week just been that?

“No.” Canada mumbled and they all were looking at her. How could she get out of this without being confrontational? She really just wanted to move past this.

“Sorry.” She answered and sipped some more water. France sighed and America gave her a fake smile. Canada just looked sad. If she really tried and looked at it from his perspective she could understand his frustration. She hated that South Italy hurt himself so much. She worried about it all the time. She was always left sitting in doubt on whether or not he’d be alive to see her again. If she could just end that doubt by taking his tools away wouldn’t she? The problem was that wouldn’t take the doubt away for her, because she knew that it wouldn’t work for her. But maybe it would take some of the pressure off for Canada and England, and it would only be for a visit. It wasn’t that much trouble to buy more. It felt invading and made her skin crawl, but if it would get them off her back then it would be worth it. She shouldn’t be giving in to her feelings of anger anyway. To be in complete control of this situation she had to give up some control. “I will allow you to come over and take my tools.” She decided. She had hoped their faces would brighten, but instead they mostly looked shocked and a bit suspicious. 

“Greenland, you don’t have to.” America stated, and she was glad that he was on her side still, but she had made her choice.

“I don’t particularly want to, but if it will cause you less worry then it’s fine. Can we please move to a different subject now?” She pushed, and while no one seemed completely satisfied at the answer. Canada smiled at her and that was worth it. She could handle a week without cutting. She hadn’t been handling anything well this past week and not all of it she could blame on the spell but she would do better. She would just lose herself in her work. Hopefully England showing her boss that magic was real would change his mind. She just needed to keep her mind off her problems.

“So England how are you feeling about religion?” America asked and the Englishman went off. Greenland didn’t really listen, just watched as the others laughed and poked fun at the drunk man. They veered away from religion and fell into politics. When the pizza came they barely noticed. Greenland took a slice to nibble on and America was right, it was very good pizza. Eventually they all had a piece except America and England who were still going at it. It was probably for the best that England didn’t eat. On one hand it would help sober him up but on the other it would probably would make him throw up. A feeling of worry poked at her about America not touching the pizza, but she tried to ignore it. She wanted to relax. So what if America wasn’t eating? Maybe he had eaten a big breakfast. And no one else had mentioned him acting strange. He wasn’t switching subjects as much. It was fine. France and Canada started speaking in French to each other. Greenland went to take another drink of her water but it was empty. She placed it closer to the outside edge so the waiter would have an easier time reaching for it. She had finished her piece of pizza. She was doing everything right. Everyone was talking to each other happily and not mentioning her problems. So where was the warmth she felt the night they all sat down together and watched a movie? Where was the content feeling she had had when playing video games with Canada and America? Wanting that feeling was wishful thinking. Those events hadn’t been normal. She had been wishing for normalcy and now she had it back. Sitting at the end of a booth that wasn’t built for three adults to be sitting in but not being touched. Which was good. She didn’t want to deal with the burning. She sat next to Canada who was sitting next to America while across from them was England and France. She considered grabbing another slice of pizza but she was hit with a wave of nausea and decided against it. Her emotions were being ridiculous. No matter how much she told herself that everything was fine she still felt off in a way she couldn’t place. It was like sitting and observing wasn’t enough anymore. But it didn’t feel like she would fit into the conversation without causing a problem. She didn’t speak French, there was no point trying to break into France and Canada’s conversation. America and England were bantering, something she had never been good at. She wasn’t good at the in between nature of it. She was mainly an honest person. If she was arguing she was either boring or too harsh. It was best for her to stay silent. She knew that. She had learned that a long time ago. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and have a great day! Let me know what you thought below :D


	32. Chapter Thirty One: Broken Glass Bottles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no internet or power and I fucked my college class already so it's been a great time ya'll. I'm at my uncles to post this now. I haven't been able to type anything either so that's great. I only took a summer class to keep my job but because of the pandemic my job is no longer existing and my mother refuses to help me sign up for unemployment. But whatever. At least I'm healthy. Hope you all are doing well! I apperciate everyone of you who have stuck with this story!!

She stayed quiet the rest of lunch and helped America pay with the rest of the money she had left. She already had a plane ticket to get back to Greenland. She would just walk to the airport. Everyone else seemed to be in better spirits. America and Canada chatted the whole way back, sometimes asking for her opinion. She just hummed and agreed. She didn’t really have an idea of what they were talking about, some television show that they both watched. She was happy to be out of the car and back to the meeting room. She got out her laptop and began working on her final report for her boss again. It didn’t feel better, but more productive. She watched as more nations came in and sometimes got out her notebook to write down what she heard. She overheard Japan mention that his presentation was on preparation in case a virus broke out. She hadn’t really thought of that in a long time, it seemed like medicine was so advanced these days that an outbreak felt like a problem of the past. But that kind of attitude would leave them unprepared. She hoped that he actually got to present. Her boss would probably like that kind of material. The Nordics came in together with Sealand in tow, four out of six smiling so at least her conversation with Denmark hadn’t been much of a downer for them. Why would it be, she was basically a stranger. Her arm itched. Her legs itched. She kept working. She wondered how long she would get to be home before the others got there, if she would have anytime to herself at all? She had plenty of confidence at the pizza place that she would have the control to not cut for a week but now she wasn’t feeling as sure. Before she had planned on making her whole house open to the others but now she was thinking that she should keep her room private. She could hide a thin razor in one of her books. But that was lying. This was stupid. Self harm was hard to predict. There had been times when she would go months without it and be fine, not even because she was trying to quit, she just hadn’t felt like it. Then there were times like more recently, where she wanted to cut almost all the time. Where sometimes it wasn’t even enough to do it once a day. Where she spent her day scratching at thighs trying to make the ache go away at least a little. Those times were when more holes were added to her walls and she became careless. She would be lucky to sleep at all. She wanted to put her head in her hands and lose herself in the darkness they provided but that would look bad.

Appearances were so important to her little world. Even when she wasn’t around the other countries. At her job she had to wear nice plain button ups and jackets with slacks or a tight skirt that went to her knees with black leggings and tights. If she had been doing really bad she would wear a little bit of makeup to make her look less sick looking. She wouldn’t bother but her boss wouldn’t leave her alone if she looked sick. He would blame her for not getting enough sleep and reprimand her. She would get a few comments from the other countries if she walked in like that but they’d keep it to themselves. Maybe she would get a scolding from England to take better care of herself. She’d take a scolding from England over a reprimand from her boss any day. At least when England did it she could tell it was from a place of worry and care. When her boss did it all she could take away from it was a sense of frustration and superiority. It made her want to hit him. Lots of things about him made her want to hit him though so maybe it was just a combination of all of them together. 

Germany tore her out of her thoughts by declaring that the meeting was starting again. She decided to keep her laptop out just in case the meeting went crazy quickly. The first to present was Switzerland, who was going on about banking and the idea of credit around the world. Greenland wrote down as much as she possibly could because she knew any presentation having to do with money would not last long. The poor blond only got to his third slide before people couldn’t keep their mouths closed anymore.

“Speaking of debt, when are you going to pay me back America?” China asked and America laughed it off and waved his hand. 

“Is it really so funny how poor your country is America? I thought you would have gotten all your laughter out while you fooled around for days.” Russia commented. Switzerland cleared his throat and his eyebrow twitched.

“Hey! I was not fooling around, I was under a curse, which was not my fault!” America argued.

“So you’re telling us that you didn’t spend that time playing video games and hide and seek?” Prussia laughed and America went a little red and pouted.

“Well what was I supposed to do stuck in a child’s body?” America snapped.

“Well to me you’re always a child stuck in an adult body so I don’t think it’d be that challenging for you to work.” Another nation called out. 

“Hey! I was only a child because of England, if you’re going to blame someone, blame him!” America rebutted. 

“You bloody twit I wouldn’t have cast the spell if you hadn’t been badgering me!” England slurred back and the meeting fell into chaos. Greenland wasn’t surprised. She saw Spain pull out even more drinks from under the table and give a nod to Prussia, who snuck out of the room. She found herself growing a little annoyed by it. These meetings should have the decency to be business like, or at least they could be sober. It was one thing to do it once but to bring in more drinks before they even had a chance to partially sober up was ridiculous. Did they want people asleep on the floor? England snatched a drink from Spain as he passed by while he yelled at America some more. America seemed tenser than he normally was when England did this. Denmark was drinking and passing one to Norway who didn’t seem very interested. Russia was drinking but he didn’t seem very affected. Hungary was having a good time and had a camera out and was sharing pictures with Japan. Her smile reminded Greenland of France when England bent over in front of him. Looking over, France had grabbed England and was trying to get him away from America but England was fighting it, flapping his arms and legs and cursing up a storm. Canada seemed tired as he watched the chaos from his seat. South Italy was yelling at his brother who was cowering in his seat waving his arms in a no gesture in front of him. 

Prussia burst back into the room with a shout of triumph and had his arms full of bottles of, presumably, alcohol. He ran up onto the table with a small line following and laughed as he handed them out. Something about this alcohol was more appealing than Spain’s for some reason (Greenland really didn’t know anything about alcohol. If you asked her to tell you the difference between a Bloody Mary and an Oberon, she’d have no idea. When she got drunk on her own she asked the cashier for help.) as some of the other countries were lining up on the table to get it. Denmark was at the head of this line. Germany stood at the end of the table looking like he was going to have an aneurysm. North Italy had escaped his brother and was trying to drag Germany up onto the table with him. England escaped France and climbed onto the table avoiding the line and tried to take a bottle from Prussia who was either genuinely annoyed that England wasn’t waiting his turn or was just trying to cause more problems. Or he may have been offended that England wasn’t appreciative of him for getting this alcohol (was it beer or liquor?). Either way England was guzzling it down and the others on the table were getting rowdy. At this rate she wouldn’t be surprised if there was a brawl. England gestured widely as he went to retort back to Prussia about whatever it was they were arguing about making the alcohol spill. Greenland closed her laptop and put it away just in case there was a spill that reached her. Her notebook was too necessary to put away though so she kept it out and continued to take note as the situation progressed. Denmark had put on some music (she was pretty sure it was from the band Mew but with so much noise she wasn’t sure) and had started dancing and North Italy joined him along with Finland. Sweden wasn’t dancing so much as swaying back and forth but the effort was there. Sealand on the other hand was getting down and America was rushing over to join the impromptu dance party. Greenland heard her name and it took her a moment to realize that Prussia had said it. She tried to tune into their conversation. France was there now, trying to mediate, the alcohol had long since been put down (except for the bottle in England’s hand) for the other country’s to take. Prussia was probably still drunk, England was so drunk he would probably be too hung over to do magic for her boss when they got to her country, and Greenland wasn’t sure if France was sober or not. This was stupid. Still if they were talking about her she wanted to know why. England was terrible about keeping his mouth shut about secrets when he was drunk and she didn’t need him announcing to the world her habit.

“Don’t you dare talk about my family that way!” Was all she caught of England’s sentence when he smashed the bottle down onto the table in a hard throw that just happened to be in her direction sending shattered glass her way. She covered her face with her arms out of reflex and took a breath before putting them back down. She didn’t feel any glass in her arms. They would have had to bounce high to get her. There was however some glass on her lap. It was on the table in front of her and her notebook getting it slightly wet. Her heart was racing in her chest and she could almost hear echoes of England yelling at her to go to her room but she pushed that away and focused on getting the glass away. She picked the glass up with her fingers and piled them into her other hand. They were colder than she expected. She first took them off her notebook, then the table where she wanted to rest her arms, then her lap. Two of her fingers were bleeding and there was still more glass to pick up. Some pieces were so tiny that she didn’t realize they were there until she had put her hand on it by accident. 

“Greenland, stop picking those up with your bare hands!” America called out and she looked up to see him coming toward her. He must have climbed off the table where the dance party was and ran over to her. “Canada is grabbing a broom and a dustpan. Are you okay?” America went on. She nodded because it wasn’t like the cuts on her fingers were deep but America seemed skeptical anyway and came closer to look at her hands and frowned when he saw the little dots of blood. “If you’re bleeding you’re not okay Greenland.” America said much more gently than expected. It should have been sarcastic, like he was talking to a child, but instead it was soft. She still didn’t like it. “I’ll go grab a garbage for you to dump that in and some band aids.” America said before he was off leaving Greenland to herself. Greenland looked back to England and Prussia to see if it had escalated any further. France was fully between Prussia and England now and he looked angry but he must have been talking lowly because she couldn’t make out what he was saying at all. England was looking between her and the glass looking lost. All the fight had left his shoulders and she was pretty sure he was shaking slightly. The dance party was still going on at least. Spain had taken South Italy up onto the table at some point and while South Italy wasn’t dancing he was swaying and arguing with a bright red face while Spain laughed with his own flushed cheeks. They seemed happy, it made Greenland feel warm and cold at the same time. She was happy for South Italy, she was glad he was enjoying himself, it just so happened that she wasn’t enjoying herself at all this moment. Her attention was grabbed by movement and she turned to look at England again to see him walking towards her on the table. He had shoes on, but it would make it harder to clean up if he stepped all over the shards making them smaller. She tried to motion him to stop with her bleeding hand by putting it palm up but he just kept going. At least it was too loud to hear the high pitched noise of tiny pieces of glass breaking all at once as he came over and stood in front of her.

“Greenland are you okay?” He slurred.

“I’m fine, please stop stepping on the glass.” She told him. She hated having to crane her neck to look up at his very sad face. He was one step away from stepping on her notebook.

“I didn’t mean to throw that near you. I’m sorry.” He went on almost as if he hadn’t heard her. 

“I know, it’s fine.” She said. Although she wasn’t really sure if it was fine. What did it say that even accidentally she still ended up being the one the bottles were thrown at? Perhaps she was looking too far into it, no, that wasn’t even a question. It was hard to ignore the bitterness that simmered down within her. But she did ignore it, because it wouldn’t help.

“You’re bleeding. I hurt you.” England said as he looked at her hand.

“I hurt myself picking up the glass, it’s not your fault.” She tried to reassure even though it didn’t feel convincing to her own ears. She wouldn’t need to pick up glass if he hadn’t thrown the bottle and it wasn’t like she was just going to let herself and her things be covered in glass.

“You hurt yourself because of me! It’s my fault!” He cried out and she cringed back and felt her heart start pounding harder. He was talking too loud. Where was America with the garbage or Canada with a broom? “I couldn’t make you happy and I couldn’t let you go and now you’re scared of me, it’s all my fault.”

“I’m not scared of you,” she spat before she could really think and she took a breath before continuing. “You made mistakes. That does not make all my actions your fault. I am my own person and I make my own decisions.” That was always the hardest thing to get through to England it felt like. He hovered over his children, he wanted them to act a certain way, dress the same as him, and live the life he thought they deserved. He had a hard time with individuality. She had always had a lot of it. She didn’t want to listen and she didn’t want to act his way. She didn’t blame him for the choices she made, but she knew that he blamed himself anyway. He viewed his children as his responsibility even after they’re out of his house. Sometimes she wanted to punch him for his controlling behavior, some days she wanted to be better with words so she could get through to him that he doesn’t need to take their burdens on as his own.

“You are scared, you cried at the idea of staying with me. I’m a terrible father! I didn’t even notice you were hurt all those years. I ignored the signs! You’re so different, you changed and I didn’t even ask why! I liked it, I thought it was nice. I thought you had finally accepted living with me wasn’t so bad. I was a fool. A daft old fool!” England went on. Greenland hated these times back when she lived with England and he went on the self hating reflective rants because she never knew what to say. Back then she couldn’t think of how the situation could be worse. Now she knew. England doing this in a world meeting and specifically going on about their relationship was so much worse. 

“I appreciate the sentiment England but this conversation would be better had when you are sober and not in public.” Greenland tried, because logic and reasoning was the defense of a person who was in control. It was pretty ineffective against drunks though, she had never found a solution to that weakness. She was saved from tackling this problem alone by the appearance of America and Canada. 

“England dude get off the glass! Greenland, throw the stuff away and give me your hand,” and after a moment America added, “please.” Greenland carefully disposed of the glass in her hand making sure it all landed in the trash can while holding her other hand out. America set about carefully putting some Neosporin on before wrapping the band aids around her fingers. “There, all better.” He announced happily. Greenland was very tempted to roll her eyes. 

“England I need you to move so I can clean up the glass.” Canada told the drunk man gently, who had started crying and his babbling was no longer understandable. Greenland wondered if she should feel guilty for feeling relieved about that. Canada swept up the glass with a small broom and got an area clear enough that he could climb on to the table and direct England away. Greenland allowed herself to sigh as England was finally taken away from her. 

“He’s uh, pretty emotional right now huh?” America commented. Greenland nodded. “You could take a break from your notes and come dance, it’s pretty fun!” America said.

“Thank you but I need to continue to work. I can work on my final report during this time.” She told him, it wasn’t technically a lie, she probably would work on it at some point, even if she was mostly listening for new information. She was growing to hate it. The lying about notes to the others even though it seemed inevitable that they were going to find out. All the lying would make it worse. But she didn’t want to just tell them that’s what her boss wanted. Not everyone's reactions would be calm understanding. She picked up her pen anyway and went back to writing. Even if she didn’t like it, it was her job. If her nation asked her to do it then she had to do it. That was her purpose in life, to serve her country. Her hand stung as she wrote down what had just happened. The cuts from earlier this morning combined with the new ones throbbed together. She wondered if America’s rib was still bothering him. He tended to heal quite fast even for a nation. On the other hand she healed a bit slower than the average personification according to a comment England made years ago. Either way it was faster than humans so she wouldn’t have to worry about the finger pain for more than a day. It just happened to be the day she needed to get a lot of writing done that she cut up her hand. At least she hadn’t had to be on her feet much, they still bothered her when she walked on the glass. She was getting distracted, she needed to focus on the meeting. The impromptu dance party had grown exponentially with many countries dancing around and on the table. Somehow Germany had been talked into by North Italy and they were doing a slower dance together. Spain had grabbed South Italy’s hand and was spinning him around much to the other’s protests. Prussia had joined the dance party and seemed to be having a dance off with Denmark. Norway and Iceland were talking on the side just off the table but watching the dance off. America was running over to join it. Hungary, Monaco, and Taiwan seemed to be trying to convince Switzerland to let Lichtenstein go so they could all dance. Belarus was hovering around Russia who was doing a little dance behind his seat. Lithuania was behind Belarus looking nervous but infatuated. It seemed to be a fun time. No one seemed to be fighting at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below! We finally reached 100,000 words! That's more than I've ever done for one story! Thanks for being here with me through it and hopefully you'll stick around until the end. Stay safe and have a great day!


	33. Chapter Thirty Two: I Fucking Love Weird Al Okay??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fam head home and discuss Weird Al.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! The title really says it all about this chapter. I've typed up nine pages in the past week and that meant I actually finished this chapter this week. There's a scene that I've been wanting to write coming soon but it's taking me forever to get there. Greenland is having a hard time. Ya ever get so lonely that you don't realize how much you crave human interaction until after you get it? No, just me? Well I'll project on my characters then. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. I encourage you to listen to Weird Al, he's made me smile since I was little.

“Still taking notes? It’s too loud to hear much of anything, how do you get anything written down?” Canada asked, coming back over to get the rest of the glass. 

“Just general observations and the snippets I can hear is enough. Although I believe I have exhausted everything that has happened at this moment.” She told him and pulled her laptop back out and booted it up to get ready to type. 

“Do you know what your boss does with the information you collect?” Canada asked.

“No, he says he shows it to the Prime Minister but I don’t know what happens during or after that. I’m also pretty sure he adds or takes away from the reports as he pleases.” She explained. 

“What else does your boss have you do?” Canada asked. She didn’t know why he was interested all of a sudden. Maybe it was because no boss had their country do the exact same thing, but it was normally pretty similar jobs. The personifications handled talking to the other personifications, they were at important meetings to help give the advice of years of experience and the people’s will, and they did paperwork for their boss. England had told her about it, America and France had complained about their jobs enough that she got the gist. 

“I am supposed to take notes on all interactions with other personifications, I attend meetings with my boss with other personifications, I answer some of my boss and coworkers emails, I attend meetings with my boss and some others in my department. When I am not particularly busy doing that I am supposed to go through as much evidence of personifications as possible and decide what is true and what is false information. Rarely I am brought to show a new employee proof of our kind. My boss also has me review our country’s history and try to record what physical sensations I had at the time of important events.” She explained further. She knew it wasn’t the same, but it was her job. Canada looked a little uncomfortable.

“You’re supposed to take notes every time you just talk to one of us?” He asked. She nodded. “What’s the point?” He asked. She shrugged. She had no real idea on why her boss wanted all of this, no idea if the Prime Minister even cared. “And it’s every country, even your allies?” Canada went on and she nodded again. “Aren’t they worried that spying on other nations will upset them?” Canada asked.

“Hence the reason I’m not really supposed to talk about it. It’s an unspoken rule though.” It was common sense that other people would be unhappy to find out someone was spying on them. Her boss never told her not to tell the others about it but she had always been aware that the reaction would be negative. She hadn’t felt so guilty about it at first. She didn’t know the others, and it was what her country asked of her. But then she got to know everyone, and while she knew she wasn’t well liked she couldn’t blame them. After all, who wants to be friends with the person working on a business report during a dance party? But it didn’t really let her get close to the others either. She kept her distance. South Italy had gotten closer because he found out. He pointed out further how shitty what she was doing was. 

“You said you were supposed to, so you don’t?” Canada questioned further.

“I try to use discretion. I don’t want to cross the line into too personal territory, and I don’t really want to tell my boss every time America texts me inviting me to a water park that I’m not going to go to. I also don’t think my boss wants a report on how South Italy compared him to the male genitalia of a rat. Nor do I really think it’s his business who is having sexual relationships with who. However, who is dating who is something he is very much interested in unfortunately.” Greenland went on. Canada nodded, he had the expression of someone who was either constipated or in deep thought. Greenland didn’t know why he was thinking so hard about it. Unless he was thinking of how to report this to his boss. That would be disastrous for her and her boss, and maybe even the Prime Minister. It was rare that personifications’ issues between each other caused problems in the modern age but this could be the exception. Perhaps she had told Canada too much. It hadn’t seemed to even occur to South Italy to inform his boss, she had been hoping Canada would be the same. Then again Canada probably wasn’t nearly as interested in what she had been writing as South Italy was. 

“Does anyone else know?” Canada asked instead.

“South Italy, but that’s all.” 

“You two are really close. I never really pictured you two getting along.” Canada commented. Greenland couldn’t really blame him, although a part of her wanted to be angry. In her opinion, her and South Italy were alike. Both angry insecure people who got the short stick in life. But many people didn’t look at her like that, to others she was a calm, calculating person, which is what she wanted to be, but she knew she wasn’t. 

“I never pictured you and Prussia either.” She responded instead. His personality was so similar to America’s which seemed to irritate him. But at the same time he was at least used to the antics. Canada smiled and looked off to the table where Prussia was dancing with big showy movements by Denmark and America.

“I didn’t either, but he’s so kind and caring that it was hard not to fall for him.” His face fell a little. “I’m sorry about those things he said about you earlier.” 

“He has a right to his opinion.” Greenland answered, because how was she supposed to respond to that? Say it was fine, that made it look like she had a negative self image. Tell Canada that it hurt? What was the purpose in that? It wasn’t Canada’s fault that Prussia held that opinion of her, there was no need to make him feel guilty about it. He didn’t respond, just swept up the glass into the dustpan and threw it away. She worked on her final report. It was slow work. It wasn’t always easy to translate from English to Kalaallisut. Staying on the lookout for more noteworthy interactions also meant that her attention was pulled into two directions. More countries were drawn to the dance party, not necessarily getting on the table but gathering around to watch and talk. Hungary and Japan were taking pictures. China was offering people snacks. No one seemed to be fighting. On the other side of the table away from the action France was comforting a still upset England. It was calm for a meeting, high energy but not nearly as chaotic as it originally felt. Canada went to the dance party side of the table by where Prussia was dancing and stared at his boyfriend, giving him a smile and a thumbs up when it seemed he had caught Prussia’s eye. In return Prussia would throw extra effort into his dancing and maybe make it a bit more sexual with the hip thrusting. They seemed happy together. 

Time passed by slowly for Greenland. It was a grind of checking around the room, looking over her hand written notes and typing her report. Not much noteworthy action happened. A slow song came on and the others paired up and danced. France had even calmed England down enough to join. Not everyone who paired up was a romantic couple as far as Greenland knew, America danced with Japan and Taiwan danced with Liechtenstein. Lithuania somehow convinced Belarus. Overall everyone looked like they were having a nice time. Greece had woken up for a little while and talked to Japan but he eventually fell back to sleep. Cuba was able to talk to Canada for a while. By the time the meeting was over most of the other nations didn’t seem to really want it to end. It was strange, seeing them reluctantly walk out of the room. The cleaning staff had their work cut out for them for cleaning the table, but there were less broken chairs than usual. Greenland packed away her things. Her report was almost finished. Since the problem with her family had been resolved she could go back to America’s house to grab the rest of her things and hopefully get a ride to the airport. She made her way over to America. He was glistening with sweat and seemed a bit out of breath but that was probably from the last half hour he had spent trying to show off in a competition with Russia. He smiled at her as she came up to him though.

“Hey sis, what’s up?” He asked.

“May I have a ride back to your place and then to the airport tonight?” She asked. His smile grew wider and he waved his hand across his body as if tossing her request away.

“Yeah of course! Canada is gonna ride with me and France is going to drive England’s car back. We still need your address so we can arrange a flight. You could just ride with us, free of charge since it’ll be with my jet!” America went on. On one hand she liked the idea of not having to fly commercially. It was always a mixed bag then and something always had to go wrong. Her boss would probably like the idea of a free ride. She wasn’t sure if the flight they had paid for already would be refunded though. 

“I’ll have to ask, but thank you for the offer.” She told him and he nodded leading the way to find Canada. Not unexpectedly he was with Prussia. Greenland and America hadn’t even fully approached when Prussia spotted them, pecked Canada on the lips, and ran off. Canada was red as he came towards them and pushed America when he started making kissy noises. Other than America’s cackling it was quiet on the way to the car. Greenland took her place in the back and put on her seatbelt. Walking had stung a bit, her knees were the angriest with her and her pants rubbed her thighs slightly. Her feet stung as well and it was a more unfamiliar pain which bothered her more. She was used to her knees and thighs burning and stinging, but the bottoms of her feet weren’t supposed to feel this way. She was not looking forward to walking up America’s stairs. America ended up putting Weird Al on in the car and singing along making Canada groan but Greenland enjoyed it. She had an English playlist and Weird Al was on it, it was nice to have songs that made one laugh. Also some of the meaner songs were cathartic to listen to when she was angry. America’s favorites seemed to be his polka’s and songs that went faster than an auctioneer. Canada’s favorites seemed to be when America hit a bump and it knocked the aux cord loose leaving only a quiet beeping sound. His sigh of relief was probably the loudest he had been all day. His groan of pain as America fixed it was quieter but spoke very clearly. The more America sang the more Greenland realized he had a very impressive range. Weird Al’s songs were unpredictable, going high then low. Some were deep the whole time while others were high. America must have sang them a lot to be able to go up and down so well. They arrived at America's house far too soon in Greenland’s opinion. 

“I hate you, I’m never letting you pick the music ever again.” Canada grumbled as they got out of the car. Greenland did not let her face fall into a grimace as she stood up and felt the lines pull. The first day after a big session were the worst. With the damage she had done in the last few days it was no surprise she was feeling affected more than she usually would. Although, she wasn’t sure how bad last night's session had been. There had been a lot of blood in the bathtub but that could be deceptive since she had been cutting over previous cuts. That caused more bleeding but it didn’t mean the wounds were as bad. It would be nice if she could actually remember. She had pushed out the thoughts during the meeting since she was busy but now that her mind had time to wander she was left worrying. She tried to push it away still and made her way inside. France and England were already inside. England was passed out on the couch, from his comfortable position Greenland assumed he had fallen asleep in the car and France had carried him inside. France was nowhere to be seen and Canada and America had gotten into an argument about the magnificence of Weird Al. Greenland wasn’t exactly sure what to do with herself. She might as well get the rest of her stuff around. She passed the quarreling brothers and went to her room and gathered her abandoned clothes and put them in her bag. She checked the bathroom only to see that the blanket was still soaking in the water. She should probably clean it as well as she could. She took off her shirt so it wouldn’t get soaked and grabbed a bar of soap and began to do her best. The water was cold and she couldn’t remember if that was how it was supposed to be or not for cleaning out blood. It would probably work better if she used the shower head, but she didn’t really want water beating down on her right now. It was a slow process and one that didn’t seem to be succeeding. She didn’t have any money left to leave for America. She’d have to pay him back later. She gave up and let the water drain, it was a light orange color and cloudy from the soap. She would let the blanket air dry on the shower curtain. Would that make mold? The blanket was already ruined. A little mold wouldn’t hurt. Although the dripping all over his tiled floor would probably be unappreciated. She put a towel on the floor to catch the drips. 

“Groenland, America wants to know if you are flying with us. Groenland?” France called out from her room. She had closed the bathroom door. 

“I’m in the bathroom, I don’t know yet I need to call my boss still.” She answered and worked on pulling her shirt back on.

“Alright, we still need your address as well.” He told her and she pulled her arm through her sleeve and opened the door. France was standing in her room a little ways away from the bathroom door looking at the desk where she had her open bag. He turned to look at her as she came out, she watched his eyes look behind her and his face fall slightly seeing the ruined blanket hanging behind her. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, that’s from last night. I was trying to clean it but the stain wasn’t coming out.” She told him and he nodded. She went to the desk and pulled out a clean page from her notebook and wrote her address. She handed it to him and he smiled at her although it wasn’t as bright as before. 

“I’ll bring this to America.” France announced and left her alone in her room again. All that was left to do was call her boss. She found herself dreading it. Would he even pick up her call? She had told him her phone was stolen. She could ask one of the others for their phones but she doubted that he’d be happy that they would have his number. Her phone it was. She found his contact and hit the call button.

“Whoever you are you have made a grave mistake.” He said immediately in Kalaallisut.

“Sir this is Greenland, I was able to retrieve my phone.” She told him.

“Well at least you can do one thing right. If that’s all then--”

“No sir, I’ve been offered a free trustworthy flight back to Greenland and was wondering if I should take it.” She told him and her stomach squirmed uncomfortably as she waited for his rejection.

“We can easily get a refund. If you’re sure that the flight is trustworthy then take it. Saving money is always good. Although if you’re trying to get back in my good graces you’re going to have to do much better than this. I expect you to report to my office the day after tomorrow. Goodbye Greenland.” He told her before hanging up. Greenland wasn’t exactly sure if that phone call could be put in the category of going well since he seemed to still be angry with her but she had gotten what she wanted so she’d count it. She put her phone back in her pocket and closed her bag. She dragged the bag behind her as she made her way downstairs. All the boys were in the kitchen minus England, Canada and America seemingly never stopping their discussion on Weird Al which had somehow morphed into America singing lyrics every few minutes. France was scrolling through his phone in his usual spot. He seemed amused by their conversation if the smile on his face was anything to go by. She sat down ready to just listen when Canada turned to her.

“Please talk some sense into him, he’s killing me.” Canada said and Greenland wasn’t really sure what to do. So she did what she did best, brutal honesty.

“I like Weird Al, he’s funny. It’s an interesting window into some of the popular discussions of America’s past as well sometimes. Also some of his songs are very angry and I find that nice to listen to when I’m in a bad mood.” Greenland answered and Canada let his head drop onto the table.

“Oh oh! When you say angry do you mean like Angry White Boy Polka or more like his break up songs?” America asked.

“His break up songs. I particularly enjoy One More Minute.” Greenland answered.

“That is a good one. Although some of the imagery makes me cringe, I do not want to think about what taking my toenails off with an ice pick feels like.” America went on. 

“What the hell? You were going off on how funny his songs were not how gross they were.” Canada complained.

“Some of his songs have disturbing imagery. Headline News is about different violent news stories and includes a part when he sings about a man whose penis is cut off. Another one of his songs Why Does This Always Happen To Me talks about standing up in a roller coaster and being decapitated and having to live the rest of his life that way.” Greenland went on and Canada cringed away.

“I get America liking the guy, it’s one of his artists. But I never would have guessed that you would have liked him Greenland. How did you even find him?” Canada asked.

“America played some of his songs for me and I liked them. I sought them out afterwards. I like to listen to more than just my own music.” Greenland answered.

“You actually paid attention? You were so quiet I assumed you were tuning the music out.” America asked.

“I was listening. I just prefer hearing the lyrics than talking over them, especially since his lyrics are the best part of the songs to me.” Greenland answered ignoring the part of her that was offended. She didn’t really think of herself as a rude person, when America asked her to listen to his music she did. She just took notes while she did so. She could multitask. 

“You guys can’t love all his songs, there has to be one you don’t like.” Canada said, although he didn’t sound too sure of himself.

“Nope, all of his songs are masterpieces!” America announced.

“Some of his older songs' lyrics could be taken as offensive now but none of them are really supposed to be taken seriously, they’re all exaggerations. However if one ignores those lyrics the songs are still very nice to listen to. I haven’t found a song of his that I wouldn’t want to listen to again.” Greenland responded. Canada threw up his hands.

“Fine! Whatever, the man’s a genius to everybody in the house except me apparently! I concede okay? We can stop talking about the magnificence of Weird Al!” Canada shouted, well shouted for him. America laughed and smacked his brother on the back who grumbled under his breath. “When are we leaving for the plane?” Canada asked once America’s cackles had died down to a level that made things hearable again. 

“It depends, Greenland are you flying with us?” America asked and she nodded. “Sweet! France gave me your address and my guy will find the nearest airport to land at meaning we should be able to leave in half an hour! This is going to be so much fun! What’s your house like Greenland?” America asked.

“Smaller than yours. I have a good sized living room and a small kitchen. My room and the guest room are upstairs along with the guest bathroom. I have my own bathroom. That’s all.” Greenland explained. When she had been looking for houses she had known it was just going to be herself. World meetings didn’t take place in her country, she didn’t think she would have to worry about more than just one guest at a time. Maybe this would make them change their minds. Then she wouldn’t have to worry about buying new tools and having them go through her things. 

“Sounds cozy! I have a house like that in Michigan. I have a babysitter taking care of my dog there. I already let them know that I’ll need another week.” America went on. She had met a few of his dogs before. They were always well trained and loved people. She wasn’t sure how he managed that. Greenland had considered getting an animal, she didn’t mind them, but she wasn’t home all the time and she didn’t want the animal to get lonely. She also left the country often and she didn’t know anyone who could babysit and she didn’t really want to trust a random stranger in her home for long periods. Canada had  Kumajirou but he left him in his room here most of the trip. She was surprised she hadn’t noticed him when she had gone into Canada’s room but it was a stressful time. England had let them keep an animal a few times during her stay there, a dog, a cat, and a rabbit. They had all passed and America was horribly distraught each time. England stopped getting animals after that. Although she was pretty sure he had another cat now. He had always liked Mr. Whiskers the best. Greenland had been particularly fond of the bunny, which America had named Snowball despite all the black splotches on the rabbit. But Greenland never came up with anything better. She had been sad the day they buried Snowball. But she hadn’t said anything at the small funeral. She had just let herself cry silently to herself and feel the ache in her chest. She laid in bed for the rest of that day if she remembered correctly. She shook her head. Memories of the past rarely helped the situation, there wasn’t much point in reminiscing. 

America left to pack his bags and Canada left to check over his luggage and make sure he had gotten everything. France was left with the job of waking England up and helping him gather his belongings around. Greenland moved to the living room and sat on the couch. America’s living room was plain considering some of his other houses. This was the place he used for meetings so it didn’t have the personal touches some of his other houses had. There weren’t many pictures on the wall or posters hanging around in frames. There was a gaming system but no cases holding the cd’s that some games came with. They had streamed all the movies leaving no DVDs or blu rays around. This was the house of America’s Greenland saw the most but she knew that it was the one least like him. It had been ten years since she had gone to his main home in Washington. He had vacation homes in other states, like Michigan. If his dog was still in Michigan he must have been off work, which made it even stranger to Greenland that he got to take another week off work just like that. She didn’t think he’d appreciate her asking about it though. She’d have to take note of it later. She supposed she should go upstairs and work on her final report, it was always best to get as much done as soon as possible. It was just… disappointing, she had already packed it away and had been looking forward to doing something other than work for a little while. She had hoped America would want to play some video games, she wouldn’t have minded just watching America and Canada playing. Or America could have introduced her to that television show him and Canada were talking about in the car. That or France could have asked her to help him cook a snack before they left. These wishes were ridiculous. They had to pack, they were going to her house. But it wasn’t like they were going to her house to spend time with her. It was to watch her. They didn’t really want to be there, she was sure. There were probably plenty of other things they would rather be doing, they just felt obligated to help her. She shook her head. None of these thoughts were helpful. Her arm itched. She allowed herself to scratch at it but kept her sleeve over the cut to help with the pain. It didn’t help. She was wasting time wallowing, she pulled her hand away and went upstairs. She got out her laptop and began working on the final report. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below. Stay safe and have a great day!


	34. Chapter Thirty Three: Jackbox Games Are Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greenland is very stressed so she plays video games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop it's Saturday instead of Friday, sorry about that, but hey, an update! I was struggling finding the right place for this chapter to end because it was either going to be very long or kinda short. I hit a happy medium I think. I'm dying writing this story, it's making me sad. I really, really wish I could write fluff. There will be fluff someday. Not next update by any means, but someday. I'm fostering a cat I've named William Ginger the Third and they're so friendly compared to my other cats and I don't want to give them away. But my other cats are not very welcoming. I will keep ya'll updated on William. (named after Matthew Williams and William the Bloody from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Thank you for reading I hope you enjoy!

She had gotten faster at translating over the years. Since English hadn’t come naturally to her it wasn’t as easy to translate as Danish. She just knew Danish after so many settlers came. She didn’t struggle with English almost at all, but since England didn’t like her speaking her own language it had become her main language for most of her life. It was harder for her to keep up with the slang and the slow change of the language over time. It helped that she read a lot and wrote a lot. But being surrounded by America and England she was like Canada in the sense that she spoke a combination of both of their English. If either of them were to pay attention to the way she wrote English she was sure they would throw a fit and start an argument. Good thing she kept to herself. Although since they would have free reign of her house she supposed they could go through her writing. If she made her room off limits would they even listen? They would probably want to search the whole house, her room was the most obvious place to hide tools. If she had had the idea to slip a razor between the pages of a notebook so could they, and now they had an excuse to look through all her notebooks. Then France, America, and England would become aware of the spying situation. She wanted to put her head down and massage her temples but she needed to keep working. She was barely making progress. She was too distracted. Of course when she was sitting in a room full of arguing and dancing nations she could focus but stuck in a quiet room by herself she couldn’t. Normally America’s house was louder than this. England and France couldn’t stop arguing with America jumping in. There was usually something on the television with it turned up to deafening amounts just to piss England off. It was rowdy enough that she could sit in her room and hear it and work. She didn’t work a lot at home. She spent eight hours at her work everyday, the only time she worked from home was after she visited someone and had to do a final report. That and when she had been reporting on texts. It was always boring and seemed to take longer than it needed to. It had honestly been easier to focus when she was stuck in a child's body, the situation was interesting and stressful. It felt necessary to get it all down. So of course he didn’t want any of her notes. She got out her phone and looked at the pictures she had taken. There weren’t pictures of her when she was actually this young, it was strange to look at. It had been strange to see in mirrors but to just see it in a photo it didn’t feel right. It obviously wasn’t just a filter over her face. Her face was rounder, her hair was darker, there weren’t the always present dark circles under her eyes she had now. It made her uncomfortable, she put her phone away. Maybe the photo plus England’s example would be enough. There was a knock on her door.

“Greenland we’re heading out!” America called through the door and Greenland wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not. On one hand she hadn’t been getting any work done, on the other now she had a new problem to deal with. She put her laptop and notebook away, grabbed her bag and went downstairs. France was carrying both his and England’s bags while America was carrying England over his shoulder and out to the car despite his protests. She had a feeling there was a story she missed, but she didn’t think she really wanted to know. She made her way outside and ignored the British cries to her right and followed Canada to the trunk of America’s car and placed her bag inside. Canada had already done so and was in the passenger seat. She took her place in the back and put on her seatbelt. Canada was back to being on his phone. She wasn’t sure what to talk about, starting conversations that weren’t about getting information weren’t her specialty. Canada would probably be offended if she tried to get noteworthy information out of him now. She also just really didn’t want to deal with work now. It was hard to be stressed about multiple things at once. At least being stressed about her job and her family was leaving her distracted from South Italy. He seemed to be having a good time at the meeting. Good, he needed that. He didn’t need her drama right now. He might not need it ever again. He was probably going to avoid her. She hadn’t even explained the phone situation to him. She thought about texting him but she didn’t want to bother him while he was probably busy getting around to go back to Italy. She’d text him tomorrow.   
America got into the car laughing. As soon as he turned on the engine Canada plugged his phone into the aux cord giving America a death glare before putting on music by who Greenland was pretty sure called Arcade Fire but she wasn’t exactly sure. Canada didn’t show off his music to Greenland like America did. Sometimes when she was at America’s house they’d just sit and listen to records while he talked, or they did paper work side by side. Even when they were working though America had to point something out about the music around every five minutes. It didn’t bother Greenland, it made it easier for her to remember the songs. Although it did lead her to try and find some songs by the most ridiculous of descriptions. Like the song that says “ye” over and over really fast and has something to do with a messenger man, because America only knew those two parts and shouted them out. She learned about Canada’s music by him just casually putting some on in the car and in his house. Sometimes she just heard it because his earbuds were turned up so loud that she could just sit next to him to listen. 

“So do you think England is gonna be sober enough to show off to your boss tomorrow?” America asked, it felt like a serious subject to Greenland but his tone was light.

“As long as he can perform one minor spell it should be alright.” She answered, it wasn’t really an answer to his question because she honestly didn’t know and didn’t want to think about it. She wanted to drag England there no matter what, but if he was still drunk who knew what would come out of his mouth in front of her boss. She didn’t want Mr. Filemonsen to get angry with England and do something stupid, or for England to get angry and try to curse her boss. For one the curse would probably fail and end up affecting her somehow. For two, Mr. Filemonsen would surely try to make a big deal about it, maybe even take it as an act of war. Also if England was drunk and Mr. Filemonsen noticed he probably would be too annoyed with the situation to notice the magic. Mr. Filemonsen couldn’t stand people being inebriated in the workplace, even if they didn’t work there. One of her coworkers had their wife come to work to bring her lunch, but her wife had drank a few cups of wine before coming. The wife hadn’t acted out or caused a fuss, but Mr. Filemonsen smelled the wine on her breath and as soon as the wife left he took Greenland’s coworker into his office to yell at her. Greenland didn’t really think it was that serious but it was Mr. Filemonsen, who knew what would set him off. 

“Hopefully he just does the spell right.” Canada said.

“Would it really be so bad if Greenland’s boss got turned into a kid for a little while? It’d probably help him blow off some steam.” America joked. Canada snorted. 

“Remember that one time England tried to curse France and managed to give everyone in the house but France horse ears?” Canada added, causing America to laugh. Greenland did remember that, she remembered not being able to play outside and France’s light teasing of England. France had called them his petits chevaux for weeks after the fact. She also remembered being afraid, she knew that the people in England’s land didn’t like witchcraft, and abnormalities stood out as witch traits. People already stared at her for being different, she didn’t want to be hurt for it. England and France had kept them inside all the time, she remembered America complaining about it but she had been completely on board for once. Nevertheless the memory made her want to smile, they had looked silly.

“Or that time he tried to curse me but instead gave himself a pig's snout and tail? It took him so long to fix that one I thought he was actually going to take up my offer to get the tail surgically removed!” America cackled. Canada cracked up as well. 

“Then there was the time he tried some curse on you and he made himself go into heat. That was awful.” Canada pointed out. 

“I still can’t believe he came to the world meeting! He was so red the entire time and the noises he kept making, I just-- After that how can he still try?” America went on still laughing.

“At least you weren’t living with him.” Greenland added. That had happened in her last months of living with England. 

“Oh my God I can’t even imagine, Greenland, you poor, poor soul.” America mourned. The noises England had had coming from his room had been annoying and uncomfortable. It didn’t get better when France came over to “help”. She had been very glad when that spell wore off. They continued to reminisce for the rest of the car ride. When they got out America led them through security and off to his private plane. Greenland elected to keep her bag with her on the flight instead of tucked away.   
The inside of the plane was nice, it had seats more like recliners and couches. There were tables for them to put their stuff on and a drinks tray already set out. America took the drinks out of sight and asked the stewardess to bring them water. Greenland sat on the chair to the right and Canada sat across from her. America sat to her left while England and France sat on a couch across from America. England was too drunk to be embarrassed apparently because he clung to France with a small pout. France just pet his hair. They had about five and a half hours to kill. With slight hesitation Greenland pulled out her laptop and notebook and got to work on her final report once again. England was already halfway asleep again France seemed content to be his pillow and looked ready for a nap himself. Canada was on his phone and had earbuds in. America was on his laptop. It didn’t seem there would be much conversation and she really didn’t want to work in silence so she pulled out her own earbuds and put on some Pukuut. Work was boring but it was familiar. Soon it wouldn’t be. She wasn’t sure what work would be like if she wasn’t able to save her job. She knew it’d mostly be paperwork but she didn’t know about what. There were plenty of employees in the nation department but she didn’t really know what most of them did except search for and preserve the history of personifications. It hadn’t really mattered to her before, she mostly interacted only when people needed to know when meetings were or what section a file was supposed to be in. Now she wished she had made more of an effort to know. Then she’d at least be better prepared for the worst. Now she was left in the hell that was the unknown. What was also unknown to her was the plan for when they got to her house. Were they immediately just going to start going through her stuff, were they going to want her to go to a store to pick up an air mattress, would they go through her stuff when she left? She didn’t really like the idea of them doing it while she was gone. She didn’t like the idea of them doing it at all. She hated the fact that she agreed to this. They were going to throw away her favorite razor, the one that never seemed to get dull. What about her kitchen knives, were they going to take those? Would she have to buy a whole new set of knives after they left? Did they really expect her to live her life without kitchen knives? Her hands were shaking slightly. She didn’t know when she had stopped typing. She had never really thought about how many sharp things were in her house. She had razors for shaving, box cutters, scissors, kitchen utensils, and pencil sharpeners. Were they really going to take all of those from her? She had assumed before that she’d just be able to buy it all back when they left but they had to have a plan of sorts to keep it from her. It couldn’t be that they thought that without one week of cutting she’d be cured and she’d never do it again? America had to know that wasn’t true. So what was their plan? She doubted they would tell her if she asked, the more she knew about it the more she could fight against it. Although this was her assuming they had a plan, when they obviously weren’t on the same page at the pizza place. So they probably all had different ideas on how this was going to go. She wasn’t sure if that was any better. Now instead of them all ganging up on her together they would just be arguing about how to do it. Her head hurt and her heart was pounding in her ears. No one was paying attention to her. She let herself put her head in her hands. She took deep breaths through her nose and tried to ignore her thoughts. She needed a distraction. 

She sat back up. Nothing had changed. England was sleeping peacefully as well as France. America was on his laptop and Canada was on his phone, he was jamming with head bobs in his seat at whatever he was listening to. America probably wasn’t doing work, she could ask him if he wanted to finish that dating simulator. He’d like that. She got up and sat next to him. She could see that he had a news article up. Something about the president, she didn’t want to bother him about that even though she probably should since she needed more notes for the report. But she helpfully reminded herself that she needed a distraction from the report so she wouldn’t feel like she was falling apart at the seams. 

“Hey Greenland, what’s up?” He asked.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to finish that game?” She asked and his smile fell slightly before tightening.

“Eh nah, I’m not really in the mood for Doki Doki,” he told her and her mouth went dry. “But we could play something else! I’ve got all the Five Nights at Freddy’s games if you’re in the mood for horror or monopoly if you're in for something more classic. Oh, oh! I have these cool games that we can all play together on our phones, there’s trivia and drawing and other stuff, I’ll bet Mattie will want to play!” Before she could even give her answer on which she wanted to play he was already up and dragging Canada over to play. Greenland pulled her phone out of her pocket and went to the website America directed her to. It had her choose a nickname so she put K. Apparently the first game they were going to play was murder trivia. Greenland wasn’t very good at it and died in the first round but was able to keep playing so she didn’t mind. She found the death mini games more fun than the trivia itself. The next game they played had them drawing from very strange prompts, she found out very quickly that she couldn’t erase. Greenland was by no means an artist in the drawing sense, it just hadn’t appealed to her. But America made her feel better about her drawings skills, both of them just stuck with stick figures and shapes. Canada on the other hand was able to make more comprehensible drawings. It made his rounds a little less funny and harder to win at, which in turn added the humor back in as America cursed at Greenland for tricking him. In the end America won the trivia but Canada won at the drawing game since he got points for them getting the right answers. They switched party packs and played a game where they had to date each other through texts, Greenland really didn’t understand why America wanted to play this game so bad but it was fun. The added twist of being monsters was interesting, although Greenland’s monster was just called Mother so she wasn’t exactly sure about what other monsters there could be. America was very goofy in his texts, using a gross amount of eggplant and peach emojis for some reason while Greenland and Canada just texted strategy to each other. Greenland managed to win that one, it helped that America was her child and he rarely got dates from anyone besides the robot. America very much so didn’t want to play that game again so they switched to a new pack and played a game about designing t-shirts. Greenland just put simple designs, a nice spring day that looked (well she tried to make it nice but it mostly looked like a five year old drew it), a computer, and the flag of Greenland. Then when it wanted her to put words or phrases she just typed in things she heard America say like ‘dude’ or ‘bro’. America managed to type over twenty words though he explained he mostly just put curse words or sexual terms. Canada had just typed in whatever he was thinking which apparently was fuck America’s president. It was hard to make a good t-shirt with these options but apparently the point of the game wasn’t to make a good t-shirt but a funny one. So the next round Greenland tried to think funny, so she tried drawing England angry and Germany and North Italy kissing, and when she had to type phrases she typed things related to the personifications, like Spain’s ass, for some reason she had heard multiple nations just go off about Spain’s ass. She also put in caterpillars for eyebrows, because as children America loved to put caterpillars above his eyes and pretend to be England. She didn’t win but her drawing of England won the final t-shirt round and she felt good about that. Despite that being a drawing heavy game she found that was her favorite because it forced them all to work together. America actually ordered the t-shirt so he could wear it and piss off England. They switched to a game where they had to make a new word and definition and then use it in a phrase. Greenland, starting to actually get the point of the games was to be funny and make the others laugh, ruled at this game. She was able to type a lot in the short time limits and she had plenty of knowledge on the jokes the others told each other. She just repeated them adding her own opinion in. According to America adding her feelings to it was the best part. She even managed to make Canada laugh. She won that game.

After that round Canada left to go email his boss and house sitter. He also had to feed Kumajirou who had been napping to Canada’s left while they played. Apparently most of the games didn’t have an option for only two players so they couldn’t continue, so America decided he was going to take a nap. Greenland went back to her seat to see her laptop and notebook waiting for her and her chest tightened. She had felt light playing with America and Canada. All the impending problems had floated away, which is what she had hoped would happen. She had also hoped that when they were done that the light feeling could stay. But even with her laptop screen dark and her notebook closed she felt weighed down by the sight. She really needed to get her report done, she also needed to figure out what they were going to do when they got to her house. There were only a few hours left until they got there. She didn’t trust them to have a fully functional plan, how could they when they had never even seen her house? They didn’t talk to each other. They didn’t talk to her about it either. All the games in the world wouldn’t make the problem go away. She should have asked instead of goofing off. Then they could have talked about a plan and she wouldn’t be stressed. She opened her notebook and woke up her laptop. She couldn’t talk to them now because they were busy, but she could finish the report. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below! Stay safe and have a great day!


	35. Chapter Thirty Four: The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! I just finished typing this today. It's a longer chapter I'm happier with certain parts more than others but what matters is it's done! I think I've said this before but I just want to reiterate that no one in this story besides a certain boss is supposed to be a villain, one of the things I've found really fun about this story is that when I'm imagining it in my head, it's from other character's perspectives and then I have to translate that into Greenland's perspective. So like, always remember that you're seeing this from Greenland's perspective. Also! Greenland is very hopeless, but that doesn't mean she's right! There's always hope! Idk really I just don't want people to be mad at Canada, because at one point in my life I was just like him, and then I became Greenland, and now I'm me. It be like that sometimes. Update on William Ginger the Third. He has made himself at home but the other four cats are angry. We hope the tension will dissipate over time. Thank you for reading I hope you enjoy!

Time crawled by as she translated and typed. Her thoughts continued to try and distract her and she resorted to scratching at her arm, thighs, and knees every few minutes to try and regain focus. She struggled to try and find the line of mentioning magic since the others were talking about the spell and cutting it out to keep her boss from getting angry. But if England proved magic was real to him then he would probably want a report including magic. However that was only an if. England’s condition wasn’t bringing her much hope. She could type up two different reports, one including magic and one that didn’t, but the one that didn’t would be so much shorter than the one that did and if he only accepted that one then he’d be dissatisfied with her work again. But if he wanted a report including magic it would be impressive to have it ready right away. So she would just have to do two reports. But that meant for the second report she’d have to go in and fill in a lot that she had already cut out. She wasn't sure if it would be best to start working on the magic report in order to get it written while some of the memories were still fresh or to finish the report she was already mostly finished with. Her head was pounding, she hadn’t even put any music on to help. She wasn’t sure if it would help anyway, the plane felt loud enough. America was snoring, Canada’s music was coming through his earbuds and the couch creaked and squeaked everytime France and England shifted. She scratched harder, she wanted to pull up her sleeve and scratch the cut directly but that would probably bother the others. A primal part of her wanted to bite her arm just to make the feeling go away. She wanted to pound her fists on her thighs but that would make too much noise. Her eyes burned and she was tempted to take her nails to them too. She normally didn’t struggle with work this much, but there was so much pressure on this report and there was too much else going on. Her life had been stagnant before, the only thing that brought surprises was South Italy. Sometimes America. But she could handle the small changes and visits. She could handle talking in the middle of the night a few times a week. She could cut whenever she needed to. Work didn’t change too much, didn’t ask too much. She didn’t agree with what she was doing and she had been getting away with cutting out some of it she didn’t like. She worked with South Italy to keep from getting too personal in her reports. Everything had been fine that way. Now things weren’t fine, she wasn’t sure if they would ever be fine again. But that had nothing to do with her report, she had to work on her report! But she still could not figure out if she should work on the non magic or magic report. She was losing control. She needed to be able to think clearly and decisively. But she couldn’t cut. She couldn’t hit herself. She couldn’t do anything. If she hid in the bathroom would they hear her? She didn’t even know where the bathroom was, if there even was a bathroom. An irrational part of her was urging her to destroy her laptop, it was the source of her distress. But destroying the laptop would cause so many other problems. She was stuck. 

“Greenland, stop.” And then there was a hand grabbing her arm forcing her to stop scratching. She pulled back reflexively but they held strong and it made her think to look up. Canada was looking at her with pity in his eyes and a small frown. It wasn’t a very comforting burn that his hand brought. She let her arm go limp in his grip. It still took him a beat before he let go. The cut on her arm pulsed in aggravation, it burned and stung at the same time. Greenland wasn’t really sure what he wanted other than to make her stop so she looked back to her computer. It had fallen asleep while she tried to figure out what to do.

“Scratching will only make it worse, we can put more Neosporin on it but I don’t think that will make it itch less. But redoing your bandages might help.” Canada went on.

“I never bandaged them.” Greenland answered. Canada’s shoulders fell even lower and he sighed. 

“Keeping the wounds clean and clear of infection is important Greenland. I’ve got some bandages in my bag, we can wrap them in the bathroom.” Canada said and went over to his things. Greenland didn’t really want to get up and be wrapped up. She didn’t really like being manhandled and bossed around. But making a big deal of it wouldn’t help things so she let it pass and got out of her seat. At least she would know where the bathroom was. He led her to the back of the plane and to the side and sure enough there was a bathroom. It was small and the only place to sit was the open toilet so she chose to stand. She pulled her shirt off and her pants down and Canada got to work. When she bandaged up South Italy she always took it as a sign of trust. Now she wondered how much he resented her for doing it because she didn’t feel thankful to Canada. If anything it was humiliating, to be told to disrobe so that her wounds could be wrapped. She didn’t want him to see them, she didn’t want to watch his eyes linger on them, she hadn’t wanted him to know they existed. They were hers. She didn’t need someone else taking care of them. As soon as he stepped back she hurried to put her clothes back on. He smiled at her and left and they both went back to their seats. He didn’t even ask her what was wrong, why she was scratching. He didn’t ask her about what she was typing. He had probably been busy and she distracted him with the noise the scratching made. Even though he had headphones in. She wasn’t sure how he had even managed to notice. She didn’t ask him about the plan. Now she couldn’t even scratch. Her thoughts and feelings were raging in her mind and she didn’t know what to do about it. She curled into herself on the recliner and closed her eyes. She tried to think of what she did when she was little and she felt like this and all she could come up with was yell at someone and cry alone in her room. Neither of those were acceptable options. With her eyes closed it was dark, the light of the plane wasn’t bright enough to press harshly against her eyelids. She covered her ears with her hands to block out the noises of the plane. It reminded her of being underwater. She wanted to take a bath. To lay with her nose above the water and the rest of her submerged. It was like being wrapped in a weightless blanket. 

There was a time when she was looking for how people who self harmed quit in order to help South Italy stop. She stumbled upon a website where people who self harmed just talked about their experiences. Some of them posted pictures. There were people asking for pictures because they said it helped them stop. There was one that had stuck out to her, a person claimed to be able to turn their bathwater orange from how much they bled. Greenland dismissed it at first, she dismissed the entire website. It wouldn’t help South Italy. But it left her curious. She didn’t bleed that much when she cut, a few trails of blood every three cuts or so, would it be possible for her to change the color of her bath water? South Italy probably could easily, he bled more than her with his deeper cuts. Then a few days later she woke up feeling out of control, like her emotions were jumping all over the place and she couldn’t keep still. She went to work like that and came very close to snapping at her boss. So when she got home she went and grabbed one of her razors to take care of the problem, but the idea of the bathtub came back. So she drew a bath and did her business there. It was different. Cutting on wet skin made a small difference but she mostly ended up cutting her fingers more trying to keep the razor semi dry. She also ended up cutting her breasts since they were easier to reach lying down. She found herself staring at the blood swirling in the water as she dipped her legs down. It was a slow process but eventually she noticed the water changing colors. When it finally went from a slight yellow to a transparent orange she stopped and rinsed herself off one last time before draining the water. There had been a sense of pride that welled in her. Not only had she gotten herself under control but she had learned there was something new she could do. She didn’t plan on doing it again anytime soon but it still had been a fascinating experience. Recalling it made her feel warm. The warmth disappeared as she reminded herself that her family may figure out a way to never let her do that again. 

Her thoughts kept circling back to the idea that they may really find a way to take cutting away from her. She tried to think about other things, like music or books she had read, but her mind always wandered back to cutting and the lack of it. Normally it wasn’t on her mind this much, but with the threat of it being taken away, it felt like a lack of control. She knew she could always go to burning and bruising, but if they found out they’d take those away too somehow. She wasn’t sure how they’d take away bruising beside physically restraining her. The only way to keep her from cutting was to keep her under constant surveillance. After the week was up would they want her to go with one of them? Would they put cameras in her home to keep an eye on her? That seemed extreme but her family was known to be over dramatic and she could easily imagine them doing that whether she wanted them to or not. She knew thinking about it wasn’t going to help, it would just make her stressed, but there was nothing to do on a plane that was a suitable distraction. Playing solitaire didn’t require much focus, she shouldn’t play games when she still had reports to do. But that was exactly what she did earlier? She couldn’t even blame America because she had been the one to suggest the idea to him. She wasn’t getting any work done, she wasn’t able to stop thinking. She moved her hands so that they were pulling her hair and covering her ears. Pain always helped her to focus before, but this was barely anything. She pulled harder. It made her wrist hurt more than her head. 

“Hey Greenland, how are you doing?” America asked her loudly, enough so that she understood despite her ears being plugged. Her entire body tensed at his voice and her nails dug into her palms pushing strands of hair in as well. He had probably woken up France and England with how loud he was being. They were probably all staring at her. She had to act normal, professional. But her body didn’t want to uncurl. She didn’t want to open her eyes and see them all staring at her. She didn’t want to hear America at full volume. But what she wanted didn’t matter, what mattered was being in control, and clearly she was out of it. She forced her fists to unclench and let go of her hair and moved off her ears. She moved her head so she would be able to look up and see wherever America was at and opened her eyes. Moving her body was a different challenge and she had no interest tackling it yet.

“Fine.” She answered because she should be fine. All she had to do was not cut for a week and listen to the boys disagree about every little thing. There was such a small chance that they would do more than that. But there was still a chance. She was just writing a report for her boss, she had done it a thousand times before. But the report could decide her career. Her life was her career. America stood to the side of her chair. Behind him England was still dead asleep but France was awake and not so subtly watching them. Canada had gotten out of his seat and was standing behind France’s couch watching even less subtly. She barely resisted the urge to glare at them.

“Really? You don’t seem fine. Is this another situation where you feel that your feelings are more important than the truth? Because we’re going to have to work on breaking that habit.” America chuckled, he actually chuckled while saying that. As if she hadn’t explained that she had learned to do that to protect herself. Her stomach was hot, her entire body was warm and America spoke too loudly. If they wanted the truth so bad why shouldn’t she tell them that she was being driven insane by the amount of control they were taking away? Obviously because they would get upset and start arguing again. She didn’t want to argue she just didn’t want to feel like this anymore. Like her thoughts were crashing into each other and all screaming for her attention but there was nothing she could do. Helpless, that was the word. It was a disgusting feeling, she would rather feel anything else. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She settled on, because the truth was weakness and a partial truth would just cause fighting. 

“You look like you’re halfway to a panic attack, we can help.” America pushed. Greenland wanted to push him. Make him back off and away. She wasn’t sure where all of this anger came from but she knew it was there. Maybe it was because he was a part of their group, and while he seemed the most on her side that made him the most dangerous. He had gotten people like her to stop cutting, he said he helped them but if they were anything like her they probably didn’t want to be helped. Well that was a bold assumption, plenty of people on that cutting website said they wanted to stop but didn’t know how. Greenland wasn’t like that. She wasn’t. She didn’t need help.

“Is this about your tools?” France asked and she snapped her head to look at him. He looked contemplative. Canada immediately tensed and frowned. England began to stir. Greenland wasn’t sure how to get out of this without an argument.

“What are you going to do with them?” She asked instead of answering.

“Get rid of them.” Canada answered.

“You can’t get rid of every sharp thing in my house.” She responded. Canada opened his mouth than closed it and his eyes. His fists were clenched.

“We’ll hide the rest.” America answered instead.

“But what about the end of the week?” She asked and the plane went quiet. Of course they didn’t know. 

“Someone will stay with you.” France answered.

“Who?” She asked.

“We’ll answer that when we get there.” America replied waving his hand. They were all staring at her with smiles as if this was a good thing. As if she should enjoy the thought that someone would always be watching her. She hated it. She wasn’t some child in need of babysitting; she was a grown woman who could live on her own and make her own decisions! It was her body she could choose what to do with it. 

“I don’t want this.” It was out of her mouth before she could think about it. She looked to the floor and hoped they ignored her.

“What?” America asked.

“Nothing. Go back to whatever you were doing.” She answered.

“No, what you have to say is important, we want to hear it.” He told her and the anger was hot and festering in her. 

“I said I don’t want this. I don’t want any of this. I don’t want you to take my things and hide them from me or throw them away. I don’t want to be watched every second of every day. I don’t want to be told what to do.” She struggled to keep her voice level. She was itching to lash out. To make them go away and leave her alone. 

“You said it was okay. It’s for the best Greenland, we’re trying to help you.” Canada responded and it sounded just like England whenever she argued with him to take her home. He was just trying to help. It was for the best. 

“It’s what’s best for you, it’s helping you. I agreed to make you feel better. I feel worse already.” She snapped though it was at Canada instead of England for once. She heard England snort as he jerked awake but she didn’t look at him. She kept her eyes on the floor, keeping them mostly out of view of the others.

“Greenland there is no way you feel worse than when you were cutting yourself with garden scissors in a tree. This will make you feel better in the long run I swear. You have to trust me.” Canada went on.

“I felt light in that tree, I felt calm, the worst I felt in that tree was talking to you and America. And when I woke up I felt accomplished and proud until South Italy came pissed off at me. You have no idea what I’m feeling so why should I trust you about how this will affect me? Why should I trust you as you couldn’t keep my closest secret close to your chest for less than a week?” Greenland pushed trying to keep the wetness of her eyes contained. 

“Wait, what are we arguing about?” England asked.

“I told you that I’m not going to keep a secret while you kill yourself!” Canada snapped.

“And I told you I’m not going to kill myself!” Greenland snapped right back grabbing her hair for some kind of pain to help keep her grounded. She was losing control and she was making things worse. This was exactly what she didn’t want.

“You tried to.” England added somberly.

“That was the spell!” Greenland couldn’t keep her voice down. 

“The spell only amplifies emotions that are already there, it couldn’t have created suicidal thoughts, just make them worse.” England explained slightly slurring less.

“Just because I have thoughts doesn’t mean I’m going to act on them. It doesn’t even matter since I wouldn’t die permanently in the first place. My country would have to be dying and it’s fine.” She tried to spew facts to keep herself under control. It wasn't an insult if it was true.

“We don’t want you to die at all! Not even for a few seconds! We don’t want you to be hurt! Why is this so hard for you to understand? Do I need to do another demonstration?” Canada asked.

“Demonstration, what are you talking about?” America asked.

“I think we should calm down.” France spoke at the same time as America.

“No! I told you it’s different!” She was breathing funny trying to hold in sobs.

“It’s not! If I cut myself it’s no different than you cutting yourself!” Canada shouted.

“Bro hold on, this isn't the way we should be taking this--”

“You don’t need it, it doesn’t help you!” Greenland tried.

“So if it helped me it’d be okay? So Sou- your friend should keep doing it because it helps him? Is that why you let him do it?” Canada went on.

“What, she knows someone else who is doing this?” England asked.

“Canada that’s enough.” France told him.

“I can’t make him do anything! I don’t want him to do it! I’ve tried to find other ways for him but none of them worked! I’ve tried!” Greenland argued, barely able to hold back from screaming. She wanted off this fucking plane. She should have taken her original flight. 

“It’s the same with us! We’re doing the same thing!” Canada sounded like he was ready to cry himself.

“It doesn’t work! I know that it doesn’t work! I-- you can’t make me stop! I can’t make him stop! It’s pointless!” It was all pointless, this yelling, this trip, England’s spell. It wouldn’t change anything in the end.

“Then why do you try?” Canada asked.

“Because I don’t want him to die! Because I want him to be happy! Because I don’t want him to be hurting! Because he’s in real danger of being gone forever if he makes a mistake! You don’t have to worry about that with me! I’m not in danger like that!” Greenland argued. Her head was pounding and she kept pulling her hair wishing that the strands would suddenly become razor sharp and cut into her hands so she could gain some semblance of control back. 

“We want you to be happy and not hurting too!” Canada yelled back.

“Please stop yelling you’re giving me a bloody headache!” England shouted.

“Doing this is making me unhappy.” Greenland said after a few breaths. It was still louder than her normal voice but she was trying hard not to let her voice break. 

“It will make you happier.” Canada almost sounded pleading.

“You’re not listening.” Greenland said.

“Just give it a try!” Canada was back to shouting.

“I don’t want to!” Greenland sobbed unable to hold back any longer. “I don’t want to wait to feel better and I don’t want to wait until I hurt someone until you decide that this was a waste of time!” She slammed her arms down taking some hair with her and beat them on the arms of the seat for emphasis. Arms wrapped around her going around her bent knees and under her arms to connect at her back. She could feel someone's chin on the top of her head. She stayed curled into herself. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the burning, she was already too hot but at the same time it provided weight and a cover from the outside world. She cried into her knees and tried to focus on catching her breath. 

“Shh, you’re not a waste of time. You’re not alone. We’re here. We care about you.” America spoke softly by her ear. She cried harder because it all felt like lies. It felt like they were doing this just to make themselves feel better, they didn’t care that it was upsetting her. Although if they didn’t care then why was America hugging her? 

“Canada I understand this is hard but we’re not going to get through to her by yelling.” She heard France whisper.

“I don’t know what the bloody hell is going on. Who is her friend? What did you mean by demonstration?” England asked, still too inebriated to know how to whisper. She wasn’t sure if hearing them talk about her like she wasn’t four feet away sobbing her eyes out was comforting or not. It did make it easier to pretend that she wasn’t embarrassing herself in front of all of them.

“Greenland’s upset that we’re going to take her tools. And I’m pretty sure she would physically attack me if I told you who her friend was. By demonstration I meant well, when I first found out she kept insisting that cutting wasn’t bad so I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and made a show of cutting my arm.” Canada answered.

“Matthew! You should know better than to do that.” France snapped, still in a quiet voice.

“What! It got her to stop arguing that cutting was good and great.” Canada responded. “Plus I didn’t actually cut my arm.” He added.

“Hmph. I don’t see anything wrong with it then. And I don’t really see what’s wrong with yelling at her, it seems like it’s the only way to get through her stubbornness. I never would have known she was this uncomfortable with us taking her things from the conversation at the pizza place.” England went on.

“Arthur you were stumbling drunk at the pizza place, you couldn’t even tell there was pizza in front of you. It was obvious she was uncomfortable with the idea.” She could almost hear France rolling his eyes.

“So what? You think we shouldn’t take her tools?” Canada asked. The plane went quiet. America had trailed off in his reassurances caught up in the conversation.

“I think this is a very sensitive situation. Out of everyone here I know the least about how bad the problem is. I--”

“Oh it’s very bad. The amount of cuts that were fresh along with all the scars, it’s like, it almost looks like she’s been tortured.” England interrupted France. She felt that was an exaggeration. The cuts she made were short and mostly shallow. They were clear on what they were. She doubted anyone looking at her would think torture when they looked at her. 

“I think it would be best if we took her things, but we try to let her have her privacy as well.” France finished.

“Well what do you mean?” Canada asked.

“We let her be alone, we don’t crowd her.” France offered.

“From what I’ve read online we should have her keep the bathroom door open and we should look her over before bed so we can make sure she isn’t hiding anything.” Canada added and Greenland was not comfortable with that at all. That was the opposite of letting her have her privacy. Her breathing picked back up against her will.

“That is the exact opposite of privacy Matthew.” France said.

“But it’s a good way to make sure she stays safe.” Canada responded.

“She’ll hate it. Matthew, I don’t know if you mean to be doing this but you’re making yourself out to be the enemy to her. Not to us! But think about it from her perspective. You’re the one pushing hardest to take her things, to keep her under watch, and you were the first of us to find out and you pushed for us to find out. We can’t let this situation be an us versus her, we need her to work with us. Right now this is Greenland’s only coping mechanism for when she’s overwhelmed, we need to focus on giving her different coping mechanisms that work for her. We also need to show her that we’re not scary to talk to so she can get used to talking to us about what she’s feeling instead of hiding it until she explodes.” America added. He spoke in his soft voice and there was no way he could think she couldn’t hear him. She liked America’s idea better at least, though she still didn’t think it would work. At least they would give her some space. She didn’t want to see them looking horrified at her every night because of her body. Nor did she really feel like being watched while she used the bathroom. Breathing came easier and she didn’t feel the need to cry as much, but she did feel the need to hide. She wasn’t sure if she was glad that America hadn’t let her go. She couldn’t see anyone else and no one could see her. Her head pounded. She hated crying. 

“Well how are we supposed to do that, be not scary to talk to. I tried that for years and it got me nowhere.” England whined. Greenland rolled her eyes. Of course she would want to talk about her feelings to the man that would punish her for doing anything wrong! It wasn’t like England used to get frustrated with them for having different opinions than him.

“In my experience it takes patience, vulnerability, and time. Imagine if we came to your house England and took all your liquor and wouldn’t let you buy any more. You’d probably get pretty pissed at us right? Greenland already says she thinks that this is a waste of time, but she also said that she’s worried that she’ll hurt us. And, the day that she went and hurt herself in a tree, right before that she was pretty mean to me and she poked France in the eye.” Her stomach dropped at America’s words. She wondered if the guilt would ever go away? “I didn’t handle it well, I did exactly what we shouldn’t do. It’s almost guaranteed she will lash out at us, and we need to respond with love and care.” America finished and she hated that he was blaming himself in that situation. She had been trying to make him angry, he shouldn’t feel bad that it worked. The fact that he was so sure that she’d do it again hurt, but at the same time she didn’t trust herself either. She already felt out of control, and the longer this went on the worse she would feel. They shouldn’t let her get away with it though, like South Italy said it was still her fault, her actions, if they lashed out back she would deserve it. 

“She poked France in the eye?” England asked. Of course that’s what he would take out of that. 

“I understand that her feelings are important in this, but how do we do what you’re saying while making sure that she stays safe? She’s already proven herself to go to drastic measures to hurt herself. We can’t trust her to be alone.” Canada added.

“We can’t protect her from everything forever, I don’t want to see her hurt either but in order for her to trust us we need to give her a little trust back. We’ll be here to help her if she does manage to hurt herself and then we’ll take extra precautions then.” America suggested.

“I agree with America. She won’t listen to us if she doesn’t trust us.” France said. She heard Canada sigh. 

“Oh alright. But I still want to keep an eye on her wounds. She didn’t even have them bandaged and you said she was using things like garden scissors.” England argued.

“How’s that sound, you okay with this K'âjúnguaĸ?” America asked, forcing her to actually acknowledge her existence and her current hiding spot. She wasn’t sure about the situation, she still didn’t want it but at least it seemed more manageable than what they were suggesting before, and it was better than being stuck at one of their houses. She shrugged. America hummed in response to her shrug. She had no idea what that meant but she knew she didn’t want to have an actual conversation. She felt like she had been running for hours, her muscles ached and her throat was scratchy. Her eyes were throbbing slightly still. She wanted to go to sleep. 

“I think that this conversation is best continued when we actually get to Greenland’s house. We can plan our actions there once we’ve actually been inside the house.” France said and America pulled away from her leaving her cold and exposed. She tucked her face into her knees so she wouldn’t have to see still. The plane was quiet, she could hear the others moving around her and the squeak and groans of chairs and couch cushions being sat on. Then someone was wrapping a blanket around her. It didn’t stay very well slipping off her shoulders but they kept trying to put it back on. Eventually she grabbed it so it would stay in place. Whoever was putting the blanket on ruffled her hair, so she assumed it was France, and left her alone. She focused on her breathing and the warmth of the blanket until she drifted off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought below, have a good day, and stay safe!


	36. Chapter Thirty Five: Begin the Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally made it to Greenland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Augh this is the latest I've ever posted a chapter, I'm really sorry but school caught up to me and I couldn't figure out where I wanted this chapter to end. I'm starting to have health issues too, yeah me! But otherwise I think this chapter is fun. Made me cry but that's because I would literally die for my stuff animals. Writing about love of stuff animals always makes me emotional, especially because my parents do not share nor care about my love. I had to do a lot of research for this chapter and I probably got a lot wrong, sorry about that. I was already struggling writing in a different state but an entire different country is a whole new game. I also know nothing about houses. I tried to make Greenland's house in the sims and it made no sense, it also probably looks nothing like Greenlandic architecture. Thanks for reading anyways and I hope you enjoy!

When she woke up she felt disoriented. She had been sitting on the couch at South Italy’s house playing a video game while America and Canada cheered on from the sidelines. France and England had been arguing behind the couch about the existence of water nymphs. Now she was uncomfortably curled in on herself in an unfamiliar chair. It didn’t take long for her to realize she had been dreaming, that she was still on the plane. That none of that was real. That South Italy was actually avoiding her and her family was full of pity for her. She pushed those feelings aside and stretched out listening to cracks and pops of her limbs. She was going to be sore for at least an hour. The blanket had fallen around her at some point while she slept. She picked it up and folded it and put it on the floor to the side of her chair. Looking around, things were much calmer than they had been before. England and France were playing chess, America was asleep, and Canada was doing something on his laptop. Greenland’s laptop was still on the table in front of her open with a black screen. She had never plugged it in, she wouldn’t be surprised if it was dead. She checked her phone. They should almost be there. She got up and put her laptop away. As she did so the pilot announced overhead that they would be landing soon. England woke up America and they all stayed in their seats as the plane landed. They gathered their things and headed out. She called her boss to let him know which airport they were at and he sent a car. It was a very short call and it only took ten minutes for the car to arrive. Ten minutes of America oohing and aahing over every little thing he saw. England smacked him over the head and complained about his headache.

They piled into the car, technically the backseat was only meant to fit three people, but it was a government vehicle, the police wouldn’t question it. Greenland sat in the front seat with the driver. Her driver's name was Tuppi and he had been giving her rides for the last fifteen years. He had short black hair that went to the nape of his neck and she could tell just from looking that it was thick. She liked him more than then her previous driver who had always insisted on conversation during the long car ride. Tuppi was always wearing a long sleeved blue shirt with a light gray design that looked like mountains and snow with a brown jacket with a light brown fur hood. She had thought about asking him what was special about that shirt but she didn’t want to break the comfortable silence they had. She placed her hand over the air conditioning and he nodded and she turned it to hot. The cold didn’t really bother her that much, and she knew it didn’t affect Canada as badly, but the other three would probably be freezing. She hoped they had packed the appropriate outdoor clothing. As they drove along France took one window seat and fell asleep, England sat next to him looking out the window, Canada sat next to him looking out the other window, and America sat at the other window seat excitedly pointing things out to Canada. England offered up his phone to play his music and Greenland picked an album by the Sex Pistols. Sometimes America would ask her to name certain animals, like a musk ox they passed or the  ptarmigan. If he was this excited in a car she had a feeling he’d actually really enjoy the zoo. She forgot how excitable America got over new things. Eventually America got bored and suggested they play I Spy. They played a few rounds with England getting increasingly frustrated over the fact that everyone just kept picking his eyebrows and describing them differently. It was the fifth time they had picked his eyebrows that he refused to keep playing. Then came the rounds of picking either America or Canada’s glasses. Then Frances bright blue coat. After that round no one really wanted to play any more. So America started singing some song about beer bottles that was horribly repetitive. England and Canada both shouted for him to stop which made him sing louder. England tried to reach over and cover his mouth but America shoved him away pushing England into France waking him up with a groan. Greenland rubbed her temples and checked how much longer they would be in the car. Tuppi was smiling. 

After an hour of never ending shouting between America and England and sometimes France they had arrived at her house. Greenland got out of the car with a thanks to Tuppi and gathered her things out of the trunk and led the others inside. Her house was made with one person in mind, the living room was spacious but sparsely filled. In the middle of the room was her three seat couch which had a television on a stand across from it and behind it a tall computer desk and chair with shelves that she filled with books. Next to the computer were large bookshelves completely filled with Greenlandic literature and Danish literature. The floor was a dark wooden color and the walls had wall paper of dark green with vines trailing up. There were paintings around that she had thought were pretty. She had one that was a replica of a Jens Rosing piece. There were also five visible holes in the wall from when she got angry. There were more behind some of the newer paintings. There was a door to the main floor bathroom by the television and an archway into the kitchen. On the opposite side of the bathroom there was the staircase to her second floor.

“Wow Greenland, this looks nice! It’s… neat!” America commented although when she turned to look at him his eyes were mostly darting between the different holes. She ignored him.

“I don’t have enough room for all of you to have your own bed. Upstairs is my room and the guest room each of which has a big enough bed for two of you to comfortably sleep on, I can sleep on the couch. Or if you’re uncomfortable I can go to the store and buy an air mattress. I can show you the rooms first.” She said. 

“This is your house and we’re already making you uncomfortable, you don’t have to take the couch.” France started. She shrugged and led them upstairs.

“It doesn’t matter to me.” She said. The stairs lead to a hallway with two doors on the left and one door on the right. The hallway had the same floor and wall as the downstairs living room.There was another bookshelf in the hall filled with books from Greenland, Denmark, England, Canada, America, and translated French intermixed. There was a dresser at the end of the hall which had different decorations, a vase of dead roses she liked, a Captain America action figure America had bought her, and a small tupilak in the shape of a circle with different patterns carved in. Inside the drawers were clothes she couldn’t fit anymore but didn’t want to be parted with. There were also paintings on these walls and pictures she had framed. She opened the first door on the left to show them the guest room. It had a bed in the center on the back wall. There was a bookshelf full of old English books and comic books that America had given her. There was also a guitar and a dresser with a mirror above it. The bed was queen sized and had four white pillows and a knitted white blanket over a fuzzy black blanket which was over white sheets. The wall had red wallpaper and the floor was the same dark wooden brown. There was a thin layer of dust on everything. She then went across the hall and opened the door to her room. There was a king sized bed in the center of the plain dark green walls. There was a desk to the left supplied with a lamp and papers and pencils to write with. On the opposite side there was a bookshelf full of notebooks and a dresser next to it with a square mirror above it. There were shelves built into the wall by the bed that had some of her favorite books. On the bed itself was about six different blankets scrunched and thrown about. There were five pillows but two were at the bottom of the bed and one was in the middle and one was at the top. The only part of the bed that seemed made was the last pillow on the far right of the bed that had a worn stuffed brown bunny covered in a small light green blanket. His name was Ukaleq and England had given him to her a few months after they had arrived back in England. He had been resewn many times over the years. Her room had three holes in the walls on the left side. 

“The last room at the end of the hall is the bathroom, I’ll let you all decide who wants to stay where.” She told them. England walked over to her bed and moved Ukaleq’s blanket and smiled but he didn’t say anything. 

“I think before we should get unpacked we should search the house for sharp objects. That way we don’t get confused with our stuff versus your stuff.” Canada suggested. She shrugged. 

“I keep most of my tools in the upstairs bathroom.” She said which wasn’t a lie, she did keep most of them in the bathroom. She just happened to keep some in other places, in case she wanted to grab one from somewhere else. 

“I’d still feel comfortable searching the house, just in case there’s something less obvious that you’d think to use. We can split up, France and I will look around the bottom floor and America and England can look around the top floor.” Canada went on. Greenland noticed how she wasn’t mentioned but she didn’t ask. She’d rather plug in her laptop and pretend that she wasn’t involved. Quiet would be nice.

“Alright! We’ll meet in the living room when we’re done, sound good everyone?” America added and got nods in return. They all left the room except England and Greenland. She set her bag down on her desk chair and got out her laptop and charger and plugged it in. She also got out her notebook and set it on her desk. She turned to look at England to see him reaching for Ukaleq.

“Please don’t, he’s very fragile.” She told him and he stopped, still smiling, and moved to look at the bookshelf.

“Your sewing seems to have gotten better from what I could see.” He responded as he poked through the notebooks. He pulled out the first one which was very old with yellowed pages and a rough cover. “You kept your old writing assignments?” He asked, flipping through the pages. 

“I like to see how far I’ve come.” She answered. Pulling out the wrinkled clothes from her bag. Most were still clean since she didn’t get a chance to wear them. Those could just go back in her dresser. She started refolding them.

“So all of these are just full of your writing?”

“What else would they be?” She responded and put the clothes in the proper drawers. He pulled out a notebook closer to the bottom, one that was more recent. He looked through it silently and she listened to her heart beating in her ears. She didn’t know if it was one that was notes on the meeting or one she wrote poetry in. Either way he was probably going to go through more and most of them were notes on the meetings. He was bound to find out. She’d just have to deal with his reaction. And America’s. And France’s. Maybe it would convince them to call this whole thing off? They would be too done with her and they wouldn’t have any interest in helping. Somehow that didn’t make her feel any better. 

“You notice so much but you never say anything. Why?” England eventually asked, which caught her off guard.

“No one wants to hear what I have to say.” He looked at her so sadly when she said that and he put the notebook back where he found it and pulled out another. He went to her bed and sat down to read. She didn’t really think this counted as searching for tools but she had expected them to snoop. She wasn’t really sure why he wasn’t mad at her. Perhaps he had just picked up one of her poetry notebooks. But then why would he mention her noticing things? 

“Greenland, these are beautiful.” He said softly.

“Thank you, which ones are you reading?” 

“Names and Cold. I’m just, I’m confused. Whose perspective is Names from?” He asked and Greenland felt her heart drop. She didn’t remember Cold at all, but if it was in the same book as names it was a poem she had written during world war two. She wrote many poems during world war two. She had spent a lot of time on Names, trying to find the right words, the right images. She wrote it over and over again. Until one day it just hurt too much to think about. So she stopped writing it. She had no idea which version he had read, but based on how the ending always contained the same word she started to understand his confusion. 

“Mine.” She answered trying not to let her voice break. She hadn’t thought about them in years, and now they were being brought up twice in one day. There were too many emotions going on for one week. She was exhausted all the time from it. 

“Who called you mother?” He asked.

“Why are you going through my notebooks? Shouldn’t you be searching through my room?” He looked back down to the notebook before putting it on the bed.

“I’m not going to just let the conversation go, that’s something important we need to talk about.” He answered.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She told him.

“You can’t just keep everything bottled up! You’ll explode, is that why your house is covered in holes?” He asked. She wanted to bite her tongue or cheek for a bit of pain to help keep her under control but that would make her lips move and show that he was getting to her.

“I don’t bottle things up, I write about them. I keep my problems to myself.” She told him.

“Well that obviously isn’t working. You can talk to us, it’ll help!” England went on. America came back in with a strained smile on his face.

“Hey with the raised voices! What are we talking about?” America asked.

“Nothing, England was just reading some of my poetry.” Greenland answered before England could get out his nonsense. She didn’t know why he acted like sharing was so important. The only time someone could get his real feelings out was when he was drunk. None of them were the masters of sharing their emotions. Sharing and caring wasn’t one of the life lessons taught in their childhoods. America walked over to the notebook and picked up to read. She noticed that he was carrying a plastic bag around his wrist and she could hear it clatter when he shifted. He must have finished going through the bathroom. His eyes went back and forth and he nodded along until he moved to flip the page and his shoulders dropped. Then after a few more moments his eyes narrowed and widened then narrowed again and he was left staring at her confused.

“Mother?” He asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She answered.

“But obviously it’s something that bothers you!” England pushed.

“I think it’s interesting that you’re so focused on the last line when the first five have to do with all the names you called me over the years. Those bother me more. The whole point of that poem was that mother was the only name I liked being called.” Greenland went on. The room went silent. Greenland went to her desk and sat down in her chair. 

“I’m sorry.” England said.

“It’s in the past.” She told him. He didn’t call her a brat as much, or a trouble maker. She didn’t normally cause trouble. He didn’t call her Ginger.

“But you just said it bothers you. What can I do to make it up to you?” He asked. She tried very hard not to sigh.

“I don’t need you to do something. Nothing you do will make the memories go away. Just keep trying to be better like you already are.” Greenland told him.

“Not to ruin the moment but I’m still stuck on the whole mom thing? Does this have something to do with the dead kids?” America asked and Greenland could not hold back her sigh. 

“Yes, now can we please drop the subject? Neither of you have searched this room at all.” She told them.

“Nuh uh, I searched this notebook!” America said as he picked up the notebook and flipped through the pages. “And it’s all clear! Now do you have anything hidden in this room Greenland?” America asked. Greenland felt her insides twist. She was hoping he wouldn’t ask that. She was hoping she could keep one to herself. She hid her favorite razor in here. She didn’t want to lie. But she didn’t want them to throw away her razor.

“I don’t remember. I know there’s one in the third drawer of the dresser in the guest room though.” She answered feeling her hand twitch. America’s smile stayed there, and stayed strained.

“Alright well I’ll look in here, England why don’t you go grab that tool and I’ll stay in here and look.” America decided and England walked out looking stiff. America started with her dresser. On top of the dresser was a flashlight, some candles, a lighter, and a box of matches just in case she lost power. There were some kroner coins on the desk in a little pile with some euros and US coins mixed in. She liked keeping some change from each country. It was interesting when they changed. She just hadn’t decided on a place for them, so in the loose change pile they went. He went through her drawers pulling out the folded clothes and checking the bottom of the empty drawer before putting them all back. He wasn’t unfolding any of her laundry so it didn’t really bother her. She was pretty sure he wasn’t going to find anything in there. Her favorite razor she kept under her mattress. By the time America was halfway through the second to last drawer England came back in and put the small razor into America’s plastic bag. England started looking through her books on the shelves by her bed, flipping through them and feeling the spot they had been in before putting them back. The silence wasn’t much better than their previous conversation. America went to the last drawer and was pulling out the clothes when he paused for a moment and unfolded the pants in his hands. Oh. Those were her pants she wore to keep the blood from getting on her bed when she slept. It didn’t always work, there were plenty of little blood stains on her bed, but she had decided she liked the way the blood looked on the pants so she decided to keep them stained. The pants were a plaid pink and dark blue. The shirt she used with the same purpose was a light yellow. The stains showed up well on the shirt, she wasn’t sure why he noticed the pants first. England turned and noticed what America was looking at and took a look for himself and scrunched up his nose. His eyes landed on the shirt America hadn’t seen yet. She saw England open his mouth but he closed his eyes and breathed out slowly before speaking.

“Can we please throw these away?” He asked and Greenland knew the reasonable answer was yes. That the clothes were stained, that it was probably gross to them. That when they looked at the clothes they saw ruins and that she should too. But she didn’t see that when she looked at the clothes. She saw what she always put on after a session. She saw new designs in the fabric. She saw something that belonged to her and that she had put work into, if bleeding counted as work. She really didn’t want to think about why her body was screaming no, why she wanted to grab the clothes from them. She knew she should just say yes but the word wasn’t coming out of her mouth. So she shrugged. England took the shirt and the pants and threw them in the trash in the corner of the room by the bookshelf. The trash was only full of pencil shavings and dry bloody tissues. She would pull them out later. England left the room to wash his hands. She kept her comment about his dramatics to herself. America finished going through the last drawer and started pulling the blankets off the bed and looking under the pillows. 

“Don’t touch Ukaleq.” She told him before he could touch the bunny. America paused.

“The bunny?” He asked, she nodded. America looked back down at the bunny and sent his hand under the pillow.

“Is that the bunny you used to carry around?” She nodded again. “I thought you got rid of him when we were older. When you were against anything England had touched.” America went on looking under the bed.

“He’s my friend, I wouldn’t get rid of him.” She answered and America came out from above the bed and his smile was a little more genuine. 

“You still consider a stuffed animal your friend?” He asked. She ground her teeth. She got the feeling he was making fun of her. She supposed it wasn’t really logical. He was a toy, he wasn’t even a he. Ukaleq was an it. A thing. But that felt so wrong to think, he had been there while she cried, he had talked to her at night when she couldn’t sleep. He wiped her tears, he spoke her language. He had played with her, he had planned with her. And now he was old and fragile but he still didn’t leave her. She took care of him. She liked being able to help him. It didn’t matter that none of it was really real, it was real to her. 

“He’s a good listener.” She answered instead. America worked on putting the pillows at the head of the bed and putting the blankets in a bit more order instead of haphazardly spread about.

“Well I think this room is clear, all that’s left up here is the hallway. Then we could watch something, you got any movies?” He went on and he left the room. She turned off the light and closed the door, she wished she was relieved he hadn’t found the razor but she still felt heavy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and have a great day!
> 
> So just for some translation stuff I wanted her bunny's name to be bunny in Greenlandic but the translator I was using wasn't cooperating so Ukaleq is what I looked for meaning hare but the translator also said it means animal. So I'm not exactly sure what the word means but it has something to do with animals and I'm pretending it means bunny because I don't think there's a difference between bunny's and hares. There might be though... It also just sounds cute in my head? It was either that or the word that meant turkey.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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